('cos I'm in the zone turn off my phone I've got my own agenda)

I went to the one place in Baltimore I knew I could use as an escape to let all my emotions out. I walked from Alex's house, trying not to think of what had just happened and try and become slightly more rational before heading back to my mom's. She knew I had gone to see Alex, but I wasn't going to let her see the mess I was right now.

Ofcourse, my plans never seemed to work out the way I intended them to, because just before I turned off the main walkway to get to my spot I bumped into Rian. "Jen?" He said, shocked to see me again. I hadn't talked to him or any of the guys since the night I'd left, and that was half a decade ago. I took at step back in shock as he had changed so much from the chubby mop-headed 18 year old that usedmagic tricks to impress girls. Ofcourse, he didn't need that anymore being in All Time Low. "Ri-Daw? Is that you?" I said smiling, "How have you been? Wow, I mean, you look so different! Are those muscles I can see on your arms?" I said laughing before his shocked expression turned into a cheesy grin. Wow, his teeth were white. "Jen!" He chuckled before pulling me in and giving me one of his bear hugs, man I'd missed this. "I've been great," he almost whispered after a few moments. "I mean, the band has just got bigger and bigger and well, everything has just been amazing. We've literally toured the world and I met this amazing lady..."

"Ah. Yes, Miss Cassadee Pope." I added smiling. Although I had left, I still kept tabs on them through friends to start off with, but as they got bigger it got easier to see how they were doing. Rian let go of me and I straightened out my clothes and wiping the water away from my eyes. I was not going to cry again, not right now infront of Rian. "You know?" He asked "I thought that seen as you left, and you didn't call or email, or even text us that you didn't care..." He trailed off. Oh no. I was going to cry. Yet. Again. I could feel the water from my eyes overspill and fall down my face and my lip started to quiver like it did when I was really going to start crying. "I've always cared Rian, I didn't call or contact you guys because I thought you'd hate me for what I did to...to him. To Alex. I mean, I hate myself for what I did to him. But he deserved better and I wanted his dreams to come true and...and I would have got in the way." I sobbed, letting my feelings come flooding out before I got the chance to be alone. He just looked at me for a few seconds -hesitating as he didn't know what to do- before coming up to me and hugging me again, but it wasn't the friendly bear hug this time, it was the firm protective hug that was meant to shield be from all the bad things out there.

After he managed to calm me down slightly and I got my breath back, he took me to a quiet cafe so we could talk. "So..." he began, "what have you been up to in the last few years?"

"Not much really, I mean. I moved back home for a while and stayed with my grandparents before going to College, got my degree and then moved to London for a bit. When I moved back home it was so...different. Jacksonville is so much...duller than Baltimore, and I had history there. I dunno, maybe it was because I just missed everything about this place..." I said before trailing off as more memories flickered though my mind of nights where I'd sneak out to hang with the guys.

"So," I said, jumping into the back of Zack's car before we sped off down the road, "where are we going tonight? House party...gig...come on, fill me in on the details of our next adventure!" I shouted laughing. This was a regular occurence, once or twice a week we'd go out somewhere and go wild for a few hours before heading back home before sunrise, well. Most of the time. "We're going to the beach!" Jack said excitedly jumping up and down under his seatbelt next to me. He loved the beach, even at night. "Way to go ruin the surprise you douche." Alex chuckled next to me as he put his arm around me "She wasn't meant to find out until we got there." He added looking down into my eyes and I snuggled into his warm body and looked up into his. "And WHY was it going to be a surprise for me?" I asked as we turned into the road that lead to the beach. "Because." He said, "I wanted this to be special."

"Jen? Hello...are you there?" Rian said, bringing me back to reality by shaking my arm. He looked slightly alarmed by the fact I had just zoned out moments into our conversation, but I reassured him with a smile and then said "Sorry, just...memories seem to be flooding back to me a lot since I got back. What were you saying?" He looked at me and began to relax again.

"I was saying, is that why you came back, because you missed the old days? Or was it something else?" I think he knew the answer to his questions before I answered them, but I told him the truth straight away. He deserved that. "I came back because I finally had the courage to after all these years of running. I needed to see him, to apologise and I wanted to make things better...I don't know why I thought he would even give me the time of day after what I did to him. I mean, he needed me to leave so he could be where he was today." I blurted out before taking a huge breath and then taking a sip from my coffee. "How was he after I left, how bad was it?" I asked, knowing that I would probably regret asking, but I needed to know. "Well." Rian started, "Honestly, he was a total mess those first few weeks. He refused to leave his room, even after he trashed it. He just...I don't know how to explain it. He was totally lost without you." He looked down at his coffee for the last bit, knowing I would be horrified by what I had heard. "Look, he never got over you Jen, sure he's been with a few girls since you left and hooked up and done what most guys would do but they've all ended because they've never been you. He's never got over you, and I don't think he ever will." He added before his phone started to buzz. Alex. Ofcourse it had to be. He hesitated and looked up at me as if to say 'What shall I do?' but I just nodded and he answered. "Alex? Hey man, whats-- oh. Yeh I know. Uh-huh. Yeh, she's here..." He said looking at me and I froze. What was he going to do? Was he going to come down here to have yet another go at me or...well, it's not like it could get much worse I suppose.

"Okay. See you later man. Bye." Rian put his iPhone back in his pocket before looking up at me, "Look." He started, "I don't wanna get involved in this, but he wants you to come to this party he's throwing tonight. You up for it?" He asked, not knowing what Alex was planning, but he knew it wasn't going to be good, whatever it was. I looked Rian in the eye and took a deep breath. "Fuck it, why not. It's not like I have anything to lose by going right?" Okay, maybe it could get worse...