February 13, 1989

~liv
        if i could describe these past few months with the band, it would have to be these three things: no drugs, no booze, no drama.

       for once as a band there has not been one single chaotic moment. well, if u include the fact that tommy is a chaotic energy himself. i remember when we were constantly in a drunken or drugged state and all there would be is absolute mayhem and argument. i mean god it's like i've been babysitting these boys for years and they now finally have grown up. it's rather refreshing on my part, including doc's if you ask me.

             we were almost finished up with the album with one last track left. apparently the track is already in the works, but right now the guys are being really secretive about it. for some reason every time i ask about it they immediately change the subject, especially nikki.

          speaking of nikki, we've been inseparable ever since we've officially dated and it feels like i've loved the same guy i have all those years before. and honestly i'm shocked at how well the guys are taking us being together. but nothing has changed. we are the same old group of idiots like the day we met.

         i never thought i'd be one to be a sap in love or anything but that's kinda the case at the moment. i've never been one to like any sort of commitment of the sort or relationships at all, but with him it's different. it's like you've fell in love with your best friend for years, and after seeing each other's lowest moments, you'll always be there for each other. ok you know what, i think it's time for me to stop right there because that's the limit on the sappy girl shit for now. onto present day.

//

       i woke up to find myself patting around for someone to be beside me after last night, but i woke up to an empty bed. where the hell could that idiot be?

      we had all rented out houses while we stay in vancouver for a few more months, so me and nikki are sharing one together. i definitely knew he was here last night, so why would he leave without telling me?

certain scenarios of where he could be began to play through my mind, including where it involves tommy lee and trouble. but, then again we were all sober and even though the terror twins are still wild and alive, i'm not sure they would do much rebellion.

i groaned loudly as i tried to shake my body awake. i figured it was late, so i went downstairs for the oven clock only to read that it's 10. nikki sixx is up and out of the house by 10 in the morning on a saturday? something must've been important with doc or one of the guys, because i don't think he's woken up before 3 p.m. his whole life.

i went and threw on a fuzzy robe while i made me a pot of coffee. by the time the coffee was ready i had already went through mtv's new music hits, and i rushed to the kitchen at the sudden sound of the phone.

i ran over to it perched on the wall so fast that i almost tripped over nikki's dog whiskey. "sorry baby!" i said in a higher tone of voice while i patted his head. he shook his head while his ears flopped about and he went to go play with spike.

"hello?" i answer in a hurried tone as the phone was perched between my ear and neck, while i tried to pour my coffee without spilling it and burning myself.

"morning babe!" i roll my eyes and giggle a little at my boyfriend's excited outburst. wow it feels good that i can finally call him that. "hey baby what's up?"

        "look i know we weren't scheduled for studio time today but we need you here now!" he said in a serious tone like it was urgent.

"nikki what's wrong?" i sip on my coffee and wait for him to answer, but all i could do was worry. is he just being a dickhead, or did something happen that we needed a band meeting for? "you'll see babe, just get here soon."

"but ni-" i tried to ask once again but he hung up and the line was dead. shit. today was our day off and today was gonna be just for me and nikki. we haven't had sex in a good few days, so why not spend all day in bed? maybe i shouldn't be so selfish i mean something could be really wrong.

i hurried upstairs and slipped on a hoodie and some biker shorts while i put on my nikes. once i had freshened up, i roared my car to life and was off to the studio which was about 10 minutes away. i arrived and barely made time to shut the door before i burst through the building.

there everyone was in the middle of the large room, laughing and carry on conversation like i wasn't even there. "is everyone ok?" i panted a little out of breath and simultaneously, everyone's head turned to me.

"dude take a seat!" tommy came up to me and slung a lanky arm over my shoulder and lead me over to one of the couches. "but was there something wrong i mean nik-"

"babe, everything's fine but i just got some inspiration and i finished writing the last song to the album." as me and tommy sat down on the couch nikki came up to me and handed me my guitar.

"remember the riffs you were doing the other day? well we want to put everything together and finish the song today. i think you'll like it." he sent me a wink and as i took my guitar in my hands, he leaned down and gave me a soft kiss. god i can never get tired of those lips.

"all right sappy sixx, let the girl play!" tommy shooed him away while nikki quickly punched him in the shoulder. "says the dude who falls in love with everyone." he laughed playfully and tommy in return sent him an unamused glare.

"all right, all right will you guys just play me the track!" i rolled my eyes while they handed me separate headphones so i can hear vince's voice clear enough. doc pressed the track to play, and as soon as i heard tommy's drums go off, i started the riff. it was slower and more dragged out than usual, so i thought maybe nikki wrote a sad song.

without you, there's no change
my nights and days are grey

i mostly focused on vince's vocals, but then once the lyrics made sense with brain, i knew what this song was about. the way nikki writes his songs makes my heart drop.

without you in my life
i'd slowly wilt and die
but with you by my side
you're the reason i'm alive

i felt my stomach flutter and tears in my eyes began to form from the words of the song. i felt everyone's eyes on me even though mine we closed as i tried to focus, but i couldn't.

without you in my life
i'd slowly wilt and die
but with you by my side
you're the reason i'm alive

by the second chorus, i was trying everything in me for my hands to stop shaking but i couldn't. finally, i set down the guitar while the lyrics still went on and let the tears flow from my cheeks. i placed the guitar on my lap and took my head in my hands while i practically sobbed like a baby in front of everyone.

"baby..." i could feel that nikki stand up in front of me, so i opened my eyes and wiped the mess of tears and mascara from them. i stood up and all i could think to do was crash my lips with his. it was the most beautiful and sweetest thing anyone has done for me. i've never felt this kind of love until nikki came into my life, and i couldn't live without it.

after forever we pulled away and i didn't have a care who was in the room to have just watched us. "nikki it's beautiful." i sniffled and wrapped my arms around his torso so tight, i may have been hurting him but i didn't care. he wrapped his arms in return and kissed the top of my head.

"i knew you'd love it." he says giddily and pulled away slightly to make me look up at him as he took my cheek in his free hand. "of course i love it. it's the best thing anyone has done for me."

"well, it wasn't that hard to write considering it came from the heart." he leaned in to give me a peck while he stroked my cheek. "it's true though. i couldn't live without you. i love you baby." he said lowly while he continued to smile like an idiot.

"i love you too." i whispered as we leaned in to join our lips once more. after a few seconds everyone "awwww'd" and that finally made us pull away.

"yea, yea we get it." nikki shooed off t-bone and vince who were jokingly laughing at us while doc just sat there happy for once. "i think i'm gonna have to record that again, what do you guys say?" i giggle as i basically had a crying mental breakdown in the middle of recording our last track.

"that's my girl!"

~ wow guys i'm rlly glad i'm a piece of shit and told you i would update almost a month ago and i didn't. school has been kicking my ass along with sports and honestly this school year has been the most stressful so i honestly apologize so much about not updating.

the book sadly is almost coming to an end so i'm gonna try and update again today. i was sick and missed school so i finally had time to edit everything and upload.

i love u all and am so grateful for ur guys support everyday!!💗