What the hell was I doing?

That was the thought that crossed my mind whenever I glanced at Felix. Guilt overwhelmed me at the fact that I was now using him as a distraction because I was feeling sorry for myself. He was telling me about some childhood story of his, but I was barely listening, too busy focusing on what Jude was doing with Grace. He hadn't even spoken to me once that evening, far too occupied with his new girlfriend to even look my way.

I sighed, hating how in the space of a few hours he'd gone from being my friend Jude to the guy I wanted more than anything. The very thought of it was ruining what should've been a fun evening with my friends. Now I was sat wallowing in self-pity and envisioning myself dying alone — there seemed to be a pattern forming with the guys I liked; none of them ever seemed to feel the same.

"That dress looks amazing on you," Felix said. I smiled at him, but the compliment didn't feel the same coming from his lips. Felix didn't make me blush like Jude did. He didn't make me smile like an idiot like Jude did. "You okay?" Felix added. "You seem distant."

The dreaded question. I forced myself to grin and nod. "Yeah...just tired today," I lied. He didn't look convinced but fortunately for me, he didn't press any further.

"I'm just going to find the toilet," Felix announced.

"Okay."

He glanced back at me one more time as if he was going to say something else, but he must've decided against it since he left me in peace. The moment Felix stepped away, Jude came over and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Alright Hannie?" He grinned down at me.

"Mhm," I responded.

Jude looked at me. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Hannah?"

"Really, I'm fine."

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Jude, I said I'm fine!" I snapped. I harshly jerked away from him, turning around to see a mixture of confusion and hurt on Jude's face. Now I felt bad. He hadn't exactly done anything wrong — he didn't know how much his actions were hurting me.

I should've apologised right there and then. But I didn't.

"Where's your girlfriend?" I asked bitterly.

"Who, Grace?" Jude said.

"Yes."

"I think she's talking to some friends of hers. Why?"

"Wow, I'm surprised she even left you alone for five minutes."

"We're not joined at the hip."

"You might as well be," I muttered miserably.

"Is that what this is about?" Jude questioned. "You have a problem with Grace?"

"I have a problem with you just letting her back in like you did," I answered honestly, "she seems a bit weird if you ask me." I couldn't believe I was being so blunt with him, but at that point, I was fed up. Jude wasn't the right person to take my frustrations out on, though — he didn't know that I liked him.

Jude frowned. "I'm the one who broke up with her, Hannah," he stated calmly.

"And?"

"And that meant she was hurting. You can't exactly blame her for trying to get me back."

"A few weeks ago, you wanted her to leave you alone."

"Yeah, well things have changed now."

"Are you two getting back together?"

"Yes. No. I don't know."

"What do you mean you 'don't know'?" I questioned him.

"Why do you care so much?" Jude asked me.

"Because —"

"Jude, there you are!" Grace interrupted. "Come with me, I want to introduce you to some of my friends."

Jude glanced at me. "We'll talk later, Hannah," he said before following after Grace. I let out a heavy sigh and sat down in the chair, suddenly wanting to go home and bury myself under the covers of my bed. I was worried I'd been too harsh; I didn't want to push Jude away.

When Felix reappeared moments later, I jumped out of the chair and grabbed his hand. "Let's go get a drink!" I suggested. That might have been my biggest mistake of the evening. Felix agreed, and then one drink turned into two, then three, then four, and eventually I lost count. But for once, I didn't care. I was in high spirits for the first time that evening, flirting with Felix despite my disinterest in him, and laughing way too hard at everyone's jokes. Getting drunk had never felt so good, especially since I'd pushed Jude to the back of my mind. I caught sight of Gio and Chloe glancing worriedly at me, but I insisted that I was fine and carried on with my night.

At one point, Felix took my hand and we began dancing together. I didn't care when he tilted my chin upwards and kissed me. I didn't care that Jude had seen the kiss and had made a swift exit from the room. I didn't care when I ended up back at Felix's place, our clothes laying discarded on the floor.

I just didn't care.

That is until I woke up the next morning with my head pounding and my mouth extremely dry. Shit! was the first thought that came to mind when I rolled over and saw Felix lay fast asleep next to me in the bed. What mess have you gotten yourself into this time, Hannah? I asked myself. The events from the night before slowly came back to me one by one. Immediately, I felt a stab of sadness in my gut,
envious of the attention Grace had gotten from
Jude and the way he felt about her.

I quickly got up out of the bed, being careful not to wake Felix. I pulled on my clothes and went into the next room to call Chloe. "Hannah?" She said. "Is everything okay?"

Immediately, the tears began streaming down my cheeks. I wasn't entirely sure why I was crying. "I need you to come and get me," I said in between sobs.

"Okay, baby girl, I'm on my way."

"Do you need me to give you the address?"

"No it's okay. I made sure Felix gave me his address before you two left Jude's last night." At least one of us had been thinking clearly. "Are you okay? Felix didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No...no he didn't hurt me. It's just..."

"What is it, Hannah?"

"It's Jude," I choked out.

"You like him, don't you?" Chloe said gently.

"I do...I didn't realise it before but I really do."

"Aw Hannah. You sit tightly and I'll be there as soon as possible, and then we can talk about it, okay?"

"Okay Chloe. Thank you."

"It's no problem. Love you."

"Love you too."

The moment I got off the phone with Chloe, I heard shuffling in the other room which meant Felix was awake and I wouldn't be able to make a sneaky escape. I groaned — I was not in the mood for confronting what had happened between us. I'd managed to keep him at bay by making it very clear I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with Felix, but now I'd gone ahead and slept with him which meant things were bound to get complicated. I should've liked Felix, he seemed like he'd make the perfect boyfriend. He was so kind and sweet, but it was Jude that I wanted.

"Good morning," Felix grinned, "how did you sleep?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Felix hadn't noticed that I'd been crying, and if he had he didn't say anything about it. I was grateful for that. I was feeling fragile, and my head was aching. If he had asked me what was wrong, I would've lost all the composure I'd somehow managed to gain.

"Felix," I sighed.

"Yeah?" His smile faded.

I should've told him that what had happened between us was a mistake. But I didn't. "My friend is picking me up soon," I said instead.

"Oh, you not staying for breakfast?" He asked.

"I...have plans today, sorry," I forced a smile, feeling like the worst person on the planet.

"Ah okay. I must admit, last night was pretty unexpected."

"Yeah, it was."

"So...how about that date I was proposing? Are you up for that or am I pushing my luck?"

"I'd love to go on a date with you." I flashed him a wide smile, knowing it wasn't genuine and I was hurting inside. I'd lied to what was probably the nicest guy on the planet and felt awful about it.

It was official — I was going to Hell.

- - -
A/n: Sorry for keeping you waiting folks.
Also, we got Jude and Marcus Rashford content. My two faves.