Sleep wasn't coming easy tonight. I'd been tossing and turning for the past two hours, trying my best to drift off but my mind was wide awake. Various thoughts were accelerating around my head, a flurry of anxiety settling in the pit of my stomach as I tried my best to push it aside, but without any success. The silence and stillness of the house as everyone else slept peacefully in the other rooms meant I'd been left alone with my thoughts, and the overthinking had begun. Whilst I'd been sure temporarily moving to Germany had been the right decision, my thoughts were now beginning to contradict that. I suddenly felt like the worst person alive leaving my friends and family back home in Birmingham and scolded myself for being such a coward running away from my feelings.

I groaned and sat up, my eyes adjusting to the dimly lit room. I wanted coffee but knew the caffeine buzz would do nothing to help me sleep. My gaze fell onto the digital clock by my bed telling me that it was two am. I sighed; I'd wanted to be fully rested for the day of shopping Chloe had planned for us both as she got me used to the city, but it seemed likely I'd have to push through the day with low energy and a potentially low mood.

Suddenly I could hear movement; someone shuffling along the landing and down the stairs. Thank god someone else is awake, I thought, pleasantly surprised. I swung my legs off the bed, slipping my feet into my slippers and pulling a hoodie over my head as I headed towards the light coming from downstairs, expecting to see Chloe or Gio. It was only when I rounded the corner into the kitchen that I wished I'd stayed in bed.

It was actually Jude who looked up from the mug of hot chocolate he was currently swirling his spoon around in. "Can't sleep?" He said. I'd forgotten he was staying the night.

"Nope," I answered.

"Want me to make you a hot chocolate?"

"Alright then."

I watched as Jude busied himself with the task of making me a drink whilst I sat on one of the bar stools. I inhaled a shaky breath, willing myself to calm down.

"Do you think I made a mistake coming here?" I blurted out. Even Jude seemed surprised to hear me ask such a question.

"That depends, why did you come here?" He asked me.

There was a pause as Jude looked towards me, my
mouth half open as I contemplated telling the truth. Jude had already seen right through me, figuring out my feelings for Trent when no one else had, but that didn't mean I trusted him or wanted him to know my business.

"I think you already know," I said quietly, despite my own brain warning me to just shut up.

A slight frown appeared on Jude's face. I assumed he was wracking his brain to fill in the missing pieces to my vague answer. And then his eyes softened as realisation washed over his face. "Because of Trent and Hayley?" He asked gently.

I nodded my head, realising with horror that my eyes were suddenly welling up with tears. Please don't cry in front of Jude of all people, I pleaded to myself. But as the first tears began rolling down my cheeks, I knew it was too late. Jude grabbed the drink he'd made me and slid into the chair beside me, his body angled towards me.

"I mean that's not the only reason," I choked out, trying to backtrack and stop myself from crying. "I was growing tired of the same old thing every single day. I just wanted a change of scenery. And then Trent got with Hayley and I suppose that was the final straw."

"So you made this decision for yourself?" Jude prompted. I nodded again. "That's not a crime, Hannah."

"Yeah, but I just feel like such an awful human being. Hayley's my sister and I can't even be fully happy for her."

"You can't help the way you feel. You've got to stop feeling guilty for things you can't control. And for putting yourself first."

I looked up at Jude, unsure what to think of the genuine concern on his face. It wasn't an expression I'd seen him wear when looking at me in the past. I'd assumed he didn't care about me, but perhaps I'd been wrong.

"I don't know why it stings so much," I sighed. "Maybe it's because my whole life I've always felt second best to my sister and just for once I wanted to have something for myself. But she got Trent too."

I started to worry that I'd overshared. This was perhaps the first time I'd verbalised those feelings to anyone, and if someone had told me that it'd be Jude Bellingham that I was opening up to about this, I never would've believed them. Not only that but with admitting those feelings came a great deal of shame.

"You know what? It doesn't matter," I quickly added. "What's done is done. This isn't something I can change so there's no point in me stressing about it."

"Hannah—" Jude began.

"Thank you for the hot chocolate," I cut him off.

It looked as if he wanted to say more, but he didn't. I was grateful for that.

We sat in strained silence as I wiped my eyes and took a cautious sip of my hot chocolate which was still too hot to be enjoyable. Jude looked unsure of what to do next, scared to utter another word in case I snapped. I wasn't in the mood for arguing, though — I was too busy trying not to think about how humiliating it was to break down into tears in front of Jude. I felt pathetic.

"How come you can't sleep?" I asked Jude, breaking the silence.

"Too busy thinking about last night's game...about what I could've done differently," Jude replied. "Maybe if I'd made that pass to Karim we could've come away with a point but..." Jude shook his head.

"You did your best Jude," I said, unsure how to comfort him.

"But it wasn't good enough."

"It was just one match," I told him. "Yeah you lost, but it's not the end of the world — the team has a chance to learn from their mistakes and go again. One loss doesn't mean it's all over."

"This happened last season, though," Jude said. "We had a good lead over Bayern and then we kept losing and completely bottled it." He glanced at me. "Sorry, you don't want to have to listen to this. You've already got enough problems on your hands."

"I don't mind," I said, and I found that I genuinely meant that. "I feel like all I do is complain about my life."

A slight smile appeared on Jude's lips. "Yeah, you do complain a lot," he joked. "Always moaning about the weather, about how hot or how cold you are, about the ending to that show you watch, about —"

"Alright I get it, thank you." We both laughed. It was strange to feel like there was a slight understanding between us and to have a moment where we were actually laughing at each other instead of being at each other's throats. The next silence that followed didn't feel awkward or full of tension like it usually did. I didn't have to scramble to find something to say to make things less strained and I didn't feel irritated by Jude's presence.

"When did it all get so complicated?" Jude said aloud.

"What do you mean?"

"I dunno, just...things seemed easier when we were younger."

"Yeah, you're right. No boy troubles, no career worries, no outside pressure...I suppose the only thing that hasn't changed is that we still hate each other—"

"I don't hate you, Hannah." Jude looked at me seriously. "I never have."

I blinked in surprise — his past actions certainly hadn't shown that. "I'm sorry but that's bullshit," I said.

"Is it though? I never intended for us to be enemies but you were always so pissy with me so eventually I just stopped trying to get along with you."

I frowned. His recollection of events certainly seemed to be very different to mine. From what I could remember, Jude had always been the antagonist, finding any way he could to get under my skin. There was a reason I didn't like him and I'd always stood by that, convinced I was right. But now that we were alone in Chloe and Gio's kitchen, I seemed to have lost a little faith in my own certainty. I opened my mouth to retaliate but found I had nothing to add to the conversation. If recent events were anything to go by, it was always me who was shutting down his attempts to break this tension between us, so maybe there was a little truth to what he was saying.

"There's never really been a time when I've hated you, even after all the times we bickered," Jude continued. "In fact I..." He abruptly stopped talking and quickly averted his gaze. "Doesn't matter."

I didn't get a chance to ask what he was going to say because he swiftly moved the subject along.

"I'm just tired of all this arguing," Jude said. "Why don't we try to put it all behind us and start again?"

"That's fourteen years' worth of bickering you expect us to bury," I jokingly reminded him. I regarded Jude as I considered his offer. It would make everything a whole lot easier if we could at least try to get along, and our friends wouldn't constantly be stuck in the middle of our problems. "Alright deal," I grinned at him. It wasn't going to be easy, but I was willing to try for Chloe, Jobe, and Gio, and anyone else whose lives we had made difficult by not getting along.

"Awesome." Jude grinned and jumped off his stool. I watched with a raised eyebrow as he proceeded to leave the room and closed the door behind him. Seconds later, he reentered the kitchen with a wide smile and an extended arm. "Well hello there, I'm Jude."

I snorted with laughter. "You are so weird," I told him, reluctantly reaching out to shake his hand. "Nice to meet you, Jude. I'm Hannah," I said, playing along with his lame joke.

"So Hannah...are you in to football?"

"Not particularly," I answered. "I keep up with the sport because most of my friends are footballers and I want to support them, but if it weren't for them I probably wouldn't give it that much attention."

"Fair enough," Jude said. "You know that Jude Bellingham fellow is a very good player? Tall, handsome, and very intelligent too."

"Oh is he now?" I said.

Jude nodded. "Mhm.

"Really? Because I heard he was an asshole."

Jude's smile quickly faded. "Hey, we're supposed to be nice to each other," He reminded me.

"Stop bigging yourself up, then," I told him with a giggle. It felt weird to be acting like this with Jude, but at the same time it felt right.

"No guarantees there, I'm afraid," he answered.

We spent the next hour or so just talking about life. It was strange how Jude and I had known each other since childhood yet there was so much I didn't know about him. I'd never really taken an interest, too busy wasting my energy on hating him and actively trying to avoid him at any possible moment. I was surprised to find my cheeks were aching with laughter by the end of it all — Jude was so unintentionally funny.

Eventually, I found myself starting to grow tired and yawned. "Time to get you to bed, princess," Jude said gently.

"Stop calling me that," I told him with a smile.

"No. You're smiling which means you secretly like it."

"Right, of course," I said sarcastically. I took my empty mug to the sink. "Goodnight, Bellingham."

"Sleep well, Hannie."