Shrek stared at Farquaad, hiding all emotions possible. How was this possible? This was unreal.  Then he realised, he must have been the dad, he was with Farquaad 3 months ago, it had to be him.
Ashamed, Shrek sighed and spoke up “I think I’m the father...I was with Farquaad 3 months ago so...it must have been me to get him pregnant!” 
Lil’Fiddleboy was shocked. He was with Farquaad 3 months ago too! That had to mean...no....
“But...I was with him 3 months ago too!” Lil’Fiddleboy revealed. 
“Wait...you were CHEATING ON ME!” Shrek angrily uttered. It wasn’t a question...more a statement.
“Deary me...I wasn’t cheating on you...I was cheating on both of you with each other...also with my wife Fiona.” Farquaad proudly said. He wasn’t proud. 
“THAT'S MY EX FARQUAAD!” Shrek had screamed. You could feel the ground shake. The ground could turn into a literal earthquake. 
“Why do you care about that Shrek...did you NOT hear about the part that one of us is the FATHER? HAVE YOU GOT THAT IN YOUR MIND?” Lil’fiddleboy was annoyed. Why did Shrek care so much? 
“Jeez...sorry…” Shrek was confused on what to say. He didn’t want to argue with Lil’fiddleboy, but he also didn’t fully agree with his intentions and words. 
“STOP BICKERING! I just need you two to take a paternity test. Is that TOO much to ask for?” Lord ’Farquaad was frustrated, frustrated how stubborn the two were. 
“I’m not taking a test, I don’t want to be responsible if I am the father. Besides, Fiona can take care of the child, not me. After all, she begged for children all the time.” Shrek was annoyed at Farquaad and Fiona. 
Lord Farquaad quickly responded, “Yes...but it puts her at unease that it isn’t her child. So please come to my kingdom to take the test.” Shrek groaned. 
“Ugh...fine Farquaad. But, after we agree to never see each other again! Is that clear?” Lil’Fiddleboy demanded. 
“Yes, I understand.” Lord Farquaad said, with a hidden smirk. 
                                              
                         -------------------------------------------------
They all sat in a carriage, not saying a word to each other. They were all in disbelief, some more than others. 
 “So, you boys like each other? You are both my exes, and if I didn’t divorce you, you both would never have met, so technically I’m responsible for your relationship. And yet, after doing all that, you greet me by screaming at me. Such disrespect.” Farquaad whined. 
‘Oh Farquaad...I only married you for money.” Shrek stated.
“Yeah and I wanted dat clout.” Lil’Fiddleboy added. 
“Well...you still wanted me. What do you have to offer each other? Back to back arguments? Where's that going to get you? I get you wanted a piece of the Farquaad, but now that he’s gone you must be lonely. Props to you if you can sustain a relationship with one another.” 
Beginning to get annoyed, Shrek responded “We’ll be just fine Farquaad.”
“Oh yes, I don’t doubt your ability to deal with things. I was just simply stating facts, in order to help you two lovebirds avoid heartbreak. That’s all. I have no ill intentions, don't you worry. No no no. Good, kind, gentle, Farquaad I am. In fact, I believe I’m the most gracious person in this carriage. Maybe even the world! I’m the best lord ever…”
*There’s goes Farquaad again. Always talking on and on for hours… * Lil’Fiddleboy thought. 
“Listen, we came here to shut you up, so that's what we plan on doing. So shut up, or we’re leaving. I don’t understand how I ever loved such a thing.” Lil’Fiddleboy was irritated. Couldn’t Lord Farquaad mind his own business? Why was he so invested in his relationship with Shrek? 
“Thing? THING!? I AM THE LORD FARQUAAD, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY YOU EVEN GOT TO BREATHE THE SAME AIR AS ME!” Farquaad yelled. 
Rolling his eyes Lil’Fiddleboy replied “Pfft, I’m disappointed to even be living on the same Earth as you.”
“Good one” Shrek replied to Lil’Fiddleboys savage response.  
“You dare say something to me, the great Lord Farquaad! If I wanted to, I could buy your existence!” Farquaad stated. 
“Yeah right mate. You used to shop at the dollar store. Your kingdom is broke. I was only with you for the money, and once I realized you had no money, looks, or personality, I left. I’m pretty sure I have more money in my coach back at me swamp, then you do in your entire bank account.” Shrek snickered. 
“Heh, ROASTED!”
Shrek and Lil’Fiddleboy smiled at each other, making Lord Farquaad mad. 
Lord Farquaad wanted to scream, punch and shout at the two. Even though he was basically a dwarf with chopstick arms, and greasy hair, he wasn’t stupid (kinda). 
They sat in the carriage hardly speaking for a few days until they arrived in Far far away. They were there.