The Palace Library.
Oredison Palace, Gazda.
Less than two weeks before
Sanctus Aurelia.

I waited until Igell and Ross had settled back into their places before I opened the Galanthus book. I expected an envelope to fall out, or a sheet of paper, but there was nothing—just a book on snow flowers. I flipped through the pages, trying not to draw too much attention to myself as I searched for whatever Kai had meant for me to find.

But as I flipped through page after page of clean text, I considered that maybe someone else had already made the connection. Maybe the keeper had noticed and taken the book—found the note—and given it to Caine. I closed my eyes against that thought.

If Caine knew, he'd hurt me. He'd make Kai watch while he did something terrible.

No. Caine couldn't know. Kai would be more careful than that.

If he'd waited this long to try to reach out to me, it was because he'd been searching for a safe way to do it. And while I was mad at him, I knew he still cared about me. I saw it in every hurried glance, every twitch of his fingers—just when I thought he might reach for me. Kai wouldn't have left something in this book unless he believed that I'd be the only person to see it.

I continued to scan pages, looking for something, anything. But what was I supposed to see? It was possible I was wrong. I could easily be looking too far into this. There might not be a hidden note at all.

Maybe I'd simply found his sketchbook on accident.

It was possible he'd written the code for the book down so that he could reference it when drawing the flowers. That was something he'd do. It may mean nothing at all. The message I'd hoped for—expected—could be a figment of my imagination.

I flipped open the sketchbook and examined the image of Uri he'd drawn.

It really looked like her. He'd captured her smile—the way her posture was always so perfect, even when she was relaxed. The smile she was giving those kids was the same smile she'd given me that first day on the train. As if she held a secret.

Good goddess, I missed her. All at once, I was hit with a pang of guilt—a feeling so intense tears sprang to my eyes. I blinked them away and forced myself to focus.

A few yards away, Ross was shifting on his feet. Eventually, they'd get tired of standing there and they'd force me to go back to my room. The clock was ticking and it wasn't working in my favor.

I set the sketchbook down and flipped through the pages of G894 one more time. As I did, a group of maids darted down the hall outside the library, their laughter and conversation echoing throughout the quiet room. One of the keepers shushed them. My guards leaned around one of the taller shelves, trying to get a look at the passing girls.

I didn't do more than glance at them. My attention was fixed on my task as I flipped to the back of the book, hoping to find something inscribed there. I found only a glossary of terms. I sighed and made to shut the book, but paused as I caught sight of a crease in the pages—one folded corner. It seemed almost accidental as if the page of the book had been crushed by someone closing it carelessly.

I looked up, making sure my guards were still preoccupied before I turned to the marked page. My breath escaped me in a quiet, surprised exhale and I pulled the book closer to me.

Kai had written in the margins, his handwriting blending seamlessly with the detailed diagram of the Galanthus. He'd shaded around the words as if they were a part of the image, another piece of art. Without the slight fold in the pages, I would have missed it.

With Ross and Igell still watching the crowd of passing maids, I began to read:

I'm taking a chance by writing this. I'm hoping you'll connect the dots and they'll lead you to this book—and if you're reading this, then it worked like I hoped it would. Listen, I know you're mad. And you have every right to be. I'm mad at myself. Yes, I should have told you. Yes, you deserved to know the truth. I love you. Desperately. You should know, I let go of a lot of hate and anger because I cared about you. You inspired me. You still inspire me. I let myself believe that things might be different—because of you. All my life I've been told I should be angry because my true father didn't claim me. I was taught to want revenge for my birth mother. Then there was you, someone who had every reason to be hateful and hurt and untrusting, and you weren't any of those things. And I saw something in you that I wanted for myself. I wanted to be better, to let it all go. I need you to know that even though I didn't tell you about my past, I never tried to sway one person in Third Corps to Caine's side. I did it in every other camp, but I stopped in Third Corps. I stopped and I invested in the people. I invested in you. I also want you to know that I wasn't going to go through with it. I realized I wanted you more than I wanted revenge. I know that sounds silly and romantic and stupid, but it's true. I thought I could persuade Caine to let it go. I was wrong. Love. Monroe, if I hadn't let him make me king, he'd have had you shot in the ballroom during Sauenmyde. I had to save you. You're the only thing I wanted and the most important thing I've lost. And maybe this doesn't excuse anything. But I wanted to tell you anyway. I thought you deserved to know.

That same rage from Sauenmyde filled me, making my hands shake as I read his note again. But I found that the emotion was growing dull—like an overused blade. I'd cut and cut at the same aching spot and it no longer stung in the same way it had weeks ago. Now it was a different sort of hurt. A new sort of fury.

I wanted to forgive him and that, more than anything else, enraged me.

Another group of maids flurried by, their voices echoing through the high ceilings of the library. Ross left his post to go and investigate, even one of the keepers broached the heavy wooden doors to scold them. I kept half of my attention on them and the rest on the Galanthus book.

At the very bottom of the page, next to the page number, Kai had written a second code. Underneath the letter and numbers, he'd scrawled: in case you want to respond. I memorized the second code and shut the Galanthus book.

By the time Igell realized I'd left my chair, I was already halfway back to the Gs. I heard him panting and hissing my name as I slid Kai's book back into its spot and began looking for the next code. I'd just found the canary yellow volume and tucked it beneath my arm when Igell rounded the corner.

"Still studying flowers, Benson, or are we back to smut?"

I shrugged and made to move past him, but he caught my arm. "If you're doing something you shouldn't, we will find out. And Caine'll give you hell for it."

I pulled away from him and held up the yellow book—the one about aster flowers. Goddess, Kai was clever. I smiled at the thought and said, "I'm just trying to pass the time."

He nodded slowly; his gaze heavy as he watched me walk back to my chair. By the time I was seated again, Kai's sketchbook open in my lap, his pencil in my hand, Ross had returned. He said something to Igell, who responded with an expression of surprise. I ignored both of them as I opened the yellow book, found a diagramed stem of an aster, and began to write in the margins:

Kai. Yes, I'm mad. And yes, I did deserve to know. All of it. If you ever want to gain my forgiveness, you will do whatever it takes to keep Nadia and Heidi out of the Culling. You will free my brothers from prison. If you love me the way you say you do, then you will save them and you will help me end Caine.

***

I folded the corner of the page, put the yellow aster book back on its shelf, and left Kai's sketchbook on the table where he'd abandoned it. He hadn't mentioned the Culling starting again in his note, and so I could only assume he'd written it this morning or the previous evening—before he'd found out what Caine planned.

I couldn't decide if him writing me a note like that, one that anyone could read, was dangerous or not. It seemed that there were so many dangers in Oredison Palace, that one more couldn't really hurt.

And what had we written that was damning? There was nothing in those notes that Caine didn't already know. If he found them, he would only discover that we'd communicated. I'd be punished and Kai would have to watch. But there was nothing more Caine could do. Nothing from the notes he could use to hurt us more than he already was.

***

Ross and Igell were in deep conversation, their attention mostly diverted as we left the library and made our way back toward my room. The palace seemed to be in an uproar. Maids and footmen bounced about like summer crickets, their chatter loud and expressive.

I kept my head down as I tried to piece together what was happening—unexpected royal visitors, a dinner, talk of the Culling. There were armfuls of fresh linens, buckets of cleaning supplies, mops, brooms, feather dusters. As I passed through the north wing of the palace, I found doors to bedrooms flung open, rugs slung across balcony banisters, servants scrubbing floors, dusting curtains, and polishing the furniture. I slowed my step, trying to peer inside, but Igell's hand on my back pushed me forward.

Caine had said Kai's mother was coming, but surely, she wouldn't need more than one room. I turned to my guards, plastering on an expression of innocent curiosity as I asked, "What's happening?"

They exchanged a glance before Ross answered, "Nothing to concern you."

I pushed down the urge to strangle him and forced a shrug, offering them both an unconcerned smile. "Of course not. I'm goddess-touched, not a servant. But the staff certainly seems a little overwhelmed."

I eyed one of the open suite doors. These rooms were larger than the one I'd always stayed in. Like Uri's, they contained a parlor and spacious balcony. They were so big and finely decorated, that they made my own room seem modest in comparison.

These rooms couldn't be for any of the royals already living in the palace. If Caine was setting up the Culling how it had been before, we would return to our rooms. Heidi and Nadia would live on a section of the north wing, and Larkin and Cohen would go back to living on the south side of the palace.

That's where Kai's rooms were too—I knew because during my first week here, I'd gone to find him and tracked him there. I'd gotten as far as his doorway before the guards had found me. I'd given Igell and Ross the slip after a particularly terrible breakfast with Caine. Now, weeks later, I couldn't even understand why I'd wanted to see him.

I think maybe it was all still too new and fresh and unbelievable. I'd wanted it all to be some sort of nightmare. Maybe I'd thought seeing Kai would make me wake up. But I hadn't seen him, not until it was too late, and this certainly wasn't a bad dream I could escape.

I'd gone to find Kai and I'd been punished for it.

I'd earned three burns and an extra dose of tacet for my disobedience. I'd spent that next day vomiting. The fire had left scars—white, wicked things that seemed even worse when juxtaposed with the darkness of my mark. I'd cried when he'd done it. I'd twisted and fought and tried to get out of his grasp, but my hand still burned.

Kai had been there to see it all.

He'd argued with his uncle and tried to fight him too, but it had ended like it always did—with me even more hurt than before. Each word from Kai was another burn, another slap, a twist of my wrist, a cut to my palm. There was nothing Kai could say that would appease him. If he tried to hurt Caine, the guards would stop him.

We were in hell. Always burning.

And there was nothing that could stop Caine when he wanted to teach me a lesson.

He loved teaching me things.

But I still wanted Kai to fight. Even if it meant I got hurt. A burn because he'd fought back, was a burn well earned. I would take it. All of it. But as the days had drug on and on and on, Kai had stopped fighting. He'd done whatever he could to keep my hand out of the fire, to keep the bruises from ending up on my skin.

And yet, I was still burned and still bruised.

I swallowed down the memory.

"Seems like a waste of time to clean rooms in this part of the palace, especially with the Commencement Ball and the Culling dinner happening in a matter of days." I slid my gaze sideways, just in time to catch the warning look Ross shot to his partner.

I smiled. So, there was something else happening, and I wasn't supposed to know.

Knowing that whatever terrible thing Caine had in store would eventually be revealed to me, I changed the subject. "I want to go to the training rooms tonight and spar with the other goddess-touched girls."

Igell shook his head. "Hell no. Out of the question."

Ross nodded in agreement and ran a hand through his mousy brown hair. "That isn't happening. You can train on your own, but you aren't allowed to see or speak to the other marked girls."

I frowned. "Caine has us all boxed in. He knows we won't fight him, not with our friends in Third Corps in danger. What harm can it do?" We reached my bedroom door and I turned to look at them. "We aren't going to have advisors for the rest of the Culling, but we still need to train—even if it's against each other." They started to argue but I held up a hand. A thrill thrummed through my bones at the command in my voice as I said, "Forget it. I'll discuss it with Caine myself."

They blinked at me, surprised. I'd never cowed down to them, but I'd always been quiet. And I'd never—ever—spoken about Caine in a way that made it seem like I had any control in the situation. In truth, I had none. But wearing this dress and heels, I felt a little empowered. There was a shift in the dynamic and, if nothing else, I was in control of that. I was setting the stage.

I'd taken off my mask at Larkin's coronation ball, but I hadn't stopped playing my part. I'd merely recast myself. If Caine wanted me to be queen, if he saw me as a tool to control Kai, then that was fine with me. I could do that. I could control things.

I smiled to myself and opened my bedroom door, eyeing Ross and Igell as I said, "I'm going to rest—when Caine arrives just knock."

I didn't wait for them to speak, I just stepped inside and shut the door behind myself. For a long moment, I stood there, leaning against the cold wood panels. My breathing was shallow, my heart a lump in my throat. There was a quivering deep in my chest—a sudden realization that seemed too fragile.

As we'd made our way past the guest suites, I'd remembered something. A memory from months ago. Something I knew Caine and the others weren't aware of.

Heidi and Nadia were in rooms either above or below mine. The palace officials had spread us out during the Culling, but I knew that Nadia's room wasn't very far from mine—since we'd run into each other numerous times on the way to etiquette lessons. We would usually take the lift together on our way back from lessons—we'd even shared the ride up with Heidi on more than one occasion. If memory served, Heidi stayed on the lift longer than I did. And Nadia got off before me. I didn't know where exactly their rooms were, but it wouldn't take much to find out.

My back was still pressed to the door as Igell and Ross settled into their positions against the far wall of the hallway. Their conversation was murmured, but deep enough to distract them from the sound of me walking across my bedroom to the windows.

I was on one of the upper floors—perhaps the fifth or sixth—but there were trellises and ledges beyond the polished window pane. And, judging from the glances I'd stolen only a moment ago, I knew the rooms further down the hall had balconies.

I remembered a sixteen-year-old girl scaling the second story wall, her bare feet notched into trellises and her hands gripping stone pillars. I'd done it only once with Cohen, a long time ago. He'd taught me one night after the rest of the palace had gone to bed. We'd only climbed the same set of trellises that Uri had done that first day in the palace. And my legs had shook like gelatin the entire time.

But I wasn't that same girl anymore.

I stayed frozen, my palm pressed to the cold glass of the window until I could hear the thump of footsteps outside my door, the giggle of maids, the deep voices of Ross and Igell in conversation with them. Then, when I was certain they couldn't hear me, I tested the locks.

***

If you enjoyed this chapter: tell me how you feel about Caine by leaving three emojis of your choice in the comments. Here are mine: 😒🤬😑 (naturally, I have more, but I'll leave it at three).

My upload schedule for The Reckless Reign is Tuesdays and Thursdays at midnight. 🧡🔥👑

For more information on The Culled Crown series and other projects, follow me on Instagram (@briannajoyc) or check out my website (www.briannajoycrump.com).