The Arena.
Deca Market, Gazda.
The morning of the Welcome Dinner.

It was surreal being back here.

But what was even more unnerving, was walking side by side into the arena with Nadia. After patting us both down in search of weapons they knew we didn't have, our guards had remained by the gate while we walked inside. It had felt too similar to my trial with Tessa. And being in this massive open field with the thousands of empty stadium seats high above our heads, it was difficult not to feel that same terror.

And I didn't want to imagine ever being back here in a trial, especially not with Nadia.

As we walked towards the center of the arena where a small collection of practice dummies had been left, I thought of what it had been like to walk this alongside Tessa. If this were a trial, we would stop at the center and we would separate by thirty paces.

Ten steps for the goddess-touched girls, ten for Erydia, and ten for the queen.

Nadia was silent, her hand rubbing absentmindedly at her wrists as we paused directly in the middle of the field. Her eyes darted up to the abandoned royal box. The height of the walls had always been imposing, but a crowd made the walls seem to cave in. With the arena empty, it was like we were under a magnifying glass. As if there were only the two of us and the goddess.

Nadia's throat bobbed and she glanced over at me. "Good goddess, he's—he's actually insane, isn't he?"

I nodded. "Seems like it, yeah."

She blew out a deep breath and looked to the far wall of the arena. I followed her gaze. The glass of the goddess-touched viewing room window was one-way, so we couldn't see into the room where Caine and Ruthie sat. The thought of her alone with him made my palms sweat.

Nadia's voice broke through my anxiety, her words quiet as she turned in a small circle and examined the massive patch of dry earth around us. "Can you feel it yet? —Your ability, I mean?"

"I can almost always feel when I'm not on tacet, and I haven't had any today. But...But even when I can feel it, I can't use it. It's like there's a wall keeping me from accessing it." I rotated my wrist and tried to call flame to flesh. Sparks appeared, but they were weak.

The guards must still be too close to us. I looked to the empty mouth of the tunnel. They'd shut the gates so we were now trapped here until someone came to get us.

I was pretty sure Caine had no idea how far away the guards would need to be in order for our abilities to start working again. I think, in a way, this was as much about us getting to train as it was him testing how he'd handle an actual trial. He'd need someone on tacet to get the marked girls into the arena, but once it was time to fight, those people would have to get far enough away that our abilities could actually be used.

Nadia sighed heavily before she sat unceremoniously in the dirt at our feet. "It's funny," she said quietly, "he didn't put you in handcuffs." There was no humor in her voice as she said it. "And at breakfast the other day...at breakfast you were all dressed up and clean." She looked up at me, her brown eyes full of questions. When I met her stare, she turned away and started drawing absentmindedly in the dirt. "Bed. Food. Soap and water. It—It's just a far cry from what the month has been like for the rest of us, you know?"

I crouched down next to her. "I know and I'm sorry, Nadia."

She met my gaze. "Do you still love him?"

I swallowed, suddenly unable to look at her anymore.

Nadia reached forward and took my hand in hers. That same healing warmth that I'd grown so familiar with rushed through me. A small breath escaped her and for a moment, our discussion was lost and she was only focused on that—on reclaiming her ability. I watched as the blisters on my hands and arms faded. Some of the scars disappeared too, but others remained. There were marks on me that Nadia couldn't possibly heal.

After a second, Nadia withdrew from me, her fingers trembling slightly as she went back to rubbing at her wrists. "I'm not angry with you. I just... I need to know the—the truth. All of it. I think maybe you owe it to me. And probably to everyone else too. But..." The words ended as a sigh and she shook her head.

I sat next down across from her. "What truth?" I rotated my wrist, trying to conjure fire. Flame pushed at my skin, but it was so weak, so used to being suppressed, that it was difficult to coax. "Ask and I'll tell you anything, Nadia. You're my friend." I looked at her, "Even if the Culling is back in session, you're still one of my best friends. I don't wish any harm to you. Or Heidi, for that matter."

She chewed distractedly on her thumbnail; her expression thoughtful. "But I just want..." She sighed. "Monroe, did you know?" Her voice broke over the question and for a moment, I thought she might cry. "When I was healing him after you went to Linomi, did you—did you know he was the prince? Did you know what he was planning?"

"No." I leaned forward and took her hands in mine. "No, of course not. I had no idea."

When she looked at me again, her eyes were lined with tears. "Larkin says you must have known. She says—She's got half of our people believing that you're with Caine. Everyone sort of thinks this was all a big scheme to get you and Kai on the throne."

I blinked at her, stunned. "Larkin is a bitch and she has no right to tell anyone anything about me. How could you believe her? How could anyone think I knew about Kai? I was as upset as anyone when he was crowned."

"Monroe, what are we supposed to think? First—" she sighed exasperatedly. "First, you're with Cohen and we all think you'll end up being queen because he wants you to be. And then, when it wasn't going your way and it seemed like Kinsley might actually win, you somehow found a way out of the Culling. After that, you wanted nothing to do with Cohen. Then..." she shook her head as if the story were just too incredible for her. "Then you're with Kai, who just happens to be the son of the dead king—the king you helped the rebels kill. And now we're all back in the Culling and it looks an awful lot like you're going to be queen again." She held up her hands in surrender. "I'm not saying I believe any of it. I'm just telling you what everyone else is thinking. And good goddess, Monroe, it's not like we're jumping to conclusions. This is exactly what's happened."

Tears welled in my eyes too and I brushed them away with the back of my hand. "I had no idea who he was. I swear, I didn't. I was as surprised as everyone else. He broke my heart and my trust. And yes, I've had a bed and food to eat, but it hasn't been wonderful for me either. If I could've done something to change all of this, I would have. I don't want to be here anymore than you do."

She nodded. "I didn't believe it. I really didn't, I just needed—I needed to know if I'd been made a fool of. I've spent the last month defending you to everyone. And, trust me, it hasn't been easy... Ambrose and I have exhausted ourselves trying to stop the rumors that are spreading. People are pissed."

"How is he? My brother, I mean."

"Ambrose is fine. Worried sick about Ellora. He knows Caine likes to hit where it hurts worst, so he's stayed off the radar in an effort to keep her safe. He's looking out for you though."

"And Kace?"

"Oh, um, I haven't seen him really." She shrugged. "A bit in the beginning, but they split all of us into groups and put us in different cells pretty soon after it all happened. I think they'd have liked to have us all in our own cells, but..." Nadia chewed at a hangnail and sighed. "The palace prison isn't very big and Caine can't risk sending us to the facilities in Gazda. We—You know, we might talk about things he wants to keep quiet."

"Do you think Kace's on our side?"

"I don't know. I think so. He's defended you. I think maybe he's friends with Kinsley, but I don't think he cares for Larkin. From what I saw, he's stayed away from her."

Kace was friends with Kinsley—I didn't know what to think about that.

Nadia shoved her dark hair from her face and sighed. "Heidi's gotten herself into solitary confinement more than once because she keeps picking fights with Larkin."

"Over me?" I asked, incredulous.

She pulled her knees to her chest and sighed. "You and anything else she can think of to fight over, yes."

I snapped my fingers, still struggling to conjure fire as I said, "I'm really sorry about what happened. But I had nothing to do with it. I didn't know about Kai's past or what Caine was planning. I was used. But, I think you should also know that Kai didn't want to be king. Caine used the gunmen we thought were for Larkin to threaten my life. He was trying to protect me. That's why he took the throne. It wasn't because he wanted it. Caine had gunmen aimed at me and if Kai hadn't cooperated, I'd have been dead."

"But do you still love him?" The question was quiet, a step onto a frozen lake of a million other questions. She knew that whatever I said would spur on a whole new conversation—it would crack through the superficial and into another layer of questions that I wasn't sure either of us wanted to discuss.

I chewed my bottom lip and snapped my fingers one more time. Fire danced against my skin and I exhaled the breath I'd been holding. For a moment, I'd thought my ability might truly be broken. But there it was, the familiar heat and wild power I'd once resented and now missed so much.

I looked up at Nadia over the flames. A chill went through her and she lifted her own hand and let it hover a few inches from mine. We sat like that for a long moment before I finally broke the silence.

"I love him." I looked away from her, unable to stomach seeing her expression as I admitted, "I'm not sure I've ever stopped loving him. And—And maybe it's wrong. Maybe I should hate him now, I don't know. But I can't seem to make myself feel that way. I look at him and...I'm mad. I have so much rage and anger and hurt towards him. But I don't hate him. I've hated a lot of people. Viera. Larkin. Caine. But I don't feel even an ounce of that towards Kai. What I feel towards him is different. It's more complicated than hatred and...and maybe more complicated than simple love."

Nadia was silent, considering.

I said, "I'm sorry if that disappoints you or if it makes you regret defending me. I know everyone else hates him. I don't blame them for that. But I also know that he took the throne for me. Out of love for me. And, yes, I think he should have told me the truth before it got to that point—but he didn't. And as someone who harbored a dangerous secret for most of my life, I'm not sure I can blame him for being afraid to share something as life-changing as that."

She nodded. "You didn't use to want to be queen. Do you still feel that way?"

I doused my fire and got to my feet. I offered her hand and, reluctantly, she took it and I pulled her up, but didn't let go of her right away. We stood, our hands clasped, the mist of our breath mingling in the freezing morning air. "I think I have to become queen," I admitted. "I think it's the only way to fix things."

Nadia pulled away from me and moved towards one of the practice dummies. She kept her attention on it as she asked. "And why do you think that?"

"Because I'm the only person who can bring it all down. If I can become queen, I could kill Caine and dismantle the government from the inside. I can make sure Kai is the last Warwick on the throne."

She turned to look at me then. "Will you kill him?"

"Who, Caine? Yes. Of course, I will."

"No, Kai."

I blinked at her. "Nadia, I don't—"

"Because a majority of what's left of our Third Corps troops want him dead. They hate him. They hate you too, if I'm being honest. They're calling you the king's whore. They say you helped put him on the throne so you could have it for yourself."

I wrapped my arms tightly around my torso and sighed. My nose was beginning to run from the chill and I wished I'd brought more than a light jacket. "I don't care what they call me. I'm not in this for a throne—at least not because I want to have it for myself. I've never wanted it. You know that. But I do want to bring Caine down. I want to topple all of this. I want to get rid of the Culling and, to do that, I think the Warwicks have to go."

"But Kai is a Warwick, Monroe. He's the only Warwick that matters anymore." She took a step towards me. "He's the only Warwick that can finish this Culling and start a new one."

A lump formed in my throat, making the words painful as I said, "I can—I can kill him. If it comes to it and I have control, if I can kill Caine, then I—I'll kill Kai too. It'll all be over then."

I am a girl made of lies.

Nadia held my gaze for a long moment. "Good. Because if you don't, I'm sure someone else will."

***

We didn't talk very much after that.

I showed Nadia a few of the different hand-to-hand combat maneuvers I'd learned from Tallis and Juno, and a few of the more defensive tactics Kai had taught me when I was in Third Corps. She was a fast learner, but we both sort of knew that without a strong ability, she'd struggle against Heidi.

Since her comment about killing Kai, there had been tension between us and I didn't know how to dispel it. I couldn't disagree with her. After all, she was right, Kai was the key to the next Culling. If he went on to have a son, whether that was with me or someone else, that child's birth would start the cycle all over again. There would be another group of goddess-touched girls. There would be another Culling.

But the thought of Kai dead—of him gone forever—was more than I could handle. I couldn't even fathom it. I refused. Yes, I was angry. Yes, he'd hurt me. But I didn't wish him dead for it.

There were other alternatives.

Back before everything, the Culled had wanted to make Cohen get sterilized. Kai could do that. Maybe...Maybe the others could trust him enough to let that be the end of it. We just wouldn't have biological children. There would be no more goddess-touched girls.

If I had my way, I'd do exactly what Kai had wanted us to do before I'd left on the Sauenmyde mission. He said that he'd been planning to tell me the truth and take me away. We could have hidden in the mountains or even gotten on a boat and sailed far, far away.

But that had been his plan before I'd left for Erydia without telling him. I'd left on that mission thinking I was betraying his trust because I hadn't said goodbye. And all the while, he'd been hiding the one thing that could ruin us.

And still, I didn't hate him. I didn't want him to die.

As our hour was drawing to a close, Nadia said, "Thank you for helping me. I appreciate it. Even if it may not do me any good, it—it means a lot that you're trying to give me a better shot at this...at surviving. My advisors stopped working with me pretty quickly after they realized my gift wasn't very special."

"Your gift is amazing. It just isn't the best for an arena. That doesn't mean it isn't good for a million other things."

She nodded.

"Do you think Heidi will actually do it? Fight you, I mean."

Nadia's sigh came out in a puff of steam. "Yes. I think she will. I mean, it's not that she'd choose to fight me if she had a choice. But if they put us in the arena together..." she glanced up at the empty seats above our heads. "She'll make sure she's the last one standing. It's who she is. She's a survivor. And I can't exactly fault her for it—if I had an ability that could win, I'd use it too."

"Do you know what your biggest fear is?"

Nadia laughed. "Aside from this?" she said, gesturing to the arena around us. "No. I don't." She chewed her bottom lip and tilted her head, weighing her options. "I think it could be a lot of things."

"Just try to fight the fear. I know it's hard, but if you can find a way to stay in control of yourself and remember what's real and what isn't..." I shrugged. "Heidi's ability is scary, but it's mental. I think you could outsmart her if you tried. Her biggest strength is that she can surprise people with her ability. Most don't have time to prepare their minds to untangle what she shows them. But you do. You know it's coming. Try... Just try to ground yourself and remember what is true and, hopefully, that will help you to know what isn't. I think you can win if you play the cards right."

"And do you want me to?" Nadia asked. "Are you choosing me over her?"

"I don't want to have to choose between either of my friends," I admitted. "But I know that Heidi is going to come out of the gate ready to win. She may be scared, but she won't show it. She'll come into this arena like she's already queen. This place, it'll eat you alive long before your opponent can even raise a hand to you. If you act like you've lost, you will. Nadia, you can't come in here believing you're already dead. You've got to fight back."

"I'll try." She reached over and tugged the shoulder of my jacket up from where it had fallen down my arm during one of our spars. "You're a good friend, Monroe. I'm sorry I doubted you. And I'm sorry that your heart is mixed up in all of this."

I sighed, offering her a small smile of thanks. "You're a good friend too. I'm grateful to have been given even a few minutes alone with you. And, if we don't find a way out of this and we don't get to talk again before your trial, just know that I'm on your side. I hope you win."

The gate across from us creaked open and the guards entered the arena, bringing the oppressive weight of tacet with them. Just before they reached us, Nadia shot me a tight-lipped smile. "I've never stopped pulling for you, Monroe. I've always thought you'd win the Culling."

I laughed and shook my head. "I don't know why you always say that."

She shrugged. "Me either." The corner of her mouth twitched and she shot me a real smile. "I guess, I still really want to impress you. You know what they say, you've got to stay in the queen's good graces."

***

If you enjoyed this chapter: leave this emoji 🥺 in the comments. Do you think Heidi will kill Nadia in a trial?

It's election day in the United States and that's a stressful time, so I might post an extra chapter this week. Maybe that'll make my fellow Americans happy, maybe it'll stress you out more... honestly 🤷🏻‍♀️😅😭 Anyway, it'll probably be posted tomorrow. Just a heads up.

My upload schedule for The Reckless Reign is Tuesdays and Thursdays. 🧡🔥👑

For more information on The Culled Crown series and other projects, follow me on Instagram (@briannajoyc) or check out my website (www.briannajoycrump.com).