The Jerian Sea.
Between Erydia and Pellarmus.
Voyage – Day eighteen.

If anyone noticed that I was wearing Kai's ring again, no one said anything. Even Heidi, who thrived off using small details to torment people, left me mostly alone. Since my talk with Anna, I'd decided that I wasn't done with Kai. Not entirely. Not even a little bit, if I were being honest. I still loved him. That much I knew. I'd almost told him during the Commencement Ball, but he'd stopped me with that damn kiss. I was glad he'd stopped me. Glad, I guess, that he'd kissed me too.

Even if I hadn't understood then what he'd meant by it.

And so, I wasn't done with him.

I wasn't done with Erydia either. As Kai once reminded me—the throne was mine to fight for. Of course, when he'd said those words, I hadn't realized it belonged to him too. This fight was ours. Even if he hadn't said that, even if he'd spoken around the truth far more often than he'd outright said it, it didn't make it any less true. This was something that we could, any maybe should, fight for together.

Goddess.

There were a lot of things Kai said that, in hindsight, turned out to mean different things than I'd thought. I'd teased him once about how cryptic he sometimes was, but I hadn't known the half of it back then. Over the last few months, I'd realized there was a difference in being teasingly cryptic and outright lying. Kai had done his fair share of both.

But I had too.

And, that was something else I probably wasn't done with.

***

I was eating breakfast in the little mess hall when the shouts rose up. At first, I'd panicked and stood up, pushing my chair back so I could see through the large windows. I wasn't alone in my fear. The room seemed to inhale at once.

Since Darragh had mentioned Caine sending boats after us, we'd all been on guard. At the table with me, had Leighton paused mid-bite and turned in his chair to peer across the table to the nearest window. Even Heidi, who I swear wasn't afraid of anything, glanced up. Cohen, who sat across from me, had taken hold of Nadia's hand as soon as the yelling started—his own worry as raw as my own.

Isla was the only one at our table who didn't stiffen or even look up. "It's land," she said, still chewing. "They are yelling because they see port."

There was a collective , relieved sort of "Oh!" from everyone in the group. Only Cohen spoke Pellarsh and even his language skills weren't good enough to pick up on the muffled voices. As the yelling died out, we sat back down and continued with our meal, our actions a little more rushed now that there was clearly something new and exciting to see.

I finished at the same time Cohen did and we walked outside together. While the doorway of the mess hall led out onto a deck, we were faced away from whatever the commotion was about. I started to walk around the mess hall to the other side of the boat, but paused as Nadia called after us. She caught up in a few strides and took hold of Cohen's hand again.

Together we walked to the railing on the south side of the ship.

Isla was right—you could see land now. It was still a good way off, but with the distance we'd been traveling each day, we'd probably make it there by sundown. From our vantage point, I could just make out the shining of the sun off white beaches. There were red shingled rooftops and the outline of trees.

Cohen pointed towards the northern side of the island. "The palace is that way, I think. It's been a while since I was here, but we used to dock in Varins and take a train into Reubinon."

Nadia leaned her elbows against the railing. "It's smaller than I thought it'd be."

"It's the angle," Cohen said. "It stretches on from here, plus there are dozens of small islands on the other side of what we can see. Pellarmus is at least twice the size of Erydia. It's maybe a little smaller than Vayelle and Erydia combined. Not a little country by any means."

She glanced over her shoulder at me. "It's crazy to think we're here. I mean, if I was still in Erydia, I'd probably be dead. Heidi...We'll, she would've killed me in the trial. I'd like to think she wouldn't have, but I know better."

I stepped up beside her, but didn't have the guts to lean over the rail the way she did. The water still made me uneasy, even after over two weeks of being surrounded by it. The idea of being on land again was far more appealing that I even wanted to admit. Still, my eagerness to get off this ship was only leveled by the understanding that my future was essentially a massive question mark.

I cleared my throat, bolstering myself for the answer as I asked, "So, has Darragh said anything else about what he plans to do with us once we get to the palace?"

Cohen turned to look at me, leaning his hip against the railing as he said, "No. Not yet. He'll probably have hell to pay for it. He isn't even king yet and he's probably already started a war. His advisors will be angry, as will whoever is standing as regent. They're a peaceful people, or at least they try to be, so a war with Erydia won't be welcome."

Nadia glanced his way. "I keep hearing that they're peaceful, but Isla told me that everyone in Pellarmus has to be in the military, even women. Why train everyone if you don't plan to fight?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I think everyone does three years of service. But most never see war or even battle. I don't think the training has as much to do with preparing for a potential war as it does just setting their country up to be strong enough to never need to really fear one. And, even with no obvious threat of war, it's smart of them train up all of their people. I think it creates a sense of loyalty and dedication, a sort of nationalism that we lack in Erydia. Our soldiers are almost always either joining up because of a draft or because they're hoping to get promoted enough to get papers out of their home city. No one is fighting because they actually love our country. They fight for themselves, not for our people. It's different in Pellarmus."

I nodded. "And, thanks to the lowered draft, our soldiers are usually children too."

He sighed. "There's that, yes. Most of our soldiers are very young and green. They die quickly because they aren't well trained. We could probably learn a thing or two from Pellarmus, to be honest."

Nadia picked at a loose thread on the sleeve of her sweater. "Still, it's strange to train everyone."

"What about Isla? Or Darragh? Did they have to train?" I asked.

Cohen nodded. "Yeah. Isla didn't come to the palace when Darragh did a few months ago because she was finishing her stint and couldn't get leave."

"But she's a princess," I said.

He smiled. "Yeah, and she's probably more deadly than any of us. That's the Pellarmi way. They're very honorable people and they care a lot about generational bonds and protecting the old and young. Even with their military power, they typically stay out of fights. I don't remember the last time Pellarmus was a part of a war. If Darragh has started a fight between our two nations, it probably won't go over very well. I mean, I think they can take Caine in a fight, but whether they'll choose to is another subject."

"But, if they're so powerful, why not just take control of everywhere?" Nadia asked. "If they have the military strength, why let smaller countries like Vayelle cause trouble?"

Cohen shrugged. "Religion, I think. I talked to Darragh about it a long time ago. Essentially, I think they'd like to be pacifists and they go out of their way to choose peace over war. But they also make sure that their military is capable of handling threats."

"They just don't seek them out," I supplied.

Cohen nodded. "I think that's pretty much how they see it. Unfortunately, most other countries don't agree with them. My father was an aggressive king. He'd have tried to take control of Pellarmus if my mother had let him. From what I can see in the Synod records I looked at, it seems like she stood between him and trying for a long time. I think that's another reason why Darragh was willing to risk helping us. My mother—for all her many faults—really did value the relationship between our country and his."

I didn't think I'd ever be able to appreciate anything Viera had done, but I couldn't help but notice the lack of negative emotion in Cohen's voice. It had been a while since he'd spoken about his mother with anything less than anger or guilt. It was nice to hear him just speak about her. I didn't care about Viera's past with the king—I knew too much about what she'd done while she ruled—but I knew Cohen often wondered about his parents. And he deserved some semblance of peace. He shouldn't have to be upset every time he thought of them.

As I looked over at Nadia, I could see she was thinking along the same lines. We caught eyes and she smiled. "A lot's changed, hasn't it?"

I sighed. "We definately aren't the same girls we were when we met."

"No," she shook her head. "We aren't. And that's good, I think. We...We're stronger now."

"You know," Cohen said, "I was telling Darragh about everything that's happened, about me killing my mother and about Monroe joining the Culled and working as a spy—"

I winced. "What'd he say to all that?"

Cohen laughed. "Well, he wanted to know if I was angry. Or if I regretted my... friendship with you and what it led to."

I sighed, already dreading the answer as I asked, "And do you?"

He shook his head. "No. I don't really regret any of it. Not anymore. Like I told him, all the things that happened have led to necessary changes. Even changes I didn't like."

This seemed to surprise Nadia as much as it surprised me. "Like what?" she asked.

"Well, for starters, I think Erydia does need change. And while I hate to admit it, I probably wouldn't have made as many changes as it needs. Monroe was right, my mother probably wouldn't have stepped down. And I would've had to deal with Larkin one way or another. No matter what happened with the Culling, she would've made a bid for power. Either against my mother or against me. I also didn't really love the idea of having to marry whoever won the Culling."

Nadia spoke up. "I regret a lot of things. I—I really wish I could've saved Uri. If I could go back and change anything, I wouldn't have taken tacet. It was a mistake. Without it, I could have healed her. I've thought about that a lot...constantly, really."

I gripped the railing and sighed, trying not to think too much about Uri as I said, "Whether or not we took tacet wouldn't have mattered. I didn't take it on the night of the attack. I still wasn't able to do anything. Caine's people were on it and that was enough to stifle my ability."

Nadia's brow furrowed as she whispered, "That's true, I guess."

"There's a lot about that night I would've changed," I admitted.

Cohen reached behind Nadia and gave my shoulder a light shove. "There's no use dwelling on it, though. And I didn't bring it up to upset you. I hope you know that."

"I do."

He shot me a small smile before he turned and leaned against the railing next to Nadia, mirroring her posture. He reached over and hooked his little finger through hers on the railing. She grinned and shook her head at him as if this were some sort of inside joke between them. Sensing I was officially intruding on their quiet moment, I excused myself and headed back to the mess hall.

Once there, I found Anna had joined the group. She'd taken Cohen's empty chair and was now chatting with Isla, who was animatedly telling her all about the best art museums and studios in Pellarmus. When I approached, Anna nodded to my abandoned chair. "They said you'd only just left. I was sorry to have missed you."

I sat down and nodded. "Yeah, I was just checking out the sights."

"Not much to see right now," Isla said. "But if we are making time, we will be at home soon. Then," she said, smiling broadly at us, "I will make it my mission to show you the sights."

"I'll hold you to that," I said. "Have you ever been here?" I asked Anna.

She shook her head. "No. Never. But I've always heard the beaches are beautiful."

I could imagine they would be. The water towards Erydia had been a greenish blue, but the closer to Pellarmus we'd gotten the clearer the water had become. Now it was an aquamarine color—startlingly bright and brilliant against the sun and sky.

Anna had seemed to have come out of her shell a little since our talk. I'd taken to spending time with her and I'd made it my goal to be her friend. And it was easy to do. She was quiet and sweet and still incredily troubled, but there was a lot of goodness in her and I craved that. While she still blamed herself for Kai becoming king and for all the atrocities Caine had done and was still doing—I did my best to remind her of the good she'd done too.

And she had done many good things.

She'd raised Kai, for instance.

It helped that she was proud of the person Kai was. And I loved him. So, I never had to search for something to compliment her on. As far as I was concerned, the best things about Kai had come from her being his mother. And I knew, from past conversations, that Kai felt that way too. I made sure to tell her so.

As if sensing my thoughts, Anna's eyes flicked to the ring on my hand. She didn't comment on it, just smiled to herself. I'd put it on the day after we'd talked about him that first time. And while she'd said that my relationship with Kai must have been serious for me to have something of his mother's, she'd never pressed me for an answer on exactly how serious we were. I was glad, since I didn't really know the answer to that.

We'd been intendeds, once. That was the Vaylish term for being promised or engaged. And while Kai had never officially asked me to marry him, we'd always talked as if our future was headed that way. I knew that if he had asked, I'd have said yes. Looking back, I realized now why he probably hadn't let things get that far. It was the same reason we hadn't had sex, despite how close we'd come to doing so.

"Well, Monroe," Isla said. "You have your life back. What will you do now that there is no Culling?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Technically, this will be my second time thinking the Culling is over. I guess, I don't want to get my hopes up."

She laughed, as if my worries were trivial. "But you are nearly two thousand miles away. How can they force you to be in a competition when you are no longer in the country?"

I glanced over at Heidi. She'd paused in her eating and was now obviously listening in on our conversation. "Um..." I looked back to Isla. "I guess I'm just worried that we might be sent back."

"But why would that happen?"

Again, I felt Heidi's eyes on me and I wished I could lie. I probably should have lied about it, but the worry was real enough that I wanted to speak it aloud. I wanted someone—someone with authority on the matter—to quell my fears.

"Because," I said. "Cohen says Darragh isn't king and your politicians may not like him starting a war with Erydia over us. What if Caine demands we're returned? Would they do that? Could your Synod—or whatever—send us back to him?"

Isla opened and closed her mouth as if she hadn't considered that could even be an option. Cohen hadn't said it either, but I understood enough about politics that I knew nothing was set in stone. I knew better than to trust any semblance of freedom—not when the Culling still existed. Not when Caine was so ruthless.

Heidi leaned forward across the table and it took everything in me not to flinch. For an instant, I thought she might attack me. There was enough tension between us that I wouldn't put it past her—But she wasn't looking at me, she was staring at Isla.

"Is that true?" I didn't miss the fear in her voice. "Could they really do that?"

Isla shook her head. "I don't think Darragh would allow it."

"But Darragh isn't king," Heidi said. "Monroe's right. What if he's over ruled?"

For a moment, I had that same feeling I'd had when Cohen stuck up for Kai at the Commencement Ball. Heidi agreeing with me was so bizarre, I felt as if the entire world was upside down. Isla seemed just as confused.

Again, she opened and closed her mouth, as if she wasn't exactly sure what to say to us. "Well...no. But soon he will be king. And I know he can keep you in Pellarmus, no matter what our governors may say."

Heidi leaned back in her chair and I could tell she wasn't impressed with this answer. We all knew that the odds may not necessarily work in our favor. Just because we felt secure right now, didn't mean that we weren't in the middle of being played—or that Darragh's best intentions may not turn out to hurt us in the end.

Heidi looked ready to strangle Isla, and poor Anna had run out of food to pretend to be interested in.

Deciding that a change in topic was the best course of action, I said, "Isla, Cohen told me that you trained in the military."

Isla's mouth quirked up into a hesitant smile. "Yes. I did my three years. I only just finished."

"What was that like?" I leaned forward across the table, bracing myself on my elbows as I said, "Women don't get to fight in Erydia. Or, well, not outside of the arena."

Isla inhaled a deep breath, as if my question was loaded. "I have always found it strange that your country would force girls to fight for a throne but not for the protection of their country."

I nodded. "Yeah, it's weird."

"They think we're too weak," Heidi said. "The temple claims women are too pure and perfect to be soldiers. The goddess wills us to be homemakers and baby birthers—but fighting and hunting is somehow beyond us."

Wanting to include Anna in our discussions, I asked, "Do women have the option of fighting in Vayelle?"

She nodded. "Yes, but I think it's rare—at least in comparison to the number of men who fight. Unless there is a draft, most military academies and basic training facilities require a sponsor of some sort—someone high up in power who can recommend you for service. Kai had Caine, but many people have to petition their local representatives for a letter of endorsement. Those gate keepers tend to keep most women out."

Isla seemed interested in this. "Everyone serves in Pellarmus. At least three years. After that, you have the option to stay or leave." She frowned, "Or, most people have the option to stay."

"But you didn't stay," I said.

She shook her head. "I was not given the choice." The way she said it made it clear that she wished she had been.

Anna's smile was kind as she asked, "Would you have stayed in service?"

She nodded. "Yes, I think so. I liked it and my commanding officers believed I could go far. But..." She shrugged. "I have other obligations." I wanted to ask more, but something told me that she wasn't interested in going into detail.

Plus, just then, Tavin showed up.

He'd all but made himself a member of the crew, which wasn't a surprise. Since he'd helped me save the children in the Third Corps school months ago, he'd been pushing to be treated like an adult. Now that his older brother, Merik, was gone—lost to the wreckage of Linomi—there was no one left to tell him what he could and couldn't do. His eagerness to grow up made it easy to forget that he was only sixteen years old.

Before any of us could even say anything to him, he plopped down into the empty chair next to Heidi and announced, "Captain says we're only a few hours from shore. Won't be long and we'll have made it."

He stood up slightly, reaching across Heidi to grab a biscuit from a basket at the center of the table. As he made to sit back down, she grabbed his wrist and, in a deft motion, twisted the skin there. He yelped and yanked away from her, plopping down into his chair with enough force to make it tip back on two legs.

"What the hell!"

She cast him a warning glare. "If you're gonna act like an animal at the dinner table, I'm going to treat you like one. Try that again and I'll go for the scruff of your neck."

Tavin eyed her, taking in her annoyed expression. I half expected him to balk, but he didn't. He only quirked a brow at her and said, "It ain't dinner and I ain't no dog. Keep your hands to yourself." With that, he stood up, grabbed the whole basket of biscuits, and sat back down. Without another word to us, he started eating, using the basket as his plate while he made a show of slathering his food with jam.

Heidi seemed ready to murder him, but I didn't mind just so long as that contempt didn't move my way. While Tavin was only a cocky boy, I figured he was an even match for Heidi. He had enough guts—and stupidity—to stand toe to toe with her. And I certainly wasn't going to be the one to warn him against it.

Judging by the willfully ignorant expressions plastered on Anna and Isla's faces, I knew they wouldn't step in either. Goddess bless Tavin. He was on his own.

I saw Heidi open her mouth and I could almost hear the smart-ass comment coming. Before she could start in on him, I quickly made my exit. The loud scraping of chairs at the table told me that Anna and Isla had decided to escape too. I'd almost made it out the door before I heard Heidi say, "Put another biscuit in your mouth and I'll make sure you choke on it."

I heard Tavin laugh through a mouthful of pastry. His voice was muffled as he said, "Ha! Dare!"

***

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