hang on, it's a long chapter..

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Y/N's POV

"so that's why we saw ansu running to the bathroom!" i could've broken my ankle chasing him for fucks sake.

by now we were all in the limo that had the nicest seats i've ever sat in. both pedri and gavi were by my side and my leg was shaking.

jude would meet me at the front so we could walk some of the carpet together. pedri was distracted talking to jonatan about our game against madrid which was also two days from now.

this whole week that's all he's been talking about.

"tenemos que ganar!" he's right, i can't imagine losing to them if tonight goes well and i win that award against women on that team who were also nominated.

i need to stop thinking. it's too much for a 17 year old. i sigh and try to sink into my seat, maybe that way i'll find a comfortable position.

gavi must've heard me sigh, seeing as we're so close that our legs are literally touching because pedri thinks it's okay to spread his legs that wide and take up my space. "estás bien?" i know he's genuinely asking, but that's the worst thing to ask someone when they're this anxious.

"más o menos. it's big night that's all."

he looks at me dead in the eyes, knowing i'm bullshitting. "so this isn't about you-know-who?" this time, he says it into my ear.

at least someone where knows how to keep a secret when you ask them to.

"okay yeah, a little. i'm afraid of what's gonna happen after and what people are gonna say. i can only imagine how his fangirls could react." this time, he looks at me sincerely. "would you date him? like actually?" if given the chance, who knows. i know i'm delusional but it only goes so far. "eh, i'm not good at long distance. you forget we leave right after the event."

he nods at me anyways, "sorry again for-"

"you apologize more than you say anything else, gavi. stop that." my leg continues to bounce as i break eye contact with him and look around because i now feel bad for saying it like that.

though, it doesn't take long for our eyes to meet again.

he placed his hand on my leg that was bouncing. "or, you could stop worrying so much. you look really pretty tonight, make something of it." the sincere look he had even before i snapped at him like that was still there.

"thank you."

i blink a few times, letting my plain words sink in. i sounded just as awful as him saying sorry. "wait no, let me try that again because that was sweet of you and i shouldn't have said what i said before and-"

"forget it, seriously." maybe i should because just as he says that, the car stops and we all look out the window.

as promised, he's waiting exactly where he said he would.

there's just no way i'm about to meet jude.

i look back at gavi who was already looking at me after also seeing jude before making his way out.

i got distracted and didn't notice that i'm the last one out. the thing is, i didn't realize the same hand that was on my thigh not even a minute ago is reaching to help me out the limo.

i give him a smile as i get out, adjusting my dress, hoping nothing looks off.

"i forgot to wish you good luck by the way." gavi looks back up at me and politely smiles. "i appreciate it, might need it."

might?

from behind gavi, a much taller figure slowly approaches me until i find myself having to look way higher than i was compared to gavi who i almost reach eye to eye.

"just as i imagined. you really are just as beautiful in person." he's already making me blush and i can feel my rosy cheeks heating up. "jude," is all i can say from what feels like the biggest smile on my face.

he doesn't even wait to pull me into a hug. he smells ridiculously good too.

"i might have to take pictures with everyone else but i promise i'll be back." he tells me not to worry and he'll wait.

i already love how understanding he is.

i excuse myself trying to make my way back to everyone else as xavi witnessed everything. i don't think his eyes ever left what was going on back there.

"y/n, may i ask?" this is on him. i feel as though we can wait for the ceremony to end and then on the plane he can yell at me. "no actually." he's almost too stunned by my response. "you lied about being gavi's date?!" lie?! "i'm not a liar, it was just a last minute decision and he was okay with it. let's not forget you lied to the media saying we were supposed to be here together and told us nothing."

we aren't speaking that loud, there's definitely a pang of anger in both our voices but not enough to scream our heads off at each other.

i only say this because gavi comes to my defense.

"xavi, we were gonna tell you we called things off but you were so serious about everything going the way you wanted it to go, we didn't have the guts. it's not her fault, it's not anyone's!"

"y que van a decir de nosotros cuando miran las fotos de los dos?! no pensaste en nosotros para nada!"

"que lo miren! eres el único que tiene problema con esto." at this point, the night is already ruined and anyone who can hear me from trying to stop my voice from cracking could tell.

"we'll talk about this back on the plane." xavi moves past the both of us as he's called to the carpet,

"fuck that."

he'll do anything to prove that Barça is the best and expects us to act accordingly every second of every day. the one time i'm seen with someone from another club, hell breaks loose. it's so annoying. you don't see jonatan, my actual coach, ruining my night. sure he doesn't seem happy but his mouth is kept shut. "i know you want nothing to do with tonight anymore and i don't wanna be the one to tell you to pull through for these photos, but come on, i'll stick with you."

my frown is trying so hard not to crumble to the point where i end up crying.

i can do nothing more than let anyone but myself take control for the night. i already want it to be over.

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we're settling into the room and i can already spot messi. and no, i could never bring myself to ask for a picture no matter how badly i want one.

i'm sat next to lewandowski as most of Barça takes up the front seats.

as for what happened on the carpet. i did get a few pictures with jude. but i think the worst part of it all was having to explain to him everything xavi told me. he, without any clue of who he is as a coach, said he already hated him with no regrets. and although that brought the smallest smile to my face, i knew no one, nor i could hate him. we're in a disagreement and nothing more.

maybe if i win it'll soften the blow.

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okay so by now, everyone has gone and we're down to my category. mind you the second youngest person here is 22 so if i don't win, i have next year.

it would be nice but-

"and the winner is, y/n l/n!" oh shit. maybe rambling does work. or maybe i was manifesting without even thinking about it.

whatever cuz that just got me a ballon d'Or.

i go up watching every step. i can't imagine tripping trying to receive this award in front of the most influential people in futbol today. i'm hugged by the people onstage who congratulate
and i'm handed the ballon d'Or as i slowly make my way to the stand.

i said i would keep it simple if i did win. "pues muchísimas gracias antes de todo, no hay mejor sentimiento que esto y sólo planeo de mejorar desde aquí sabiendo que estoy con un equipo como Barcelona que solo sigue adelante, estando mejor cada día."

did i mention Barça for xavi's sake? yeah.

i make my way behind stage, which leads to a mini carpet where lights flash left and right for my win tonight. as i'm being led ahead, the next award in the tv back here is golden boy.

i take my seat on the couch where every other winner is sat and congratulates me.

come on, please be jude.

no hard feelings to everyone else but- "and the winner is, gavi!" pedri's voice rings through my ears and so do the claps from inside and outside this room.

that's so funny cuz that's not jude's name.

i sigh because i was imagining if we had both won the whole night.

the room turns to face gavi with his award and i'm able to say the night is over because that was the only award i was looking forward to after mine. i wait for everyone to finish so i can congratulate him myself. slowly approaching with mine as we both awkwardly stand there. "guess i did need your luck."

wishing i hadn't given it to you but, whatever!

"guess you did, congrats." smiling through the pain because of jude.

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we got our pictures in. gavi, lewandowski, and i were all presented with awards and i can successfully say i got my picture with messi. we even had more than enough time for catching up. he even told me he's been trying to watch my games but i don't blame him if he can't, he's a busy guy after all.

i met up with jude in secret and i gave in. "you know i've liked you forever now but i created too many problems tonight that we barely spent any of it together."

"don't worry about any of it. it was great to meet you in person except i don't wanna say goodbye." yeah i had to break the news that i'm actually supposed to be leaving.

feeling like cinderella to say the least.

"jude-"

"y/n, not this again." fucking hell i can't have anything, huh?! "i'll call i guess." i don't even look back to see jude's reaction at that. xavi has done nothing but embarrass me. i thought after he congratulated me it was over with.

apparently it was anything but.

☆

"you're listening right?" actually, i'm focusing on not slamming my head on gavi's shoulder as we're both sat in front of xavi. "if you weren't you might want to now, y/n."

"i still don't get why you guys made a huge deal out of it! it was a one night thing and clearly he had no bad intentions. you guys embarrassed me!"

"that's the problem. you think you can get away with this without any consequences," jonatan starts and he sighs next to xavi, "which is why you're benched from the game against madrid."

after looking down this whole time, my eyes have never met jonatan's quicker, trying to find any sort of mercy in his eyes.

"you're not actually benching me, are you?!"

"y/n-"

"holy shit you're benching me!" all eyes are on me and i'm trying so hard not to let the tear forming in my eyes drop. "why are you guys doing this to her?" pedri interrupts which although i appreciate it from all the attention, xavi death stares him and it wasn't smart to do it while he was upset. "this doesn't concern any of you."

"you're talking loud enough to the point where everyone is involved!" gavi shouts and it's full on bickering as if we aren't thousands of feet from the air.

"are both of you saying you want to be benched too? because that's what i'm hearing."

"leave them out of this and literally have me do anything but miss this game. you must want to lose really fucking badly, huh?" everyone comes out to see us whenever we're against madrid and they're taking that way from me. "LANGUAGE." right because thats the main problem here. "jonatan-"

"y/n, you're not getting your way this time. you're benched and that's final!" they both get up, angry to the point where they go all the way to the back of the plane and close the door.

i might as well not even show up at all!

it's embarrassing to be benched and to have one of my least favorite teams watch? as if.

i throw my head back, maybe that way the tears get sucked back in. with my luck no one sees the one that feel from the side of my face.

no luck though.

i forgot gavi was right next to me. "don't cry, it's one game even though i know you hate the idea of it." it's not just the news they broke, it's everything. "right cuz this whole night isn't worth crying about." his arm stretches along my back and pulls me in closer to him.

"it's over now, i'm sorry about everything."

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