A/N: dedicated to IAmChasingBlackStars because it was them who gave me the idea for this chapter back in Chapter 19, cheers!

Chapter Twenty-Eight

There was a distinctive ring coming from Casper's room. He was the only one still awake, going in and out of sleep, staring sleepy-eyed at the television of a late night show he had lost track of from the couch opposite his sleeping parents; his mum, curled up against his snoring dad who had an arm curled protectively over his wife. Like every other holiday, the three of them had a small celebration and stuffed themselves to the gunnels with traditional Christmas turkey and whatnot, his mum had even let him have a few glasses of champagne which decided was an acquired taste.

Casper made pained, exhausted noise as he forced himself off the couch. He felt heavy and achy all over and he stretched quickly before he ran up the stairs to the call of his phone. He heard it stop then after several moments start up again just as he made his way into his illuminated room from the darkness it had been in for the whole night, the light source being what his aim was.

He reached the device, squinting as the light shot through him like a bullet and momentarily blinding him. When he saw the name he smiled and quickly answered it.

"Just can't wait to see me, huh?" He said with a smirk but really was happy inside. It was weird not being able to see James when he wanted to. They weren't always together 24/7 although Casper would like nothing more but the thought that he couldn't just hop two doors down the street was unsettling in way.

"Cas-" James broke off, as if he was about to cry. Instantly Casper shot up, clutching his phone with two hands to his ear.

"James? What's wrong?" Casper demanded over the phone, hearing sniffs coming from the other end.

"Cas I- they know. They all fucking know. Fucking Maureen and- oh God."

"What do you mean they know? Know wha- shit." Casper suddenly pulled everything together." You mean... about us?"

James only sniffed loudly as an answer.

"Shit James. I- uh. I don't know what to do."He said desperately."I don't - Tell me what to do." Casper was crying now, crying from the small, obviously restrained noises James was making down the line. In all his life he had never seen James shed one tear or even look on the verge of it, not since he was young anyway. He couldn't understand how his family had made James make these noises that shot through Casper's soul.

"I'm coming back. I have to come back, nowhere to go. Just be there for me?" the last part was a question, he sounded so desperate, so pleading as if after everything that had happened to him had lost the confidence that anyone was still there for him and Casper couldn't help the sob that escaped from him at that moment.

"Of fucking course I'll be there James."He hissed down the line at him, trying to jump him back into perspective that he wasn't alone. Casper was so angry and wretched for him. "I will always be here for you, for fuck sake James, and don't you ever think otherwise, okay?" He waited for an answer."Okay?"

"Yeah, okay. Yeah..." James trailed off and Casper knew he was still unsure but less than he had been. Casper wanted to be there to reassure him, he wanted to grab his face and kiss him all over and hold his hand just to show him that he was serious. Right now, Casper would take the whole world on for him and that didn't even scare him anymore. His feelings for James flared strong and bright. For once he was sure - sure he would stand by him whatever the cost.

"Where are you?"

"I'm waiting on a taxi home, " he gave an empty laugh."I was chased out of the city, isn't that fucking hilarious? I had nowhere to go. Thank God granny May gave me money in a card earlier on to pay for the taxi after the door was slammed in my face. It's snowing down here, did you know?"

"James..." said Casper softly, listening to James on the other end helplessly. He knew he could do nothing but wait until he was physically in front of him to properly comfort him. He felt useless and pathetic.

Casper stayed on the phone, even when he got into the taxi, until James' battery ran out of charge and then Casper made the decision to wrap up and head out of the house to wait at the station for James, because that's all he could afford. He couldn't even afford a whole ride home. Casper couldn't just sit around and wait, he had to be there as soon as possible.

Casper waited out in the cold; the frost biting at his exposed skin, he hugged into himself for warmth. The fiery anger that had been raging inside him and cooled from the cold winter around him and now he just felt downright depressed at soul-trodden. James didn't deserve any of this. James was one of the best people he had ever known if not the only. He was caring and witty, smart and cocky as hell. He was bloody beautiful, a great footballer, great in bed and a fucking ace guitarist and didn't have a bad voice on him either. Everything James did he did with a passion that Casper was envious of but at the same time proud as hell because he was part of that passion and planned to be part of it for a long time coming, for as long as James would have him.

So when he heard the deep, distinctive rumble of a hackney taxi on the isolate street, the only sound at two in the morning after Christmas, Casper ran. As soon as James emerged from that taxi, looking dejected and down spirited than Casper could never hope to see him like, his eyes even a visible red from crying under the little light Casper had, Casper leaped and grabbed him into a fierce embrace. For a moment James was rigid and didn't hug back until the taxi moved on and when he did he clutched onto Casper like he was a live support, the only thing keeping him up.

They didn't move for a while after that, even when they were caught in the first snowfall of the town that gently fell on top of them flake by flaking soaked into their skin. Casper felt a wetness seep through into his shoulder that wasn't caused by the snow but he didn't comment on it, or the shaking of James' body against him, just held him a little bit tighter.

When they did move Casper refused to let go of James' hand, even when passing a bunch of drunks that shouted profanities at them, making them walk a little quicker as they turned into homophobic threats. It came unanswered that James was going stay with Casper that night. He needed to be with someone, he couldn't be alone. Besides, it wasn't like he actually had house keys with him. He left them along with his jacket and his confidence. Casper realised that when James had been waiting on a taxi he had been wearing nothing but his comical Christmas jumper, a pair of jeans and a soaked through pair of converse. Casper wanted to cry all over again.

They made their way upstairs, careful not to wake Casper's parents in the living room, up to Casper bedroom. They made their way to the bed, stripping down to only their boxers and lay under the covers. James had his face in Casper's chest and Casper curled his arms around him protectively. He didn't even flinch when James moved his cold feet against his ankles nor did James to the same when Casper retaliated with the same, only a small smile tugged at his lips before falling as soon as it came.

They didn't say anything and they didn't kiss either. Casper just held James again, showing him he was there and would be his support no matter what, showing him that he did mean he would be there and that he was. James fell asleep in Casper arms, too exhausted to cry anymore, too weak to do anything but sleep. But Casper stayed awake a little longer, felt James breathe against his skin, a hitch in it every so often, like a child that hadn't gotten enough air after they balled their eyes out.

This wasn't the cocky, confident if not slightly shy James he knew. He felt so small against him, so helpless and Casper ached for him. He couldn't understand how anyone would want to harm James in anyway and make him like this. Casper didn't want to see James like this and he didn't know how he would face him the morning without crying again. Casper was sort of useless, he realised. Absolutely fucking useless. All he could do was hold his hand and wait for the calm after the storm with him, if there was ever going to be one.

Casper knew then he was so far down the line then that it wasn't even funny anymore. It was like reality had hit them in the face, forcing them to look at the situation they had put themselves in. They had been living in a delusion thinking everything was fine and it had all came crashing down on just James and Casper was watching it fall around him.

James made a sleepy, restless noise at Casper's side, knocking him out of his thoughts for a moment. Casper turned to James beside him and reached out, brushing his hair gently, the silky smooth strands slide beneath his fingers. "I love you," he murmured to James."I really do." He wanted to cry again but he was worried he's wake up James again, he needed the sleep so instead he settled down and closed his eyes until he too fell asleep.

~*~

In the morning Casper left James in bed, he needed as much as he could get. He shimmied on pyjama pants and a t-shirt before he went downstairs and found his mum in the kitchen. He greeted her good morning just as she did the same and moved to the kettle to brew him and James tea.

"James is upstairs sleeping."He said to her, getting it over with.

She looked up at him, her brow furrowed."And when did he get here, I thought his family were in Edinburgh."

"Him and his dad got into a fight and then his family got involved. He got a taxi here looking real bad, he had nowhere to go."

His mum shifted uncomfortably, her eyes shining and shifting from Casper to the door probably thinking of James. "Poor dear. At Christmas as well. Must've have been a real bad fight for James to be kicked out." She looked back at Casper, "do you happen to know what it was about?"

Casper his mother meant well most times. Her curiosity and concern seemed to come at a clash with each other, blurring the lines. And usually he would give her the juice, telling her every scandal that happened, every teen pregnancy in the school, every party gone wrong. But these days he had been keeping too many secrets and he hated how easily they seemed to come after a life time of not using them.

He shook his head."No, he wouldn't tell me but he sounded rough on the phone. I- I uh didn't want him to be alone, y'know?"

Casper mother came over to him, hugging him and really he wanted to cry all over again. What would happen when she found out? There was no way they wouldn't, not after this and he had to be the one to tell his parents about it before they heard it from someone else and before James' family came back. "He's lucky to have a friend like you, Casper."

Casper did cry a little after that, just until the kettle stopped boiling and he wiped away his tears and forced a smile on his face.

It was then that there was a distinctive clag of the front door.

"Was that the door?" His mother asked, edging out of the kitchen, concern in her voice.

Casper frowned and then it dawned on him.

James.

Casper ran out of the kitchen, almost toppling his mum over in the process, through the living room and lunged at the door practically ripping it open. He could see James already half way down the street.

"JAMES!" he ran, barefooted right into the snow."Shit," the cold nipped at his toes.

James didn't turn around until Casper caught up with him, turning him around to face him with force. "Where the hell are you going?"

"I can't stay here Cas," he said, his voice sort of dead."I can't take advantage of your family and you. I can't- I need to have my own head and sort everything out." he looked away, his hand at his hair, "I just- I can't be with you right now... I don't know if I can be." His voice broke a little at the end.

Casper felt like he was falling and rising up into the air all at the same time. He felt hot and cold.

"A-are you shamed of me now?" he was hurt. He was angry.

James glared at him."Are you ashamed of me?"

Casper was taken aback."What? I don't-"

James gave out a cry."Can you go in there right now, to your cosy little house, and tell you mum- your dad- about this?" he thrust a hand between them, his eyes wide and hysterical."About us?"

Casper was lost for words. He didn't understand what was happening and how it was happening. He saw James stand there, breathing hard, his hair a mess for once, pale skinned and tired, and his face scrunched up as if in pain- in sorrowful anger and a pleading desperation in his eyes. At this moment James needed Casper supporting him and the only way he could see it being done was jumping into the fiery snake pit with him.

Casper looked at him. He could see everything on his face; his anger, his pain, his betrayal, his complete and utter devastation - and this was all because of his family. His loved ones. His own dad. And then he saw himself, telling his parents and them lashing out and abandoning him. The look on his mother's face, her tears.

Casper's legs were weak, tears stung his eyes and his voice shook."I can't..."

James' face fell of all emotion as he looked at Casper except for the same devastating look that he had also abandoned him."Then I can't do this."

Then he walked away and Casper let him, tears streaming down his face and they didn't stop not even when he couldn't see James anymore and even then he didn't leave the spot he was left. Even when the cold finally started to settle in and the snow made his feet ice cold and great tremors shook him as he clutched to his thin pyjama material, tears now staining his cheeks.

It was over.

A/N: sorry