Heh, funny title.

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OH SHIT THIS HURTS.

GOD THIS IS HOW WOMAN FEEL.

I. DO. NOT. APPROVE.

Welp I'm unconscious at the moment. I pray to fuck that they managed to carry me to a hospital, or at least an emergency room.

I hope Neo's alright, that woman looked pretty hell bent on kicking her ass.

Oh yeah, the woman. Why was she there?

Ok, there are two possibly reasons she was there.

Either she was there to save Yang, or she was a neutral party and was dealing with Neo after Yang. But the second one is unlikely because she didn't hesitate on kill shots.

Meaning she's likely a protector rather than an opponent.

Traits?

Her hair was very similar to Yang's, but that's a relatively small detail.
Although her voice... When I managed to get her to talk she sounded a bit more mature than Yang...

Ok so she's possibly family. But which part? Considering the similarities, I'd wager a close family member, either an aunt or mother.

From what Ruby's told me about her uncle and the pictures she's shown me of him, it's more likely to be the mother, due to her visual similarities to Ruby's uncle...

Ok that decides it, I've determined that the woman is Yang's mom.

I'm a fucking genius!

Oh shit I'm waking up...!

I felt my eyes flutter open, then immediately close because the sun was in my face. I let out a groan at the blast of light.

Once I let out the noise, I heard two voices call out to me.

Blake+Ruby: Y/n!

I get up and rubbed my eyes. Once my vision was back I saw myself in a hospital with Ruby and Blake in front of me. I looked down to see my shirtless body covered in bandages.

Y/n: Well I've finally discovered a worse pain than a hangover...

Ruby went over and hugged me. Blake looked like she wanted to as well, but she let Ruby go.

Ruby: Are you ok?!

Y/n: Well maybe a soul crushing hug isn't the best follow up to impalements!

She let out a small squeak and let me go.

Ruby: Sorry!

I let out a gasp of relief and looked up at her.

Y/n: No problem. Why are you two here?

The girls looked offended.

Blake: Well I'm sorry that we actually cared enough to stay and visit!

Ruby: Yeah!

Y/n: Okay well I understand why Rubes is here...

I pointed to the cat in the room.

Y/n: But why are you here, Blake?

Her ears perk up through her bow and Ruby turns and eyes her.

Ruby: Wait he's right... Why are you here...?

She got a bit red and stood up.

Blake: Can I talk to Ruby for a minute?

I pointed at my impaled chest.

Y/n: Not like I'm going anywhere, Catnip.

Blake blushes at the name and Ruby glares at me.

Ruby: Why does she get cute nicknames...?

Y/n: I have a good nickname in mind, but we haven't gotten to the point of using it.

She got a bit confused.

Ruby: What-

Y/n: Deflower.

She punched me and walks out with Blake in tow.

...

...

...

Y/n: I hate being a cripple.

For those of you wondering, Y/n isn't walking because Blake doesn't know he's an immortal.

(Timeskip)

After a good ten minutes, the two returned. What concerned me was the fact that they were both blushing like idiots.

Y/n: Christ what happened? You both are red as shit.

They had mumbled a bit before looking at each other, nodding, and turning to me.

Both: WEWANTAHAREM!!!

I stood there, stunned for a few seconds.

Y/n: I beg your pardon?

Blake: Well I talked to Ruby, and she'd be willing to let me join the relationship if you liked me...

I looked at Ruby, who nodded with an insane blush.

Ruby: Well... I just want whatever makes you happy...

I just stood there, staring like an idiot.

Y/n: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

They both looked at me with curiosity.

Y/n: Well Blake's nice, and Ruby gave it the green light...

Blake's eyes lit up and her ears perked up.

Y/n: But i'm assuming this isn't love, it's instinct.

Her eyes immediately widened again.
I gave her a smirk.

Y/n: Called it. Velvet told me it's heat season, I figured this would happen soon.

She looked down in shame.

Blake: Y/n... I-I want you to know I wasn't trying to use y-

Y/n: Don't mention it, but since Ruby gave it the green light...

I shot a smirk at Ruby.

Ruby: No! Her joining was an exception!

Y/n: No, it was a compromise. Like hell you of all people would share. Also that's a blush of embarrassment, not love or care.

Ruby: Ok I get it! Jerk...

There was an awkward silence in the room.

Y/n: There is something I'd like to tell you Blake.

Ruby's eyes widened at me.

Blake: Don't bother, already knew.

Excuse the fuck out of me!?

She saw my expression and pointed at her bow.

Y/n: Your hearing is bullshit.

Blake: So is your sword. Both of them~

Ruby punches her on the shoulder.

Ruby: Blake! Deals off!

She wiggled her hips a bit.

Blake: We can still make a one night exception~

I shot her a look.

Y/n: No, my first time goes to Ruby thank you very much! Go and ask the monkey!

Ruby blushes but shoots me a grin.

Blake: Ok I get it! Heat season is getting to me...

Ruby: Hey Blake, go to the rest of them and tell them about Y/n.

She looked at me, then to her, then back to me.

Blake: This is bullshit.

She walked away mumbling about how she wanted to join for a night.

Ruby walked over to me and laid next to me in the hospital bed.

Ruby: So Y/n... You wanna show me that second sword of yours~?

The following text was a deleted porn scene. I deleted it because fuck you that's why.

Ruby: That was fun... Can we...?

I lightly slapped her on the head.

Y/n: Hell no! Imma need a condom if you want us to go all the way.

She shrugged and redressed. I did the same.

Y/n: Hey isn't the Vytal Festival coming up?

Ruby: Yep, and I can't wait to see you one shot literally everyone!

I grinned at her.

Y/n: Well that's just bad sportsmanship, I'll make it look like a close matchup.

Ruby: Whatever. Are you gonna heal that by the way?

I looked at the bandage around my chest.

Y/n: Oh right, I've been impaled...

I summon my sword and cast a major healing spell. It worked because the wound was still mildly fresh.

The holy light wrapped around me and dispersed once the flesh was healed. It still left a nasty scar around my stomach.

Ruby flashed me a cheeky grin

Ruby: Nice trophy!

Y/n: An inanimate object has hurt me more than you did.

Ruby rushed at me with her semblance and struck at me with inhumane speed.

Stand user: Ruby Rose

Stand: Sliver Flower

Stando Power: super speed and bullshit eye Grimm thing

I placed a kiss on her cheek and heard a knock on the door. I went over and was tackled by Nora.

Nora: HELLO!

I was currently buried underneath what used to be the door.

Y/n:(muffled) Hello Nora...

I pushed her and the door off of me and got up. Everyone was shocked that I could lift that, let alone move.
Pyrra let her soft side show and ran towards me with a tight hug ready.

Pyrra: Are you okay?!

I pat her head a bit.

Y/n: Aww, you do care.

Pyrra: Shut up you got impaled!

She let go of me and she was slightly tearing.

Pyrra: I was worried sick! You are the one person that understood me and I thought you...

Y/n: Pyrra... I need to tell you someth-

I am interrupted by a punch to the face from Yang.

Yang: WHY THE FUCK IS THE BED SWEATY?!

An awkward silence fills the room, before I stutter and Ruby gives away the answer by blushing like an idiot.

Yang: OH HELL NO! YALL FUCKED IN THE HOSPITAL BED?!?!

Y/n: We didn't fuck, but yes we did some physical activities.

Blake: SO I LEAVE FOR 20 MINUTES AND YOU BOTH BLOW EACH OTHER?!?!

I get slightly pissed off.

Y/n: I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO EXPLAIN AND YOU DIPSHITS ARE GOING TO CALM DOWN AND LISTEN!!!

The anger in my voice gets their attention and they promptly shut up.

Y/n: I'm sure some of you are wondering how I'm not dead..

Weiss: Well... Yeah. You got impaled...

Y/n: I'm... Not human...

Pyrra: A faunas?

I let out a strong sigh and begin explaining who and what I am.

(Timeskip)

Yang: Holy shit...

Pyrra: My brother is a god killer...

Y/n: I'm honored Pyrra, truly.

No one knew how to respond, I don't blame them. But of course, Weiss was the one to talk.

Weiss: I seriously don't believe you...

Y/n: Would you like me to behead myself?

Weiss: God no! Don't do that please!

Suddenly, the window was instantly shattered. A figure moved swiftly into the room, and flashed her multicolored umbrella like the show off she is.

Neo: Y/n!

She dropped all formalities and ran to me.

Neo: YOUWERENTANSWERINGMYTEXTSANDIWASSCAREDANDLONELYANDIMISSEDYOUANDIWANTTOGOHOMEANDCUDDLLLLLLLLE!!!!

Y/n: Hello Neo, love you too sis.

I pick her up and jump to the edge of the window.

Y/n: Sorry everyone! But I am a good brother and am going to spend time with Neo! Cya!

I jumped out the window and we headed out to get something to eat.

STRENGTH IS AN IMMORTALS GREATEST CURSE

Ha! Y'all really fucking thought! Congrats to the few that realized that I wouldn't suddenly change the plot for some horny fucks.

But now this is a serious poll.

1. Torture me by making me put Y/n in the tournament

2. He sits out like a good little cripple.

I pray the former, but fear that I know it's the latter.

Also how'd you look Ruby's little blowjob scene? I'm not the best at lemon, so forgive me if it wasn't the best fap.

Farewell!

-MehFuckIt

YOU FOOLS!

YOU THOUGHT IT WAS THE AUTHOR WRITING THIS STORY!

BUT IT WAS I...

DIO!!!!!

ZA WARUDO!!!