┏━━━━°⌜ 赤い糸 ⌟°━━━━┓
A/N - wow sorry it's been taking so long for me to update! I've had a severe lack of motivation, especially for longer books like what I plan this to be. Plus I think this is one of my worst fics...
Anyways this is where this story might get a bit triggering, so please read with caution!
┗━━━━°⌜ 赤い糸 ⌟°━━━━┛

We didn't talk about what just happened. We just moved on.

We went downstairs and started looking for some food.
"All of these are gross." Alvaro whined. He looked up at me with those puppy eyes and I could just feel myself melting.

"Well we could make something. Do you like eggs?"
"Yeah but I don't know how to make them."
"... you don't know how to make eggs?"

He looked up at me confused. "Does everyone know how to make eggs?"
"Well I mean not everyone but— okay, here. I'll teach you."

His eyes lit up and he went over to me, watching intently as I got out the eggs and a bowl. God he's so cute.

"Do you at least know how to crack an egg?"
"Not really."
"Jesus Christ— cis men are just like that huh."
"What?"
"Never mind."

I opened the carton of eggs and pulled one out. "So what you do. You obviously take the egg and then— you don't hit it on the edge of the bowl cause that would get shells in it so you hit it lightly on the counter and then you like, pry it open with your thumbs." I showed him. He watched like a little kid.

I let him do one before cracking one more and showing him to whip it with the fork.
"Okay. Now seasoning."
"You put like salt and pepper in it, right?"
"Yeah. And seasoning salt. It makes it taste better."
"Well I know that!"

I smiled at him and got the salt, pepper and seasoning salt. He watched me as I properly seasoned it.

"You're good at this."
"It's the only thing I know how to make." I laughed lightly. Alvaro giggled back, smiling at me.

I grabbed a pan and sprayed it with some oil, turning on the burner. I cooked the eggs in silence, letting Alvaro watch me with big eyes.

"So you know now?"
"I mean I guess."
"Good. Go grab a couple saucers or something."

———

After a bit we went back to looking through photo albums. At this point I wasn't even trying to control him, just picked out the books I knew were of me and let him go ham.

"Hey Ale?"
"Yeah?"
"Who is this boy?" He held up the page with the photo in question, pointing to a boy.

Immediately I felt my stomach churn. Suddenly I could feel every inch of everything around me. Even the air felt suffocating.
Those damn eyes. They had always been dark and unfeeling. I thought it changed when he looked at me. But that was just the light of a mean mean man.

"Uh— no one."

Alvaro made a face. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure, Alvaro."
"Okay...?"

I swallowed hard, "I'm gonna go take a shower."
"It's like, noon? I thought you showered at night."
"I just— I feel dirty. I'll be back."

I ran upstairs quickly, locking myself in the bathroom. I sat there shaking, trying to get that man out of my head.

He was always handsome. Tall, with pale skin and nice, fluffy hair. He liked to dye it a lot, which I eventually learned was just to draw me in. He wasn't very strong, built more like a twig. But looks can be deceiving.

I absolutely fucking hated how much I remembered about him. Especially considering how little I seem to remember important things nowadays.

I turned the light off and took off my clothes. I always showered in the dark. Before that I would avoid showering at all, solely so I wouldn't have to see my body. I had gotten used to showering like this.

I turned on the shower carefully, letting the water roll down my body. My fingers slowly moved to my waist, tracing the paths his hands took that day.

"I dunno... I- I guess I wanna be a boy. It's called um- being trans? Transgender? I already have a name picked out—"
"No. No that's not true. You just don't know what it's like to be a real woman. I can show you, Alicia."
"I don't know... I mean, you're 18 and-"
"Are you denying me?"

I didn't realize I was crying at first. I felt dirty, sick, unworthy. I could still feel where he touched me.

"Anthony please slow down— stop! Stop I don't like this-"
"Shut up."
"Stop it! Stop!"
"You don't get to decide this!"

I sat on the floor of the bathtub, shaking and sobbing quietly. For a split second I could feel him grabbing me again, smacking me, ordering me.

Before I could stop myself I was puking on the bathtub floor.