It would have been better if their relationship had remained like this.
It would have been better if they hadn't come to this place at all.
Cale Thames — is wavering.
Rok can feel the emotions of his twin. The warm embrace, the sad voice, and the words uttered in desperation are making him sad.
Cale. He hoped that Cale wouldn't kill his own emotions right at this moment of truth.
Whether Cale chooses to defect or accepts this offer, Kim Rok Soo — an outsider — will accept and respect his decision.
He was thankful that he had a loving mother and the Thames family.
He was thankful that the count wasn't the same person he once read about in a novel.
He was glad that Cale Henituse - Nah - his twin brother wasn't the trash that would drive them both to death.
"The Count... is joking again..."
Rok looked at Cale.
A bitter-sweet smile was plastered on his twin brother's face.
He had tears forming in the corner of his eyes while gritting his teeth and uttering the firmest decision he had ever made.
"The Lord Count is a nobleman; Rok and Cale are commoners."
Then why are you sad right now?
His thoughts echoed, but Cale chose not to answer.
Rok didn't say anything and just said, "If Lord Count were to accept bumpkins like us, wouldn't it harm the young lord? Wouldn't the Lord Count be placed in the judgment of people?"
"I don't care about that."
The count's voice was so gentle and sad.
Rok glanced at Cale, but the latter hardened his heart so as not to break his will.
Cale-yah.
I know.
You'll regret this.
I know.
Then why are you doing it right now?
"Rok... Cale..." The count's voice filled their eyes, "I know... I know, but can't you give me a chance?"
"I don't understand what the count is talking about."
I don't want to get attached.
Cale spoke in his head.
I don't want to hope that he'll forever look after us.
Cale had lived with Deruth in his previous life.
No man can serve two masters at the same time.
Deruth can never treat them and his family the same.
It will never be the same.
Would you laugh if I said that I'm scared?
Rok did not reply.
I'm scared that attaching myself more than this would break me more. Rok-Hyung... I don't want to experience that again.
Cale had never been honest in their lives like this.
I don't want to feel that unending emptiness once again.
Cale had always been alone in his previous life - that's why he wished for time to turn back and meet his mother once again.
But everything went wrong.
Very wrong.
"Count... is a good father figure." Rok patted Deruth's hand, "but Rok and Cale's dad is already in heaven."
Please forgive us. That's what Kim Rok Soo was thinking right now, forgive us, for pushing you away.
"Dad will no longer come back and it can't be the count."
This little white lie would change the course of their lives.
Deruth may ignore them, let them be — but that thing would be the best for all of them.
If Deruth could let go of them, that would be the best thing in their lives.
Cale and Rok just wanted to spend some moments with their biological father.
They just wanted to experience what it's like to be close to him without hurting every person around him.
This is for the best.
The very best thing for all of them.
"Your... dad died?"
"Hm."
He could feel Cale's gaze on him, but Rok simply smiled at him, reassuring him that everything was okay.
"Count can be Lord Father too, but he can't be Rok's and Cale's dad..."
This is the only compromise that Rok can make for him and Cale — who denies his feelings of wanting to be with this person.
The count slowly let go of them.
"I am not dead." Deruth's voice was shaking.
"You are not my dad."
"I am..." Deruth spoke.
It was when the twins looked at each other and said, "If you are," then we would leave."
Deruth's eyes widen.
"If you are, we're allowed to hate you, right?"
Deruth would never want that.
The speechless count closed his eyes and stood up.
"How cruel."
It was when his hands had fallen to his side. The lingering warmth vanished as his eyes filled with pain and sincerity gazed at them.
"I understand..."
His words rang painfully for the twins. Rok and Cale felt that stabbing pain in their chest as they look at him.
"Cou —"
"Not another word..." Deruth spoke coldly, then he stepped forward, leaving them behind.
Both Rok and Cale were nailed to their feet. Their breathing became ragged as tears began to fall.
Then it's just between the master and servants. Rok thought, confused about why he is crying when he was not attached to him.
This is the best.
"Then why do you look so hurt now, Cale?"
"You too. Why do you look miserable, Hyung?"
But none of them can answer why.
**
Their journey back was rather cold.
They still rode with Deruth, but the atmosphere was colder than winter. There was no exchange of words, just silent stares, and their breathing.
Both of them couldn't look at him.
They're too careful not to go in the way of the Count, but they were surprised the moment they reached the Henituse county.
The Count lifted them and brought them inside the manor by himself.
He's not saying anything, he just walked, not to the servant's quarters but to the room adjacent to the Count's room.
"From now on..." Deruth placed them down, "You will reside here."
"COUNT!"
Both of them cried in disbelief.
Deruth sternly said, "This is my territory."
He said, "My every word is a law to follow. And that shall apply to you both. Rok Henituse... Cale Henituse... this is where you should be."
"But this is —"
"FINAL!" Deruth screamed. "It's alright if you don't want to acknowledge me as your father or regard me as a dead man. Hate me all you want, but this is final!"
"We will leave!"
"Try it." Deruth Henituse said, "if you want to leave, kill me."
"What?" Rok couldn't help but cry helplessly.
"The only moment you'll ever leave this place is my death."
Their father, even at this moment, was desperate to keep them by his side.
"Kill me... that's the only time I will allow you to leave my side."
Deruth pulls out the decorative dagger from the wall and hands it to the twins.
"If you want to leave..."
His voice was shaking.
"Stab my heart or slit my throat. I will allow you to do so."
But neither Cale nor Rok took the dagger.
"Count..."
"Father..."
Deruth's tears fell down. They wanted to wipe it but refrained from doing so.
"I am your father... and that will never change."
Kneeling before them, this was Deruth's last act of plea.
"Please... give me the chance... as your father..."
But Rok and Cale did not answer.
TBC