Tsukasa Doesn't know when the feeling of emptiness and Darkness started.

 
Maybe it's when he was just a small child, curled up with all his stuffed animals on the couch alone at night, begging for someone to come home.

It's not like they would, mother and father would always go on work trips or stay with Saki for days at the hospital and leave him.
 

All A LO NE
 
Going into Saki's room made him miss her too much, staying in his room made him feel even more lonely, and going into his parent's room wasn't allowed, and he wouldn't dream of breaking their rules.

So he got all his plushies, Saki's plushies, pillows, and blankets and tried to sleep on the couch.
Tsukasa tried to believe that they were all people who would talk to him when his family couldn't.

" Kenji, you'll never leave, right? " Tsukasa said to his favorite stuffed bear, Kenji.

That's another thing younger Tsukasa would do, name the plushies and expect they would reply to him.
 
oH hOw  FOoLIsH hE wAs
 
Maybe It started when his classmates would talk about their middle and elementary school lives and how fun it was, but Tsukasa couldn't remember anything.

"  Just yesterday my parents told me we were heading to the carnival! I would go there all the time in grade school! " said a classmate, he couldn't remember who.

" Oh, the memories! I wish I was as lucky as you! "

" Hey Tsukasa-senpai! Did you ever go to the carnival when you were in grade school? "

" Well {|]/.]$#@-chan, when I was in grade school I- "
 
GOOD BOY TSUKASA
 
SAKI IS-
 
BROTHER, I'M SCARED-
 
OH I'M DOING F.I.N.E
 
PERFECT CHILD
 
STAR
 
MOTHER...FATHER... IM SCAR-
 
b.l.a.n.k
 
"no, I don't believe I did @^!#^&!*^#^!%-Chan, " Tsukasa said, quite startled at what just happened. Snippets of people talking, screaming, and crying had flashed by his vision as well as maybe himself in a few.

He couldn't tell, everything that he could form together played back at 10x speed.

" Oh that's quite a shame, it was so fun! Hey, do you remember ever going to-" the girls said, continuing their conversation.

Why do they get to remember and Tsukasa doesn't, why? It's not fair. He's a GoOd BoY, a StAr student, and hasn't done anything wrong! Why can't he just remember
 
....Maybe it's when he started to stop tasting things.

Tsukasa was in his room studying for his tests, wanting to impress his parents with another good grade. MaYbE ThEn ThEY WiLL PaY AttENTioN tO hIM when he heard a knock on his door.

Mother stepped inside, holding a plate full of food as she entered. Father was right behind her, carrying bags.

 " Mother! Father! " Tsukasa said with delight as he turned his chair to face them. " Tsukasa dearest, how we missed you! " His mother said, kissing him on the forehead. Father put the bags down, hugged Tsukasa, and smiled.

" Hello Tsukasa, how have things been? " Asked father. " Things have been amazing father! Everything is working out as planned! " Tsukasa said excitedly, He hadn't been able to talk to them in a few months, and they almost never just come into his room to chat! 

" Well, I heard from a certain good girl a certain good boy is getting A+'s in every class, studying daily for hours, and has a steady job that pays well! " his mother said excitedly. " Oh, How wonderful Tsukasa, I'm so proud! " Said father, hugging Tsukasa again. 
 
GoOd BoY
 
" We both are, I'm just so proud of my good boy!" Tsukasa's mother put her hand over her heart. " We even got you presents to celebrate! "  Father said, handing Tsukasa the bags.
 
mY GooD bOy
 
"And I made your favorite childhood dish, taiyaki! " Mother said after, placing the dish of taiyaki carefully on his desk and running her hand through his hair after.

She held his face and kissed his forehead again smiling. " My apologies, dear, I'm just so proud of my star! "
 
sTAr
 
Tsukasa giggled a little before replying. "It's of course okay mother, no need for an apology! " Tsukasa then took a taiyaki and bit into it, expecting the all to familiar taste of his mother's cooking.

But there was no taste in his mouth, it just felt...dry. It was odd he hadn't been tasting things as he should recently, but mother says he loves it and that it tastes good, and who is he to doubt her judgment at all?

" Oh mother, father, you didn't have to! I'm so happy you got me these! " Tsukasa said, opening the bags. Inside the first bag was a bear plushie. It was white with gold eyes and a heart art-designed stomach.

  " I told your father you might be too old for a plush, but you adored the ones we got for you when you were younger, so he insisted! " Mother said, looking at Tsukasa's gaze at the stuffed bear. 

" No, I still love it! Thank you, father! " Tsukasa said, placing the bear gently on the floor next to him. Tsukasa opened the other bags and found a stress ball to squeeze, a few candies, and a cozy sweater.

All things he was grateful for, but something specific caught his eye. Something wrapped in protective paper at the bottom of one of the bags.

" Go on dear, open it! It's my favorite, I figured you would like it! " Mother said, watching Tsukasa go to unwrap the paper.

Tsukasa gasped at what he saw next. He held a beautiful snow globe in his hands, one of which he would have seen at one of the Broadway shows mother and father would take him to as a child.

" I figured you would love it, you love stuff like this as I remember from when you were young! " She said, smiling sweetly.

" I do love it mother, so much! Thank you both for everything! " Tsukasa said, this day could not get any better!

" Oh it's nothing sweetheart, hard-working comes with rewards! Say, does our Star have a Girlfriend yet by any chance? You are such a gentleman I would figure so! " Mother said expectantly.

" ah well mother, I do...actually two of them.. and a boyfriend. " Tsukasa said, looking down at the ground bashfully. He hadn't come out to his parents yet, and he was unaware of their thoughts on this kind of stuff.

" The boy is such a charmer he pulls in multiple people? That's my star! I'm excited to meet them! " Father said, patting Tsukasa on the back and grinning.

" Yes, dear! There is no need to be embarrassed or worried at all! If they make my good boy happy and they are kind then it's no problem! Just don't let them distract you from your work and studies of course!" Mother said, smiling.

" Don't worry, my studies and future come first mother! I trust in your judgment full-heartedly. "

"That's my boy, now we must get going, work has tired me and your father out you see. Though we will be in town for the next few months for Saki and a break from work. We plan to have more family outings during this time if that's okay. "  Mother said. 

" Of course! You guys being in town for so long and us being able to spend time together is all I can ask for! "

" Wonderful darling. We shall invite your partners and Saki's girlfriends over for dinner one night! It would be certainly lovely to meet them. " Father said.

" We shall invite them. Now get some sleep after you have eaten, no matter how hard you study not sleeping will affect your grade and performance to please people effectively! " Mother said, starting to close the door.

" Of course mother, father! "
" We love you StAr "
" I love you too, mother and father. "

MaYbE ItS wHEn hE ToLD yOu-
 
" YoU cAnT bEcOMe A sTAr TsUKAsa. "
 
 
Or maybe He's always felt like this
 
Who is Tsukasa Tenma
 
Does he exist as his own person?
 
with his own thoughts?
 
or is he just a living pleaser
 
someone only existing to please others
 
Only for his parents to control
 
only for everyone to control
 
only to listen to others
 
only to have no opinions or desires of his own
 
only to eventually 
 
 
 
 
 
DISAPPEAR
 
 
when everyone tires of him
 
 
maybe that day is closer than he had thought