𝚂𝙴𝚁𝙴𝙽𝙸𝚃𝚈 ᥫ᭡
CHAPTER SIX.

𝕚 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚'𝕞 𝕘𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕞𝕖𝕒𝕟 𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟' 𝕥𝕠 𝕪𝕠𝕦..

CAELYNN TAYLOR 🤍 |   JULY 4

𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒏 was let into the house by nyani who looked as if she was expecting someone else when she opened the door. zakiar is supposed to be by to pick her up and bring her over to his house.

him and his family are throwing a kick-back/cookout since today's the fourth of july, and just about everyone in the group is going. all of the friends, their parents and family members, even keegan and briari will be attending, but a little later once izyais returns from his friend's house.

nyani, of course, asked if caelynn wanted to come, and of course, caelynn's answer was no. nyani wasn't upset about it this time though. she's actually still hopeful because isleigh let nyani know one she's still going to try and change caelynn's mind.

christian followed the sound of the xxxtentacion music playing upstairs to caelynn's room.

isleigh opened it and let him in.

he saw caelynn sitting on the floor writing in some kind of gray book. it looked like a mix between a sketch book and a journal. maybe it's both. he's not sure. but whatever it is, caelynn is very focused as she wrote in it.

caelynn finished her last sentence then lifted her head to fully read over everything she just wrote. it was two pages worth of words. she was taking isleigh's 'visual diary' suggestion to heart, and so far, it's been helping.

when she can't bring herself to talk to someone, when she needs a sort of release that smoking can't give her, she picks up her diary. first, she draws whatever is in her mind on a page on the left side, then she writes the her feelings towards the image she drew on the right page.

the first thing she drew was on the night she got it. like always, she was still awake while isleigh slept and she was still unsure to the whole concept of the journal, despite isleigh continuously breaking it down to her. but then she grabbed it and just sketched what was on her mind.

it just so happened to be the same noose again, except this time, she didn't rip it apart.

she finished the sketch to its completion, gave it its shadings and colors, and then with a pen, she started to write what the noose meant to her in vivid detail.

the next day, she was actually able to sleep for seven hours during her 'nap' session. no nightmares and no panic attacks accompanied her rest.

the next day (yesterday), she drew a spilled pill bottle with blue colored pills seeping out. however, she shut down after drawing it. she kept having flashbacks of her attempt, as if she was still standing in the bathroom and attempting to swallow all of the medicines all over again.

so she didn't get to do the writings for the picture. she was picking back up on it today, and even now, it's still hard. this has become another touchy subject for her. obviously if she's already written two pages.

yet, she still doesn't feel like she got everything about this picture out. there's still something deep within her that she wants to write, but she doesn't know what. she can just feel it.

she got up to put her diary away into her lockbox then rejoined isleigh and christian in her room. "what's that?" she asked, pointing to the rectangular box in christian's hands.

he held it out towards her. "it's for you."

caelynn took it and slid the lid to the left, revealing the contents inside.

there were eight kaws figures. it was the companion flayed and companion open vinyl set, the colors being black, blush, brown and gray. they were the limited edition ones that caelynn had wanted some time ago but could never get her hands on them, from them being sold out or resell prices being too high.

"ion know if you still like kaws or not, but i remember you used to be obsessed with 'em and i finally got my hands on a set for you."

she smiled while running her finger over the blush figure. she is still 'obsessed' with kaws. they've always just been so cool looking to her and they used to be one of her favorite things to draw. "how much were they?"

"don't worry bout that," christian waved her off. "you like em?"

"i love them. thank you," she smiled some more, giving him a hug.

she's going to spread them out around her room. that's her first step towards decorating. at least now there will be some color around the strictly white theme going on.

isleigh let the siblings talk amongst themselves so she could go downstairs to get herself some water. she didn't necessarily want to because she doesn't live here and it always made her uncomfortable going through other people's food on her own, but last time she asked caelynn to get her a bag of chips, caelynn just stared at her.

she waved at nyani and saw zakiar. she decided to stop by and formally introduce herself to zakiar since she didn't get the chance to last time. "hi, i'm isleigh. sorry about the other night. i swear that's not a normal occurrence between caelynn and i."

"it's coo. nice to meet you," zakiar brushed it off. but the mention of caelynn had him thinking back to the morning isleigh doesn't know about. he wants to talk to her, but he also doesn't want to bring it up again. he just needs to know if she's okay. "y'all slidin out with us?"

"no. i'm gonna try and convince caelynn to get out of the house, though. hopefully we'll be there later."

yeah, hopefully, he thought. he nodded and motioned for nyani to follow him. "see you soon, isleigh," nyani waved her bye before her and zakiar left.

isleigh got her water bottle then returned to caelynn's room.

caelynn was in the middle of telling christian how she wants to get a job. "you sure you need one right now?"

"i want my own money again," caelynn replied. "i don't want to blow through my savings. i've already used too much of my spending money and right now i don't have a source of income to replace that."

"i thought uncle keegan been giving you an allowance?"

"what am i? twelve? i don't want allowance money, christian," caelynn frowned. "i want to earn my own. i don't want to be stuck here in the house either. i want — i need something else to do."

"but you start school next month and everything. plus, this chicago. not baltimore. you still gotta get used to here, cece."

"i've adjusted perfectly fine, c. i already made new friends and everything. i'll be okay."

christian ran a hand through his hair. "can't you at least just wait until your school starts? you don't even know if classes will keep you busy or not."

"it won't matter. i'll do both regardless."

"why you tryna rush it?"

"i want more money now."

"if that's really what you want then i can give you money, caelynn. you know that."

"if i'm not taking uncle keegan's money, then what makes you think i'm going to take yours?" caelynn raised her brows. she then let out a sigh, "what is the big deal about me getting a job? a lot of people would love for teens to be independent."

"well i'm not a lot of people," christian retorted. caelynn's been through too much and is still going through too much for her to add additional stress from a job. she literally just moved to chicago last month. whether she says she is or not, he doesn't truly believe she's adjusted that fast. sure, she may have made new friends. but is she really okay? as in mentally okay? as her older brother, he can read through her as extent to know that she's not.

she's just using this job as an excuse to avoid the rest of her problems.

"so i really can't get a job?"

christian stared at caelynn for a minute. "why don't you start selling paintings again? you used to make good money off of those. didn't she, isleigh?"

isleigh perked up from suddenly being brought into the conversation. "yeah, she did. i remember one time you made like six-hundred off of one painting alone."

caelynn looked away. that is true. her painting gig brought her good money. it's where most of her savings and spending money came in from. but she still doesn't understand why she can't get a regular job too. maybe she'll have to try asking him again later in time. it seems for right now the only thing christian is going for is art, and she doesn't want to go behind her brothers back for anything. if he's telling her no, then it's a no. "i guess i can.. i'll have to start posting my stuff so people can know i'm active again." christian's shoulders fell in relief. "and i need materials. i don't even have any more paint."

"i'll take you out to get some. you know that ain't nothing."

"caelynn, you can also start doing people's hair and stuff. you know how to do all of that," isleigh suggested. "you can rack up a lot of money doing that these days."

that's true, too. caelynn took in her friend's words with a nod to acknowledge she was hearing her.

the conversation about jobs ended there. so isleigh took the chance to try and ask caelynn about the zakiar's. "since we're not doing anything else, why don't we stop by the cookout?"

"no."

wow. she didn't even think about it. "why not, caelynn? it'll be fun. plus, there's free food. you love food."

"i can make my own food."

"but they'll have grilled food."

"i'm not in the mood for grilled today."

isleigh huffed, "okay, what's really the reason you don't want to go? any other time you jump at the idea of a party."

"it's not a party. it's a cookout," caelynn corrected isleigh. "a family cookout. i don't know anyone there. i don't want to go and feel out of place."

"but we don't know anyone at parties when we go to those? and you will know people. your uncle and everyone will be there too."

"i don't want to stick by their side the entire time, isleigh. they know the people there. even izyais and kiyomi know everyone there. at least at a party i can be around people in my age bracket without feeling like an outsider."

"nyani and her friends will be there."

"so?"

"so, you won't be an outsider," isleigh pointed out. "you know them and they know you."

"i know their names and they know mine. that doesn't mean i know them."

"what about me and christian then? we don't know anyone either. we can be outsiders together."

"well if you guys want to go, then you can. i won't stop you. christian can get the address from uncle keegan."

isleigh realized that it doesn't matter what she says to caelynn. caelynn will find something to counter against everything isleigh says no matter what. she's dead set on not going. "caelynn, tell me the real reason why you won't go and i'll leave you alone about it."

caelynn gave a one-shoulder shrug. "i just don't want to be there."

"is it someone there? one of nyani's friends?" caelynn shook her head. "is it nyani? you know she wanted you to be there, right?"

"she only keeps trying to tag me along with her because she feels bad for me," caelynn sucked her teeth. "i'm not a charity case."

christian flicked her forehead after she said it. "what'd i tell you about saying that? you need to get that out of your head, caelynn. not everybody like that. some people genuinely care and just tryna be there for you."

caelynn rubbed her forehead while frowning at him. "well that's how i feel, christian. i can't help it, okay?"

she honestly feels that the only reason nyani keeps doing everything that she's doing is because she pities her.

caelynn doesn't need anyone to feel that for her.

everything that nyani can offer, caelynn can do for herself. she doesn't need the girl to keep attaching herself to her side, she doesn't need the girl to give her 'friends,' and she doesn't need the girl to keep pampering her.

it's making her feel like she's a little kid in need of attention
twenty-four seven when she's not.

nyani should just continue to live her life the way she was, then caelynn will find a way to live her own. she doesn't want anything changing for nyani just because of what happened to caelynn.

they're two different people.

let it stay that way.

christian and isleigh shared a look, wishing they can get that mindset out of her head, but they know they can't.

the only way caelynn can see other wise is when she opens her eyes to see for herself.

there are people who really care for her whether she likes it not.

that doesn't make her their charity case.

it just means they care.

caelynn blew out a breath at the new air inside of her room. it's not even because of christian and isleigh either. it's because of her.

like always.

"why don't we have a picnic?" she suggested. she just wants an excuse to change the subject and lighten up the mood again.

"a picnic?" christian curiously repeated.

she nodded, "yeah. let's go have a picnic and make like . . tie-dye shirts or something. that'll be fun."

isleigh chuckled and stood up. "alright. i'm in."

christian stood up next, swinging his keys around his finger. "me too. you wearing that?"

caelynn glanced down at her current clothes. it wasn't anything extra since she's been in the house all day. just a simple pink pretty little thing shirt and shorts set. she's fine with that. "yeah. just let me put on some shoes." she headed for her closet then suddenly stopped. "oh, but instead of sandwiches and stuff, let's eat mcdonald's."

isleigh and christian couldn't help but to laugh at her antics. "sure, caelynn," christian agreed. "whatever you want."

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