Ailsa

"You'll be fine, lass." That's what my father says as we grow closer to the stables.

My fingers knot in my dress, agitated and restless at the idea of what he's forcing me to do. The things that most normal girls should be able to do.

Riding horses. I've always been fond of the animals, but only from a far. They always threatened me with their large stature and demanding presence.

I had thought that my father was done with trying to coax me into learning to ride a horse. But all of a sudden he's cleared out his schedule, and made time to sit in the saddle beside me and instruct me on how to properly ride.

He stumps through the grass flattening each green blade beneath his boots. He waves at clan members as we pass, calling out to them, knowing each of them by name.

To any onlooker, he would seem like a personable man with good manners, and with a close relationship to his teenage daughter.

But in reality, there was a monster hidden under the surface that could break free from the thin ice covering him at any moment. This was the man I've always known, and the only people that I have experienced him in the same light are those that get close enough.

I wouldn't wish getting close to my father on anyone. It's a wonder that some do it willingly.

My father treasures into the barn, and the horses come alive with his presence. As the wooden doors slam against the hinges rattling through the rafters, the large animals become restless. They prance in place getting to be released from their prisons.

Or, maybe the laird makes them nervous. I reached out to a nearby mare, palming her nose as her whiskers twitch. I've always thought that animals are a good judge of character.

"Alright. Saddle up." Father booms, carrying his leather saddle across the wood floors, kicking loose stems of hay as he goes.

He begins fitting his horse with all the necessary straps. I stand behind him, watching dutifully from the sidelines.

I know he wants me to saddle my own horse, but I don't know how.

When he realizes this, he rolls his eyes at me, looking at me like I'm the disappointment he would rather rid himself of than teach the basics of life to.

It takes a while to saddle up two horses, but in the time that it took I only thought of one thing.

Fraser.

I wonder how he must feel being locked up like he is.

Father leads the horses out of the stables, and I follow, looking up at the sun and thinking that Fraser must miss the sun, it's light and it's warmth. I wish there was some way I could bring him something that could recreate the feel of it's natural beauty. A lantern doesn't seem to do it justice.

There's a chunk of wooden stump that a stable boy carries behind me, a step stool thats used for children to aid in climbing the horse. I swallow my humiliation at being treated like a bairn. I should expect it by now.

The stump is dropped on the ground on the left side of the mare, and the stable boy reaches for me. I cant help but compare everything about him to Fraser.

This boy is everything that Fraser is not. He's soft, scrawny, sweet. I look away from his pale skin and blonde hair, hating the way he's not the man I really want. He touches my arm, steering me towards the beast of an animal that I'm expected to sit a top.

I sling my leg over, and the horse prances her front hooves. She can feel that I'm nervous, she matches my energy and shows it to me. I need to calm down, I need to practice my breathing to make it seem as if this is not a bother at all.

"That's it, lass. Just show her you are relaxed and she'll follow along." The barn boy says, placing a settling hand on my thigh. I wince, wanting to wriggle away from his touch, but not wanting to frighten the horse any more. I have to focus.

I take deep breaths, kicking the horse forward. My Father rides in front of me. He looks over his shoulder at me, his gaze assessing. He stops his steed. I stop mine, copying his moves with the little knowledge I have.

He nods in satisfaction and continues on. I follow and look far forward, noticing that we're headed for the forest. I shiver, thinking of all the unknowns those trees hold in their ancient wood and limbs.

I remember the odd silhouette that watched me. Would it attack me while I'm with my Father? Would it watch us from the shadows?

I shake my head, trying to dislodge the thoughts before they get out of hand. This about spending time with my father. I cannot afford to mess up.

My horse relaxes beneath me, her muscles loosening with each step that carries us further away from home.

After a few scarce minutes, Father picks up the pace. My horse starts trotting to keep up, and I bounce in the leather seat. I gasp, grabbing the reigns, holding them tight, and squeezing my legs around the animals torso to keep from flying off.

I try to stamp out my terror, but as the speed continues, and I feel like I might slip off, my fear only grows to new heights.

"Father!" I gasp, trying to gain his attention before he's out of reach. But, my lack of air makes it to where I can't get enough volume in my words. "Father, slow down! I can't... I can't..."

My lungs burn, my throat tightens. I gag. Tears spring to my eyes. I want to sob, I want to scream and beg for help, ask that anyone, anyone at all would come to save me, just this once.

The stress of the situation isn't lost on my horse. She begins bucking, kicking her back legs with each gallop until my bottom completely leaves the saddle. I slam back down onto the animal before being thrown up again in the air.

This time, I don't land on the horse.

The steed runs out from under me and suddenly I'm careening towards the ground. My head bounces off the ground, mh body colliding with the hard, unforgiving dirt.

Naturally, the horse abandons me, chasing after Father and leaving me happily to the forest floor. She's glad to be rid of me, and of course my Father hasn't even noticed my absence.

I wonder how long it'll take him to discover I'm gone.

I squeeze my eyes shut, willing the throbbing pain to go away. Instead, it just grows worse. Not only does my head pulse with agony, but my lungs are fuzzy and angry from the fall. The wind has been knocked out of me, and it doesn't want to come back in.

Rolling onto my back, I try gasping, I try to breath and relax like everyone always tells me. Still, the air will not come, my body will not cooperate.

Suddenly, I'm imagining Fraser. I see his face in my mind, I feel his fingers on mine, and the sound of his rough and tumble voice speaking his mean words at me. His dark beard and blazing eyes, the way his lips quirk when he looks at my neck and hair.

And then, the air is there. My lungs ease as they work naturally, doing what their supposed to as if they just now remembered their job.

I laugh, actually laugh. The pain is still there, but being able to control my condition seems like a miracle in this horrible situation. I start laughing harder, gripping my stomach as it rips through me.

"You think this is funny, do you?" I scramble, trying to sit up, but a wave of dizziness hits me. I fall back to the ground, staring up at Father as he looks down at me from his place on his horse, looking majestic in all his glory.

I open my mouth, wanting to say something, anything to defend myself. I come up short. My mouth clicks shut and I whimper low in my throat, always turning to submission when Life turns sour.

"You disgust me, lass. Truly. How can you be my daughter. A laird, a powerful man with a neck like an ox." He raises an arm, flexing his muscles in a wild display of pride and strength.

I cringe, knowing these words well as theyve been spat at me a million times before now. This is nothing new.

"How am I supposed to marry you off when you cannot even ride a horse for a scarce minute?" He scoffs.

Tears sting my eyes, and now I'm wiping at my face, smearing more dirt into my skin.

That's when his words hit me.

"Marry me off? What do you..."

He's gone then, shaking his head and trotting off and leaving me to question the information he just dropped. My Father is wanting to send me away to be married. That's all this was, he's testing me, he's seeing what he can say about me to potential connections.

Damn it all to hell. This is not good.