🎵 taeyon - can you hear me

If you want to understand love,
first learn about freedom.

- Wz

Woozi's message have been read by Jeonghan many times that morning. He did not reply when asked what's the meaning of that message. After a few attempts Jeonghan decided not to ask anymore, guessing maybe he sent the wrong message.

Again, Jeonghan looks tired that day. When he woke up from his hunched over sleeping position, he found no signs of you waking up. Even when the doctor came to check on your progress, he couldn't confirm any good news yet.

"You must be in a lot of pain." He mumbled every time he sees your casts.

He then carefully fix the blanket on your body before he walk over to the window. It's snowing just a little bit that day, no wonder the temperature felt a little bit colder. The sight of snow pouring down reminds him of the snowman building contest he once participated in with you long time ago. He remember how you scolded him badly because he forgot to bring a carrot for its nose so you ended up using an empty soda can you could find.

"A nose job." He chuckled as he remember the answer you gave to the judge when they asked about its nose.

A soft knock on the door then woke him up from his reverie. The nurse usually would have walked in right away, so he was sure it was someone else. He walked over the door to check on the guests.

When he opened the door, the first thing he noticed was the change in the hospital hall--Christmas ornaments have been hung to the ceiling. Right, he just remembered Christmas is coming soon.

"Is she awake?" Seungkwan asked as he walked in after Jeonghan stepped aside to let him in.

"Not yet." Jeonghan closed the doors and walk back to the couch to rest his back.

That day it was Seungkwan, Mingyu and Dino's turn to visit. They brought a bouquet of flowers from other members. Not just that, they also brought some foods for Jeonghan. Joshua told them that Jeonghan had not been eating properly.

"Did you eat?" Asked Mingyu, not asking if Jeonghan had eaten or not, but actually being sarcastic after seeing Jeonghan's weight loss.

"Bread or snacks doesn't count." Mingyu interrupt before Jeonghan gave any answer. He then opened several food containers containing Jeonghan's favorite food along with some side dishes, "Eat."

Dino put the flower--a bouquet of pink tulips which represent get well wishes--on the side table, then he called you softly, "Nuna, I came to visit you."

Meanwhile, Seungkwan saw you from afar. The trauma he got when he saw you during the evacuation yesterday still haunts him. His face looked very worried, he kept wringing his own fingers.

"Did the doctor say anything? She didn't get any anesthesia, right?" Mingyu offered to give Jeonghan--who's eating rather slowly--a back massage which Jeonghan gladly accepted.

"No. No surgery, no anesthesia." Jeonghan's tired face scrunched up in pain as Mingyu pressed his tensed muscles, "The doctor said it was probably due to the extreme impact that her recovery was very slow."

Then, Seungkwan slowly approached you. Seeing you lying helplessly, he felt guilty because he was the one who insisted you on coming to Yong Pyong. He kept wiping the tears off his cheeks until his skin turned red.

"Imagine if she suddenly wakes up and see Thomas is crying like that." Dino intended to lighten the mood, giving a tissue to Seungkwan.

Seungkwan pointed his fist at Dino. He gound it quite funny but his sadness was much greater.

"If I didn't force her to come maybe she wouldn't be like this." Seungkwan asked for another tissue from Dino, one sheet wasn't enough to wipe his snot.

"If I could predict the future I would be the owner of Tesla now." Mingyu added, he knew Seungkwan is the type of person that could get way too emotional.

Jeonghan asked Seungkwan to sit next to him. Jeonghan, who had been thinking "if only" kind of thoughts all night long, can relate and understand Seungkwan's feeling.

He patted Seungkwan's back gently, "If anyone is to be blamed, it's me. Not you. I was literally only a few steps away when it happened."

"Guys, come on. It was an accident, no one saw it coming." Dino sounded much more mature amongst them when he said that, "I'm sure she won't be happy to see us like this."

The rhythm of soft Christmas carol can be heard faintly from outside. That reminds Seungkwan of a story you told him when the four of you--along with Seungcheol and Wonwoo--were having dinner together, "She said Christmas is her favorite day of the year. Which is why I invited her to come with us instead of locking herself in."

"It is." Jeonghan answered, also aware of that fact, "I bet she's glad you did that."

"You all talk as if she won't wake up. Stop it already." Dino was so irritated that his voice broke a little.

"Dino." This time Mingyu's tone sounded more stern. He shook his head, allowing those who were grieving to calm themselves for as long as they needed.

Not long after that, the sound of door knocking can be heard again. However this time the person who knocked opened the door without waiting to be invited in. The members' faces tensed up when they saw Rena--especially Seungkwan, seeing Rena was able to walk again made him feel unfair. Not to mention, Seungcheol--as their leader--have told them about what happened between her and Jeonghan.

"It's a basic manner to wait until the person inside invite you in." Mingyu said. Not even getting up to give her his seat.

"Sorry, I thought Jeonghan was alone." Rena took a step back, not really caring about not being welcomed. She then looked at Jeonghan, "Can we talk?"

Jeonghan simply answered, "Talk, then."

"I was thinking just the two of us." She gave an sort of apologetic look just in case if the others were offended.

The members were initially hesitant to leave them alone. When their eyes met Jeonghan's, they saw him nodding his head indicating he would be fine. Seungkwan couldn't help to give Rena a side eye as he walk passed her. Dino followed him and Mingyu was the last member who left the room.

"I'll be outside if you need me." Mingyu said to Jeonghan while looking over his broad shoulder.

The door closed with a gentle thud.

Both Jeonghan and Rena know that behind the public relationship status, there are no real connection between them. It's true that Jeonghan once admitted that Rena was his type. But in the end the heart cannot be deceived. Especially after he found out that Rena could easily plan bad intentions just because she was jealous.

Jeonghan remained silent when Rena sat next to him.

"I've heard about her condition and I'm truly sorry about it." She turned to Jeonghan, hoping he'll at least look at her when she talk, "But don't you think you're going too far?"

Jeonghan's left cheek twitched at her words. There's something wrong with the way she talk that really irritates him. He finally showed interest and turned his attention to her—although the way he looked at her didn't convey joy, on the contrary, he look rather offended.

"I agreed to be your fake boyfriend. I lied to my own members, also became a puppet on your drama stage." Jeonghan narrowed his eyes at Rena, his tongue pushed against the inside of his mouth then chuckled softly in disbelief, "And you're saying I'm too much? How?"

"I gave you a solution to save you and your group. You know how risky it is for an idol like you to get involved with someone the public doesn't like." Rena defended herself.

"So the public likes you?" Jeonghan tried to clarify.

"Well I'm not the one they talked shit about at the airport?"

Jeonghan hate to admit but Rena's answer just now got him good.

"Look, I know you're not happy about it. But I don't think it's necessary to tell my uncle about us?"

"Wait, hold up. What the hell are you talking about?" Jeonghan put up his defense too this time, "Tell your uncle about what?"

"Stop playing dumb, Han. How else would he know about our deal then?" Rena sighed heavily. Part of her still unable to accept the fact that even her uncle disapprove her point of view.

While listening to Rena, Jeonghan suddenly remember the message Woozi sent a few hours before. At first he doubted it had anything to do with Rena's accusation. But somehow his feelings told him that between Seungcheol and Woozi, someone had to be involved. Or maybe both.

"In people's eyes I'm the bad person, yes, I know. But they don't understand I'm doing this to give us a chance," Rena took a deep breath trying her best to keep up her calm image, even her hands were trembling a bit when she grabbed Jeonghan's hand to hold it.

"Do I really have no chance..?" She asked quietly.

The way Jeonghan glanced at you was already an answer for Rena. It's just that Rena still insists she doesn't want to accept it. She's still holding onto the hope that she's reluctant to let go.

"I thought we liked each other." Rena still won't let go of Jeonghan's hand, "What went wrong after she came?"

"I liked you, as a friend." Jeonghan admitted.

"You also liked her as a friend before. So why? WHY can't it be me? WHY not me this time?" It was clear from Rena's cracked voice how frustrated she was about what she wanted.

Jeonghan put his other hand on top of Rena's, slowly but firmly he loosened Rena's grip to pull his hand away, "Because you're Kang Rena, and you're not Y/N."

Even though Rena's eyes started to look teary, she looked more upset than sad, "I can't replace her even just for a bit?"

"I wouldn't ask you to put them at risk over anything...."

Jeonghan can almost hear your voice when you said that sentence back in Paris. After remembering your words, he shook his head, "She is someone who would not harm the people I care about."

When Rena saw Jeonghan stand up and turn his back on her, she knew she had lost. Of course she wasn't happy about that. She has blamed you over and over again for coming into his life at the worst timing, for ruining everything she has planned in her life. But despite all of that, when she saw you lying unconscious, something strange tugged beneath her heart--debt of gratitude.

"As a human with feelings, this should wake you up."

She shut her eyes when the memory of Woozi's voice sounded almost too real in her head. Rena stared at you for another few seconds, clenching her jaw, "Fuck's sake."

"You could've just run over my head that time, god damn it, why play hero." She sound mad--mad that she lost Jeonghan to you, mad that she had to admit defeat, mad that you took such an enormous risk to help her who feels like such a bad person now.

"She could have known it would end like this and still choose to help people." Jeonghan added, "She's just that kind of person."

"I may be a selfish bitch. But I'm a human who knows how to return favors." Rena felt a bit of pride in herself for saying that, "If it wasn't for her taking the risk to save me, I wouldn't have just let her have you."

Jeonghan watched Rena spill her words with an emotional outburst. In his point of view, if Rena really wanted to equate herself with you, it was her blabbing just now that reminded Jeonghan of you.

"Yoon Jeonghan," Rena called out loud and clear once she was satisfied letting go of everything she had been holding back for so long, "Let's break up."

Not having been involved in a relationship for a long time, Jeonghan can't really remember how it felt to be dumped. But one thing he can confirm is that when Rena broke up with him, he felt like a bird whose cage had just opened wide to welcome him flying freely.

"Yeah," Jeonghan answered almost inaudibly, "Let's break up."

They both looked at each other for the last time. Even though the relationship they lived in a short time was just a mere status, the word breaking up is still something that leave pieces of memory behind.

For Rena, Jeonghan will live as a memory as well as a lesson that everyone can't have everything. As for Jeonghan, Rena was one of the factors that made him realize that you were someone he still wanted to protect, even to this day.

Jeonghan watched Rena who had turned her heels to leave with one last smile.

Rena understand that it's not that easy for the members to forgive her actions. Therefore she just accept their sharp gazes when she left the room. They also looked very protective as if they were afraid she would do something bad again to Jeonghan.

"Don't worry, we've broken up." She muttered along with a quick apology before she walk away.

"Jinjja?!" Mingyu asked a little too loudly as he barged back into the room.

"Did you really--" Seungkwan stopped Dino from asking further.

Seeing Jeonghan eating the food they brought with great enjoyment, they decided not to talk about what happened anymore.

"Why is it so good? I don't think I've ever had food this good?" Jeonghan said with his mouth full. He gave the chopsticks to his members then opened the tteokbokki container, "Let's eat. I'm starving."

"Should we call Dokyeom to make him bring us some pizza then?" Dino brightly asked. His suggestion quickly approved by the others.

"Pizza sounds good. Wait, wait-- Make it a video call." Mingyu scooted closer to Dino, fitting both of their faces in the phone frame.

While Seungkwan was busy walking back and forth to eat while checking on you every ten minutes, he also seemed a lot better after seeing Jeonghan regain some of his cheerfulness back.

Jeonghan's signature laugh finally can be heard again when he overheard Dokyeom--who also wanted to visit--protesting about how Mingyu left him that morning but now he asked him to be a pizza delivery man.

While listening to the chatter of his members, Jeonghan was typing a message for Woozi--replying to the message he received this morning to be more precise.

Don't grieve for me,
for now I'm free.

- Jh