🎵 jungkook - still with you

"I will."

Jeonghan had promised to be there when you wake up. And there he is. Standing beside you waiting for your eyes to show signs of waking up. His fingers linger over your forehead but he pulls away before it touches your skin.

Seeing your chest rose up and down in a steady rhythm, he feels calmer. He looked around to find pen and paper from the drawer, decided to leave a note in case you wake up when he's out getting a drink.

If you read this, means you finally wake up after I wait for fifty five years. I'll be back soon, getting a drink.

He gently takes your right hand to slide the paper between your fingers. Then he gently places your hand on your stomach. One foot was already out of the door when he glanced at you one last time.

Jeonghan opened the vitamin drink he bought from the vending machine but didn't drink it. At first it looked refreshing but somehow now it looks unappetizing. He was only looking down at it when he heard a familiar voice calling out to him from a distance. The vitamin drink was eventually set aside.

"How is she?" Seungcheol had just arrived at the hospital when he found Jeonghan sitting alone in the quiet lobby.

Jeonghan got several bandages on his face and hands because of the scratches wound. Compared to your condition, he looks much better and Seungcheol is grateful for that. He didn't come to the hospital with the whole members, afraid it would attract too much attention. There were only four of them--Seungcheol himself, Woozi, Joshua and Wonwoo.

"She's still sleeping." Jeonghan's hoarse voice sounded so weak, tired also hinted a trace of regret, "Some stitches on her head, she needs casts on her neck, left arm, right leg. But the doctor said no surgery needed."

"At least she didn't need any surgery, that's one thing we can be thankful for." Wonwoo sat down next to Jeonghan, patting his knee gently.

"How about you? Are you okay?" Joshua reached his hand out to brush Jeonghan's hair off his forehead carefully, checking the bandage.

"I'm fine," Jeonghan also brushed his injured forehead with his finger, "But it's a fucking mess inside my head."

"I dare say that something is messing with your mind because you're carrying all the burdens alone," Woozi crossed his arms as he stood right in front of Jeonghan, "And you didn't tell us what it is."

Jeonghan looked away, unable to make eye contact with his members. He seems very conflicted with himself to the point where he doesn't know what is right or wrong and blames himself.

"Didn't we share all our burdens together over the years?" Seungcheol looked down to meet Jeonghan's eyes, he looked really worried, "What makes it different this time?"

"We'll get through this slowly together, okay?" Joshua who stood behind Jeonghan gently massaged his tense shoulders.

They let Jeonghan spend as much time as he needed with himself until he was ready to talk. In the midst of the silence they waited patiently. They didn't talk about anything else either, they just waited.

Meanwhile, Jeonghan was staring at his palms. He was trying to hold on to something so big he almost lost it. Seungcheol seems to notice it so he took Jeonghan's hand in his, followed by the others. When Jeonghan feel their warmth on his, realization slowly crept into him, washing away the anxiety he was experiencing. He's not alone, has never been.

"I honestly don't know where to start." Jeonghan exhale a heavy breath.

"Baby steps, one at a time." Wonwoo gently pat Jeonghan on his back.

"Okay, let's start with this." Seungcheol succumbed to his sore knee and decided to sit cross-legged on the floor "Honestly, after I saw how you reacted today, it's impossible to get a no from you. Do you have any feelings for Y/N?"

"Don't think too much about what happened in the past. We don't care about that." Joshua interrupted when Jeonghan looked unsure to answer, "We ask you, the present Yoon Jeonghan."

Just a moment before Jeonghan found the answer within himself, he can see the image of your smile, the sound of your laughter, the gentle touch of your hand, the stubbornness he found it cute also the kindness he always adore.

"I do." He admitted.

"Wait-- I don't understand. Then what about Rena?" Joshua added.

"Did you find out about her family relationship before or after that news went viral?" Woozi added, leaving more questions than answers now.

"What news?" Asked Joshua again, still looking clueless.

"The Paris news." Wonwoo added, half whispering to Joshua.

"After." Jeonghan runs his fingers through his already messy hair, "She told me--"

"She told you our group won't get any support if you didn't play along with her." Woozi cut him off with an answer that make Jeonghan's eyes rounded.

Before the surprised man could ask where or how Woozi had found out, he already had the answer he was looking for.

"I overheard her when I stayed up late in the studio. She was on the phone, saying something about stopping the recording for our next song." Woozi couldn't help but end his sentence with a light sneer, "But I own the whole song, though?"

"Wait, wait. Let me get this straight." Seungcheol raised his hand to stop everyone from talking while his head was still processing everything, "So you're saying you date her because she threatened you about us?"

Jeonghan shrugged while pouring his emotions into the vitamin drink he left earlier, taking a big gulp.

"He also wants to fire Y/N. I can't let either of those things happen, I'm the one causing trouble after all." He said.

"I understand you'd feel guilty if something happened to Y/N, but if it's about us-- honestly, gosh, you're so stupid?" Seungcheol got up from the floor to shake Jeonghan's shoulder.

"I've told you many times. I'd rather lose the agency than you." He shifted his gaze from Jeonghan to the other three members, "ALL of you."

Seungcheol's words just like a warm fireplace melting Jeonghan's frozen ego. He could only chuckle softly as he covered his face with his hands wrapped in bandages--feeling pathetic.

"I thought I could solve everything on my own," Jeonghan's low chuckle gradually turned into a bitter laugh--the members were taken aback as they've never witnessed it since the first time they met him, "But instead, I almost lost the one I wanted to protect."

Joshua wrapped his arms around Jeonghan's shoulders tightly from behind. Wonwoo held Jeonghan's hand while Seungcheol and Woozi just looked at him with pain in their eyes.

"That night in Paris, I felt a comfort I hadn't felt in a long time." Jeonghan hasn't shed tears yet but his eyes are bloodshot, "As much as I wanted to tell her, I felt unworthy--"

"Oh for fuck's sake." Seungcheol grabbed Jeonghan by his collar, pulling him up off his seat, couldn't contain his emotion this time, "Unworthy this, unworthy that. If you love someone, you TELL them. What's so hard about it?"

"Guys, calm down--" Wonwoo tried to separate them but got pushed aside by Seungcheol's strength. Joshua managed to caught Wonwoo before he fell down.

"It's not that fucking simple?" Jeonghan, who was ignited by his emotions, brushed off Seungcheol's hand then pushed him away.

Before either of them could grab each other again, Wonwoo managed to grab Jeonghan's arm and Joshua pushed his body between them. Woozi kept telling them not to fight but no one seemed to care.

"ONE hug and she gets a lot of hate, even death threats?" Jeonghan raised his voice, wanting to release his pent up emotions, "I kept hoping to see her again with a more normal life but on the other hand--"

"Yoon Jeonghan!" Seungcheol shouted in frustration.

"ON THE OTHER HAND-- Let me fucking finish," Jeonghan grabbed Wonwoo's wrist but didn't apply much pressure, "How could I easily think of removing you guys from my life? Even she knows how precious you guys are to me."

Seungcheol applied more force to push Joshua away but not too much as he didn't intend to hurt anyone. A slap then landed on Jeonghan's cheek, the sound was loud enough to attract the nurse's attention. Woozi immediately went over to ensure her everything was okay.

All these years together, of course, they had fought before, but this was the first time there was a physical fight. Even so, they all subconsciously agreed the slap was needed to wake Jeonghan up. Even Jeonghan himself felt he deserved it.

"Can you think more clearly now?" Seungcheol grabbed Jeonghan's nape, his darkened eyes looking straight into Jeonghan's bloodshot eyes.

"I needed that." Jeonghan nodded while muttering a quick thanks, feeling less tense.

Wonwoo and Joshua decided to buy iced coffee from the 24-hour cafe inside the hospital. Woozi was sitting on the bench across from the two older members--Seungcheol and Jeonghan, looking like kids who had just been scolded.

The Ice Americanos easily become the hero of the day. Even when they were still cold towards each other, when one commented on how good the coffee was, the other hummed in agreement.

"Don't ever fight like that again or I'll make sure you will get the shortest line in our next song." Woozi pointed his finger at Seungcheol and Jeonghan back and forth. Both nodded.

"Well, now that we have this very good coffee to cool our head down," Wonwoo shake his coffee cup, earning a refreshing sound from the ice cubes inside, "Why don't we talk about it gently this time."

"Gently." Joshua repeated, "We will tell you what we think about your situation gently, and you should react gently as well." He said to Jeonghan.

Jeonghan couldn't hide the ticklish feeling in his stomach when he saw his members' faces. He found it funny how they were being extra careful. Pressing his cold coffee against his cheek, he nodded, agreeing to the idea.

"I'll go first. I honestly don't think you need to worry about the agency stuff." Woozi stated confidently, "Rena probably wants that, the whole agency doesn't. It's true that we need the agency, but they need us more. Let's just say that if we left, I can still produce songs. The agency? They need time to develop another group."

"That's right, that's right." Joshua added in a soft voice, "Sometimes you worry way too much. It won't take away your tomorrow's problem, it only take today's peace. Just go with the flow, Han."

Jeonghan didn't answer with words. But he listened to them carefully and gave a response through his gaze.

"Is it my turn now?" Wonwoo smiled then look at Seungcheol, "Remember when we picked  Y/N up for dinner when she didn't come to work several days?"

Seungcheol nodded, "They're similar, they're both the same, aigo..." He ended his sentence with a scrunched up face.

"Right? I think so too," Wonwoo agreed, "They try so hard to hide their feelings but they forgot that their eyes speak."

Seungcheol watches how Jeonghan's eyes soften whenever they're talking about his similarities with you. But then grow cold agaim whenever he's denying their inputs.

"Maybe this is my karma for wasting her sincere feelings for me at that time." Jeonghan emptied his coffee cup, sighed as he continued to chew the straws.

"Or maybe this is your second chance to fix it." Seungcheol pointed a gun made out of his slender fingers.

"Also, there probably won't be a third chance." Woozi crossed his arms, humming in a random tune for a bit, "That would actually make a good lyric."

Two hours passed just like that. The members offered to look after you in turn but Jeonghan politely declined. He was determined to stand guard at the hospital even though he himself was very tired and sleepy.

"Besides, I promised her to be by her side when she woke up." Jeonghan said, upon  hearing that the members no longer pushed themselves.

Jeonghan used the bathroom in the your inpatient room to clean up. He was wearing very comfortable pajamas lent by the hospital. Even though it was snowing outside, the temperature in the room is set to a perfectly warm temperature. Hence he wasn't cold at with only one layer of clothing on. He still put in a thin cardigan though, just in case if he need to grab another drink out in the corridor.

The towel was still hanging around his neck, catching the drops of water that fell from his semi-dried blonde hair. His tired eyes was staring at the piece of paper he left hours ago, still in the same position. When he returned to the room earlier, there was little hope you were already awake. There was much he wanted to talk about. Shame, he need to wait again.

"You're always the wiser one between us." The tip of his index finger touched the hem of your shirt, "I'm so lost, I need you now."

Jeonghan went to dry his hair for a moment. When he came back he pulled the chair to your side and sat there. He took the paper back from your hand to put it on the side table. Then he put his knuckles against your cheek to check whether your body is cold or not.

"Is this how you feel when you're suddenly alone...?" Jeonghan mutters as he folds his arms on the bed, right next to your lying arm. He buried his head there, tilting his gaze to your face.

"It's so quiet.." No longer able to hold back his drowsiness, he drifted off into a dream the moment his eyes closed.