CONTENT WARNING: BODY DYSMORPHIA THOUGHTS AND IMPLIED EATING DISORDER.

Mikey:

I blush brightly at my brother's remark, and Pete and I wave to him and Frank as they drive back to school. If I know Gerard, they'll probably take the rest of the day off. He's a senior, and Frank's not exactly what I'd call academic. He never has been, really. He's got it all planned though. His band are already on a record deal, and they're recording an album next January. He doesn't need school to be successful. Unlike me.

It's safe to say that I'm what you call a gifted kid. Or at least I could've been classed as that a few years ago. It doesn't mean I'm still perceived that way, but I still feel like there's pressure on me. To pass my SAT, to get into an Ivy League school and study something academic. I don't want it. I just want to enjoy my life with Pete.

Sometimes when I'm tired or anxious I like to fantasise about my future. I close my eyes, leaning into Pete's side, and I'm there. In a converted attic apartment that we bought on the cheap and did up together with a fancy white kitchen and a quiet bedroom. We could run our own coffee shop together, and make a life as small business owners. I want nothing more than that. Pete puts a cold hand on my back, snapping me out of my trance.

"Look baby, it's snowing!" They say, excited. My face lights up like I'm a small child on Christmas morning. I love it when it's cold and snowy, especially before Thanksgiving. "We have to go outside and take pictures. My polaroid is now full of film, and I don't want it to go to waste. Come on!" They say, pulling on my free arm gently and dragging me towards the back door. I have to admit, it's very sweet how excited they are about this.

"I can see that love. Can I get my coat?" I say, letting go of them for a second to grab my old worn out parka from the banister rail. I slip my arm inside and let Pete zip it up for me. I grab their hand firmly, and we walk out into their backyard.

It's not been snowing for that long, but it looks like it's going to be a big storm. The flakes are so thick and round that they're almost heavy. Pete has one on their nose. I take a picture of them and I set it as my phone back screen. We have a habit of doing that, taking random pictures of each other and setting them as our phone screens. I really should get them developed at some point.

Pete takes me by the back of my neck and kisses me, leaning us both backwards. It's like we're in a fucking Hallmark christmas movie. Not that I'm complaining or anything, though. I love their magic kisses.

"Hey baby boy," They say against my mouth. They got their lip pierced whilst they were in Chicago, and I love it almost as much as they do. I sometimes suck on it when we're kissing because it feels good. I remember the first time we kissed and I nearly swallowed it. That was a fun one to explain to Gee. His reaction was pretty funny, actually, especially as that was how I told him that Pete and I were dating. I did have something planned, but me choking on Pete's lip ring just had to be the thing that outed us.

"Hey sweetheart. This is nice." I say, putting my head in the crook of their neck for extra warmth. I'm pretty cold, but I wouldn't give any of this up for the world.

"What are you doing for the holidays this year? I know you would normally go to Gran's, but that's not an option this year." They say, their voice gente so they don't upset me. I still have a lump in my throat though. Part of the reason that Mom and Dad are coming home is for Gran's funeral.

"Nothing this year. I don't really want to celebrate much, I don't feel like it." I say, looking at my feet. Docs aren't exactly what I'd describe to be the warmest shoe for playing in the snow with your partner. Pete's face falls. "What's up Pete?" I ask, confused.

"'S nothing, Mikes. I just had an idea about the holidays, that's all." They say looking at the snow below us like it's the most interesting thing.

"Baby you can tell me anything, you know that." I say, thinking about my gift for them. I got it back at the start of September on our two month anniversary, and I hope they'll love it. I got them a promise ring. To promise to them that I'll always love them.

"I know I can." They say, sitting down on the cold, frost covered ground. I raise an eyebrow at them, but I sit down on their lap, because why not? They're worth a cold ass. "About the holidays. My dad and his fiancé want to meet you before the wedding."

They say it softly and lightly, like they're telling me that they love me, but this feels like a new magnitude of confessing their love. I'm flattered. I turn round and I kiss them on the lips. Hard. We stay like that for a few minutes until I break the kiss, gasping for breath.

"I'm guessing that was a yes, sweetheart?" Pete asks me, sweetly.

"It was. What's Chicago like? I say, faintly giggling, making them kiss my cheek repeatedly.

"It's an amazing city. The skyline there is beautiful. Nearly as nice as the New York city sky. Better than the one in New Mexico. The city itself is stunning too. The architecture is unlike anything else I've seen, and it's on the shore of Lake Michigan. You'll love it there, I promise." Pete says, their eyes fogged, almost like they're dreaming. "I've thought of this for so long, baby. You coming back home with me and meeting my family."

"Are they down with you being non binary and dating me?" I ask, nervous to hear their answer. But they smile and nod. I know how much they love their family. It's really sweet. They'll be a great parent someday.

I'm in my head again. But instead, I'm thinking further in the future. We're older than we were before, about 30 ish? Fall Out Boy have been really successful and the little café we own together is doing well. We've moved out of the tiny attic apartment now, and we're living closer to the city centre in a large rooftop apartment. We have two dogs and a son, and we're happy and engaged. Hopefully gay marriage would be legal by then, but i doubt it with the state of the government at the minute. I look at Pete, and I wonder how I got so lucky.

"Mikey? Babe? Babe?" Pete says, squeezing my thigh tightly, making me squeal and blush. "You're daydreaming again. What's going on? You're very in your own head at the minute. Is there anything I can do to help?" They say, whispering into my neck. Now is not the time.

"Just daydreaming. I'm fine, Pete. I couldn't be better actually." I say, looking up at the sky. Yeah, I'm only sixteen years old, but I want to spend my life with them. I think they feel the same. I want to give them their Christmas present, so they know how I'm feeling. I can't make a scene in Chicago. There's a lot riding on this visit.

"If you're sure," They say, raising an eyebrow at me quizzically. They stand up slowly, gently pushing me off their lap. "I'm going in. The snow looks pretty as hell, and so do you with your cute little red nose and the snowflakes inside your glasses, but it's too cold to stay out here." They say, their hands brushing the snow off of their ass and their thighs. Hm. Maybe I could help them out a bit. I put my hands on their cld, wet ass, and start moving my hands down their thighs. They squeak a bit, and I grin in satisfaction. I'm proud of myself for that one.

"I'm getting in the shower. I'll need your help to get all this back on me, though." I say, running into Pete's house, stomping my snowy Docs on the doormat. I'm cold. My glasses have steamed up from the sudden change in temperature. I set them down on the kitchen countertop, leaving a pool of melted snow behind with them.

"Okay sweetheart, call me if you need anything. It's not like you're wearing anything particularly thick. I can put your pyjama bottoms in the dryer if you want me to? You don't have any more pants here, so it'd make sense." Pete offers, taking their boots off in the doorway and wincing as they put their ankle down. It's cold and still relatively recent, so i don't blame them.

"Thank you babe. You're the best." I say, walking over to them and pecking their lips softly. "I might need help getting out of this sooner than I thought." I say, trying to wrestle myself out of Pete's hoodie.

"I think they said you could shower in the splints, love." Pete reminds me gently. I don't really remember much from last night - the narcotics they put me on were pretty strong. Oh yeah, I remember Darren mentioning that. "Go and have your shower. I'll be down here with your pyjama pants when you're done." They say, the sides of their mouth quirking up to form their signature smirk that I've grown to love.

"I'll throw them down the stairs when I'm done. Thanks Petey. I love you." I say whilst walking out of the room.

"Love you too, baby boy!" They call after me. I shiver, but I can't tell if it's because I'm freezing my dick off, or it's a shiver out of happiness. I run up the stairs to their bathroom and I close the door. They won't walk in on me: they know I'm in here. I peel down my pyjama pants, grimacing as the cold, wet fabric moves unpleasantly down the back of my legs. I sit down on the toilet, and take off my boxers with slightly more ease than I did this morning. I look at myself in their full length mirror, surveying and scrutinising every little detail of myself. I'm too skinny, but that's so much better than the alternative, like I was last year. I don't look like any of the boys in trashy teen magazines that I still secretly read for the drama and boy advice. I look like what I am. A pathetic, skinny twink who can't be a man for long enough to actually like his body. This is why I avoid mirrors. To top it all off, there's the beautiful love bite Pete left on my neck five hours ago. It's like looking at an oxymoron. Something so beautiful on something so ugly. I open the shower door and set the shower to as hot as it'll go. It's not my fault that it's abolutelly fucking freezing. I throw the pyjama pants down the stairs, and they make a satisfying but somehow disgusting and wet sounding thwack on the tiled kitchen floor.

I spend the least amount of time I can in there, just focussing on getting myself warm. Thank goodness that Pete's used to me. They even have my favourite green apple shampoo and axe body wash in their shower. They really do see and hear everything. I hear a knock at the bathroom door.

"Come in, Pete. I'm not exactly decent, but you're my partner so who really cares?" I say as they push the door open.

"Hey darling. I have your hoodie, dry pyjama pants and a towel for you. I'll put them here." They say, placing them on the window ledge. I turn off the shower and step out, embarrassed about my body. Pete doesn't seem to care though. They're holding a large white fluffy time at arms width, and I step into it. They wrap the towel around me, hugging me tightly and drying me gently.

"All this is very sweet, but I can dry myself, love. Get in the shower, softie." I say, gently pushing them towards the sower.

"Shame I won't have a friend in there," Pete half jokes, looking me up and down. I know they mean well by doing that, I just wish they wouldn't.

Look, I've always been conscious about my body and how it looks without any sort of baggy clothing to hide it. I'm all awkward, sharp angles and I'm relatively tall, which sucks for buying clothes. Clothing companies should improve their sizing range, especially for tall skinny boys like me. Not that I ever wear everyday clothes at the minute. It's all plaid pyjama pants and big hoodies. I should just wear what I'm comfortable in.

It's not what the world sees as conventional, though.

I'm sitting on Pete's bed, finally warm and dry enough for me to put my clothes on. I don't bother with my boxers - that's far too much effort for a lazy afternoon in bed, and I slide my legs into my pyjama bottoms and try to pull my hoodie tight to me. I'm comfy like this. I lie back and I burrito myself into Pete's sheets, cuddling into them.

I don't realise that I'm asleep until I hear footsteps on the wooden floor and I feel Pete's hand on my shoulder. They're shaking it gently and whispering something. I crack open my eyes and I reach over to their bookshelf, trying to find my glasses.

"Hey love," Pete says softly, sitting down on their bed, their hair dripping slightly. They're obviously fresh out of the shower, judging by the slightly warm tinge to their skin and the wet hair. "You were asleep in my bed. Is everything okay? How's your pain?" They ask. I sit myself up and pull the covers down from around my neck.

"I'm good Pete. Just a little bit sleepy." I say, rubbing my eyes with my fist, trying to get the sleep out of them. "My shoulder doesn't hurt too badly, but my chest is another story." I say, wincing under the covers.

"When was the last time you took any pain killers? I could check in my Mom's bathroom cabinet if she has any co-codamol?" They ask, clearly stressed about looking after me. I take their hand with my good arm and I pull them down onto their bed and I turn their face to look at me. They're massaging their temples and breathing heavily.

I reach up to their face and I claim their mouth with mine. We kiss softly for a few seconds until we pull away for breath. "Sweetheart, you don't have to take care of me. You know that. I know I'm injured, but that doesn't mean you have to wait on me hand and foot." I say, stroking their cheekbone with my thumb, as it always soothes them.

"I know it's not my responsibility, baby boy, but I want to. I'll get you a glass of water and two tablets, okay? Love you lots." They say, practically bouncing out of the room. I pull out my phone and text Ray. It's his and Pat's first date tonight.

mikey: hey dude, how's school going? can you possibly send me a pic or bring over the work that i missed from calculus?

ray: sure bro! how are you? i'm in a study period rn and the teacher couldn't care less about what we're doing so i could always sneak out and drop you off some stuff.

don't worry about that, enjoy your study period. How's my idiot brother? i heard he tried to deck gabe.

oh yeah, he did. from what i know he's not hit anyone today...

good. he needs to graduate or else nowhere will take him for college next fall.

i'm gonna go now. pat's just messaged me. wish me luck mikey!!

good luck ray, enjoy yourself. tell me everything :D

Pete walks back into the bedroom with a glass of water and two painkillers. "Who were you texting, babe?" They ask me, handing me the glass and medication.

"Just Ray. He's in a study period, but Pat and him are still on for their first date. Do you still want to spy on them?" I ask, snuggling into their side.

"If you're well enough, then sure." Pete says, ruffling my hair. "I'd rather stay here though. It's too cold for this shit. I'm also tired as hell too, because someone decided to wake me up at 3 am after cumming his pants." They say, looking at me with an odd mix of fondness and annoyance. Their face practically splits in half when they see me getting slightly annoyed and hugs me to their chest, repeatedly kissing the top of my head.

"You're never going to let me forget that, are you?" I say, burying my face in the duvet out of mortification. One time. It was once.

"Nope, but if my teasing ever gets too much, tell me and I'll stop." They say, standing up and drying themself more.

"Thank you baby. This stays between us, okay?" I say, putting my head back on the pillow and watching Pete changing. They have a really nice body. They're a bit chubby but they're also toned. Their arms. Don't get me started on their arms. They have really good arms. They're strong and muscular from carrying around gear from when they used to tour with their cousin's band and all the tennis they play in the summer. They're drop dead gorgeous. I almost can't tear my eyes away from them. They notice and wink at me.

"Of course. It's nobody's business what we do. Nobody's but our own. Now come here and make out with me." They say impatiently. I comply, waddling across the mattress on my knees and I put my lips on theirs and straddle their hips. We're nose to nose, and they're kissing me hungrily, devouring my mouth. I let them win and they're exploring my mouth with their tongue. I pull my mouth away from theirs to gasp for air and then I dive back in, trying to assert some sort of dominance. It doesn't work.

Pete pulls their mouth away from mine and I whine from the loss of contact. "Don't bitch about it, baby boy. I'm taking you to Starbucks. There's a s'mores frapuccimo with my name on it and some overly bitter bean juice begging for you to drink it."

"This is about Pat and Ray again, isn't it?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at them.

"Might be. I need a drink. I'll drive us there."

hey guys!! i'm back from my little break from uploading. i should've let y'all know, but they were sudden and unforeseen circumstances, so i didn't have the time.

hope y'all are okay :D

--ted x