A/N: words: 1534. jfjdsfjdsf. yep. oh fun fact, im going crazy. enjoy!

Sam watched as his surroundings changed. It changed from the desert where Riley fell to a building, where Sam stood, watching Bucky's outstretched metal hand reaching out for him. And just like Riley, he was only there to watch

Sam woke up with a gasp and in a cold sweat, blinking rapidly. It was just a nightmare, he told himself. He glanced at his phone on the nightstand. 7 am. Today was May 2nd, the day of the party. Sam left tomorrow morning, and he couldn't wait another second. He stumbled out of bed, making his way to get ready for the day ahead. Steve said to come around 6, so he now had a full day to be left alone with his thoughts. Delightful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky sat in his bed, flipping through the pages of his book. God, his apartment felt so... so empty. He felt it. He wondered if Sam was up by now. Bucky couldn't push away the thought, so he set his book down, and reached for his phone.

Buck: hey you up?

Sam: yeah, just woke up around 30mins ago

Buck: i see

Sam: what have you been doing

Buck: absolutely nothing

Sam: glad to see my absence hasnt changed anything

Buck: hilarious

Sam: i know

Buck: anyway, what time is the thing at the tower

Sam: 6ish, so if you got any recommendations to keep me busy, please tell me im bored out of my mind

Buck: alright

Bucky's immediate thought was home, but that wasn't helpful. God did Bucky miss him, it was honestly getting kind of laughable. He laid in his bed for an hour just thinking about Sam, and he didn't know if that was healthy or not.

Sam: jesus, steves calling me. Does he know what time it is

Buck: in fairness, you are up

Sam: well still its like 730

Buck: my god, what type of psycho calls someone at 730 in the morning

Sam: EXACTLY. Anyway, i gotta go buck, love you

Buck: love you doll

Bucky sighed and set his phone down on the bed, leaning back into the pillows with a huff. This was gonna be a long 36 hours. Bucky can't help but think, again, how dependent he seems on Sam. It scares Bucky, because they're not always gonna be glued at the hip, he needs to figure this out. Maybe if he distanced himself a bit, he'll figure it out. Bucky buried his face in his hands.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve had invited Sam to take a walk around New York with Nat, and Sam couldn't turn it down. Between Bucky and the nightmare, Sam needed a break from his thoughts. The images still flash in his head as he walks out of his hotel to meet Steve and Natasha. He grabs hold of the stair railing as he's about to walk out the door, and takes a deep breath. He just needs to get his mind off of it. Sam walks over to the door and puts on his flashy smile, pulling the handle.

"Hey Steve, Nat." Sam greeted them, waving his hand. "Hey." Natasha gave him a wave, as did Steve. Maybe this is what he needed.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, still no Barnes?" Nat asked as they sat at a table beside a café. Sam took a deep breath. "No, every time I get close, he slips away." Sam explained simply, thinking it sounded pretty legit. Steve nodded his head slowly. "Hey, if you wanted me to, I could come back." Steve suggested. Sam shook his head. "No, you got your world, I got mine." Sam really did have his own world. It had grumpy ex assassins with a heart of gold, it had ABBA and Marvin Gaye, it had Disney movies, and Friends. It had all that Bucky gave him, and that was enough. "Alright, fair enough." Steve said, a small smile on his face. Sam chuckled softly. He met Natasha's eye. Oh, god. She knows something.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well home is home, you know." Steve chuckled softly. "Ever think about heading back to DC?" Steve asked, and Sam just shook his head. "Doubt it, if I go anywhere, I'm heading back to see my sister. Got two nephews, and god do I miss 'em like crazy." Sam explained, and he really did. He barely knew them, at least not the littlest. One day, when it was all over. Steve nodded, clapping him on the shoulder. "Hope you get around there soon." Steve said with a small smile, and Sam returned it. "Me too."

~~~~~~~~~

Sam leaned against the bar, his phone in his hand. Bucky had texted him.

Buck: hey, hows the party

Sam: its fine, way too many people. You'd hate it

Buck: oh I dont doubt that

Sam: shouldnt you be asleep

Buck: not when I could be overthinking about you

Sam: how romantic

Buck: I know

Sam: you should sleep

Buck: I should yes

Sam: but you're not going to are you

Buck: you know me so well

Sam: good night buck, I'll see you tomorrow i think

Buck: god i hope so, night sammy, love you

Sam: love you

Sam put his phone back into his pocket and smiled softly. "Who you texting?" Sam jumped at the voice beside him. Nat. "Jesus, maybe give a guy a warning." Sam exclaimed, turning to face her. "Sorry Wilson, you just looked awfully happy typing away. So, spill." Nat pestered away, but Sam couldn't tell her, especially when he and Bucky had made a rule over not talking about them. "Just my sister." Sam said calmly, and Nat gave him a questioning look. "If you say so." she said, walking over to where the Barton guy was. "Say hi to Barnes for me." she whispered into his ear, and Sam's eyes went wide. "Wait." he whisper yelled, making sure she didn't leave yet. "Don't tell Steve. Don't tell anybody." he explained, and she nodded, a small smile on her face. "'Course, Sam." and with that, she turned away. Sam sighed, shutting his eyes. God, it's been one hell of a day.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sam woke up in another cold sweat, tears falling freely. It was the same thing. He had to watch Bucky and Riley, over and over again. The last thing he heard before waking up was As I fall, you're- you're my angel. The one who catches me. But he didn't catch him. Sam took a deep breath, feeling a pit in his stomach. God, he needs to see Bucky again. Hold him, hear him laugh, see him smile. He rushed out of bed, packing all his clothes in his duffle bag and started getting ready.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky's phone dinged as Star Wars: the empire strikes back played. Sam.

Sam: just getting on the plane, see you soon

Bucky sighed, maybe in relief, Bucky doesn't know. He just knows that it got a bit easier to breathe. He's gonna see Sam. He's gonna see Sam soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky heard keys jingling in the door and sat straight up. Sam walked through the door moments later, and the biggest grin took over Bucky's face. "Hey." Sam breathed out, an equally big grin on his face, his duffle bag falling to the floor. "Hi." Bucky said, walking towards Sam. "God I missed you." Sam told him, wrapping his arms around Bucky. "I did too." Bucky rested his chin on Sam's shoulder. They pulled apart, and their lips met. Now Sam could breathe easy. He missed this more than he thought he would. He missed this apartment. But most importantly, he missed Bucky.

"Are you ok?" Sam asked as they pulled apart. "You gotta stop doing that." Bucky told him, and Sam raised an eyebrow. "Do what?" Sam asked. "Asking if someone's ok when you're the one who's clearly not ok." Bucky explained, and Sam opened his mouth to protest, but Bucky shook his head. "Sam." and that was all it took. "I know. I had a nightmare." Sam confessed, but Bucky could already tell. "I know. You wanna talk about it?" Sam sighed, nodding. "It was- it was Riley falling, but also, you were falling. I watched you fall" Sam explained, his voice shaky. Bucky's eyes softened. "Oh, Sammy." Bucky whispered softly, pulling Sam into a hug. Sam felt himself cry against Bucky's shoulder. He couldn't let that happen. He could never let that happen.

After the tears had stopped, Bucky moved away grabbing Sam's laptop. Sam raised an eyebrow at him. "C'mon, you wanted to show me that musical?" Sam's face lit up at the mention. "Oh yeah. You are not ready." Sam told him, and Bucky rolled his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Did they watch the movie? Yes. Did they also break out into song, screaming the songs at the top of their lungs? Also yes. Thankfully, no one really complained at the apartment complex. Bucky smiled at Sam. Then, he remembered what he, Bucky, vowed to do. He can't be dependent on Sam. That's not fair to Sam. Today, though, that wasn't at the top of his mind. It was Sam alone. He got to hear Sam's voice again, Sam's laugh again, see Sam's smile again. And, it was good. Damn, it was really, really, good