"It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being." John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

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XIX.

Perrie blinked several times before she managed to find anything coherent to say. Looking up into Joe's dark eyes, she could see that he was mightily displeased with her. While that was not anything out of the ordinary, it was usually in retaliation to an overt prank, and not something so trivial. Or had she misunderstood? Certainly, he could not be angry with her for not being able to tell him apart from his brother or pretending to not be able to.

"You are aware that you are identical to your brother, are you not, bridge troll?" Perrie asked slowly after a moment of dumbfounded silence.

"Seeing as we are identical, I am wondering if I should be offended at your belief in my brother's resemblance to such a hideous creature," Ed offered comically, but his words did nothing to diffuse the tension between Joe and Perrie.

Joe didn't break. Not for a moment. He glared down at her as though he expected her to say something different. His anger seemed entirely unfounded as the sin that Perrie had supposedly committed could have easily been made by anyone. Why was she expected to know different?

Just because she could tell them apart, that did not mean that she should be punished for mistaking them outwardly. Perrie wagered if she walked both brothers back into the church and stood them before the vicar that he would not be able to name Joe. Would Joe scold the vicar and ask if he was dropped on his head as an infant if he failed?

"Brother, come on now," urged Ed gently as he took Joe's arm and pulled him away.

Lily did the same for Perrie. "Why don't we go outside?" she suggested quietly.

Perrie shook her head. "No, is that why you are behaving so brutish towards me, Mr Parish?" she demanded to know. "Is my crime that I could not tell you from your brother?"

Joe's jaw tightened, his teeth obviously clenching inside his mouth.

Perrie positioned herself directly next to Lily. Perrie's younger sister clearly stood two inches taller than her, and while their features were very similar, they were clearly not identical. "Which sister is Lily, and which is Perrie?" she asked him. "Can you tell?"

Joe did not answer.

"I am Perrie, if you did not guess. But I suppose you did as Lily and I do not share a face." Perrie's stubbornness was at its height in that moment. She had no desire to tell Joe that she had known it was him. She was too irritated at his irritation over such a simple mistake to make. He was so determined to hate her for everything, and Perrie was too obstinate to give him any sort of satisfaction.

Joe inhaled a sharp breath, before he stepped forward and uttered, "God save the man who will one day have to stand up in this church with you. He doesn't deserve the grief that will certainly follow him in having to bear your company for the rest of his miserable life."

"Joe, that's enough," Ed admonished firmly. "Do not be cruel."

Perrie had launched at Joe in this very room the first day that she had encountered him when they were children. And she found herself, once again, flying through the air with her hands reaching for Joe's throat.

Both Lily and Ed were not quick enough to react, and Perrie, despite her small stature, knocked Joe to the ground. Perrie was not prepared for her own fall, and she landed quite heavily on top of him, the side of her temple smacking into Joe's chest.

She was dazed for a mere moment before she lifted her head and found Joe's alarmed brown eyes on her, his neck craning down as he lifted his head from the floor underneath him. Perrie blinked a few times before she pushed herself up from Joe's chest, her hands feeling the hard torso beneath them.

But she could not say anything before she was pulled from behind. Lily grabbed her with such ferocity that Perrie fell off of Joe's body. Ed similarly grabbed his brother and helped him to his feet.

"I know he infuriates you, but you cannot launch at him as if you were in school again," Lily scolded under her breath. "Or even within the walls of our home," she added.

Perrie knew that it was ridiculous for her younger sister to be the one schooling her on what was proper. She ought to have been the one setting the example. But Joe Parish simply brought out the worst in her, and she seemed to bring out quite an ugly side in him.

Whatever he was shielding, whatever redeeming feature there was that his brother saw in him, Joe did very well to make himself seem as though he was the most disagreeable man on earth.

***

Joe had never, ever worn such a fine suit in his life as the one he wore on the night of the Ashwood ball. His garments had been sourced by the dowager duchess. The notion that his own father would have dressed him as such was laughable.

Ed was dressed similarly, though his coat was a dark green as opposed to Joe's deep navy. Both brothers had readied themselves in Ed's bedroom while their father had once again briefed Ed on his expectations for him during the festivities.

Ed was to flatter Perrie. He was to tell her that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He was to be charming and amiable, and he was to feature at least three times on her dance card. By the end of the evening, any silly seventeen-year-old, no matter whom she was, would be irrevocably in love. Or at least in lust.

Joe had to block his ears. He couldn't listen to it. He was furious with his father, but he was powerless to stop him. John Parish was yet to acknowledge Joe after more than a week of living in the same house as him.

No matter how permanently frustrated he was with Perrie, he couldn't listen to his father dismiss her as a silly girl. Despite their differences, nobody deserved to be tricked.

But Joe couldn't help but watch as his brother fixed his cravat while he listened to their father's instructions. Ed looked a little nervous. He had certainly been enjoying Perrie's company in the days that had passed. Ed did not seem to find Perrie as insufferable as Joe did. He did not seem to be so affected by the fact that Perrie could not tell them apart.

Joe had actively avoided Perrie since they had visited the schoolroom for the sole purpose of not being able to control his tongue. He had spoken cruelly to her, and he knew that he owed her an apology. He could be frustrated with her, and still know right from wrong. But that also did not mean that he found it easy to admit that he was wrong when the very sight of her annoying large blue eyes sent him into madness.

The ballroom of Ashwood House had been completely transformed into a floral masterpiece. The perfume of the fresh summer blooms that littered the ballroom's pedestals in ornate vases was divine. There were three large glass panelled doors that lined the far wall of the ballroom, and they were all open out onto a balcony that overlooked the magnificent grounds. A cool summer breeze was flowing about the room and flickering the candles atop the grand chandelier in the centre of the room.

The string musicians had begun to play upon the stage as the guests flowed into the room in overwhelming fashion. Joe had never before been in such company. Despite being the son of a viscount, he had never before attended a ball, or even a public assembly. He had never seen so many glittering women or finely dressed gentleman. He had never known the practise of women tying dance cards to their wrists so that they might record the names of their suitors. The noise of the ballroom was quickly becoming quite distorting for him as he caught conversations at inopportune times and the volume of the music rose and fell depending on which direction he turned.

"Here," Ed said calmingly, coming up on Joe's right side with a glass of champagne. "Calm your nerves."

"What have I to be nervous about?" Joe asked him as he accepted the glass. "I am not the one courting a lady tonight."

Ed swallowed quite loudly as he took a sip from his glass. He then turned to glance at Joe with an inquisitive look about his dark eyes. "There's nothing stopping you, you know," he said encouragingly. "If you wanted to court a lady, you could."

Joe thought for a moment that he could hear a hinting tone in his brother's voice, but he put it down to his imagination as he struggled to focus on singular sounds in such a noisy room.

"You ought to allow someone to love you, Joe," Ed encouraged gently.

Joe rolled his eyes and shook his head. He was not in the mood to hear such things. "If I went about courting then you would have no hope as I am the better looking of us both."

Ed chuckled quietly before he nudged Joe playfully with his elbow. "I have it on good authority that you look rather like a bridge troll, but no matter."

No sooner had Joe's thoughts gone to Perrie, did he hear her name announced into the ballroom.

"The Dowager Duchess of Ashwood and Lady Perrie Beresford."

Both Joe and Ed looked up to the ballroom entrance, as did a good three quarters of the gentlemen in the room. Perrie was stood in the doorway on the arm of her grandmother, and Joe immediately lost all air in his lungs.

He was used to her juvenile dresses and her tendency to wear her dark hair long. Joe was used to Perrie looking like Perrie.

But the person who had entered the ballroom was a ... she was a beauty. The only reason that Joe was certain that it was her was because he would know Perrie anywhere. It was a talent he had that Perrie did not possess.

Perrie's face was as clear and smooth as porcelain, and her dark hair was pulled back into an intricate, fashionable braided bun. He could see her wide eyes from here, and they looked bluer than he had ever known them to be. Her face was simply flawless, and her cheeks were flushed pink. She wore a jewelled tiara that glittered under the light of the chandelier, and matching blue stones hung from her ears.

Her perfect skin continued down her elegant neck and across her bare décolletage. A simple blue gemstone necklace was fixed at her neck and hung elegantly at the base of her collarbones.

Perrie was usually tiny, but her small stature was concealed by the first full length gown that Joe had ever seen her wear. She looked to be an inch or two taller, and she must have owed that to a heeled pair of slippers. Her gown was magnificent and suited her perfectly. She was draped by an intricately patterned blue silk that hugged her bust and narrow waist perfectly before it cascaded to the floor.

"Go, Ed. This is the first time that the duke's daughter is being viewed in public. A young heiress who looks like that will be snapped up in minutes." Their father appeared beside Ed and Joe at that moment, having observed Perrie's entrance from his position in the ballroom.

"I am certain Lady Perrie does not want to be swarmed –" Ed tried to deflect respectfully, but John interrupted him forcefully.

"Go," he said firmly. "You know what you need to do."

Joe could see the conflict upon his brother's face. Perhaps even if he enjoyed Perrie's company, the ulterior motive being pushed upon him by their father spoiled things. Joe's eyes unwittingly followed his brother as he crossed the ballroom with confidence.

Perrie could not be swarmed, not when she had not been introduced to any of the gentlemen. It would be at her father's discretion just who would be permitted to know his daughter, and in knowing Adam Beresford, Joe wagered he would happily keep Perrie ignorant of any potential suitors' names this evening. But as Ed was acquainted with her, he could approach her directly.

Joe felt his tongue stick to the roof of his mouth as he watched a broad smile spread across Perrie's flawless face. Her eyes lit up for Ed and she received him warmly.

Had she always been this beautiful when she smiled? But then, Joe supposed he would not know as she never smiled at him. Such a notion bit at him, and he had to look away.

"That could have been you."

It took Joe a moment to realise that his father had spoken to him. Joe's head snapped up, and he met his father's cold, grey eyes. Had his father even looked at him since arriving at Ashwood? Joe wasn't sure. But John Parish had most definitely just acknowledged his other son's existence, and it was not to heap praise upon him.

"What?" Joe managed to mumble.

"That could have been you," John said again, nodding towards where Joe and Perrie were talking.

Glancing back over at them briefly, Joe could see that Ed was signing his name upon Perrie's dance card quite jovially.

"You could have been respectable. I did everything in my power to make you respectable, and you threw it all back in my face by going and getting yourself blown up," John sneered. "But what else would I expect from you? You've done nothing but take from me for your entire existence."

John did not strike a blow, but his words hit Joe as hard as a fist would have hit his cheek. Joe was frozen solid to the spot as his insides plummeted to the depths that they had been a year earlier when he thought that his days were numbered.

Joe had never known fear like that. Waking up in an infirmary bed in unimaginable pain with gaps in his memory and a ringing in his head that felt like church bells had been terrifying. The surgeons had not known the extent of the damage to his brain, and with the pain that Joe was in, he had almost welcomed death on several occasions. But in the end, he had been left deafened.

Death would have been his father's preference, just as he would have wished Joe to have died in childbirth instead of his mother.

Joe hadn't realised that he had been trembling until Ed had returned. Their father had left Joe's side and he hadn't noticed. Ed immediately collected Joe by wrapping his arm around Joe's shoulders, and he led him out onto the terrace.

The terrace was decoated with the same flowers that covered the ballroom, only this time they were housed in large stone urns. Torches illuminated the space that was quite empty at this early stage of the ball, but it would no doubt be used as a place of refuge when the dancing begun and the guests grew weary and hot.

Ed brought Joe to a quiet spot and stopped them both. "What did he say to you?" he pressed, his voice filled with tender concern. "Joe, you mustn't listen to him. You know that."

Joe shook his head. "I honestly don't know why he didn't drown me in my bathwater as an infant. It would have saved him a lifetime of trouble and he would not have had to spend his life hating me."

Ed sucked in a sharp breath and uttered an unforgivable word under his breath as he wrapped his arms around his brother tightly. "Don't say such things. I don't want to even contemplate a life where you were not my other half. We came into this world together, and if you think I am going to let you leave me before I am good and ready, then you have got another thing coming, Joseph Parish."

Joe's face softened at the fierce look of protectiveness upon Ed's face. "I'm not going anywhere," he promised quietly.

Ed cupped Joe's face and smiled. "Good."

"Pardon me, Mr Parish."

Both brothers turned to see an Ashwood footman standing before them holding a silver tray in his hands. He looked between the brothers with the same expression that everyone had when they tried to tell Joe and Ed apart.

"An express has just arrived for Mr Edmund."

Ed reached forward and collected the letter from the tray. "Thank you," he murmured, before the footman bowed and retreated back inside. Ed peered at the letter curiously, before his face suddenly fell.

Joe tensed. "What? What is it?"

Ed did not answer the question as he immediately broke the seal and unfolded the letter with a rather desperate speed.

"Ed, is something wrong?" Joe stressed.

Ed gripped the letter with such intensity that his knuckles were turning white. As he read the words upon the paper, tears began to fill his dark eyes, before they spilled over and ran soundlessly down his cheeks.

Joe could not contain the panic that was rising in his chest as he contemplated all manner of things that could have come via an express. "Ed, please, what's wrong? Has someone been hurt?"

"No." Ed's voice was a broken hiccough, and he clapped one of his hands over his mouth to stifle the noise. Joe had never before seen such pain upon his brother's face. The only time Joe had ever witnessed any sort of distress from Ed had been when he was worried about Joe. Ed was always so confident, so composed, so calm and protective. He never showed any sort of weakness. Whatever he was reading, whatever he was experiencing, was heartbreaking, and Joe felt powerless to do anything about it.

Was it heartbreak itself? "Is it from her? The woman you knew while you were at Cambridge?" Joe prayed that his tone was sympathetic and tender, and the moment he suggested it, Joe could see that his assumption was correct.

She had been the one to send the express, and whatever she had said, it was clear that Ed's heart was still irrevocably hers. It was not an affair. It had been love. Perhaps it still was love.

Ed merely managed a nod, and then it became Joe's turn to take his brother into his arms. Joe didn't ask the contents of the letter. Ed would tell him if and when he was ready to. He merely wanted to support his brother as Ed had done for him on so many occasions.

Joe shielded Ed with his body from any of the onlookers inside the ballroom. From his right side, he could hear the musicians begin to prepare for the first dance of the evening. Ed heard this too, and he stiffened, sniffing and wiping his eyes.

"Perrie," he murmured regretfully. He stood up straight, his eyes still filled with tears and his face red with sadness. He breathed shakily, before he looked to Joe and said, "Dance with her. Please. Dance with her for me."

"What?" Joe exclaimed.

Ed pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his face, though that did little to disguise what he had just experienced. "I cannot go inside like this. Not yet. I am promised to Perrie for the first two dances. Please, Joe. Go and dance with her in my place."

Joe hesitated.

"It is not the first time that we have switched places," Ed reminded him.

"We were children."

"And you know now yourself that Perrie cannot tell the difference between us," Ed countered. "Please, for me. I am begging you. Go and dance with her for me. Find some charm that I know is in there somewhere, and I will be in to switch back with you when I have composed myself."

Ed was right. Perrie did not know how to separate Joe from Ed. She would not know it was him. He could dance with her and ... and ...

Joe could not help but feel a sort of thrill inside of him at the idea of standing up with Perrie, and it was extraordinarily alarming to say the least. "Give me your coat."  

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SURPRISE!!!!

I wrote this over the last few nights so that I would be able to give you a surprise midweek upload. I hope you enjoyed it!!

Gahhh, I am so looking forward to the next chapter. You guys, I'm a fan of enemies to lovers just like the rest of you. I'm out here screaming "JUST KISS ALREADY!" with you when Perrie and Joe are sparring. It's so fun hahahahaha

Anyways, I had better get to sleep as I've got to be up in six hours to coherently educated some children. 

Vote and comment xxx