"A family can be the bane of one's existence. A family can also be most of the meaning of one's existence. I don't know whether my family is bane or meaning, but they have surely gone away and left a large hole in my heart." Keri Hulme, The Bone People

---- 

XII.

Five days after Perrie had left for London, an express arrived for Joe from his brother.

24 June 1825

Dear Joe,

The invitation to the Dowager Duchess' ball arrived within a day of your letter. I have spoken to Father about it, and he has agreed that we will both attend. I believe Father wants to properly reacquaint himself with the Duke, and I am certain he will want to hear how hard you have worked throughout your tenure at Ashwood.

Thank you for your letter, newsy as it was.

Joe could hear the facetiousness in his brother's quill.

My journey home from Cambridge was perfectly fine, though I am looking forward to the change of scenery in Hertfordshire. I greatly look forward to the day when my studies are complete, and my time is my own to do with what I please. I can assure you, brother, that I will not always be a stranger to you. We were not meant to be separated by long absences.

I have passed on your regards to Father, and he has informed me that we will travel to Ashwood at the beginning of next week. We expect to arrive on the second of the next month.

You were quite right about my appearance also. I now possess an abundance of freckles and my red hair is now one with the carpet. I have had to look upon our portrait to recall your face. I had been quite certain that your eyebrows were blue, and your ears were the size of tea saucers.

I look forward to being with you again soon, brother.

Yours ever,

Ed.

Joe swallowed. Loudly. He had forwarded on Cecily's ball invitation to his father and brother fully expecting a rejection. Joe's father had never been one to show any interest in him or what he was doing. But then he supposed that this was an invitation sent from a very distinguished lady, and his father had been handed an opportunity to socialise with people of his own rank or above.

But the very thought of being in the same room as his father again brought him a considerable amount of anxiety. Joe felt as though suddenly his two very different, very separate worlds were about to collide. He had worked very hard to forge himself a life after what had happened. The duke had been guiding Joe, and Joe had been able to develop some skills and confidence after his world had imploded.

The notion that his father would once again be reacquainted with the duke was almost too much to bear. The idea that his father would share the way he saw Joe with Adam made him feel sick. He worried that the delicate respect that he had built with the duke, when Perrie was not preoccupied with tarnishing it, was about to disintegrate.

Joe's stomach twisted, and this sensation was enough to keep his mind distracted that he did not realise that he had pulled out his pocket watch. He had absentmindedly flipped the clock over and was brushing the pad of his thumb over the treasure he kept behind it. This repeated motion eventually brought Joe's mind back to his conscious reality, and he took a deep breath.

Thinking about Perrie made him worry then. What if neither of them could help themselves? Joe certainly had not been able to resist toying with her despite his determination to please the duke. Perrie was worse than he was. What if she pulled something ridiculous in front of his father?

Joe wanted her home specifically so that he could pull her into line. She had been gone for ages, and it was extraordinary how quiet the great house could suddenly become when she was absent. If Joe were not wiser, he would have said that the house lacked energy when Perrie was away, but he was wiser, and he knew that quieter was better. He certainly didn't need to worry if there was adhesive on his chair or pepper in his wine while Perrie was off getting a dress.

She would no doubt return with revenge in mind. Joe had not been able to help himself before she had departed. He'd scrawled a terrible drawing and had made fun of her with some rather obnoxious measurements. But what had been going through Joe's head at the time was that she would be away for a period of time, and he wanted to really vex her so that she would not forget about him.

Joe did not want Perrie to forget that he was the best at their game, that was.

"Did the dowager duchess happen to mention when she and Lady Perrie would be returning home?" Joe asked casually later on that morning.

Adam let out a displeased huff. He had been in a foul mood since Perrie had left, and his disposition was not helping Joe's unease. "Tomorrow. Provided Mother hasn't decided to take Perrie on a spontaneous trip to Vienna or somewhere."

Joe's eyes widened. "She would do that?"

"My mother would do whatever she wanted," Adam replied with a huff.

"But they will be returning tomorrow, yes?" Joe decided that it was important that he spoke to Perrie before his family arrived. His brother would inevitably learn that Peregrine was a girl, and that was one issue. But he did not want Perrie to see his father's disapproval of him.

Joe stopped his line of thought. No, that was not what he was concerned about. He did not want Perrie to ... he didn't want his father to see Perrie ... oh, he would know what to say in the moment!

"They had better be," Adam murmured. "I must seem quite ridiculous. You are a young man, Joe. I imagine you will be thinking about marriage yourself in a few years."

Joe was suddenly quite startled at the simple comment. Joe had never really thought about marriage before because of his odd status. His rank meant that he was a gentleman, and so he could rightly mix with ladies of a certain stock. However, his status as a second son left him in a rather precarious position. It was easier to not think about it. Besides, Joe did not exactly have the support to travel to London and participate in something like the Season.

Joe really had no idea what went on during a Season, aside from women obviously finding husbands. Perrie would find hers in a matter of months. His initial reaction to that thought was that she would benefit from finding someone deaf and blind to be the poor sod who ended up with her. But his next thought was more realistic. Some man was going to marry Perrie. No matter how insufferable Joe found her, her fortune meant that there would be dozens of gentlemen who would be willing to overlook Perrie's irritating qualities.

Perrie's eyes, the big eyes she possessed when she was trying to understand him, flashed across his brain so quickly that he nearly jumped in his seat. Those eyes. She wasn't even there, and she was bothering him.

"I haven't really thought about it, Your Grace," Joe replied quietly.

"And why would you? You are only twenty. Young men ought to go out and get some life experience before they settle down," Adam encouraged. "I am just selfish, and I don't want Perrie to leave me."

Joe made an unwitting noise that sounded much like a scoff. The duke's eyes narrowed.

"I know you two are determined to loathe each other for all eternity," he mused firmly. "But you might find one day that Perrie has some redeeming qualities. Perhaps I am biased as I am her father, but Perrie is extremely passionate and headstrong."

"I am well aware of that, Your Grace. She is stubborn as anything," Joe tested his mentor's grace with his criticism.

"Yes." Adam nodded. "But with passion and will comes a deep capacity to love and protect. Perrie has a huge heart and she feels everything keenly. Everything. She also has the tenacity of ten men and will fight to the death for those she cares about."

Adam sat behind his desk and could not take for another moment one of his children being misunderstood. For a moment, Joe put aside his already well-conceived notion of who Perrie was as a person. Instead, he sat and looked into the eyes of a father who so loved his daughter, who was so proud of his daughter, that he was determined to have her best qualities seen by all.

"I will miss her terribly when she marries. I honestly don't know if I will be able to bear it," confessed Adam truthfully, his voice thickening slightly. "But I have worked considerably hard over the years to economise Ashwood and to ensure that it is a profitable estate that does not rely on the fortunes of others for its prosperity. I have done this so that every one of my children can choose their own spouse regardless of fortune. And if Perrie walks into my study one day and tells me that she loves a man enough to marry him, then I will," Adam took a breath, before concluding, "allow it."

Joe didn't know why, but he turned his head back to the door for a brief moment, recalling how Perrie had burst in through the door on the day she had returned home accusing her father of consorting with the antichrist. Imagining her walking through the door declaring herself in love was something else entirely. It was something he didn't understand.

"I am really honoured that you have taken this time to teach me, Your Grace," Joe said appreciatively, as he had dozens of times during his tutelage.

"You're very welcome. I only hope I have taught you a little something about Perrie, also." A small smile appeared on the duke's face.

Joe sighed. Stubbornness, absolutely. He'd already known that. Tenacity, yes. She certainly knew how to fight. Joe fought better, of course, but Perrie tried her hardest. She feels everything keenly.

Those eyes. He had seen that in her eyes. He had seen that in the way she had apologised, and the way that she had tried to make it up to him. She was clumsy about it, and fumbled through it, but she did feel keenly. It had been all there in those bloody blue eyes.

Joe pushed the thought out of his brain and said, "Of course, sir."

***

Perrie and Cecily did return the following day. Joe did not know what he had been expecting to see, but there was something inside of him that settled upon seeing that Perrie was completely the same as she had been when she had departed. She didn't look any different. She was still the annoying little imp that she always was. And all was well.

The family and Joe gathered to receive them in the entry foyer, and Perrie was quick to fly into her father's demanding arms. Adam held onto Perrie so tightly, one might have thought he needed her to live.

"I am furious with you, Mother," Adam said over Perrie's shoulder, glaring at Cecily.

"Belle has added Perrie's gown to the account and will be forwarding her bill to you," Cecily replied dismissively. "You will thank me when you see Perrie in what Belle has designed. Are not you excited to see your eldest in her first full length dress? Her first ballgown?"

"I will thank you, will I?" Adam challenged. He shook his head as he pulled away, just enough so that he could look down upon Perrie's face. He brought his hands to cup her cheeks and then leaned down to kiss her forehead. As he looked at Perrie, Joe could see that Adam's brows furrowed, before he briefly flicked his gaze to his wife. They shared some unspoken communication, and the duchess seemed to understand.

Perrie was then received by her mother and siblings, and they all were equally pleased to see her. Alice especially requested that her eldest sister stop going away.

"It will be your turn soon, Lily," Cecily remarked cheerfully to the second Beresford daughter. "Only a few short years and I will take you to London to have your first ballgown fitted. I only hope I am alive to do so. I am getting old, you know, and your father does like to deprive me of these little joys."

"God help me," Adam muttered as he rolled his eyes. "You do have other granddaughters, Mother."

"Oh, fear not. Perrie and I called upon Jackie and Maria while we were in London. I will take Jackie for her first gown when I take Lily. They will debut in the same year. I have it all planned, dear."

"Oh, I fear very much, Mother," Adam grumbled just as Perrie turned to look at Joe for the first time during the reunion.

Perrie's large blue eyes narrowed, and her lips turned down into a scowl as she glared at him. That brief familiarity into their usual dynamic brought Joe an odd sense of peace in and amongst all the unsettling anxiety that had been floating about his head.

Perrie made her excuses to her family about going upstairs to change, and as she passed Joe, she hissed, "An artist you are not."

"I thought it a good likeness, Little Imp." Joe resisted sniggering as Perrie went up the stairs. He would pull her into line tomorrow.

"Mr Parish?"

Joe's head snapped around as he suddenly expected to be chastised. Instead, he found the kind eyes of the duchess looking upon him. They were so like her daughter's. Joe had seen that kindness briefly, and that feeling keenly. He was much better at provoking her rage, however. It was easier.

"Yes, Your Grace?"

"I have invited your father and brother to stay at Ashwood when they arrive in Hertfordshire."

----

Family reunion yayyyyyyyyy!! Nothing can go wrong from here! DRAMA FREE ZONE WOOOOO hahahahhahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahah

lol y'all know me all too well by now

Hope you enjoyed it!! 

Poor Perrie and Joe have got no idea what I've got in store for them muahahahaahha

Oh, by the way, I saw the last time I mentioned Joe's pocket watch the frustration at me not revealing what was inside. 

...

oh, were you expecting an apology? An explanation?

Lol

No

Enjoy torture. I do :)

You'll love me in the end. That's all I'm giving you hahahahaha

Vote and comment!!