"Why the fuck won't she just sleep." Effy groaned as she got out of bed to pick up her 1 month old baby. Phil immediately got up the second he heard the groan from Effy, he had been listening to her deal with the crying baby all night and he needed to take over.

"I'll get her," he said. He lifted the little baby girl into his arms and started to bounce her, trying to calm her down. He walked around with her for a few minutes before she finally settled down and went calm.

"She's hungry but my milk isn't producing enough Phil, it's been 6 times tonight she's woken up - i'm so tired, i can't keep breastfeeding,"

Phil could tell how exhausted and worn out Effy was just from her voice alone.

It had been a really rough night and he understood why she was getting so fed up, he had been there for her though and knew she was trying her hardest. "Do you want me to buy some formula and bottle?" he asked her, "it will help you get some rest if I can share some of the feeding too."

"I don't know, i feel like a let down if i stop breastfeeding." Phil could understand that, Effy was a perfectionist and always put so much pressure on herself and this was something she also wanted to do right.

She had put so much effort into breastfeeding and he could tell that just giving up was going to be a big hit on her self esteem and her mood.

"Your not a let down for doing what's best for you and the baby," he told her, he was trying to remind her that she wasn't failing, she was doing what she needed to do for the wellbeing on both of them.

"We're both tired and we both need some rest and there's nothing wrong with using formula, this isn't about who's a failure and who's not, this is about all of us getting the rest we need," he said as he tried to get her to realize that there was no judgment here. "You've tried your hardest and it's time to relax and recover fully, you're still not at your 100% yet, it's going to be a process and we need to do what we can to make sure your not pushing yourself too hard."

Effy couldn't deny his logic, she felt like she had been doing nothing but breastfeeding for the past month and it was beginning to take a hold on her.

"Fine, I'll go buy some formula and bottle," Effy said as she finally agreed to take his side, "but only because I'm so tired and I need rest, not because I want to quit."

Phil's heart literally lifted as soon as Effy said the words, he hated the idea of her feeling like she was a let down and a failure.

He hated that she was starting to resent breastfeeding and she was beginning to feel like she was in a never ending cycle of fatigue and exhaustion.

"Thank you babe," he said with a smile, he knew that it wasn't a permanent solution but it was important that she got some rest and he just hoped that she would feel better now that there was going to be a way to help her. "Why don't you just uber some? Saves us going out at 4am?" Effy suggested as she genuinely was to tierd to go and buy some herself

The idea of Phil using Ubereats to get the formula instead of going out to get it himself was the most wonderful thing in his mind.

He immediately got his phone and made an order for a delivery of formula which would arrive in 10 minutes. The whole time Effy was in bed trying to get some rest, she looked so exhausted that Phil was surprised she wasn't already passed out sleeping.

10 minutes later the delivery arrived and Phil went into the room with the formula and 2 bottles. He placed them down by the bed and sat back down by Effys side, he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'll get her fed with the formula and then you can get some rest," he said, "if she wakes up in the night and you need a break, just call me and I'll happily feed her, we're both parents now, it's not all on you."

"You have training tommorow, you need the rest babe." Effy told him. Phil didn't care about his training, not right now anyways, he was too focused on his family and helping with the baby, she was his number one priority now.

"I'm not sleeping until you get some rest babe, you've got the baby fed and she wont feed again until around 7," he said as he grabbed her free hand and held it tightly, "you need sleep. I'm not going anywhere, if she wakes up in the night, I'll feed her myself."

Effy smiled, at least now she wouldn't be so worried about feeding the baby and she had a bottle if she needed it.

As she closed her eyes for a few minutes, she couldn't help but notice how good Phil looked as he sat there beside her. His presence alone always did things to her and she couldn't stop herself from slowly smiling as she leaned her head onto his chest.

Effy smiled, at least now she wouldn't be so worried about feeding the baby and she had a bottle if she needed it.

As she closed her eyes for a few minutes, she couldn't help but notice how good Phil looked as he sat there beside her. His presence alone always did things to her and she couldn't stop herself from slowly smiling as she leaned her head onto his chest.

A few hours late, Phil had left for training and Emelia, like usual was crying. Effy was quickly jolted awake as she heard the little girl crying, she opened her eyes and sat up in bed.

She quickly threw on her robe and ran over to the crib, she picked her up and immediately began to calm her down with a little rocking motion.

"Emelia please stop crying it's just mummy now." Effy was practically begging a one year old to stop crying and she definitely didn't plan on stopping

Effy was determined to get her baby to stop crying, but even with her attempts the little girl just continued to cry, Effy thought that maybe she was just hungry or wanted affection.

She was starting to get a little worried that she was going to lose her temper if she couldn't get her to stop up already. "Em please stop, i'm so tired."

In a moment of exhaustion and frustration, Effy could almost feel herself starting to snap.

Emilia couldn't stop crying no matter what Effy did and it was really starting to get to her. "Please baby, stop crying or i'm going to start crying with you," Effy was pleading with her little girl.

The more Effy kept talking and trying to beg the baby to stop, the more she found herself getting frustrated that nothing worked and the more frustrated she got, the more tired she became. She was quickly starting to notice herself spiraling out of control and going into a negative mindset, which was the last thing she wanted for herself and the last thing she wanted to do to this poor baby who was just hungry and wanted her mother.

Effy began to cry, she hated the fact that she was so exhausted and she hated that she was starting to lose her patience.

She was becoming desperate and she wanted to just put the baby down but she knew that she needed to keep her close. She was losing her mind and she needed to stop herself from spiraling out of control and she didn't want to take it out on the poor little girl.

"She won't take her bottle, she's screaming  and now i'm crying." Effy messaged Phil with her free hand, she felt like a let down but at the end of the day she was a first time mum, who was also only a child herself, at 18

The notification rang out on his phone and he immediately reached for it the second it lit up. He could read how tired and drained she was just from her messages alone. "I'll be home soon babe, I can take care of her."

"What's up?" John asked Phil as they both laced up there training boots.
Phil didn't bother lying or giving any excuse, he knew when he needed to be straightforward with his friend.

"Effy's having a bit of a rough time with the baby, she's exhausted and drained and I need to get home as quick as possible," Phil said to his friend, he couldn't hide how desperate his voice was and he knew how important this was.

"I'll let Pep know you have gone home early okay? He can't be mad at you for helping the mother of your child mate." John patted him on the back

Phil was so relieved with the support he got from his friend, even though he was a professional athlete, his team was nothing but supportive when it came to him and his growing family.
"Thanks, I'll see you later on then," he said as he quickly headed back towards the dressing rooms and quickly packed up his kit before rushing out of the room.

He drove home at such a fast pace and he got there within 10 minutes, he could already hear the crying of the little girl from inside the house."Phil i don't know what to do! I don't want to put it all on you - but she obviously hates me." Effy was practically having a breakdown as she tried to bounce the girl in her arms

Phil was almost worried about how close Effy was to completely losing it, he could see how tense and exhausted she was and he hated that he wasn't there for them before this breakdown even happened.

"It's fine, come over here let me take the baby," he slowly took the little girl out of her arms and lifted her up into his arms and started to rock her back and forth in the same kind of motion that his girlfriend had earlier.

"I'm sorry, i promise i'm not putting it all on you! I just don't know what to do anymore."

Phil just gently rocked the little girl while hugging her to his chest and kept smiling at her while he started to speak to his girlfriend.

"You've not put anything on me babe, it's fine, this is your first time with a baby, it's not going to be perfect right away, it'll take some time for both of you to get used to one another. You're doing amazing Effy, you're trying your best, and you shouldn't be too harsh on yourself."

"But you also 18, you have a job and you still are better than me with her." Effy was clearly having some postpartum depression, which was making her so stressed and anxious all the time

Phil could definitely see how Effy was constantly downplaying herself and it made his heart break.

The thought of her feeling like she wasn't a good mother was something so heartbreaking for him and it was the last thing he wanted for her to feel.

"I'm not doing better than you at all, I'm just doing my part with the baby like you are doing yours, she's as much my baby as she is yours. You do so much for us, I honestly don't know if I could do it without you."

The moment he spoke, the little girl quickly began to calm down. His voice always did have that effect on her and he was grateful for that.

He continued to rock her and rubbed her back while he sat down on the couch and sat with Effy as she sat down next to him.

"You're her mother, she loves you more than anything, you're the whole world to her," he spoke with the most reassuring tone he could put into his voice. "Do you want to try and breastfeed once more?"

Effy slowly nodded her head, she didn't really want to but she knew it would be beneficial for the baby and it was also the thing that her pediatrician had encouraged her to do. "I will try," she said in a soft tone. She then slowly took the little girl back in her arms and began to pull her top down so she could start breastfeeding her.

Phil could clearly see that what the pediatrician had said had really gotten to Effy and she was doing all that she could to follow their advice.

She was putting herself through it all so that the baby would be healthy and strong, she didn't seem to care at all about her own comfort or well-being and that made him feel so awful. He couldn't believe how selfless his girlfriend was and he knew that she felt guilty that she wasn't producing enough milk for the little girl.

"I can't do it, they hurt to much." Effy told him as she pulled Emelia away from her boob, who immediately started to cry again

It truly hurt his heart to see the pain and discomfort that Effy was experiencing through the breastfeeding, and it was one of the reasons why he wanted her to switch to formula so badly.

"It's okay baby, here just give me the little one, I want to take over," he gently took the baby girl from Effy and quickly held her to his chest while rubbing her back gently.

"I will go make up a bottle." Effy told him as she stood up to go to the kitchen but there was a blood stain on the back of her trousers.
The second he saw that blood stain he immediately remembered that it was coming up to the time when she was meant to be getting her period, his heart suddenly sank because he remembered how much worse she would feel.

His girlfriend was struggling with hormones and on top of the breastfeeding and lack of sleep, it was just a recipe for disaster.
"Do yourself a favour, come and sit down," he said to her as he got up with the baby in his arms, "let me deal with it."

"Why? I can make a bottle." Effy looked at Phil confused. Phil wasn't going to let her just make the bottle, he wanted her to take a rest. He had been seeing how exhausted she was and how run down she looked and he was worried.

He had also noticed the blood stain and he knew how much worse she would feel if she started to have her period on top of it all.

"No, you're sitting down and I'm doing it," he spoke in a firm tone as he sat down on the couch with the baby in his arms and gestured her over to sit next to him. "You have started your period again, and the first one after giving birth is apparently the worst. So go and change your bottoms because you have leaked."

Effy felt her stomach drop and she immediately turned away from him while she slowly walked off to the bathroom.

She felt very embarrassed by the whole situation and she hated that she had to go through it. She wasn't even sure if she had ever felt so low and exhausted and she could feel her hormones getting to her. "Why do I feel so much worse with this period?" she asked herself as she quickly changed her bottoms and took some painkillers.

"Because you haven't had it for 9 months straight babe." He was right and she knew that he was, she had spent the past 9 months without having her monthly cycle or her period at all, so suddenly having it again was definitely a new shock to her body.

It was just like starting to have one again for the very first time which was why she felt so bad.

"I feel like it's worse this time," she said to herself as she walked back out of the bathroom and sat down on the couch next to him.

"Emelia please stop crying." Effy begged at the still screaming child in Phil's arms

Phil wasn't sure why the baby had suddenly started crying again as she had only just drifted off to sleep a few minutes before.

He began to slowly bounce her back and forth and gently rubbed her back and her head with his other hand.

"Sshh, it's okay, it's okay baby," he quietly spoke to her in the most reassuring tone he could find within himself. Slowly but surely she did start to calm down again. "I think you have a bit of post partum depression eff." Phil told her gently

Effy could barely even begin to speak when he finally said the words she had been dreading.

She felt her chest tighten and a wave of sadness suddenly washed over her, was her breakdown earlier a sign of this? "Depressed? You think I'm depressed?" she asked nervously in a quiet tone before she finally started to let a few tears come out.

"It's normal after you have a baby, especially since you're so young and it's your first time having a child."Her boyfriend was right, it was normal for mothers to get depressed after they had a baby, especially at such a young age.

But for some reason, she couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that was now slowly weighing her down, was she a bad mom? Was she really good enough? "I just don't feel like I'm doing enough or good enough."

Her boyfriend was right, it was normal for mothers to get depressed after they had a baby, especially at such a young age.

But for some reason, she couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that was now slowly weighing her down, was she a bad mom? Was she really good enough? "I just don't feel like I'm doing enough or good enough."

Her boyfriend could see her start to spiral a bit in her own head and he quickly reached over and pulled her into a tight hug.

He began to rub her back and she could feel him whisper words of encouragement into her head. "Babe, I know that being a mum isn't easy, the thing is, you're a damn good one. You're trying as hard as you can and you're doing the best you can, that's all that matters."

"But why can't i deal with her crying, you always have to come and get her off me." He could feel her frustration with herself and he wished so badly that he could take the stress and the pain away for her.

"You're tired, you're exhausted and you're having really low hormones because of everything that happened. This is a pretty normal reaction for a mother with all that going on."He pulled her closer into his chest and he continued to hug her closely and rub her back.

"You're allowed to get stressed out by her crying, she's driving you insane. But that's because she knows you're the best thing for her to come too. She's a smart baby that's why she cries so much for you, she knows she always gets what she wants from you, she knows that you'll always comfort her."

Effy simply just slowly nodded her head as she leaned her head down into his chest, she was so tired and worn out. And she felt like it was just a long day that would never end.

"I wish I wasn't like this," she said into his chest quietly, her voice almost completely broken as she began to start crying once more.He could feel her body begin to tremble and he pulled her in tight to his chest to help her calm down. "Do you want to hold her?" Phil asked Effy as he was still holding the little girl

Effy nodded her head again, she wanted nothing more than to just hold the baby close to her and to just have her in her arms.

She slowly took the baby out of his arms and she cradled her gently to her chest and she looked at her for a few seconds before speaking.

"You're such a beautiful little thing," she whispered, "and I'm sorry that you have to put up with such an awful mum."

Her self esteem was at the worst it had ever been and she hated herself for letting everything affect her so much. She could feel those warm tears coming down her cheeks and she hated that she was crying yet again in front of her boyfriend, a part of her was wishing that she could just leave and run away to never return just so she wouldn't be such a burden on him all the time.

As soon as the little girl started screaming and crying out, Effy's chest tightened and she instantly felt that wave of anxiety wash over her body again.

She held the little girl in her arms while she began to frantically walk around trying to calm her down, but to no effect. "Why won't she just stop crying!?" she exclaimed to no one in particular as she started to slightly panic.

It was obvious that her breakdowns had taken a toll on her physically because she was becoming overwhelmed by the little girl's crying much more now.

She felt like a horrible parent and she began to question everything. "I'm useless, I don't even know how to hold my own daughter," she said loudly as she continued to pace back and forth while the little girl continued to cry in her arms.

"Babe stop panicking, lie with her on your chest. I will go make her a bottle okay?"

The sound of him talking rationally to her instantly made her feel better and she immediately sat down on the couch and lied completely back with the little girl on her chest.

She began to gently rock her back and forth with her feet while trying to soothe her and she took him up on his offer to make her a bottle. "Do you mind getting her some socks for me as well?" she asked softly.

Phil quickly nodded his head and he got up and walked over to the baby's basket, he started to go through her socks and he quickly found a pair of tiny baby socks and he brought it over to her. He handed them to her and he quickly returned back to the kitchen to get the bottle ready for the little girl. "John and Ellie are coming later." Phil shouted from the kitchen

Effy's mood suddenly changed when she heard that, it was a small glimpse of happiness and she began to smile faintly.

"They're actually coming round?" she said as she continued to soothe the little girl on her chest, she didn't realize just how much she had missed that girlie talk and company.

"Yeah,her and John need practice anyways before they have there child. I think Ell is about 20 weeks now."

The mention of her friend's pregnancy was nice to hear, she hadn't talked to her in a while as she was constantly busy with the baby.

And she also hadn't heard any news regarding it either so it was nice to hear that she was halfway through it. "So little time left for her,"  Effy softly said out loud before she asked, "When are they coming round?"

Phil was finally finished making the bottle for little Emelia and he walked back out into the living room with it.

He could see that Effy was smiling a little and she was rocking the baby in her arms. "They said they'll be here in about ten minutes," he said to her as he walked over to sit down next to her, "are you excited for them to come over?"

Effy's mood instantly shifted back to a more positive one at this news, and she was even smiling brighter after he sat down next to her.

She could feel the little girl calming down slightly also in her arms after the bottle was warm enough to give her and she then responded to him.

"I am," she said excitedly, "I haven't spoke to them in so long and I can't wait to catch up with them."

Phil was glad that she was becoming excited, he did hope that a little company would do her some good, and he also knew that she was pretty much bored out of her mind by constantly staying indoors and taking care of the baby.

"I'm sure it'll be a nice break for you too," he said to her as he rubbed the little girl's head whilst she was lying on her mother's chest, "I'm glad they're coming round."

Effy was glad he said that because she was really hoping for a small break too, she loved taking care of the little girl but she was definitely glad that she was finally going to get some adult company.

She then looked up towards him while the little girl was still sleeping on her chest. "Do you think they'll want to hold her?"

Phil knew that any time one of their friends came over, they always wanted to hold the baby, even just for a few seconds.

He chuckled to himself and leaned over and kissed her on the top of her head. "You already know they both will come running straight here to hold her, especially Ellie, she will be straight over to the little one," he said in an amused tone.

Effy couldn't help but giggle a little bit at the thought of her best friend running straight to her child the second they got there. Especially seeing as that's exactly what she always does.

"You're probably right yeah, I bet she won't even wait for me to say anything, she'll just go straight to her. Do you think John will want to hold her too?"

"Oh absolutely," Phil answered in a slightly louder and more exaggerated tone, "you know he loves kids and he's always been desperate for kids himself. I think he's gonna be one of the first to ask to hold her."

It would be nice to see her friends come round and finally get a small glimpse at little Emelia. And she was also hoping that the extra baby talk from other people would help to sooth the child as she was still quite fussy sometimes.

Her daughter was starting to stir and she gently tapped her chest twice to make sure that she didn't wake her.
"How long will they be here for?" she asked him.

Phil quickly glanced down at his watch to check the time and he quickly calculated it in his head, and he then looked back up at her. "I'm not completely sure, it depends how busy they are but they did say they'll come here once they're done with work so I doubt it will be a short visit," he told her honestly, "I think you should get settled because they could be here at any minute."

"Em is asleep isn't she, i needed to feed her the bottle." Effy asked as she put the still full bottle on the sofa

"Yes she finally fell asleep a minute or so ago," he quickly responded. As much as their friends coming over was going to be a good thing for her, he knew that even though she was so excited she was still extremely tired also.

"Do you think you should quickly lay down before they come or would you prefer to stay up?" he asked as he could see just how tired she was.

"I can stay up, they will be here in like 5 minutes anyways. The fucking house is a mess though." Phil raised an eyebrow at her sudden outburst of anger, he could see that she was exhausted but her tone caught him off guard. "I don't think they're going to give two shits about the state of the house love, and neither should you to be honest."

He knew how much she would stress herself out if she were to tidy the whole house before their friends came over and he couldn't bare the prospect of her pushing herself too much again. "You're exhausted, just lay down," he repeated once more but in a slightly more firm tone.

John and Elliewalked in with huge smiles on their faces and they instantly darted over to the living room and to Effy and the baby with bright eyes.

"Oh my god," Ellie said excitedly as they entered, she had never gotten to meet her new best friend's child and she was already in a baby fever state.
"Hey Effy,' John said excitedly too as he smiled and waved at the baby who was still lying asleep on her mother's chest.

Effy smiled widely and she was just instantly elated at the sight of her friend's presence. They had all only met up a few times since she had first given birth because she wasn't really up to getting out the house all that much.

She slowly sat up and she gently held the sleeping baby in her arms before she responded to her friend. "Come here and hold her,' Effy offered them, "she's been so fussy today."

Ellie was the first to rush up to take the sleeping baby in her arms and she was absolutely beaming with excitement as she held her. "She's just so tiny," Ellie said cutely as she gently cradled the little girl in her arms, "I forgot how tiny they were at this age."

Effys eyes began to flutter closed as she was struggling to stay awake "She looks to much like Phil." She joked. The four of them all burst out in hysterical laughter at her sarcastic comment and they all quickly shared knowing glances with one another.

Ellie continued to cradled the little girl in her arms for a few seconds more and she spoke up again. "She's got your hair though," she pointed out, as she looked down at the baby's tiny little head, and she noticed that the baby did in fact have Effy's same shade of hair.

Effy smiled and she was still feeling her exhaustion and the laughing session was really starting to wear her out even further.

John was now just smiling and he continued to rock the baby in his arms while he looked over in her direction.
"She's got your personality too," he said in a soft tone and he then added, "God, this kid is going to be trouble when she's older."

Effy laughed softly once again but it was getting increasingly more difficult to do since her body was starting to feel incredibly worn out.

But their joke about the little girl being trouble did make her laugh, as she believed it to be true. "This little girl has already drained every single cell in my body to the point where I feel like a damn corpse," she said to them jokingly.

"Has Mason been round yet?" John asked softly

Effi shook her head no a little and she sighed before she responded. "No, and at this point I don't think he's going to bother, he knows I'm going through a lot with the baby and he probably thinks I wouldn't want him around."

Her tone began to sound a little angrier as she spoke and her eyes glanced towards the door slightly.
"And he's probably right, I might end up slapping him again the moment I see that prick."

"He's still your brother Ef." Effy's frustration quickly dissipated after she heard him say that, she hated that her relationship with her brother had broken down the way that it had.

But he was right, he was still her brother and she had to remind herself that they were family after all. "I know," she said softly before she sighed, "do you think you could convince him come round? "

"I don't think he will to be truthful babe." Phil told her as he walked into the room. Effy knew that he could be telling the truth, her brother was a stubborn one and if he had decided to keep his distance then he was going to continue to do so.

She then let out a faint giggle at the way her boyfriend described his behaviour and she smiled. "He is a bit of a prick though, you've gotta admit that."

Phil was smiling now too and a little bit of the tension that was surrounding him at that moment started to evaporate. "Yeah, I'll admit he is a prick, but he's a prick I can tolerate, but you, you're my favourite prick," he teased her.

"Ell try and feed her the bottle she's refusing to take it off me." Effy asked her bestfriend as she handed her the bottle. Ellie quickly nodded her head and she gently took the bottle out of her best friend's hands, and she held the little one in one arm as she started to feed her with the other arm.

She was an expert at feeding babies at this point given that she was so close to having her own child and she was quickly going from smiling at her best friend to smiling at the little girl in her arms.

Phil quickly noticed that Effy was already fast asleep and he couldn't help but grin, he thought it was hilarious that she had gotten so worn out that simply talking to her friends had knocked her out. He glanced over in Ellie's direction and he whispered to her. "I think she's out cold."

Ellie giggled a little bit and she nodded her head.

"She's been awake practically all night with the baby and she got up at like five this morning," Ellie mentioned quietly.

She then continued to feed the little girl in her arms and she glanced through towards Phil. "She's practically run herself into the ground, I don't know how she manages to run on this much sleep."

"To be fair she has been going of the rails a bit, she has so many breakdowns and i think she also has post partum depression. But for an 18 year old she is doing really well." Phil told them both as he smiled, lifting her gently on the sofa

Both John and Ellie nodded their heads when he told them that she was most likely suffering from PPD and they both knew that having a baby was hard for anyone to handle, so having PPD made it ten times harder. "Yeah, I keep trying to get her to get some help for it but she won't," Ellie said and then added a little bit sarcastically, "the stubborn little prat just won't even consider it."

Phil chuckled quietly at her comment and he agreed with it, he also knew how stubborn she was, she never liked asking for help or accepting it.
"She's still young," he said with an empathetic tone, "I don't think she realizes just how much it is affecting her, I fucking love her though."

Everyone was immediately struck with a wave of laughter at his sudden outburst of emotion. Ellie giggled at him as she spoke. "Calm down you love drunk bastard," she joked to him "we know you love her."

After a few seconds of everyone laughing John finally manages to speak. In a much lighter and less aggressive tone than before, he said to Phil in a mocking manner. "I think you're a bit jealous that she's so much closer to Effy than you are, isn't he babe?"

Phil sighed again and he chuckled softly at his mockery. "I admit I am jealous, I'm jealous that she's not clinging to me like she used to before she had a baby and I'm jealous that I don't get to spend as much time with her," he admitted quietly.