The World Never Wanted Me

Pairing: Ray Toro x Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Summmary: Sequel to The Five of Us Are Dying (x). After a sold-out show in Boise, you and Ray are the only members of My Chemical Romance that don't immediately get mobbed by fans begging for autographs. It's a little depressing....until it gives you and Ray a chance for a much-needed heart-to-heart. 4/4 of my The Five Of Us... Alternate Endings series. Sorry for taking so long to post this! lol

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There was really nothing like the lingering euphoria you felt after playing live. Drumming for hours left you bone-tired and dripping with sweat, but, damn, it felt so good to hear the crowd roaring their appreciation for the way you'd played your heart out on that stage. You'd really gone apeshit tonight, beating the fuck out of those skins with your sticks. And the kids in the pit had seemed to really love it.

"Dude, we were amazing out there!" Frank grinned as the five of you walked backstage.

"Hell yeah, good job out there tonight, everybody," Gerard agreed, bringing a bottle of water to his sore mouth.

"Ray, you fucking killed that guitar solo, dude," Mikey complimented as he wiped sweat from his brow with his jacket sleeve.

"I dunno, I think the real star tonight was Y/N," Ray smiled softly at you. "Seriously, your drum solo was amazing."

"It wasn't that different from the one I did the night before," you shrugged modestly.

"That one was amazing, too, though!" Mikey laughed. "You've given a lot of great performances lately."

"Thanks," you blushed.

"I'm just happy that the solos are there in the set for Y/N and I, to give us each a chance to really show off what we can do," Ray confessed. "Because, I feel like the majority of the attention isn't usually on us, and it's good to have eyes on you for a change."

You agreed with what Ray was saying. When the band was playing, most of the crowd would primarily focus on Gerard. It made sense - he was the frontman, after all. He was the one who spoke to the crowd and got them revved up. He was a very charismatic leader, and that was part of why My Chemical Romance was so successful.

But, even when the fans turned their attention to other band members, it was usually Frank, or sometimes Mikey, that they would call out to, or try and grab the hand of if they were close to the edge of the stage. You were always in the back behind your kit, the furthest away from the barricade, so you never really got that attention. You and Ray were the two quietest in interviews, too. That was part of why the fans seemed less likely to pick you two as their favorite members.

You had your reasons for keeping your mouth shut to the press, though. The last time an interviewer had tried to put the focus on you, you'd let your inexperience with talking on camera cause you to reveal a secret that nobody was supposed to know. You'd admitted you had a crush on one of your bandmates.

To this day, nobody knew it was Ray. You wanted to keep it that way. So, maybe it was a good thing that you kind of.....faded into the background sometimes (at least, as much as someone could fade who was a member of a world-famous, platinum-selling music group).

"You ready to walk to the bus?" Gerard asked, stunning you out of your reverie. You couldn't believe you'd let yourself get so distracted.

"There's probably going to be fans outside, waiting for us to leave the venue," Frank figured.

"Well, it wouldn't hurt us to stop and talk to them for a little bit," Mikey shrugged.

The five of you walked out the back door of the club you'd played at tonight. Immediately, you were blinded by the flashes of cameras and the shrill sound of teenage girls screaming.

"Gerard! I'm your biggest fan!" one cried.

"Frankie, can I please have your autograph?!" another begged.

"Mikey, will you take a picture with me?" a third pleaded.

Gerard stopped and pulled out a pen, and instantly the fans swarmed him. They just kept passing him stuff to sign, from MCR records they'd brought with them to shirts they'd bought after the show. More fans lined up in front of Frank, taking turns getting selfies with him. A group of girls had started talking to Mikey, practically crying as they told him how much My Chemical Romance meant to them.

"Um, I'll sign anything you guys have, too!" Ray piped up softly. "So will Y/N, probably......"

"I don't think our signatures are as valuable," you confessed to Ray in a whisper. He turned to look at you, almost booping you with his fro in the process.

"Don't say that," Ray whispered back. "I'm sure some of them will want to get all five."

Once he said that, a few fans who had already finished getting their stuff signed by the other members came over to you, and you readily signed all of their merch and answered their questions. But, the amount of people coming to talk to you and Ray continued to be a trickle compared to the flood of attention Gerard and Frank received.

"Hey, um, all of us are kind of tired!" Ray announced. "We really have to get on the bus soon if we want to get some rest before we have to drive to the next venue. So, I don't know how much longer we'll be able to hang out with you guys......"

"No, don't go!" the fans cried immediately.

"I still want to give Gerard this gift!" one fan protested.

"I didn't get to talk to Frank yet....." another whined.

"Yeah, I think we're gonna be here a while," Gerard rolled his eyes. He was the most exhausted of all of you, but he couldn't say no to the crowd.

"Even if Gee tried to leave," Ray said quietly, "I don't think the crowd would let him through."

"He, Frank, and Mikey are surrounded," you agreed.

But you realized that since you and Ray were standing a little ways off from the rest of the band, you might be able to elbow your way past the group.

"I really just want to put my feet up and nap," you sighed.

"Let's go," Ray suggested. "To be honest.....I'm not sure we'll be missed that much, anyway."

You frowned when you heard him say this, because you were sure he was wrong, but you didn't fight it when his strong, callused hand slipped into yours and led you back to the bus.

"Bye, Ray!" a few fans called after you when they saw you leaving. "Bye, Y/N! You two did really great tonight!"

"Thank you!" you shouted as you and Ray traipsed off.

"See, some of them care," you told Ray as the pair of you ascended the bus steps.

"Well, I never said nobody cares," Ray admitted as he collapsed onto his bunk. "It's just....have you ever noticed that when we do photo shoots for magazines, it's usually Gerard they ask if he wants to do one photo by himself? Or when the fans write their weird fanfiction about the band, it's usually Gerard or Frank that they want to read about."

"I'm sure there's porn about you somewhere, Ray," you joked.

"Ugh, I don't want to think about it," Ray chuckled, burying his face in his hands. "Like, ok, that was a bad example, but.....you get what I mean, right?"

"Yeah," you said honestly. "Compared to the others, we can be.....invisible. The only time I was ever the headline-maker was that one time I was stupid and said I liked one of you guys."

"Oh, shit, I almost forgot about that!" Ray recalled. "Wow, I wonder who it was......"

"It.....it doesn't matter," you lied, turning red. "I got over that crush years ago."

"Haha, yeah, I figured," Ray nodded. "Aw, man, I bet it was probably Gerard."

"What makes you say that?" you wondered, confused.

"All the girls like Gerard," Ray shrugged. "And, I mean, why wouldn't they? He's got that aura about him when he sings, that you just can't look away from, you know?"

"Then there's Frank," you pointed out. "He goes so wild onstage, jumping around like a fucking rabbit."

"Yeah, I almost wish I played like he does," Ray replied. "I mean, I headbang and stuff when I play sometimes, but I don't have that same kind of visceral playing style that does."

"Well, you two balance each other out," you reminded. "Your more subdued way of playing guitar really compliments Frank's. And even if he's a more electrifying performer, you're way more genius than him at composing music on the guitar. He can't write music like you. Nobody can."

"Thanks, Y/N," Ray said sincerely, seemingly cheered by your compliment. "But, sometimes I still envy the other guys, you know? I'm not charismatic like Gerard, or wild like Frank. And I'm not everybody's cute little brother, like Mikey is. .....Did you know that a couple times, before you joined the band, they literally left me at a truck stop?"

"Are you serious?" you gasped.

"Yeah, they didn't even realize that I wasn't there," Ray frowned. "I guess that kind of speaks volumes about how much they usually notice me."

"I notice you, Ray," you assured him. "I notice you all the time."

"......You mean that?" Ray asked, and you realized he'd turned red. You also realized that the guys still weren't back yet - which meant that you and Ray were all alone together.

".......I.....I do mean it," you confessed, suddenly reddening yourself.

"Hey," Ray said gently, tightly holding your hand. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but.....I would like to point out that we are in Boise....."

"Oh my god, I'd forgotten about that," you gaped. "Come to think of it, I did say I'd tell you who I liked 'after a show in Boise', right?"

"It was five years ago," said Ray. "I'm not surprised you don't remember. But.....I can't forget it, I guess."

"Why not?" you wondered.

"Well...." Ray began hesitantly. "The day of that interview, for, like, five seconds, I thought maybe it might be me you liked. But......that's crazy, right?"

He seemed so resigned to this, so accepting that of course out of the four, he couldn't possibly be your favorite, that it broke your heart. You hated the low self-esteem he had. You hated the magazines, and the fans, and whoever else had ignored him and made him feel like this. He was a member of My Chemical Romance too, goddamnit! And so were you! Neither of you were any less valuable to this band than Gerard, or Frank, or Mikey were!

You were just so angry on behalf of your poor, sweet cinnamon roll Ray that, once again, you slipped up and said something you hadn't intended to.

"It's not crazy, Ray," you said, looking him in his wide, brown eyes.

"Y/N, what are you saying?" Ray asked, like he couldn't quite believe it.

"Uh.....I mean....." you hedged. Fuck, you hadn't meant to let the truth come out now!
"Why isn't it crazy for me to think you liked me?" Ray asked insistently.

"Because MCR wouldn't be able to exist without you," you said seriously. "You're the brains behind some of the greatest songs on the record we're out here promoting right now. You're the most incredible guitarist I've ever seen. And you're the heart that keeps the band together, keeps us from killing each other out on the road. You're incredibly important, Ray."

"So......you're saying I could be crush material," Ray guessed. "Theoretically. But, am I, though? Can't you just tell me straight-up, Y/N? Am I the one you wanted back then, or not?!"

"No," you shook your head. "You're not 'what I wanted.'"

"I fucking knew it...." Ray began.

"You're not the one I wanted," you interrupted, "because you're the one I still want, Ray Toro. I love you."

Ray gasped. He pushed his fluffy hair out of his eyes to look at you better, like he thought this couldn't be real. "You.....love me?"

Holy shit, you'd actually said it. But, since the cat was out of the bag now.....

"Yes, I love you," you admitted, laying it all out on the line. "I've had feelings for you since I first joined the band, Ray. And they never stopped."

Oh, god, you thought. What if he only likes me as friend? What if by admitting this, I've totally ruined the platonic relationship we've had up til now? What if......
Your anxious thoughts were silenced when Ray pulled you down onto his bunk with him and kissed you on the mouth.

Once you got over the sentiment of wait-did-this-actually-just-happen, you returned the kiss eagerly. His lips were so soft.

"I love you, too, Y/N," Ray said when he pulled away at last. "I've loved you for so long, but I just never thought I would be good enough for you."

"You're more than good enough," you promised, and grabbed him by the collar, with intent to find out just how good he could be.