"Come on," Bethany whined.

"No," I replied with finality from underneath my covers.

"Hannah!" Bethany said in a stern mother-like voice.

I lifted the covers down slightly and replied smugly, "You'll make a great mom one day."

She crossed her arms and frowned. Her mom drove her so crazy. It was almost hilarious to watch. I didn't get why she didn't like her. Her mom was awesome and they were so alike even though Beth hated to admit that they had any similarities.

"B, she doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to," Alana interjected from where she was sitting at the end of my bed.

"No, she has to go," Bethany said with unwavering stubbornness. I never thought I was the life of the party. That role was designated to Bethany.

"I don't want to," I cut into the conversation.

I hadn't told my friends what had happened with Ryan because I wasn't entirely sure myself. I didn't want to see him at a party because I had slept all day, not wanting to confront my wavering emotions. I said I needed time to think, which honestly sounded stupid but was the truth. I liked it when all of my emotions were stacked neatly and right now they were jumping around on a pogo stick.

Bethany walked out of my room and down the hall. I relaxed a little. Finally, she was going to stop bugging me and go to the party then I could go back to sleep. Of course, her being Bethany and exactly like a mom, she did the opposite of what I wanted.

I could hear her heels clicking against our wood floors in the direction of my room. Oh no. I sunk lower into my bed and pulled the covers back over my face. When she came back into sight, I saw that she was dragging Spencer into my room by the sleeve of his turquoise Billabong shirt. Finally, he was wearing that thing most guys wore called a shirt when my friends were around.

"What do you need me for?" Spencer asked once Bethany let go of his shirt.

He didn't see me and raised his eyebrows suggestively at Bethany. Seriously? She was my best friend and in my room.

"I need you to get Hannah to come with us to a party," Bethany said, brushing off his comment with an eye roll. I wished I could be that smooth and confident.

"Who's going?" he asked.

"Johnny, Ryan, Brody. You know the usual."

Spencer made eye contact with me and I gave him a if you tell her anything about what you "saw" yesterday I will murder you in your sleep look. I knew he and Blake had gotten the gist of what happened but they hadn't pushed for anything. That was one perk of having two older brothers: they were terrified of confrontation and emotions. I think living in a household that was three-fifths male had rubbed off on me because I was scared of confronting my own emotions.

"If her friends are going to be there, have you asked why she doesn't want to go?"

"Why didn't I think of that before?" Bethany asked sarcastically. "Of course, I did! She said she's 'tired.'"

"She has been working really hard lately," Spencer said in my defense. His presence was helping me out for a change!

"She slept like all day according to Blake and parties aren't meant to be hard. They're supposed to be relaxing and fun," Bethany said, trying to be enthusiastic. However, she was about as enthusiastic as a mom when it was time to go to the dentist.

"Fine, if you'll stop bugging me I have an idea," he finally said.

I was not ready for more of Spencer and his "ideas." Bethany was still blonde.

Spencer whispered something to Bethany and she smiled. I shot Alana a confused look from where my eyes were barely above the covers. She shrugged her shoulders, looking as puzzled as me.

"Do it," Bethany said, staring straight at me.

Spencer started to stalk toward my bed. I was starting to get scared at what I thought was going to happen. He ripped off my covers and tickled me. I was giggling and laughing uncontrollably.

"Go to the party!" Spencer yelled, still tickling me.

Even though I couldn't stop giggling and was about to cry, I still managed to cry, "No!"

"Okay." He continued to tickle me for what seemed like at least five minutes until I finally gave in.

I sat up in my bed and glared at them all.

"Tickle me to death just to make me go to a party," I scoffed.

Alana couldn't help but crack a hint of a smile while Spencer and Bethany high-fived each other triumphantly.

~

I usually liked parties but at that moment, I had never not wanted to go to a party or be anywhere more. My face and outfit probably showed it too. My friends were both wearing cute clothes while I was wearing a blue shirt, light wash cutoffs, and brown flip flops. My blonde hair was down in its naturally tousled waves and my brown eyes looked sad. My face probably looked exhausted and was without makeup except for mascara. I looked underdressed for even one of Shane's parties.

"Hannah, perk up. You're supposed to be enjoying this," Bethany said as we stood in front of Johnny's house. "Turn that frown upside down."

She used her thumb and index finger to move the corners of my mouth upward into a weird forced smile. I couldn't help but smile.

"Yay!" she cheered. "Now, let's have a blast."

"Brody!" Alana squealed running across the yard into his open arms.

"There she goes to the boyfriend already," Bethany said, rolling her eyes and letting us into Johnny's house.

I followed her. The party was a lot less wild than last time but it was still a Shane Anderson party. I recognized some faces from school yet a lot of them I couldn't recognize. As we walked through the crowds of people chatting, they stared at my shabby appearance but I didn't care because I didn't want to be there.

"Ooh, I'm going to go say hi to Paige. Are you going to be okay?" Bethany asked me like I was her lame kid sister who her mom had her bring along.

"Yes," I said letting her go free.

She left eagerly, making a beeline toward Paige. Bethany was looking to be the next captain of the varsity volleyball team, which began with Paige.

I tried to see if Alana was around or if any of my soccer friends were there but I didn't see either. The only person I knew well in the general vicinity was Ryan. He was talking to a bunch of guys who looked familiar from when we occasionally surfed at the normal beaches. I felt a pang of guilt that I still hadn't confronted my feelings like a big wimp. I was being a stupid coward but like the coward I was, I dashed out the open door that led to their pool before Ryan could turn his head and see me.

~

Two hours had passed since we had arrived. If only I could leave, but Bethany had driven us so I couldn't do that. I didn't want to call either of my brothers because they would want to know what was up with my mood as would Sam if I called her. It kind of sucked when you were at a party you didn't want to go to in the first place and no one could give you a ride home because all of your friends who forced you to go were there.

I was sitting on one of the lounge chairs by Johnny's pool staring down at the red cup I was holding when someone sat down next to me. I was hoping it wasn't Ryan but I knew it was bound to happen sometime or the other tonight. I turned and saw Johnny sitting next to me.

I relaxed my shoulders. Yeah, I wasn't ready to talk to Ryan just yet, but I needed to stop avoiding it like I avoided doing my homework.

"Hey," Johnny greeted, not looking directly at me.

"Hi," I answered blandly.

We both sat in silence for a few moments. Johnny and I weren't known for our heart-to-heart conversations.

"What's up with you? You're dressed super casually, you look sad, and you've been staring at your drink for the past couple of minutes," he said looking down at me. "You know you can drink alcoholic beverages here, right?"

"Please Johnny, this is totally an alcoholic beverage," I said shrugging him off while holding up my drink. I was not in the mood and alcohol could not fix this, it would probably make it worse.

"Then can I have some?" he taunted.

"Nah," I said brushing him off. Then he started to try and grab it from me.

I stopped being serious and glum momentarily and laughed. "Fine, you got me."

He grinned. I glared at him while I drank more of my Sprite, which sounded much better to me than feeling tired and crappy in the morning. What was with me? Not drinking at all or wanting to go to Shane's party?

"Well, what's up with you? I thought all you cared about was soccer, baseball, and girls?" I asked sarcastically. It was partially true.

"True but Hannah, I thought we were better friends than that?" he said in a aw Little Hannah voice that my brothers used.

I did not need a fourth annoying older brother. Brody was also like my fourth protective, caring brother but he was like that with all of the girls he was friends with.

I rolled my eyes and could sense Johnny smirking.

"So, do you like B?" I asked all so casually.

"No," he answered almost instantly.

It was a question I had always wondered because Ryan and I were close, Alana and Brody were dating so that left Johnny and Bethany who seemed to hang out and talk a lot without the group. I figured that maybe one of them would develop feelings for the other even though I didn't like thinking about it.

"I mean, she's like the sister I never had." That's what I had assumed Ryan always thought of me. Before I could respond, Johnny asked in confusion, "Summer?"

I whipped my head in the same direction as his and saw her. She was still as gorgeous as ever, not Sam gorgeous but really pretty. She had long hair now and huge green eyes that scrunched in the corners as she laughed with some basketball guys across the pool. Summer was the only serious girlfriend Johnny ever had during freshman year. He was practically in love with her but she made out with some hot upperclassman at a party and it killed him. Summer eventually moved at the end of that year to Vermont and hadn't talked to Johnny since.

We were convinced she was the reason Johnny gave up on commitment. My brother said that was a good thing because according to him he had "mad game." I had to admit even though I was pissed about it at the time, he did make out with Miranda and she was an ice queen so that took skill or a lot of alcohol.

From the way Johnny was looking at Summer, his old feelings that he swore were gone may have resurfaced. It was like he was in some kind of trance that most guys and some girls got under when she was around. He started to get up with his eyes still glued on her until I pulled him back down by his arm.

"Johnny, no," I said sternly.

He tried to get his arm out of my grasp but I somehow managed to keep him down, probably because he was tipsy.

"I'm just going to talk to her," he reassured. I let him go. As long as I could see him from where I was sitting, things would be fine. Right?

He went up to her and they did that long time no see hug. They chatted for a while and everything seemed to be going alright until they drifted toward the house. I had to see what was going on to make sure he didn't do anything completely idiotic like usual but right as I got up, I didn't watch where I was going and accidentally knocked into a boy.

I knew exactly who it was. Being so close to him gave me that tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach again. I was not ready for any kind of confrontation and about to turn around the other way when he caught my arm. He spun me around and I landed in his chest again. I backed up a couple of steps and gave Ryan a forced smile.

"Uh, I've gotta go. You see, Summer's back and Johnny's you know Johnny so I need to go take care of that situation," I said awkwardly, trying not to look directly at his vivid blue eyes.

He didn't reply so I was guessing that was my cue to leave. I started walking away when he said, "Hannah, why won't you just talk to me?"

I stopped dead in my tracks and scrunched up my nose. This was exactly what I was trying to avoid.

"I told you—" I started to say looking up at him.

"'You need time to think.' Do you really need time to think about this?" Ryan asked.

"Yes. Don't you know me? I always need to think and overanalyze. You just professed your feelings for me! You're making me rethink everything!" I burst out. "Didn't you think that would be a little hard for me to wrap my head around and not to mention the fact that my feelings are added to the mix too?"

"Oh," he said.

"Ryan, I just...don't want our friendship tumbling into the sand," I said.

"Too late," he said looking directly at me.

"You're breaking up with me?" I asked in disbelief.

"Hannah, we were never in a relationship," he stated.

"We were in a friendship," I said, beginning to tear up.

Ryan had seen me cry before and I really didn't want to cry now but we had been best friends for 16 years. Didn't that mean anything to him?

"I guess I'm breaking up with you then," he said coldly as he started to walk away.

I wanted to run after him but it was like he was solidifying the break. He was supposed to be the guy who knew me better than anyone on this planet and he was walking away. I never thought he'd give up on me but he just did.

Finally, someone came to my rescue when Alana yelled, "Ryan, stop!"

Ryan stopped and turned around to look at her. Alana was standing in between our 10-foot gap and took in a deep breath then said all in a rush, "I'mmovingtoNewYorkinJanuary."

WHAT?!

Everyone looked at her in shock while Ryan used the lag to finish storming off to his car. That was the last straw before tears started coming out of my eyes like a waterfall. I had lost one best friend tonight and I couldn't bear to lose another. It was my turn to storm off and I did but before I turned out of sight, I saw Alana starting to bawl her eyes out to Brody.

I walked far enough down the road from Johnny's house and sat down on the curb before I cried even more. What was happening to me? I thought Hannah Gold was stronger than the weak girl crying on the side of the road.

~

"Hannah?" I didn't respond and just got in the car. I tried to cover my face so he couldn't tell my eyes were bloodshot because I was not a crier, but it was no use.

"Hannah, what's wrong?" he asked again.

"I don't want to talk about it," I mumbled.

"Seriously Hannah, now is the time you choose to be stubborn?" he asked with a funny expression on his face. I smiled a little. Being the good brother he was, he decided to drop it.

"Looks like a good party that you should be enjoying," Blake said looking out the window as we turned around at the end of the road. "Even though you refuse to tell me what happened, why did you call me?"

He seemed so surprised I had called him when I thought the answer was obvious: "All of my friends are here, Sam is out most of the time and I didn't want to burden her, mom and dad would be pissed if they saw how big the party was, and Spencer would join the party instead of taking me home."

"Well, thank you for choosing me," he said sarcastically. "Wow, you don't think I have a social life too?"

I smiled slightly and quoted Rihanna, "Just shut up and drive."

~

Johnny's POV

I had to admit this party wasn't as bad or out of control as the last one. Spencer had also warned me ahead of time so I didn't arrive home to see a bunch of strangers. It looked like people were having a pretty good time but I should've considered that most of them were drunk. I was at our kitchen counter grabbing a drink for Summer when someone bumped into my shoulder. I looked up and saw it was Brody.

"Hey man," I greeted.

"Hey," he replied.

"What was up with the whole Hannah and Ryan thing?" I asked.

I had only caught a part of the conversation but it seemed pretty intense. I bet she had caught Ryan staring at her ass or something. What a typical Hannah reaction.

"I don't know," Brody said slightly looking at the ground like he knew something I didn't. I let it slide because I wasn't one to pry and I had rekindled things with my ex who was looking pretty hot tonight.

"I'm going to go attend to a situation if you know what I mean." I waggled my eyebrows while Brody made a displeased face. What had Alana done to him?! The old Brody I knew would've fist-bumped me and patted me on the back. Since I got neither of those I just said, "Later dude."

"Wait, I wouldn't go out there if I were you," What happened to my best friend? Oh yeah, he got a girlfriend, exactly the reason I didn't want one.

"Why not?" I scoffed.

"Uh...um..." he stalled poorly.

"Okay, I don't know what happened to the old Brody I used to know, cough cough Alana, but I'm gonna go have a good time. Talk to you later," I said brushing past him out the door.

I could hear him follow me. I was about to turn around to tell him to leave me alone when I dropped the cups I was holding in the patch of bushes below.

"I told you not to go outside," Brody added very unhelpfully.

I stormed across the pool area to the bench where Shane was making out with a girl. I was so pissed off at him, more than I had ever been before. How could he do this to me? He didn't let me down, he had betrayed me.

"What's up, little bro?" Shane asked with no remorse. That's when I punched him square in the jaw.