The silence was deafening. It was the kind of silence that hurts your ears. The kind of silence you hear when you're sitting on the bathroom floor at two in the morning because sleep alludes you and you've settle with clipping your toenails instead of trying to sleep. Kylo Ren was curled up in front of the sink on the floor, painting his toenails at four A.M. on a Sunday night. He was painting them baby blue. He wasn't sure why he'd picked the colour, he just wanted the ringing in his ears to stop. The blue was calming. 

It reminded him of the eyes he saw in that picture his parents had of Luke. His hand stilled. He wondered, briefly, if he'd picked the colour because of that reason, subconsciously. Maybe his father would like the colour, his mother. 

Before his thoughts could continue, there was a soft knock on the bathroom door. 

"Kylo?" Rey's quiet voice called. Kylo looked up and stared at the door, as if debating whether or not to actually respond. He sighed.

"You can come in." He murmured. The bathroom door squeaked open and Rey stepped in. He watched her walk towards him in her too-big sleep pants and t-shirt then sit down next to him.

"Are you okay?" She asked, hugging her knees to her chest. Kylo hesitated to reply. Rather, he hesitated on whether or not he should tell the truth. He ended up just shaking his head. 

"Do you think Dad has a hard time being around me because I remind him of Uncle Luke?" He forced out, voice small and hoarse. Rey frowned. 

"No, not at all. I think he's scared he might lose you like he lost Uncle Luke, but I don't think it hurts him." She told him. He nodded and continued to paint his nails. 

"Do you think he'll come back?" Kylo asked. Rey made a face of uncertainty. 

"I hope so." Was all she could think to say. The two teens sat in silence, occasionally chatting about this or that until Rey heard her alarm go off in the other room. With unanimous sighs, they got up and went to their respective bedrooms to get ready for their days.

***

"Han?" Leia's voice was tired and sad. Her husband turned to face her. She would not meet his eyes, a motion he could understand, as he could barely bring himself to meet her's.

"Yes, Leia?" He answered in a sweet tone. He could support her in times like this, just as he knew she could do the same fore him.

"I miss him. Was it my fault? Was it something I did?" She asked, voice cracking. Han's face softened and he pulled his wife to his chest. 

"No, sweetheart. I think... I think he just... he just needed to find peace with himself." He assured. Though, who he was reassuring was up for debate at this point.

"Do you-Do you think he...?" Her voice broke and she began to gently sob into Han's chest.

"No, Leia, no. He can't." He replied. He didn't want to even consider it. There was no way. He wouldn't. He couldn't be. Han refused to let it happen. Even if he didn't know where he was, he just... knew. He knew that Leia knew it, too. Sometimes, though, it felt better to imagine he had died instead of left them behind.

He hated it.

***

Breakfast was quiet. The only conversation coming from Threepio trying to keep Artoo awake. Kylo didn't want to go to school today. 

So he didn't.

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wtf is this shit??? an update???? surprise motherfuckers. sorry for the angst but I'm building up to some good shit. I'm getting back into my writing groove. I can't wait to write about some old gays. ;)

~Goblin