I was lying in bed alone, the room around me pitch black. My gaze was locked outside of the window that looked out at the apartment building across from ours. Rain pattered against the window panes, the shadow the street light cast on my face disguising the tears that made my cheeks sticky.

It had only been a matter of days, not even, and my whole life seemed to be falling apart. First I was told the girl I wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with wasn't good enough for me; that no one wanted to hear how she and I had been long time friends who fell in love. And then I found out that she was starting to fall in love with someone else.

I didn't know for sure that that was the case, but it was bound to happen. I saw the way he looked at her and the way she looked at him, and it was the same way she and I looked at each other. The only difference was that it wasn't me she was looking at anymore. It was some guy she met at the bar.

Ruby might not have been the jealous type, but I was. That was how I always was. I was jealous of who other people were, of what they did. That was why I became a musician. Because I wanted to be like them and have what they had - the perfect life. I was so close to living that perfect life, the one I aspired to achieve all of my life, so close. But then this happened.

As another tear fell from my eyes and rolled down my cheek, I heard the door click open and watched as a beam of light appeared on the wall next to the window.

"Brendon?" Ruby's soft voice rang in my ear.

I remained silent and held the blankets draped over my shoulders closer to my chest.

"Brendon, come on...I know you're in here," She murmured, stepping into the room and flipping the switch up, illuminating the dark room.

"Turn them off," I hissed, slipping underneath the covers completely. She heaved a sigh and did as I asked, the room returning to its pitch black state. I listened to her footsteps travel across the bedroom floor and felt the bed dip ever so slightly as she sat down, the old bed creaking underneath her.

"Do you want to tell me what happened back there?" She inquired in an attempt to spark a conversation, tilting her head down and twiddling her thumbs in her lap.

I peered my head out from underneath the covers and looked up and over at her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do. You know exactly what I'm talking about." She glanced back over her shoulder, her eyes glowing in the shadows. "You've been acting really weird lately and I don't know why." She didn't give me the chance to respond before continuing, "Is it because of the proposal? Because if that's the case, then let's just get it over with. If you want us to get married, let's get married. If it'll make you stop acting so weird-"

I sighed. "Ruby, that's not it."

"Then what is it, Brendon?" She snapped, her tone laced with a mixture of anguish, bewilderment, and irritation. The two of us almost never fought like this, but when we did, it was explosive. And right now, I could see the timer coming closer and closer to 0:00, its loud, metrical ticking reverberating in my ears. It had been since last night, and unlike other times, I didn't think this bomb was going to be defused quick enough. "Well?" She asked, becoming impatient.

I let out a long breath before replying, "I thought you said you wouldn't bring it up until I was ready."

"Well what am I supposed to say when you're not telling me anything?" Ruby croaked, her throat starting to swell up and her eyes beginning to flood with tears. She put her head in her hands and began to sob, her body wracking every time she drew in a shaky breath. "You're not telling me anything, Brendon. I-I just want to know what's going on. Is that t-t-too much to ask f-f-for?"

Guilt washed over me and I rolled up, wrapping my arms around her waist and placing a gentle kiss on her shoulder blade, squeezing her a little tighter. My efforts were fruitless, though, because she just kept crying. In fact, her cries became harder, more intense.

"Shh," I whispered in her ear, starting to rock her side to side, "Hey, it's okay. Let's just forget about it, okay?"

"How can I just forget about...forget about it when you told me...you told me I wasn't good enough for y-y-you?" She stammered through the tears, gasping for air. "I-I mean, you told me you were going to break up with me. And...And I don't know what happened, but..."

My red and puffy eyes doubled in size as the night we had twenty-four hours ago came back to me. I closed my eyes, mentally smacking myself. "Oh my god, Ruby, no. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it."

She shook her head. "Brendon, I know when you're lying to me and when you're not. And that night..."

"I was high! I didn't know what I was saying!" I tried to justify myself.

"That night you were telling me the truth," She finished her sentence dejectedly. She gently plucked my arms off of her and rose to her feet, standing there for a little before turning around to face me and asking, "Is that what you want us to do, Brendon? Break up?"

"No!" I exclaimed, jumping up, "Never!"

"Then what the hell was last night about?"

She was giving me the perfect chance to tell her everything. She'd set it up perfectly. All I had to do was bring her down on my lap and admit to her everything. How I was planning on proposing to her, but when I brought it up to my friends, I was told that marrying her would be the biggest mistake of my life. How I didn't believe them, but it wasn't up to me because the situation was out of my control. How Pete had already found me a new girlfriend, one I didn't have to truly love but make it seem that way in public, to the masses. How I didn't want to go through with it, but had no other choice or else the band's integrity would be in danger. How, even though the band was my everything, something I'd shed blood, sweat, and tears for, the band didn't mean more to me than she did. Above all, though, I could admit - not to her, but to myself - that this wasn't going to work out if we stayed together. As much as I wished it was, this was what it had all come down to. I couldn't manage having a real relationship with her and a fake one with someone else, as much as I wanted to.

This wasn't part of the plan. We weren't supposed to break up. Not now, not then, not ever. We were supposed to live happily ever after, living in a nice big house, happily married, maybe even with a kid or two. The key word in all of that: happily. However, right now, we were far from it.

"I told you, babe," I muttered, tilting my head down, "I was high."

She scoffed and turned away from me, walking out of the room and slamming the door behind her.

"Wait, Ruby!"