tw: grief, drug abuse, alcoholism, angst

schlatt couldn't remember exactly how many weeks had gone by, most of it blurred with the haze of booze and coke. he spent some time just sleeping, or laying in bed and imagining y/n was there with him, peacefully resting her head on his shoulder. mornings were the worst, waking up and realizing she wasn't there. it was small, but mornings were something he took for granted. they used to be so abundant, but now his once lush forest, laid dry.

"schlatt...?" the voice rung in his head, but he kept his eyes shut. maybe if you just would've stayed standing- she'd still be here- his mind spun, if you just listened, she wouldn't have walked off on to that balcony- that fucking balcony.

"stop..." he whispered to himself, his hands shaking, maybe if you actually had your eyes open you would've seen techno- standing in the middle of the rose garden- pointing that arrow- standing out like a sore thumb.

"schlatt-?" he looked up, sapnap tilted his head, dream, karl, and punz hovered around him. right- schlatt clenched his fists, regaining his surroundings. office- surrounding a table- whiskey sat neatly in the middle. he reached a shaky hand out for it, a bountiful well in the middle of a desert- his head hurt. pouring the whiskey into those crystal glasses- memories flood- y/n sipping from it, eyelids heavy, and giggly mumbling about something to him. she was so funny when she drank- he took a sip.

"yes, boys?" he mumbled, he couldn't bother to put on that charming smile, they'd see through it, the way y/n always could. he never told her about these meetings with dream and the others, maybe she knew about a few- but there were so much more. there was a lot he held from her- like how he exiled niki, he couldn't bare them tell y/n about that- in fear she'd leave. i mean- how could you, exile her best friend- and then just hope she'd never find out...i guess you got that wish now, schlatt. he winced, downing the rest of the whiskey- then quickly refilling his glass.

"schlatt- is now a good time...?" karl stepped in, placing a hesitant hand on the shoulder of schlatts chair. schlatt wasn't much of a fan of them, they were just business partners- however he wouldn't admit the company felt a little nice right now. it was beginning to drive him insane how empty the house felt. it was strange, how big it was, why did he buy such a big house for just the two of them? he fumbled a hand into his pocket, tracing y/n's ring with his fingers.

"now is fine- better if anything" he flashed a smile, which only made the three of them furrow their brows- dream however, had something else laying on him, from what he could tell at least.

"alright-" sapnap cleared his throat- "so basically we were thinking about a surprise attack..." he continued, schlatt couldn't bother to listen, his fingers kept running along the curved metal in his pocket, something meant to last forever- so meaningless now- just an item. but it felt like anything but that. he sighed, sapnaps muffled voice ringing in the room. he closed his eyes,

"schlatt" her voice, he opened them. he must've been dreaming. "do you like them?" she smiled, gently letting her finger tips run along the petals of the roses, careful to avoid the pricks surrounding the stem.

"they're beautiful" he mumbled, pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear- gazing at her eyes. he paused, taking a moment just to bask in her. "why did you go...?" he stepped closer, tugging her into a hug.

"i had to" her frame rested beneath him.

"why"

"you know why, schlatt"

"..." he paused, biting his lip, "no...come home..."

"i cant" she sighed. he buried his face into her hair, hugging her tighter,

"then take me with you..." he sighed, his voice shaking, heart pumping in his throat.

"...isn't this day so beautiful? aren't the roses so beautiful?" he could hear her loving smile. he tilted his head up, watching the sun peak through the clouds and shimmer through treetops, the warmth hitting his face and gently prickling light on to his skin. he bit his lip, harder- holding back tears- but he didn't feel pain, just warmth. he pushed harder, why couldn't he feel it?

"i have to go, schlatt..."

"no...don't go" he whispered, holding her tighter. "take me with you..." he closed his eyes, resting his head back on to her shoulder.

"schlatt..."

"there's a way..."

"no..." she shook her head.

"yes, he has it..."

"schlatt...?"

"what...?" he opened his eyes, dream hovered over him. schlatt sat up, looking around- "wh-"

"you fell asleep" dream chuckled, leaning against the table. "they left..." schlatt noticed the absence of people, and the tension between just him and dream.

"that's fine-" schlatt cleared his throat, shaking his head to clear his mind- and readjust to his surroundings. the liquor laid heavy in him, his headache numbed, a metallic taste in his mouth. he rose his hand up, swiping the blood off his now bruised lip. "i um-" he stood up, "i needed to talk to you anyways...about that deal we have..." he sighed, clenching his fists. dream tilted his head,

"go on..." dream mumbled, flipping his knife in his hand.

"i-" he shuffled, "i need that book back..." he met dreams eyes, a stern look covering his eyes. dream let out a cocky chuckle.

"listen- schlatt..."

"just give it to me..." he whispered. dream paused,

"schlatt...i know you miss her...but- her time was cut short- that's just how it is- you can't change that..." he put his knife away, standing up.

"dream-" schlatt put his fist on the table, trying his best to remain calm. "just give it to me..."

"schlatt, it's not natural...you can't-"

"then why the fuck-" he caught his tongue- adjusting his tone- and assuming the rest of them were just outside. dream tilted his head again, almost daring him to continue. "then why do you want it-" he whispered. dream sighed,

"to make sure people like you don't have it..." he chuckled, schlatt only glared. his eyelids low and angry, threatening dream. "schlatt..." dream grinned, hand resting back on to his knife. schlatt huffed angrily, almost growling. dream tilted his head again, hand gripping his knife "what?" he said, teasing- testing. schlatt felt his heart pump into his throat again, his anger resting, and his tears begin to fall. dream observed him, as if watching some sort of animal perform a trick. "i'm sorry..." dream stepped away from the table, walking towards the door, with every step breaking schlatts heart- and hopes. his mind wandered, he couldn't fight dream- that wouldn't do anything. he sighed, opening the door and pausing. "she was...good..." he nodded towards schlatt, then exiting the room, gently closing the door behind him.

"fuck..." schlatt whispered, gently tapping his knuckles on the desk, pausing- then slamming his fist on to the table. "FUCK!" he whaled, sobbing. his hand shakily reaching into his pocket, pulling out those pills again. bastard, he thought, you bastard.