tw: death, grief, trauma, angst, alcohol/drinking, drug use, unhealthy coping

did you mean for this to happen, schlatt? her voice rang like a bell through his head, squeezing his heart. schlatt tugged at his own hair, pressing his back further up against the wall.

he couldn't bring himself to scrub away the blood staining his sweater, it felt like part of her still remained, staining his chest- his heart. leaning over the sink, holding that bottle again- hands shaking atop it- schlatt could barely think. only, is this a dream? some sick twisted dream? why am i dreaming this?

----

days went, the war continued. schlatt stayed home, part of him hoping, praying, they'd come back- to finish what they started. he downed liquor like it was the only thing keeping him alive, because that buzz let him feel something better, feel not alone. because it let him feel warm inside, the way she would make him feel. schlatt found himself digging around in the closet, searching for something stronger- something he remembered vaguely from months ago- when things were particularly stressful in his presidency. something he stopped doing a long time ago. he kept it though. just incase. maybe that's the problem, he never really wanted to stop it, that's why he kept it. schlatt sighed, retrieving the small box and sitting down on the floor, hands shaking while he opened it.

you shouldn't, her voice said again.

i need to, he thought. placed neatly inside the box a small bag of pills stared mockingly at him, like greeting an old friend. he frowned, taking out a few pills and crushing them under the bag.

please, he heard himself, pleading for something to make him feel good again. to take away the pain, and the thoughts. he leaned over, giving in to that temptation he did so well of resisting all these months, years.

----

stumbling over to the bed, schlatt succumbed into the blankets- his senses danced and whirred- making everything feel warm and loving. he smiled, rolling over and looking up. y/n's hair dangling over him and her eyes- a sea of infinity and soul- kissing his cheeks with teardrops. her hands cupped his face lovingly, her skin soft and glowing, radiant, alive. his grin widened, exhaling,

"i missed you..." he slurred, reaching his hand up to touch her.

"i know"

"come home" his hand intertwining with her hair, her skin, her heart, sewing the strings of schlatts mind.

"i am home"