CHAPTER SEVEN
Fourteen years old

Ares is with Sara for about half a year and that's when Felix decides to get himself a boyfriend.

Felix has survived Ares' relationship for six whole months—which have felt more like six years to him—and has learned that Sara is a basketball player who likes to flick her friends (and boyfriend) on the forehead and smile gently at those same friends when they tell her something excitedly and Felix likes her.

It somehow makes everything a little worse when Sara starts calling Felix her friend. Now, Felix feels like he's betraying two people by having a crush on Ares. Maybe that's what pushes him to finally get rid of the unnecessary feelings for his best friend and realize, that the easiest way is to feel them for someone else. 

"We have to find me a boyfriend."

Teddy glances at him before returning her attention to her locker and the pictures hanging inside it. She sticks a photo of a heavy metal band Felix knows she likes onto the back of the door. "I thought you had a boyfriend."

Felix blinks. "What?"

She glances at him. It looks more like glaring, but Felix has learned that that's just what her eye liner makes it look like. "You don't have a boyfriend?"

"What?" he repeats before shaking his head like the idea offends him. She shrugs. "Of course not. Who would be my boyfriend?"

"That Latino guy you always hang around." Felix feels his cheeks burn just as she eyes the photos she has hung up. "You broke up?"

"You mean Ares?" He makes a weird sound like he can't believe she'd think this and shakes his head again because he just can't help it. The last thing he needs is for this to reach Ares and have him think that Felix has people thinking that they're dating. "Us? What, no! Why– would we– ever–" 

He halts as Teddy looks at him, closing her locker. "We're just friends. Best friends," he adds as if it doesn't make him sound even more stupid. When Teddy still doesn't say anything, Felix feels compelled to say, "Besides, Ares is straight, so." He shrugs and Teddy frowns.

"Uh," she says, "no, he's not."

"He has a girlfriend."

"So?" She raises an eyebrow like she always does before she's about to lecture him about something. "He could still be queer."

"It doesn't matter," Felix says, refusing to admit that he's unsure what queer even means. "We're not together."

Teddy stills for a couple of seconds as if considering something before stating with a straight face, "There is no heterosexual explanation for you guys, but okay." She shrugs. "If you say so."

"I do," Felix sighs.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay," she repeats and Felix has to physically stop himself from repeating it. "So, why do you want a boyfriend? They're just a hassle."

Because I need to get over my straight best friend that you think is my boyfriend who has a girlfriend who's also my friend and this is the best plan that I can come up with because I have run out of patience–

"Because life is short and I've never had one," he says instead and ignores how lame he sounds.

Teddy blinks. She doesn't seem to impressed. "You're what? Fourteen?"

"You're fourteen, too!"

"So we're both too young to say that life's too short, but only one of us did. What's your point?" she says and Felix rolls his eyes.

"Fine, if you don't wanna help me then don't." Felix walks around her, but he doesn't get far before he feels someone pull in his bag pack and he looks back to see her holding onto it.

"Sorry." Teddy doesn't look sorry, but Felix takes what he can get so he nods and waits as she turns around to face him. "I'll help you find a boyfriend-potential guy, but you have to do the flirting yourself. If you forgot, I'm still just a fourteen-year-old person and I don't know to flirt either."

Felix snorts. "Who said I can't flirt?"

"You just said you haven't had a boyfriend before, so I just connected the dots on my own." Teddy pauses and looks to be considering something before she states, "I think you should go for Carter."

"Carter?" Felix echoes.

Teddy shrugs. "He's in our English class. I can smell the queer off of him, the last time I saw him he complimented at least five different people and he still hasn't asked me if I eat dog at home, so I don't think he'd be too bad of a choice."

Felix thinks Teddy is right: Carter is not too bad of a choice at all because the next day he asks Felix if he can sit beside him in class. It's perfect, Felix thinks. They sit beside each other and Carter has a nice smile that he constantly shows off. With Ares stuck at home with a fever, Felix can almost convince himself that being with Carter helps.

"I love horror movies," Carter says when they're talking horror in English class a week later. He sits with his leg balanced on the edge of Felix's chair and has a habit of letting his fingers go through his curls. "They scare the crap out of me, but it's the best feeling ever. It's my favorite movie genre."

"Felix loves horror movies, too," Teddy says. She doesn't even take her eyes off the Nintendo Switch in her hands, so she doesn't see the pointed look that Felix sends her when he's sure Carter won't notice.

"You do?" Carter asks, excited.

Felix does not. 

But, stupidly, he still decides to go with it. He doesn't know how not to. "Yeah."

"Cool! Which one is your favorite– no, wait! Let me guess!" Felix almost sighs in relief when Carter offers this. He gestures for him to try and successfully, Carter smiles. "The purge?" he pauses. "The second purge movie? The third? The fourth–"

"Jesus, how many are there?" Felix laughs and Teddy exhales through her nose beside him, not bothered enough to lift her head and join in.

"Five," Carter says, looking proud to know something Felix doesn't. He ignores it. "I'm guessing it's not one of those then?" Felix shakes his head. Carter considers his other guess. "Escape room?" He smiles. "You look like an Escape Room kind of person."

Felix wonders how one can look like an "Escape Room kind of person" but Teddy digs her elbow into his side before he can consider it and he hums. "Yeah. That one."

"Really!" Carter smiles. It's first now that Felix realizes he doesn't have any dimples. "I've never watched it before."

Felix feels Teddy still beside him before she repeatedly slams her elbow into Felix's side, as if she has no faith in him to see when opportunities shows up.

But Felix doesn't really want to when he offers, "Maybe we can watch it together some time," and maybe that's why he adds with barely any hesitation, "all three of us."

He feels Teddy dissatisfaction with this when she digs her elbow into his side again. This time he pushes back and watches with a strained smile as Carter grins. "Sure! Sounds like a good plan."

"Sounds like a terrible plan," Teddy hisses when they leave the classroom, walking down the hallway with Carter nowhere to be seen. "Why did you say all three of us? I though you wanted to get yourself a boyfriend!"

"I panicked!" Felix defends himself, but he knows that Teddy knows it's not true. He didn't panic: he just didn't want to. "Besides, I wouldn't know what to do if he actually took me up on the offer." Teddy stares at him until he explains, "I can't talk to him alone!"

"You're talking to him alone in class all the time?"

"But you're there."

"Saying nothing!" Felix rolls his eyes.

"But it counts as moral support," he argues. This time, Teddy is the one to roll her eyes. "And I wouldn't have that if I went with him alone!"

Teddy looks at him for a few seconds before shrugging. "Your choice." She doesn't warn him before entering another classroom. Felix continues down the hallway before he finds his History class. Inside, the other kids are already there: including Ares.

Felix doesn't know why he expects Ares not to smile when he spots him because that is the first thing he does when their eyes find each other. Felix returns it immediately even though it makes him feel two-faced and takes up the seat beside Ares.

"You had English?" Felix nods. "Cool. How's Teddy?"

"Like she always is." He shrugs, pulling out his textbooks. "Weird and rude and... weird."

"Says the guy who spends ten minutes on picking away watermelon seeds before eating," Ares laughs and pokes him. The action reminds him of Sara. "That's why you're stuck with each other. You're both weirdos."

"Well, Teddy also thinks it's weird when I do that, so that can't be the reason," Felix deadpans and Ares laughs again. 

"Have you talked to Keyomii yet?" Ares asks. "She told me to tell you to stop ignoring her texts before she explodes. She needs your help with something."

"I haven't ignored her texts."

"That's what you say," Ares says, "but every time you open the phone I see the red notifications."

"That's your texts."

"Yeah, right." Felix smiles when Ares laughs. "I'll tell her where you live and then she'll come torment you before you give in. Just text her back."

"She demands so much from me," Felix laughs. "You know I can't say no to her."

The teacher arrives when Felix says this. Ares turns to grin at him before leaning close to him, whispering, "I'll do it for you, don't worry."

Felix doesn't have to lean closer to Ares to whisper back because Ares never leaves his space before he replies with a chuckle, "Like you're any better than me. She'll bully you into compliance."

Ares laughs and he's so close to Felix, he can feel his breath through the fabric of his t-shirt. Then he leans back, the moment is over and Felix has to remind himself to breathe.

"How is Ares?"

Felix looks up to see his dad already looking at him over the newspapers in his hands, his plate now empty. 

Felix blinks, cutting the meat out on his plate. "Fine," he says. "Like always."

His father hums and when Felix looks at him again from across the dinner table, he is still looking at him. "What?"

His father shakes his head. "Nothing." A few seconds pass before he clears his throat and Felix manages not to roll his eyes when he says, "So, are there any cute boys in your school or..."

Felix is about to answer like he always does—"I don't know, Dad"—but before he can stop himself, he speed-talks, "Actually, there is."

It feels wrong to say this, but it's too late to take it back when his dad raises his head with wide eyes. "Really?" he asks, sounding surprised. "Well, what's his name?"

"Carter." God, Felix thinks. Even his name fits weirdly in his mouth. "He's in my English class. He's cool."

"Cool," his father echoes. His brows are pulled together like he's trying to understand what the word is supposed to mean or maybe like he is trying to read more off Felix's face. 

"Yeah," Felix says and takes away his plate before his father figures out how to read his mind. "Cool."

Carter is still cool when the weekend is over and when the next one is and Felix decides that maybe people learn how to fall for others. He's only fourteen and Felix thinks fourteen-year-old hearts have it easy to fall and are easy to fall for. So, even though Carter and he have nothing in common, and after a thousand lies Carter thinks they do, Felix thinks that he can make it work. 

And then Thursday comes around and someone (Teddy; Teddy is someone) says that Carter and Felix look cute together and Carter goes, "Fun. No homo, though," and tells the very much homosexual Felix that he thinks he likes Teddy at the end of class.

"So," Teddy says as they both watch Carter and the rest of the students leave the classroom, "my gaydar might be a little broken."

"You think?" Felix groans and throws his head onto the table. "This is so embarrassing."

"Yeah, it is." Felix makes a disoriented sound and Teddy continues, "But that's what's expected when you try to go for someone, right? It's supposed to be embarrassing."

Felix feels an awkward hand on his back for a second when he makes another sound and he hears Teddy sigh. "Don't be too depressed about it. There's a lot of boys in this school—believe me, I see them everywhere." 

"I guess," Felix murmurs. He doesn't want to seem like a loser who gives up after one try, but Felix is already tired of running after boys that don't want him, so that's what he tells Teddy: that their plan to get him a boyfriend is canceled. 

She doesn't tell him not to give up. She just hums and when he leans back in his chair, she shrugs. "You're only fourteen, Felix, and teenage boys are stupid. You don't want to be with them anyway."

Felix thinks to himself that he wishes it was that easy, but he doesn't tell this to Teddy. 

And then, while he's trying to figure out what to do with his stupid emotions, Sara and he are standing by her locker days later and she tells him, "Oh, Ares and I broke up," like it is nothing; like it just slipped her mind.

And Felix doesn't even know how to feel about it.

He blinks. "You did? Why?"

"I don't know," she says even though she clearly does. "We just talked about it over the weekend and we agreed that we just didn't really like each other that much anymore. At least not like girlfriend and boyfriend."

"Oh." Felix doesn't know what else to say. "I'm sorry," he opts for, but it sounds more like she might've told him her grandfather died and he's giving out his condolences.

"Don't be," she chuckles. Felix only gets to wonder if this is the end of their friendship for a second before she adds, "We're still friends."

"You are?" Felix doesn't mean to sound this relieved, but it doesn't look like Sara minds.

"Yeah." She shrugs. "I mean, it's not like we hate each other."

"For a moment I thought I'd have to choose between you," Felix admits, avoiding the thought in his head saying that there would be no choosing; it would always be Ares.

Sara smiles like she knows. "I'm glad there's no choosing then."

This fixes everything, Felix realizes: now, Ares doesn't have a girlfriend. Felix won't have to see Ares kiss someone right in front of him, he won't have to hear him talk about her like she is the best thing that has ever happened to him and he doesn't have to feel like an asshole for being jealous every waking moment of his. Now, he can go back to silently crushing on his best friend. 

He has done it for two years already. Felix thinks he can do it for some more time if that's what it takes.

Like Ares warned him about, Keyomii corners Felix the same day he learns that Ares and Sara aren't together anymore. When approaching him, Keyomii sticks a finger in his face, stating, "You've been avoiding me." 

Felix grimaces. "Yeah. Sorry."

Keyomii merely pulls in his arm so they can link arms and leads Felix the opposite way of his next class. "It's fine," she drawls. "I just need your help with a project I'm doing. It's about dyslexia, so I'm going to interview dyslexic kids. You're on?"

"Sure."

"Cool." She glances at him. "You know anybody? I have three already—including you, of course—but I feel like, you know, the more the merrier."

"Teddy is dyslexic. I can ask her if she wants to." He pauses. "She probably doesn't, though."

"Still ask her for me, will you?" Felix nods. She makes a sound like she has come up with an idea and halts, turning to Felix. "Oh and you can ask Carter. At least I think he was or maybe it was someone else, I'm not sure."

Felix stills. "What? Why would I ask Carter?"

Keyomii frowns at him. "Because you're friends?"

And like an idiot, Felix states too fast, "We're not."

Felix knows it is the wrong thing to say when Keyomii's frown deepens. "Yeah, you are. I saw you hang out in the halls and he said hi to you in Social Studies— Why would you deny that?" She pauses before gasping and Felix starts to walk the other way as she gapes, "You're dating Carter?"

Immediately, Felix turns around once again and shushes her down like Carter might show up and get weirded out or worse; Ares. Keyomii is still frowning when he says, "No! I'm not. I really am not."

"You are"—Felix rolls his eyes—"or else you wouldn't have lied about hanging out with him— oh my God, Felix, I can't believe you didn't tell me you have a boyfriend!"

"I don't have a boyfriend!" Felix sighs. "Okay, listen, I was just—kind of—trying to flirt with him for... maybe three days—"

Keyomii raises her eyebrow at him. He rolls his eyes.

"—okay, three weeks, but it doesn't matter because then he said no homo and laughed it off and told me he has a crush on Teddy, so it doesn't matter anymore so please," he says, "ssh!" 

Keyomii blinks. "He said no homo? Oh my God."

Felix hums.

"Oh well, you took your shot, Felix, but sometimes people are straight." She pats his shoulder. "Better luck next time, I suppose." Felix shrugs as she checks her phone for the time. "Oh well, Ares probably had fun hearing the no homo part." Felix doesn't even notice the way he stills until Keyomii looks at him and narrows her eyes. "He doesn't know."

"How do you do that?" Felix hisses and rolls his eyes when she gasps. "No, he doesn't and... can you not tell him?"

She frowns. "When did you start keeping secrets from each other?"

Felix just avoids her eyes. He doesn't want her to see how embarrassed he is about it. "It's nothing. I just haven't gotten around to tell him yet. I will. Just don't say anything to him right now, okay?"

After a while, Keyomii sighs and wraps her arm around Felix. "Sure. If you don't want me to say anything, then I won't say anything." 

Felix thanks her, but three days later he spitefully wishes he could take back his gratitude and curse her out instead, when Ares sits down beside him at the school entrance to wait for the bus and says, 

"Why didn't you tell me about Carter?"

Felix momentarily hides his face from Ares by turning it the other way and curses Keyomii out like she's sitting there beside him. He almost does it out loud, but he doesn't want Ares to know that he has told her to keep it a secret from him. He doesn't want him to know that if Felix could avoid it, he wouldn't have to tell Ares about Carter at all.

But Felix isn't the only one keeping secrets, so instead of giving in, he frowns and hits back with, "Why didn't you tell me about you and Sara?" Ares closes his mouth like he is surprised Felix knows. Felix wonders if Ares also told her to keep it from him and he feels his heart hurt. "You guys broke up, didn't you? She told me."

"Yeah." Ares averts his eyes and shrugs like it doesn't matter. "I guess it just slipped my mind."

Slipped your mind to tell your best friend about your breakup? But Felix knows he doesn't have the right to be mad about it even if he wants to be, so he exhales and says, "Okay." 

After a while, Ares looks at Felix and repeats, "Why didn't you tell me about Carter?"

Felix focuses on the stain on Ares' shirt when he shrugs. "It just felt weird."

"Because he's a boy?"

Because I was only with him so I would stop liking you. "I guess."

"You can talk about boys with me," Ares says and Felix almost recoils. "I don't care about that stuff."

And God, Felix thinks, wouldn't it be a lot easier if he did care? 

Gritting his teeth, Felix says, "I know." Ares must hear the discomfort in his voice because when he finally finds the courage to look at him, he looks like Felix might've just slapped him. This time softer, Felix repeats, "I know."

They sit in silence until Ares mutters, "I wish you had told me about him," but Felix doesn't want to talk about it anymore, so he just sighs and murmurs, "It doesn't matter," because it doesn't.

A/N

i have nothing to say. i hope you're doing well :)