CHAPTER TWELVE AND A HALF
Nineteen (and a half) years old

It's embarrassing to say, but living with Felix is exhausting.

It doesn't take long for Ares to feel like he's ten years old again, having his best friend sleep over day after day and loving it, until he's craving some time alone. This time, there is no parent to pick up said friend and there are no breaks in between hanging out because they're both always painfully around.

Ares thanks God every day that they agreed on having two separate bedrooms when looking for a place to live.

Felix insists that the doors remain open at all times. Ares first finds this a problem when he thinks he's going to explode if he doesn't separate himself from Felix trying to figure out how the microwave works. When Ares tells him that he'll help, Felix only tells him that he'll do it on his own. If he can't figure out how to use a microwave on his own, there's no point in being alive.

Ares calls him dramatic and Felix looks at him and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, are my struggles frustrating you?" and Ares has to stop himself from screaming out loud.

When Ares opens the window to cool himself off in late summer, Felix is already cold and they spend ten minutes trying to convince the other why Ares could just take off his socks and how it wouldn't hurt Felix to put on a sweater. Felix complains about the smell of coffee and Ares hates how he insists to keep the plates and cups apart. Ares does one thing and Felix does another and somehow they always clash.

It's needlessly to say that nineteen-year-old Ares finds that living with nineteen-year-old Felix is exhausting.

"Hey, can you open the door for me? I think I forgot my key this morning."

Ares pats down the pockets of his pants and then his jacket for the third time since he arrived at the door, keeping his phone closely pressed between his cheek and shoulder. He tries to listen for Felix walking on the other side of the door when Felix says, "What? I'm not home," and Ares almost drops his phone.

He drops the the grocery bag that has made his fingers red from how long he's been carrying it and takes the phone into his hand. "What do you mean you're not home? You said you didn't have any classes today so you were going to stay in bed and watch that new drama all day. Because you deserve a day off."

Now, Ares is pretty sure he can hear a car and then another one go by in the background when Felix says, "Yeah, but then the bakery called and asked if we could move the job interview to today instead."

Ares groans and hits his forehead against the door. "Why didn't you text me?"

"What good would that do?" he hears. "You'd still be locked out."

Ares knows that Felix is right but he still says, "Then I would've waited at campus or spent longer grocery shopping, I don't know—I just assumed you'd be here to open the door for me, but—" he sighs. "It doesn't matter. When will you be back?"

"I'm going in now, but I'm not sure how long it'll take." Ares suppresses another sigh, reminding himself that Felix has already told him once how stressed it makes him to hear it. "Maybe forty minutes?"

"Just shoot me now."

"Sorry, Ares, but it's not my fault that you forgot your key."

Half-annoyed, Ares says, "You were the one who said we didn't need another key in case of an emergency."

"Putting a key under that fake plant Cass bought us is basically just an invitation for burglars. Besides," he says as Ares eyes the plant in question, "I didn't think you'd actually forget your key this fast."

Ares exhales through the nose and he knows that Felix hears him do it. In return, he does the same and now they're both annoyed, Ares knows, and it's not a good combination, so Ares closes his eyes and says, "Just text me when you're on your way, okay?"

"Sure."

Felix is the one to end the call. It's when eleven minutes have passed that Ares realizes he didn't wish Felix good luck on the job interview and it only worsens his whole mood as he rests against the door, sitting on the floor. He leans his head backwards until it hits the wood.

When Felix finally arrives, Ares can see that he's holding back a laugh when he spots Ares sitting there, playing a stupid game on his phone that he only keeps for his cousins to play. Ares knows that Felix means it with a good heart. That it's an attempt to clean the air between them, but Ares just feels annoyed about having waited this long and even though it's not Felix's fault it feels like it is.

They don't really talk that much that night.

Later the same week, Felix comes home with grocery bags and Ares knows that he shouldn't feel this frustrated when he watches him pull out two loaves of bread, but he does because how much does Felix think they eat on a day? He doesn't say anything about it, but he thinks Felix can sense that something's wrong. In the end, none of them mentions it.

"For someone who doesn't like a messy kitchen," Ares says, "you sure do never close the cabinets when you're done with them."

Felix never closes the cabinets. Ares doesn't think it has ever bothered him but it does now. 

Ares watches Felix beat the dough on the table before he halts, glancing around the small kitchen, taking in the open cabinets. "I don't know why I do that."

With a flour-filled hand, he reaches over and pushes one of them closed, leaving a mark of flour behind, as Ares thinks, Can you not? and then forces himself to be quiet.

Instead, he tries to joke, "Do you want me to go around closing the cabinets for you, Lix?"

Felix huffs and Ares can't tell if he's serious about it or not when he says, "I can close them on my own, thank you very much."

"Clearly."

Felix looks over his shoulder and Ares thinks he only does it to make sure that he sees him roll his eyes. "It's just cabinets."

"It looks stupid."

This time, Felix turns around. Ares can't read him, but then he asks, "Are you really annoyed about it or are you just saying it to bother me?"

Ares isn't sure what the answer to Felix's question is, but he turns back around and continues beating the dough with his bare hands, so he doesn't have to know. It's enough to have Ares grab his laptop and leave Felix in the kitchen to his baking just to show him how petty he can be when he wants to.

It's one of those moments where Ares considers if they made a mistake when they decided to move in together.

"Cass, I swear, I will not hesitate to explode if he rolls his eyes at me again. I promise—" he sends her a look— "I will do it."

"You promise?" Ares groans and buries his face in his sister's cushion. The pillow is red and that's all he can see as he hears her move in the chair beside him. "You should've brought Felix. I miss him."

Ares lifts his head, glaring at her. "I'm here to complain about my boyfriend. Why would I bring him?"

But Cass just smiles even if he thinks there's nothing to smile about. "I'd be rich if I had a dollar for every time I've wanted to slap you when we were younger."

"Because you're unbearable—" Cass scoffs—"which makes me unbearable, but this is Felix. Felix—I mean, I don't understand! We've practically been living together since we were eight—"

"Not really."

"—and now that we're actually doing it, it doesn't work?"

Cass pulls her legs up under her. "Ares," she says like she can't believe she has to say this. "Come on. You've lived together for what? Three months? Of course it feels like you want to kill each other right now. You've never lived with him before. You've never had to share a two bedroom apartment with anyone in your life."

"Yeah, but—"

"Having sleepovers as kids is not the same as living with someone." Ares huffs and Cass rolls her eyes. "This is normal. Annoying, but normal."

"No, listen, Cass," Ares stresses, sitting up so he can lean forward, "he's crazy. He always puts his bag right beside the bathroom door so I keep tripping over it when I go piss at night, but then he puts away my notebook the second he sees it on the couch. How does that make sense?"

"Felix is crazy?" Cass says, matching Ares by also leaning forward. "Ares, you once almost bit Mama's head off when she bought the wrong brand of breadsticks—they all taste the same!"

"You know they don't!"

"And!" she continues, pushing his shoulder. "You always kick your shoes off so they lay around like a mess—and when you drink water from your cup, you just leave the cup standing on the table!"

"What if I want water later?"

"Then put it in the corner, don't leave it in the middle!" Cass laughs as Ares rolls his eyes. "The point is that you're also an unbelievable roommate—and I would know. Felix probably also hates everything you do."

Ares blinks. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"It's supposed to make you less oblivious. You learn to live together." Cass points a thumb over her shoulder, referring to her partner sitting at the kitchen table in the other room, quietly studying with headphones on. "Ashton has been sleeping over this entire week and—oh my God, he wakes up so early and doesn't know how to be quiet—kind of like you. I want to kick them all the time, but—" she nods at Ares— "then I remember that I've lived with you for years and then they're suddenly not so bad."

"I just love when we have these conversations," Ares deadpans. "You always make me feel so important."

"You adore Felix and Felix adores you." Cass waves a hand like she's telling Ares not to worry about it. Like she really doesn't think it'll end badly. "You'll figure it out. You've figured everything else out."

Ares makes sure to groan loud enough for even Ashton to turn their head in his direction before falling back so he's resting on his back. "I hope."

"You will. Believe me." Ares feels guilty about how confident Cass is and how wrong he thinks she's going to be. 

"Now," she says, leaving the chair to punch his chest on the way to the kitchen, "bring Felix next time you come over. He promised he'd tell me everything about his new job at the bakery. He's doing okay, right? Other than having to live with your ass, of course. Sorry, too soon?"

But—and Ares regrets not telling Cass this when he was ranting to her—it's not because Ares is always filled with an unexplained irritation when he sees Felix. It's not all frustrating nights and passive aggressive conversations.

No, when Ares sees Felix first thing in the morning or in the afternoon after classes, Ares feels lucky. When they speak about their day and about the bakery and all the dramas that Felix is unhealthily consuming, Ares doesn't understand how he has ever felt like this was a bad idea. How he could have ever been in doubt. 

But then something happens. Felix makes a comment about Ares opening a window or emptying the shampoo bottle or he turns on Taylor Swift's new album when Ares just wants everything to be quiet and it ends whatever Ares has been feeling in the first place. Ares is so bothered by the smallest of things that he knows he has to be the problem and he doesn't know how to tell Felix without sounding like he is putting the blame on him. 

Felix suddenly starting to snore is the last straw.

"Are you seriously snoring right now?" Ares calls from his room of because, wow, Felix has never snored before and he starts now? "Someone has classes tomorrow!"

And Felix actually stops snoring. After a few seconds, Ares hears, "I'm literally just breathing."

Ares pulls one of his pillows over his head and groans into it.

"At least I don't talk in my sleep!" Felix calls out. Ares groans again. "Do you know that you say the most profane things when you're unconscious? It's concerning, okay? I'm concerned!"

Ares removes the pillow. "Well, at least I don't sound like a truck."

"At least I don't drool like a water fountain!"

"At least," Ares continues, turning his head towards the door like Felix might see him, "I don't push you off the bed on purpose—"

"That was one time and we were thirteen!" Felix argues. "And you can't prove that I did it on purpose because I was asleep!"

"You were smiling. In your sleep!"

A pause. "Maybe it was a good dream."

"Or maybe you kicked me out of my own bed," Ares says, the room already having turned pitch-black from when they went to sleep, "and laughed about it before falling back to sleep—"

The sound of two knocks on the ceiling occurs and it takes a second for Ares to realize that it must be the upstairs neighbor's broom. They both sigh.

"When you fall asleep," Felix says, his voice quieter, but still hearable, "I'm going to come to your room and pull you off the bed and then I'll laugh in your face."

Ares snorts. "Good luck making me fall asleep with the sounds you're making—"

The broom is repeatedly knocked against the upstairs neighbor's floor and they both sigh again, this time louder. Felix doesn't say anything and Ares just sighs again. Just because he can.

The morning after, Felix is already awake when Ares leaves his room. Even though he promised himself to be an adult about it, Ares still allows them both to simply glare at each other in the kitchen: Ares sitting at the table, Felix standing by the fridge.

Before Ares even has time to try and convince himself to say something, Felix closes the fridge. "Listen," he says and Ares looks at him because he thinks that's the least he can do. "I don't snore to annoy you, okay? I actually can't help it."

It's almost comical how fast Ares' irritation goes from a ten to a zero when he realizes that Felix is genuinely lost with what he's supposed to do to stop the two of them from fighting the rest of their lives. Ares feels stupid about having acted the way he has, making Felix think that he has to tell Ares this because, of course Ares knows that Felix can't help it and that he isn't actually doing it on purpose.

Yes, Ares hates snoring, but Cass has snored all her life and Felix's isn't even half as bad as hers and Ares has taught himself to fall asleep beside her years ago. So he knows it's childish to even consider holding this against him.

Ares drags his hands across his face and then through his hair before once again turning his eyes to Felix. "I don't even know why it pissed me off that much, it's not—it's just—" Ares pauses. Then he says, "You keep buying too much bread."

Felix blinks. "What?"

"When it's your turn to go grocery shopping," Ares explains. "You always buy two different types of bread, but—I mean—we're only two and we can't eat it all in time and those birds don't deserve this much food. And you never buy enough eggs."

"Because I'm unsure how many we need," Felix argues, crossing his arms as he leans against the kitchen counter, "because someone never adds anything on the shopping list even when he takes the rest of something."

"I forget it!"

"Well, how am I supposed to know to buy eggs if I think we still have a package left in the fridge?"

Ares pauses. After a moment, he averts his eyes and says, "Okay. I see that. But then why do you buy so much bread?"

"What are the birds gonna eat if I don't?"

"Felix." When Felix sighs in what sounds to be defeat, Ares inhales before continuing, "And you keep misplacing my things. I ran late the other day because I couldn't find my keys because you didn't tell me that you—"

"—put them on the shelf beside the door where we agreed to keep the keys?" Felix finishes.

"The point is that I'd like to know when you decide to impulsively clean the apartment and put things away," Ares sighs. "I don't know of all the places you like to put everything. Until I do, you need to help me out."

"Like you help me out with the shopping list?"

"Seriously?" 

"Too soon?" Ares rolls his eyes and Felix pushes himself away from the counter. "Listen, I'm sorry about the keys thing and I know I'm not the easiest person to live with, okay, but," he says, sitting down across from Ares, "you're also not the easiest person to live with."

"Like what?"

Felix send him a are you challenging me? look and Ares doesn't have time to tell him that he genuinely wants to know.

"Ignoring that you never add things to the shopping list," Felix starts, drawing a leg up to his chest, "you always wait forever to wash the dishes."

Ares wrinkles his nose. "I like to do it at night."

"When they stink? And you never put your laundry away when we agree to." Ares blinks. "So, when I've already went and washed the clothes, you come and fill it up and, I'm sorry, Ares, but I don't think there's anything I hate more than that."

Pausing, Ares says, "I do do that, don't I?"

For a moment, Felix almost looks guilty for having told him. After a moment of silence, he continues, "You always forget to close your window at night."

"That's on purpose."

"It's on purpose?" Felix's eyes widen and Ares spreads his arms.

"I can't sleep in a room this hot!"

"But the apartment feels like an icicle in the morning," Felix argues. "We both complain about that every day."

"That's just because you always want the doors open," Ares claims, gesturing to the doors that are all standing ajar. "I mean, I can close my door and it won't be, but you said you don't like it."

"I just—" Felix stops, looking like he wishes he'd never brought up the topic. "What if something happens?" he goes with, looking at Ares. "I just wanna know if something happens."

"What would happen?"

Felix stares at him until Ares thinks that he's going to say something, but then he just shrugs, averting his eyes. They sit in a silence that Ares is dying to break but he still waits until Felix sighs and says, "Of course you can close the door. It would be stupid if you couldn't."

"It would be stupid." Felix sends him a look. Ares sends him a soft smile. "Just a little."

Instead of defending himself, Felix sighs for the second time and leans forward, his arms on the surface of the table, his chin resting on the back of his hands so he has to look up at Ares. "I didn't think this was gonna be that big of a problem. Living together."

Ares snorts out a laughter. "You don't say."

"Do you hate it?"

Ares blinks in surprise and he thinks Felix looks relieved with his reaction. "Hate it? Sure, I hate that we fight about eggs and bread and whether we should close the doors or not but I don't hate... living here. With you. I couldn't."

"You might regret later," Felix jokes but Ares doesn't think he'd like to joke about this. It has been too close already and he doesn't want to test the waters, so he shakes his head.

"No, I won't. I was... wondering for a time if we made a mistake, but..." Ares shakes his head again. "No. I don't think we did. I like sharing a couch with you and eating dinner with you every night and having breakfast and walk home together without... having to part last minute." He shrugs. "I just have to get used to all the snoring."

"And I just love to fall asleep to you talking about traffic lights in your sleep."

"Then you won't have to turn on those podcasts you always listen to." 

Felix laughs which makes Ares smile and leans back in his chair. After a second, Felix asks, "Is the snoring actually that bad?"

"No," Ares laughs. "You should've heard Cass when we were teenagers. God, she sounded like a walrus. Maybe even worse."

Felix laughs again and Ares vaguely wonders what he could say to make him laugh for a third time. 

"I'll tell her you said that," Felix says.

"I'll tell her you laughed," Ares shoots back and Felix rolls his eyes.

"I don't regret it either," he says, staring out the window. "I like to have you around. Even if it's all the time." He pauses like he doesn't know if he should consider. "It's nice to know you're sleeping in the next room. That you're not houses away."

Ares makes sure to smile until Felix looks at him. "I'm glad."

Felix waits. "But it wouldn't hurt if you started adding things to the shopping list."

"Well, it wouldn't hurt if you started buying the right brand of milk."

"What? What's wrong with the one I buy?"

"We don't have enough time to unpack all of that."

A/N

i spent the entire weekend reading A Little Life and that's why this chapter is out a monday and not a sunday and i would be more annoyed if it wasn't bc it was for A Little Life so