Chapter Seventeen

I love Alec. With all of my bruised and damaged heart. Yet it was so hard to be around him sometimes. This, unfortunately, was one of them.

In all the years we'd known each other, I'd never seen him indulge in frivolous, meaningless activities such as partying and drinking until dawn woke him from a stupor. He had always looked down on those who needed a chemical release. Instead, he preferred the rush of adrenaline as his drug of choice. It was why he had joined the track team our senior year of high school.

Of course, that same track team was the cause for twisting my boyfriend's sensibilities. It was why I was hiding in a corner of the house that once felt as much as my own as Alec's. A house I had habitually cleaned and redecorated on occasion. The same house that had become my haven from Amelia's searching, prying gaze. And now, I could not wait until the very moment that I could slip out of this trap of a party and retreat to my solitary little hole in the valley. Even a night spent on the edge of the ravine was better than this hell.

"OLIVER! There you are!" Alec exclaimed in a voice that barely reached on octave above the atrocious music blaring from the stereos.

He stumbled towards me, wrapping his unsteady arms around my shoulders. My nose wrinkled in disgust and I turned my head away when I smelled the beer on his breath. Already, I knew, he was drunk. Not just a little bit fuzzed; full-out drunk. Which meant I'd be nursing him through another Sunday morning hangover.

"C'mon Oliver! Join t-the p-p-party-y!" He chuckled so loudly at his own stuttering that an unfamiliar violent urge rose up inside of me and I shoved him away more roughly than I meant to. And I couldn't even find it in myself to feel guilty when he knocked into an end table.

The anger building up inside of me was so ferocious, it demanded an outlet. My blood was burning with a hatred I had never truly known before this moment. Worse than anger and hatred, betrayal lanced through my body as though a knife was stuck in my back. Never, considering all that I have lived through, have I felt that it was absolutely true that someone you loved could change so drastically and so quickly that you would never see it coming. But Alec was standing right in front of me. And he was living proof.

"Oliver! C'mon! Don't be a party-pooper," Alex yelled, a scowl on his pretty face. It didn't even come close to matching my own.

Turning away from him, I'd had enough. Striding quickly over to where a DJ was set up in one corner of his rearranged living room, I didn't think through the ramifications as my hands closed over the chords connected to the outlet. With one quick, furious yank, I jerked out the chords and the house became as silent as a tomb.

For about five whole seconds.

Angry cries found their voice throughout the house and the DJ began cussing at me in Spanish. I ignored them all as I climbed up onto the couch. Cupping my hands around my mouth, I yelled as loud as I could, "the party is over! You all need to leave. Right now!"

More angry outbursts followed my announcement, but there were enough groans of disappointment to make me believe my words would not be challenged. Except, of course, there was a challenger. Of. Course.

"It's MY house, Oliver! They can stay if I say so! And I want them to stay," Alec called as he surged through the crowd like a drunken tornado.

Jumping down from the couch, my rage spurred me forward until we were standing toe-to-toe. "You're drunk, Alec," I hissed. "You need rest."

"I don't need y-you to t-tell m-me what to d-do," he snapped back.

My eyes hardened and for the first time ever, I could feel nothing but disgust for him. "Obviously you do," I stated in a hard voice. Turning my head to scan everyone around, I made my voice as harsh as possible. It certainly wasn't as hard as it once would have been. "GET OUT! EVERYONE OUT!"

Maybe it was my demeanor. It could have been my tone of voice. Or maybe they just saw the look of an incredibly furious teenager light my eyes and I distinctively knew that I was about to attack the next person that contradicted me. For whatever reason, there was a sudden glare of stupid children towards the door of Alec's house.

"What are you doing, Oliver?!" Alec whined when he saw everyone leaving. In his drunken state, he turned to one girl passing by him and tried to grab onto her sleeve. My palm landed on his wrist so hard, a loud smack resounded through the house. Alec's mouth fell open in a wordless cry, but I did not give him time to speak.

Without waiting for the house to fully empty itself of the mob that was our classmates, I dragged Alec upstairs. His father had a garden tub in the master bathroom and I finally had enough rage to use it for this purpose. I should have done it ages ago; back when it first started.

"Wh-what's going on?" Alec moaned as I dragged him into his father's bathroom.

"Strip," I ordered in a cold voice as I turned on the cold water full blast.

A raucous chuckle burst from his lips and he started taking off his shirt in a mock strip-tease. My jaw set and I put myself right in front of him before ripping the garment down his arms forcefully. Somehow, it didn't even break my heart when he let out an indignant cry.

"Now," I said once he'd subsided, "if you don't want to get water all over your clothes, I suggest you take them off." Without waiting to see if he would comply, I turned my back on him to watch the water rising in the tub.

Behind me, I could hear his pants hit the floor. His shirt followed after. And when I finally shut off the water, I turned around to find my boyfriend in only his boxers.

When I finally met his eyes, there was a strange vulnerability in them that almost made me lose my nerve. Then he hiccuped and the smell of beer filled the bathroom. I snapped.

Grabbing his closest arm, I dragged Alec to the tub. And with all the strength I had in me, I grasped the back of his neck and shoved him face into the icy water. It may or may not have been the best way to handle the situation. But I was out of ideas and clearly out of options.

I kept his head under for a shorter time, I was sure, than my mom's friends used to do to her when she got this wasted. And instead of hauling her out of the water myself, I allowed Alec to break free. At least he could have that much dignity in his current predicament.

"What are you doing?" He gasped, backing up until he was clear across the room from the bathtub.

"Sobering you up," I snapped right back.

"By trying to drown me?"

"By clearing your senses. Not that you seem to have many left."

His mouth fell open indignantly and I could take it no longer. Raising my hand, I pointed at the door. "Go to bed, Alec. Right now."

He wanted to argue. Actually, he wanted to fight. But my rage was too much for even him to handle at this moment. Somehow he realized that. Only seconds later, he'd gathered up his clothes and scurried from the room like a frightened chipmunk. And when I pulled the plug on the tub, the sound of the water rushing down the drain his the sounds of my cussing perfectly.

I didn't go to bed until half past two that morning. The house was finally mostly clean. In the morning, I would need Alec's help pushing the furniture back into position in the living room, but I wasn't too worried about it now.

When I skunk into the darkened bedroom, I expected Alec to be passed out entirely. By the time I lifted the covers to climb into the bed beside him, I wished he had. Instead, he was in a talkative mood before I closed the door.

"Oliver?" He moaned a little and I made a shushing noise in return. It didn't stop him. "I'm sorry, Oliver. I know I was bad." A yawn covered my silent steps to the other side of his bed. "I love you so much," he continued as I climbed beneath the covers and made myself comfortable. "You're so good to me. I don't deserve you." A lump lodged in my throat even as he rolled over to face me and let his arm fall over my stomach.

My stomach felt slightly queasy in that moment and I quickly rolled over to put my back to him. The tears formed in my eyes when his body was immediately against mine until we were spooning. It was so natural and normal that I could almost forget what happened those very unhappy hours ago. Almost.

And I could almost forgive myself for thinking that he was right: he didn't deserve me.

Unfortunately, I could not forgive myself. Nor could I sleep at all that night. Horrible, vile thoughts had kicked up a dust storm the minute I closed my eyes and had expanded into an F5 tornado by the time I peeled back my eyelids when daylight began to creep through the window. All night, I knew myself to be ungrateful and lucky to even have him. I kept reminding myself of what my life was like before he entered my world and gave me back my pulse. But I still couldn't shake the thoughts that, no, he didn't deserve what I did for him. At least, he never showed any appreciation for it.

Except, he did.

It was fifteen minutes to nine when I stood in the hallway before the front door. We'd gotten everything back in order quite early and even rearranged the living room so that his father would have even less reason to be suspicious when he returned from out of town. Now it was time to say goodbye, and the bats cannonballing through my stomach were very unsure as to how that would go.

As always, Alec surprised me.

Coming out of the kitchen, he walked up to me with a purposeful stride. Grabbing both sides of my face, he wasted no time in kissing me deeply. Like candle wax exposed to a hot flame, I could feel myself melting under that kiss. Passion and excitement as old as time roared through our bodies and I clung to him for dear life. What would I ever do without him?

At last, our lips parted with a bid for oxygen on both our parts. Alec's forehead rested against mine and we lingered like that with our eyes closed. My arms were still wrapped securely around him and I knew then that it was impossible for me to let go.

"I'm sorry, Oliver," Alec finally whispered, gently pulling out of my arms. When I opened my eyes, I could see the remorse absolutely coating her gorgeous blue eyes. "I never wanted to put you through any of that. I'm very, very sorry."

"Shh," I responded, placing a few fingers against his lips. Smiling gently, I said, "it's okay, Alec. I know."

A tiny smile curled up his lips as well before he kissed the fingertips I still had against his lips. Reaching up slowly, he curled his fingers around mine and lowered them to our sides. Leaning in one last time, he placed a soft, luscious kiss on my lips. Then he kissed my forehead.

"I love you Oliver Hart. Forever."

I didn't know then just how much I would come to treasure those words.