Chapter Eleven

      The very same day that I discovered the written-on converse, I also discovered just exactly what Alec would always mean to me.

      When Mr. Baldwin left for the Saturday meeting he was supposed to have in the next town over, it wasn't long before Alec took it upon himself— which invariably included me— to explore every bit of the lakeside community. Of course, I was not at all surprised to find that we were slowly but undoubtedly heading in the direction of the beach we had passed yesterday. Even this early in the day, we could spot young people flocking to the rocky ledges and throwing themselves into the air. One by one they disappeared into the cool lake water, seeming not to have any other care in the world.

      Slowly, as if our coming upon them were completely a casual coincidence, we made our way around the lake to where the beach existed in the shadows of the rocks. Alec was, as always, incapable of going unnoticed for very long. Though he often despised the attentions of the kids back home, he was impossible to ignore when he very much wanted to be seen. Just like now.

      I was used to the small twinge of jealously by now. Usually, I was able to ignore it at home because Alec chose only me to be friends with. But whenever we came across a new being, it was in Alec's nature to ensnare them. They could not get away even if they wished to. And it stung just a little every time he wished the company of someone else. Yet it was something I had to learn to live with. Because it was Alec.

      We had just reached the edge of the beach when they began to notice us. The kids standing on the sandy shore were already soaked, having just waded in from the water. As we drew nearer, I could see the thin, worn path on the far end of the beach, leading up towards the crest of the outcropping. Those who had not yet noticed Alec were already treading up the trail to perform the feat once more.

      My place was at Alec's side, but as more people turned to study him, I found myself wanting to shrink into his shadows. With every step we took. I found my feet trained steadily on the sand beneath my shoes. Though Alec often assured me that there was nothing wrong with me, I could never shake the feeling that there was something coating my skin, informing the world of my inability to be normal. Warning the, all before I ever got close enough to speak.

      I nearly jumped out of my skin when a girl approached us. Raising my eyes, I found a girl of shorter stature with strawberry-blond hair. Pressing my lips into a thin line, I slowly met her light blue eyes, feeling both a mixture of relief and jealously from me to Alec.

     "Hi, I'm Megan." She announced with a kind smile.

      Alec flashed her a similar one in turn and the jealously reared up inside of me to the point I nearly scowled at the blonde stranger. Shoving it down, I fixed a polite smile on my face once I heard Alec say, "my name is Alec and this is my best friend, Oliver." It only angered me further when Megan barely glanced at me before returning her gaze to Alec.

     "So, are you guys new in town or just visiting?"

     "Just here for the weekend. Do you live around here?" I envied my friend his blasé tone. He was perfectly at ease in the company of everyone in the world. Why could I not have the same eloquence? The same, perfect charm?

     "Yeah, this is home to me. Hey, would you like to join us? Go 'native' for a little while?" Megan asked with a sly smirk that I instantly despised.

      But when Alec turned to me with that bright, excited gleam in his blue eyes, I knew that I had to push my feelings to the side. If this would make him happy, I would do as he wanted. Though I also knew that he would take my feelings into consideration. So it didn't surprise me when he asked, "want to, Oliver? Looks like fun."

      Keeping my lips pressed tightly together, my eyes trailed again to the rocky ledge just in time to see a young man take a running start before hurling over the edge. His arms were held out to his side as his legs kicked the air on the way down. Truly, it was not a long fall. Not nearly half the size of the ravine cliffs that so held me in my cage. Yet, it was far enough to produce the adrenaline that caused many people to sky-dove and ride on roller-coasters until they threw up. The kind of adrenaline that felt like sheer, endless, joyous freedom.

     "Yes," I answered, a wide grin spreading across my features.

     "Excellent!" Megan exclaimed, gesturing us to follow her.

      Alec and I were quick to keep at her heels. Excitement bubbled in my chest, putting a new bounce in my step. When I shared a glance with Alec, his eyes were the brightest blue I had ever seen and his smile was so absolutely ecstatic, I couldn't fathom its reasoning. But I also never wanted to see it leave his face. He was so heartbreakingly beautiful when he smiled.

      That wondrous bubble filled me right until we reached the outcropping. It sustained me as I watched as Megan's friends threw themselves from the edge. And my heart even stuttered a bit when Megan grinned at us before taking a running start, soaring through the open air as if wings suddenly unfurl from her back and carry her to the heavens.

      Yet, my excitement vanished the moment it became Alec's turn. The excitement was still coursing through him. My heart began to pound sporadically, panic coating my tongue. And just as he was taking a few steps back, I placed myself between him and the edge.

     "Oliver?" He questioned, a hint of annoyance in his tone. "What are you doing?"

      My mind was churning and sudden, rare images of my brother formed in my mind, making me throw up my arms so that he couldn't get around me. But I knew him oh so well. He would do anything he set out to do, no matter the cost or my worries. There was only one thing I could think of that would at least stave off him jump just a little longer. Just until I knew he was safe.

     "Let me go first," I pleaded, taking him by surprise.

      Parting his lips in confusion, I watched as he titled his head the same way he always did when considering something. "Why?" He finally asked, even as we heard a faint call to us coming from the water.

      My jaw clenched and I knew I could not lie to him. "I... I'm afraid," I whispered, hanging my head. Then I raised my voice and did my best to convince him any way I could. "If you go first, I cannot guarantee that I will follow. But if you're behind me, I know that I can do this. I know that it will be safe."

      It was true, what I said. Though I did not say that I would not be able to follow because I would have a stroke watching him go over the edge of that cliff. Nor did I say that I would know it was safe for him, not me. But it was a true statement and I could see Alec absorbing it thoughtfully.

     "Alright, Oliver. You can go first. But try to make it quick," he added with a smile I knew was meant to be indulgent, thought it was clearly impatient. My own smile felt broken on my face as I nodded.

      Taking a deep breath, I turned towards the edge of the rock outcropping. Inching ever so slowly towards the ledge, I couldn't help my snail's pace despite how annoyed with it Alec was. Ever step felt like it brought me an inch closer to my brother, even my mother. Heights had been the doom of one while water had been the demise of another. It was no surprise that these facts would weigh my bare feet with lead.

      When I finally reached the edge, I was trembling so badly, I immediately sat down. Gulping in the fresh oxygen, my teeth nearly began to chatter as one leg hung over the side and I clung to the rock with whatever grips my hands could find while keeping my heel firmly on the rough surface. A giant stone was digging into my bottom, scraping against my back, and jabbing the sole of my foot all in an attempt to hurry along my departure from its edge. Its insistence only forced me to cling to it even more.

     "C'mon Oliver!" Alec sighed in exasperation behind me.

      My throat became dry and I risked another glance back at him, nodding again through a broken smile. I watched as Alec's expression shifted, becoming concerned and even a little panicked himself as he saw the terror-induced tears welling up in my eyes. Before they could fully distort my vision of him however, I took a deep breath and allowed the words to fall from my lips.

     "I love you, Alec."

      With that, I whipped my head back around and simply let myself fall.

      Even as I fell, I knew I should have taken a running start. And what I done was not safe. During the rages of time, it did not occur to me that pieces of the rocky precipice could have fallen away into the water. Nor did I notice the boulders beforehand. There was no help for it now.

      I was never happier than in that moment, however, because at least I'd told him before I died.