Rythian has shitty timing.

"Hey, girls I made- Oh." He opened the door, and then he saw us cuddling. Jay glared daggers at him. Rythian took a step back slowly, starting to close the door. "Sorry, was I interrupting?"

Did I mention he had shitty timing.

How does one have timing that terrible? I can't comprehend this, even now. We were having a moment, and Rythian waltzed in like nobody's business. But I guess that saved us the trouble of telling him, if I put that into perspective. Yeah, right.

"A little." I said, and Jay held me closer. I think she sensed that I was about to move away from her, since we just got caught. I just stayed there with a smile. Rythian just shrugged.

"Made sandwiches. They're in the microwave if you want any. And lock the door!"

"We weren't going to-"

"Have a good night!"

He shut the door without another word, but I swear I heard him snickering outside. Jay laughed.

"Who has sex on the first date, it's pretty dumb isn't it?" She said, and I shrugged. Some people do. That's their problem, I think. I probably wouldn't, and that's okay. At least, I think it is.

"Maybe." I replied, and she squeezed me around the middle with a smile. That made me giggle a bit. "It's getting kind of late, isn't it?"

"It's one a.m. and I'm still not tired. Do you want to go out and eat the sandwiches Ryth made?"

"Oh, hell yes." We clambered out of the bed at the same time, giggling as we raced to the kitchen like a pair of children. Jay's a little like Kenji, I think. She would've gotten along with him just fine. My brother would've loved her, and her beautiful jade blue eyes.

Sometimes they're not blue, though. Sometimes they're green, sometimes midnight blue.

I confuse myself a lot with the colour of her eyes. Because she wears contacts. I know her eyes, in reality, were a little more green than blue. But she liked her midnight blue prescription contact lenses, so she kept them on. She, apparently, had been wearing the same shade of blue contacts since she was a kid. And apparently, she was born with bad eyesight. I actually thought she looked better with her glasses on, but Jay doesn't, so I don't get to see them a lot. When I do, it's like Christmas came early. It sounds really silly, and a little bit cliche and 'Pseudo Nice-Guy' -ish, but I like the natural Jay with no make up on. But I like her with make-up too, because that girl has crazy eyeliner skills. And she's beautiful either way.

Not that it really does matter what she looks like, though. I didn't fall in love with her for her looks alone, after all. I fell in love with her laugh, her smile, and the way she talked. I fell in love with the way she walked, the way she danced, and the way she was always there when I needed her to be. I didn't fall in love with Jay's looks alone. I fell in love with everything she was.

The funny thing is, I don't even think I should be talking about romance or 'Falling In Love' when I'm only seventeen. Maybe I'm too young for all this.

But in all honesty, I think I'm older than my age because of what I've seen. Hell, I've seen and experienced enough for a lifetime. At this point, loving somebody is like an ant to the Empire State Building.

Not saying it isn't a beautiful thing. Ugh, I'm so defensive today.

We sat on the counter, eating, talking and laughing. She was telling me about her life, about how she and her brother got along, about how her dad and her mom were like before the divorce. Jay was still smiling though, even as she talked about the things that hurt her before and still hurt.

"Adam's been getting better, though." She said, grinning. "This morning, he grabbed his breakfast right off the plate and left the house to go to work while eating. He usually spends about ten minutes scrutinising over the placement of the plate before he starts eating, and everything he eats has to be on a plate. This morning, he skipped right past it without thinking, and I didn't tell him until he got home."

"That's amazing." I smiled back, finishing off my sandwich. "I feel really happy for him. How's your dad doing, by the way?"

"Still the same old nagging bastard, but he's been considering retiring lately. Which I guess I can understand, the man's getting on his years. He's worried about the record shop, though. Adam's not exactly fit to manage anything right now, if you know what I mean. And I'm too young and I'm still in school."

I nodded. I did understand, a little bit. Even though it's a small record shop that doesn't really make that much, I understood how important it was to their family, and it hurt that there was nothing I could do.

"I hope he figures something out."

"Dear god, I hope he doesn't retire. There would be some real hell going down if he does. I'd be nagged half to death." She laughed, swinging her legs a little. Then she looked behind her, and at the fridge. "Would you mind if I rummage a little?"

"Not at all. Just don't touch the rum."

"Aw, what?"

"I don't particularly like alcohol." I said with a shrug. Jay looked at the bottles longingly before she took out two cans of soda and hopped back onto the counter, handing one can over to me. We toasted briefly before drinking.

"Shame. We could be drunk, crazy, and then deface your bed a bit."

"Gross, no." I shuddered. Okay. That was a little triggering. I don't think I can stomach the thought of sex yet, in all honesty. It scares me more than it should. Jay put her arm around me.

"Joking." She kissed me on the cheek with a chuckle, I had to try not to blush or giggle in response. And I was suppressing the butterflies. "Oh, I should do your makeup at some point, you'd look awesome with black eyeshadow. Like a goth kid. Imagine it, you in black lipstick and black eyeshadow. Or silver eyeshadow, and winged eyeliner... Oh man, you'd look so, so amazing." She rambled off, smiling at me.

"I can imagine that. Though that's a lot different from the make up I used to do. It was always pink, or red. The occasional pastel blue eyeshadow. But mostly pink." I was thinking about my Ivan days. It's odd to remember that, after all this time. I'm still not over it. I don't think I'd ever be. Even though I don't need to think about it any more. I still won't be over it.

"You used to do makeup? I didn't know that."

"Ivan made me."

"Oh. Oh. Sorry for asking."

"It's alright. It still hurts to think about it, but that's in the past, you know? I don't have to do that any more. And I think that's what matters. Or what should matter. I don't know. I cope differently, I think." I shrugged. It did still hurt. But I'm not about to let it swallow me. I'm done feeling inadequate, I'm done feeling helpless and in pain. I'm done with all that. Now - I'm going to tell myself I'm beautiful, awesome, powerful and strong. Every day. Even if I don't believe it yet. Even if the past still hurts so, but you know what, I'd let the past stay in the past.

I deserve to feel okay. That's why I'm going to get better. Because I believe that now. More people should know that, really. They ought to know that they deserve to feel okay.

"Well... Everyone copes differently, I think. I mean - I cope differently from you. It may not be the best way but it's how I'm doing it. Doesn't make you wrong. And doesn't make me wr- Okay, maybe a little wrong. Smoking is bad for you. Don't start."

"Says the smoker."

"It should mean more because I'm the one telling you that, shouldn't it?" She shrugged and smiled at me with a vague look. I think I said something mildly offensive there.

"Sorry."

"No sweat."

We sat in silence for a while, empty soda cans in hand and my head on her shoulder. It's nearly two in the morning and yet we have no plans to go to sleep. For all we know, the sun could poke its not-so-little head through the clouds and say 'Hello' to the world before it proceeds to burn us.

Just kidding. This is Sweden.

"Confession." I said, raising my hand like at school.

"Shoot."

"Kyoko isn't my real name. As in, it's not in my original birth certificate."

"Wait, what?"

"It's my mom's name. I just took it to have a part of her with me. My given name is Akiko. Child of Autumn. In hindsight, I should've kept that." I muttered, feeling rather guilty. My mom was the one who named me - Wouldn't keeping my own name be enough to remember her by? I didn't actually need to take her name.

"So... Do I-"

"Yeah. I haven't told Rythian yet. But I think he already knows, he's seen my birth certificate." I scratched my head sheepishly, Jay just smiled at me, repeating my name to herself.

"Akiko. That's a nice name. Akiko Sora. Child of Autumn... Sky. Child of the Autumn Sky." She grinned at me as it she had deciphered a hidden meaning to the Declaration of Independence. I rolled my eyes at her.

"I know the meaning of my own name, thanks."

"Sorry, it was kind of rude, wasn't it?"

"Borderline rude, yeah. Any more and it could've been kind of racist."

"Sorry."

"Apology accepted. Now let's get back to bed and spoon."

"I'm the big spoon!"

"Of course."

「A voice is calling out, nudging through the web of mustiness. From beyond the web, a girl in a purple dress smiles and waves at an older version of herself, and Aki (Kyoko) turns to embrace her girlfriend before they fall asleep.」