A/N I'm very sorry that I have to punctuate here, but I need to mention that I have a new method of doing transitions. I would put nine astrids in bold like this : *** *** *** along with song lyrics that fit the mood/scene during a transition. These lyrics will either represent a character's thoughts or describe the scene itself. Don't worry, I will make sure it fits it and that it isn't too long. Some of these lyrics might be some of my own originals as well so I apologise in advance if you realise I made up some of them but like there isn't a song for everything, right? Let me know in the comments if you like this new transition, or if you have a suggestion or some advice as to how I should do transitions. Yes, I do read them, all of them. And I also have a tendency to reply to everything, so if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask me. (Unless I suddenly get ten comments which is unlikely then in which case I would probably take some time to get back to you).

Well, back to our little tale, aye?

-Alex OUT-

For the first time in weeks I decided to go out, but it wasn't because I wanted to either. It was to buy some more things for Pepsi's tank. Pepsi's been growing bigger and bigger, and we started to need an even bigger water dish for him to lie in. So Rythian and I made our way down to the cutlery aisle to buy one. And I regretted it a lot.

People were staring at me as Rythian and I picked out something for Pepsi. I know they were staring at me, judging me. My face was still covered in scars, and I wondered if they thought Rythian was responsible for them. I yearned to cry out that Ivan did it to me, not Rythian, but I knew I had to be logical, like what Clara told me.

Listen to your logical mind, not your emotional mind.

If only it was that simple, but she was right. I had to listen to my logical mind. Even if the emotional side of me starts to infect my logical mind. The medications were supposed to prevent that. Prevent, not halt it completely. I just grabbed a flowery porcelain bowl and bolted out of there.

"You okay?" With a worried kind of tone Rythian asked. I shook my head with a slight shrug.

"I'd be okay once we get home." I mumbled as we left. Rythian rubbed my shoulders soothingly, like he always did. I sure wonder why Rythian always did that, but it always seemed to make me feel more secure.

"We're going home now, don't worry." He said, guiding me to the car as I kept my eyes on the floor on the ground, which seemed more fascinating than anything around me now. The voices of everyone around me seemed so much more frightening now than I finished my medicine course. I had completely stopped seeing Clara. I felt more confident in coping on my own. Or at least, that was what I was telling myself for the moment. The drive home was quiet, I was listening to some music on my phone, my headphones on, blocking out the entire world. I started humming to the music, and I realised that Rythian looked a little awkward.

"Sorry." I mumbled. Then he chuckled.

"For what?" There was no following answer to the sentence. Even though I felt a little guilty for not initiating some conversation. But being off medication made me feel unsettled and worried, so it was all I could do. The silence echoed on loudly, crying out 'You're a selfish fool'. And then again, I knew it was kinda true.

Lunch comprised of leftover chicken and some baked beans, but I picked at my food, pushing it around the plate. I had no appetite. And Rythian noticed.

"You okay?" He asked, but I think he knew the answer too well. I shrugged.

"I'm fine." I said mechanically, and Rythian looked at me strangely for a long time. His grey eyes were piercing into me, burning into my skull like they were trying to pry the truth from me, like a child caught in wrongdoing. I broke a little.

"No you're not. I know you're not okay right now." He said, and I continued to stare at my food. I guess he knew what was wrong after all. "But you've already made it this far, and I'm already proud of you for all the effort you have made." Rythian added, and I shrugged. But in reality, I was grateful. I was grateful for those warm words spoken to me on a cold winter's day. I finally managed to get some food in me.

Later as I played Minecraft on Rythian's laptop, I heard him conversing on the phone with someone. I heard a lot of 'No's and 'We're not interested's. And then another one.

"I'd ask her. I will call you back with our response." And then, Rythian knocked on my door with a rather nervous look, house phone in hand.

"Oh no. This can't be good." I said immediately, and he scratched the back of his neck.

"It may or may not be a bad thing... This guy on the phone's asking about a documentary about-"

"OH MY GOD IS HE FROM THE FLIPPIN' TV STATION?!" I yelled, panicking. The TV channel for documentaries. I am so screwed I'm so screwed I'm so screwed-

"Okay okay, don't worry about it, we just need to politely decline and-"

"But I wanna do the documentary and yet I don't oh God Rythian help me I can't breathe." I was gasping for air by now, the panic attack gripping me by the neck and shaking me like rubber chicken. Rythian quickly grabbed the pills we hoped I'd never need. The Xanax Tranquilisers. I swallowed one pill with a huge gulp of water. And then I breathed. My hazy mind cleared up a little, and I could think straight. If they did a documentary of me, I would have to go through a lot of weird video-taking and having a cameraman following me around when I do things. Maybe if it was a lady camera operator I'd feel better. Or at least that was what I knew about documentaries. I sucked in a deep breath, and sighed. I had no idea what to do. But I did know a pounding desire in my head.

I want to tell my story.

"I'm fine. I'd be okay with it, if y'know, you're fine with it. They do need parental consent for that." I said slowly, hesitation somehow finding its way to my voice. Rythian paused for a moment, seeming to consider my statement. Then he sighed.

"Well, whatever you say. I'd call them back. Any conditions?"

"Anonymity must be preserved and I don't have to answer anything I don't want to."

"Of course."

*** *** ***

Yell those cheap words and throw them away

I don't know why but each word is calling my name

And all this helps me to be looking forward.

*** *** ***

Rythian finally got off the half-hour long call, I heard Rythian arguing politely about the terms a lot, but I think he managed to convince the guy. He came in with a grin, and a thumbs-up.

"I'm proud of you. But it isn't too late to back out if you change your mind. I made them promise that you could back out at any time. Guess what I said."

"Let me guess. You said that if they wanted to be responsible for worsened PTSD and Anxiety Attacks, they could go right ahead?"

"Eh, something to that effect. Oh, speaking of which, I got something for you." He said, grabbing the laptop off my beside table. I could see him typing furiously, and finally he passed it back to me. My eyes grew wide.

"Holy hell, Minecraft! Whoa so you're actually getting me an account, right now?" I had to struggle to contain my excitement. Games. Always awesome. I mean, come on. I've been playing Bioshock on Rythian's main computer when he was editing on the laptop. Yes, he uses a different computer to edit videos.

(I also made myself a Maplestory account and started playing this MMORPG with other random people. I found it a lot easier to communicate with other human beings if I used the Interwebby thing.)

So now I had Minecraft, which was really awesome. Kim and Duncan even got Lewis(?) to let me into their Minecraft server. Which had been pretty awesome as of late but I did not really want to interfere with anyone's recording, so I went underground instead. More mobs, sure, but I thought it was for the best, so that I didn't interfere with anything. Although I might had made a fatal mistake the first time I logged on with Rythian.

GentleSlayer : Rythian where are you?

Rythian : Right behind you.

GentleSlayer : I don't see you. Should I relog?

Rythian : No I'd relog.

Rythian has left the server

Nanosounds : Hi Kyo! It's Kim here.

GentleSlayer : Crap was I interrupting with anything?

Nanosounds : Not mine, but probably Sjin's.

GentleSlayer : Crap. Sorry Sjin, whoever you are.

Sjin : Don't worry about it. That's what editing is for. You seeing this editors?

GentleSlayer : I think I'd stop talking now.

Rythian has joined the server

Rythian : What did I miss?

GentleSlayer : Me interrupting Sjin's recording by accident.

LividCoffee : Lol. Hi it's Duncan

Trottimus : gg

djh3max : gg

Alsmiffy : gg

Xephos : Haha!

Honeydew : XDDD

GentleSlayer : WHY ARE THERE SUDDENLY SO MANY PEOPLE HERE?!

lomadia : No idea.

Zoeya : lol

saberial : beats me.

GentleSlayer : *Slinks away in embarassment*

Rythian : Wow guys. Just wow. Everybody, meet Kyoko. My daughter.

GentleSlayer : Adoptive.

Rythian : Yeah yeah.

Xephos : Hi.

Honeydew : Hello!

Sjin : Hey there

Sips_ : Hello

Trottimus : G'day!

djh3max : G'day!

Alsmiffy : G'day!

Nanosounds : Hey there!

Zoeya : hihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihi

lomadia : Heya

saberial : Heyy

LividCoffee : Hello!

GentleSlayer : I regret ever typing in the chatbox.