Hey everyone 💕
I know I wrote this about fifty times but I needed to rewrite it. I almost forgot where God brought me from so writing this will enable me to remember 🙏🏾. I also wrote this to encourage whoever is going through what I went through.

Testimony 🌷:

   I grew up in a very big family. My mom was one day away from being eighteen when she gave birth to me. When I was born, I was birthed into a very loving and church going family. Of course, like every other family, they had their flaws. But we still were very close. I was very loved in my family too. At that time, toddler years, I was very sweet and outgoing.
   In the daycare I attended, I remember being kissed on by a very unfamiliar boy. And it was passionate as if we were adults. That's something not too many people talk about. Molestation and sexual abuse in the family concerning the children. When children molest children. Anyway, he kissed me and I felt very uncomfortable but I gave in. Nothing I remember happened besides the kissing part. I remember kissing my male cousin in the same exact way around the same age, five years old. Also, in kindergarten, I had a full on make out session with my other classmate. So that one incident sparked so many other incidents.
    In first grade, I remember a young boy I knew touching my private area in a public place. Instead of pushing him away, I allowed him to. That sowed even more seeds. Seeds of curiosity. As the years went on, I kissed about two of my female cousins in the same way. So the devil was planting a seed of homosexuality inside of me at the age of seven or so.
     My mother had a boyfriend. We went over by his house very often. He had a nephew who was a year older than me. I found myself having make out sessions with him too. This time passionate than the last few I told you about. It was like I was burning for more than a kiss at such a young age but I didn't know what I wanted.
      Fast forward some years, my mom met another man and this is where things changed for the worse. When I was ten years old, I masturbated for the first time. I had no clue what that word meant or that pleasureful feeling that I received. I kept doing it. At just ten years old. As the years went on, it became a way for way to release my stress, anger and lust. I remember I even encouraged one of my younger female cousins to masturbate. That's something I'm really not proud of. Actually, I'm not proud of anything that I did but this really opens my eyes to how much of an imperfect human being I am. That's why I need Jesus.
       I didn't like my mom's boyfriend. He was mean. He shouted at us and brought us down. During this era, I also saw some very sexual things as well. I saw them engage in intercourse. And one time, I was in the same bed with them. It angered me and I started to become jealous and protective over my mother. It became a war between him and I. Warring for my mother's attention. He won of course.
      At this time, fourth grade, these were really where things started to take a turn. My mom was being extremely mean. She would put me down almost everyday. We couldn't have one conversation without an argument occurring. I started to grow weary, so I rebelled. When I say I rebelled, I started to curse at school and my grades were dropping.
      I was also experiencing depression, anxiety, and all types of demonic oppression at this time. I felt worthless and ugly. And her boyfriend didn't help either. He enabled the conversations.
     Then something happened in fifth grade, I became saved. There was a rainbow around the sun. I started to take my relationship with God seriously. My mom thought I was going crazy and would do anything to get my mind off of the coming of Christ. At that time, God was using me. I would tell people about His return and they would laugh in my face.
     In sixth grade, all that stopped. I started rebelling again. Cursing. Masturbating frequently. Watching things I wasn't suppose to (porn excluded at this time) I didn't have the best friends either. My mom was still mean and so was her boyfriend. She was also pregnant at this time. So I was free to do anything I wanted to. When my sibling was born, neither of them paid any attention to me.
      I took this time to talk to older boys. My daddy wasn't paying me any mind either. I was bad. Cursing online, and just being very ungodly. When my mom found out, she beat me. I was also suicidal at that time and I told her I didn't want to be here anymore. She told me that she would beat that spirit of suicide out of me. Our relationship went down hill from here. The day after I got caught, I still left evidence behind on my iPad. I had the mind to delete it but God whispered to me, "Don't do that." A peace came over me that I never experienced. From then on, I became more gentle spirited and quiet. He was using me and I didn't even know.
       In seventh grade, I strayed away from God. I got new friends and forgot all about Him. The friendship broke off and I was lonely again. Still on bad terms in relationship with my mother and her boyfriend. It was a war zone in the house. I resented them. I couldn't talk to my mother about anything. She was always angry.
     In eighth grade, I was very insecure, these were the times of Covid. The mask hid my whole identity. I never took it off. Not even to eat lunch. I was in the friendship again at this time. But later on, it broke off again. God was trying to tell me something.
    In ninth grade, I found myself back into the friendship again. This time it was very sweet. We were closer than before. They loved my personality. And everything about me, so I thought. At this time, I was also watching porn. When I watched porn, it brought me a sense of relief for that very brief period and then again, I would be stressing again. That's what lust does. It takes but it looks as if it's giving. I was very lustful but I did not engage in having a boyfriend despite the influences around me. God was saving me for someone special 🤭.
     Boys didn't like me anyway. I would operate very masculine. I wouldn't be the girly type that God naturally made me to be. I was masculine. Then later on, when I saw that it wasn't working for me, I switched and became more feminine. It worked. But yet still, I didn't still didn't get a boyfriend because of insecurity. At this time, the mask wearing thing was over. But I still proceeded to wear mine. People would make jokes about it but I didn't care. I would rather hear the jokes than allow people to see my face.
     Then something happened 🤭. On March third, I was filled with the Holy Spirit chileeee yessuh 💕🙏🏾. God filled me and when I say He filled me, HE FILLEDDD ME, okay? I was on fire for Him. Those friends had to go. He sure got them out of my life. The friendship collapsed officially. From March, God has had me in His clutch and I don't mind 😌.
    He delivered me from pornography addiction, masturbation, unforgiving spirits and there so much more that He will keep delivering me from. Because He is a DELIVER, He is a REDEEMER, He is a SAVIOR, and I could go on and on.

Give your life to Christ 💕
If you need advice, I am more than willing to help you 🙏🏾