TW: This chapter involves heavy depression, su*cidal thoughts, and a su*cide attempt. Please take care of yourself whilst reading.

When he is young, something crawls into Izuku's chest and makes a home there. Izuku thinks of it as a centipede—a very large, twisty, terrible centipede. It curls around his heart and its legs scratch and claw and poison. Sometimes it winds around and squeezes, so hard that Izuku cannot breathe. He always feels helpless when this happens. There is nothing he can do to catch his breath, nothing he can do to stop the pain. He is at the mercy of this horrible bug.

Izuku knows, of course, that there's not really a centipede slowly crushing his heart. He knows that these feelings are just a product of all of the torment and cruel words he has endured. He knows that it's because people call him useless, stupid, wasteofspace. He can't say he disagrees with them.

It's weird to think that Izuku's world starts crumbling when he is four. That one doctor's visit changes everything he knows. It's hard to make sense of it even when he's grown, in years and in apathy. It's like... everyone that Izuku knows has been waiting with baited breath to get their quirks. They are all gifted incredible talents. And then some higher power looks down at Izuku and decides "you're not good enough."

The changes are not subtle. His mother watches him with a pitying concern and treats him like he's made of something more shatter-prone than glass. The children he once called friends turn into bullies. His teachers ignore his torment.

Kacchan calls him Deku.

It upsets him then, because he doesn't truly understand why they all have to turn their backs on him just because of an extra joint in his foot. He tries to keep a positive outlook, tries to cling to some semblance of normality by following Kacchan around.

The centipede squeezes so hard that he feels his heart crack, the first day that Katsuki turns on him with explosions in his palms. He is left with a shiny pink scar on his collarbone and a new view of the world. He starts going along with his mother's coddling because all of a sudden he does feel fragile. It feels that with just one wrong word, one harsh touch, Izuku will crack into a thousand tiny pieces that can never be put together again.

His mother, bless her, notices the change in his attitude. She asks about it again and again, offering the idea of therapy a few times, and again and again, Izuku tells her that he is alright. Eventually he gets so good at it that she believes him and lets it be. Izuku doesn't let himself feel bitter about it, because he is the one pushing her away. He has no right to feel betrayed.

Changing to the night shift and leaving him to his own devices for the day is not her abandoning him. Apartments are expensive, and once again he's the one avoiding her even when there's the opportunity of them spending time together. Going out more and more with friends is not her forgetting about him. His mom deserves to have some joy to look forward to in her life. He is the one who's adamant about staying in the dark.

Katsuki and his goonies get worse with time, and Izuku finds himself with less energy to devote towards defending himself or caring about it. If Izuku didn't know better, he'd say Katsuki is working his ass off to get Izuku to react even a little to all the jabs and insults he throws out. He even ups the ante when he tells Izuku to go jump off the roof, and Izuku...

Izuku considers it.

Standing at the edge, Izuku barely feels the wind that ruffles his hair. The ground is far away. As he's looking down at the concrete, a blade of fear pierces his heart. It's not a fear of falling or heights or even death. For a moment, he fears that if he does this, he will not be remembered. It's the fear of being forgotten.

Izuku runs down the stairs and out of school, sprints down the streets, all with a sort of manic energy he forgot he was capable of. He just needs to get away. If he runs far enough, maybe he can forget Katsuki's words.

A manhole cover under a bridge bursts out of the ground. Izuku is suffocating, and then he isn't. All Might signs his notebook while he's coughing out a lung. By the time Izuku registers that he's there, he's about to take off again.

He isn't sure why he does it. The dream of heroics has long since faded and twisted with cynicism. Maybe he's just emotionally tired out enough that a bit of the boy he used to be slips through, begging for a sliver of hope. All Might is the Symbol of Peace who always tells people to follow their dreams. Maybe he will tell Izuku that everything will be fine. Because he is there.

He grabs onto All Might's pants, and as soon as they land, he stands tall and asks that one question, the one that has haunted him his whole childhood.

"Sir... Can a quirkless kid like me be a hero?"

All Might deflates and rambles about an injury he has, but the blood rushing to Izuku's head stops him from really listening. The hero looks at him with pity, the same kind he has gotten since he was fucking four, and tells him no. He goes to elaborate but Izuku is already pushing open the door to the roof to leave. The centipede makes an appearance, gauging lines into his heart.

He goes the opposite way of the explosion in the distance.

Time passes in a sluggish, blurry manner. Katsuki brags about being saved by All Might and takes out his fear of being unable to escape by himself on Izuku. Izuku takes every beating in silence. The normally stinging pain of new burns is dull and pounding. He collects more burns on his arms that week than the past 10 years combined. Through it all, his face is blank. His mind is blank.

He feels... nothing.

He's still numb and unfeeling when he finds himself on the edge of the roof again. He has jumped the railing to stand unhindered, shoes left behind. Staring at the ground, he waits for that pang of fear, but gets nothing.

He is unthinking and unfeeling. The centipede has stopped moving, frozen in a deathlocked grip on his heart. He feels nothing, is nothing. He thinks, sluggishly, that he should just... die.

Stepping off the roof isn't even really a conscious decision. It just happens, and then he's falling towards his death.

And then he's not.

Katsuki collides with him midair, knocking him off course and taking away the deadly momentum he has built up. He lands on top of Izuku, and hangs over him to yell.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" He roars at Izuku, and Izuku finally feels a little bit of something. A trace of hatred, faded and faint. What is he thinking? Katsuki, the asshole who told him to jump, acts like he can't fathom why Izuku would reach this point. It frankly pisses Izuku off to the full extent he can feel it, so he shoves Katsuki off of him and gets to his feet. Katsuki keeps yelling. "DEKU! FUCKING ANSWER ME, SHITHEAD!"

Izuku glances at him, eyes empty. He walks away, shoeless and hopeless.