Nodding at all that Dr. Basu was saying and promising to practice all the exercises that he had shown her, Bhairavi was finally excused from speech therapy by the reluctant doctor. Since there had been no marked improvement, nor any effort on her part, it was mutually decided that the sessions should stop for the time being. Namma was considerate enough to know when to push her and when to give her space.

Dropping her off at home, Namma left for their cafe, promising to bring dessert. Bhairavi waved to her from the window till she was out of sight before heaving a sigh of relief. She loved Namma to death but did not like being coddled and surrounded all the time. Ever since her parents died, she had realized that she required no company to dispel solitude, instead she welcomed it.

Making herself some coffee, she decided to watch some TV. She was in a better mood than she had been since the accident. Maybe because she had finally slept well last night, without any nightmares. Well rested and armed with caffeine, she took Summer into her lap and flipped through the channels. Finding nothing worth watching, she settled for a random action movie where a car chase scene was going on.

Scratching a drowsy Summer behind her ears, apparently it was a female cat, she marveled over her beautiful golden skin. The cat purred and rolled over in her lap before falling asleep again. Smiling, Bhairavi turned to watch the TV, things would never be normal, but maybe they would get better.

Since it was a Sunday and Namma usually worked late on weekends, Bhairavi decided to go for a walk in the afternoon. It had rained all night and since the sky had been overcast all morning, the roads were wet and muddy. Bhairavi walked carefully, not wanting to slip and fall.

Briefly, her mind went back to her fall yesterday and the lack of cuts, but she pushed it out of her mind. She had been exhausted yesterday, and must have imagined it. And for what happened after the shower....well, she was sure she had hallucinated it. As she reached the main street which was crowded with shops, she remembered the bookstore and decided to pay it a proper visit.

Tapping her pocket, Bhairavi felt relieved that she had not forgotten her wallet, and set off for her destination. On reaching the store, she was reminded of the overenthusiastic employee. Oh dear, if that man followed her while she browsed the racks again, she was going to give him the middle finger. Wary, Bhairavi entered the store and slowly made her way down the aisles, but to her relief no employee was in sight.

Wandering, she flipped open a few books before her eye caught a title, 'The Mind and its mysteries'. Intrigued, she decided to check the page of contents. The topics ranged from Freud's theory of the structure of the mind to tips on how to activate one's third eye. Checking the price tag, she decided to buy it.

While searching for the billing counter, she was passing by the dimly lit Mythology section when her attention was drawn to a gorgeous book cover. The ten-armed Goddess Durga was illustrated on the cover, but what drew her breathe was the beautiful serene expression on half of her face, while the other half was contorted in rage and fury. The title read, 'Das Mahavidya' or the Ten forms of the Great Goddess of Wisdom. Checking its price, Bhairavi winced. She could not afford both the books, but she was attracted by both. Hugging both the books, she made her way to the billing counter, conflicted.

Contemplating which book to buy, she looked around for an employee but found none. How strange, she thought, on other days she was troubled by overenthusiastic employees while today she saw none. Hearing the drop of a heavy book, she turned immediately, her nape prickling with tension. A boy, of her age, had dropped a heavy book and was picking it up. But when he stood, for a second, Bhairavi's vision flickered and haziness filled her vision. The light and colors seemed to merge around him and she thought she saw something....but then it all cleared up and she blinked, confused. The boy came up to her, smiling, "How can I help you, miss?"

Taking a few breaths to get rid of the dizziness, she signed, 'I want to buy these,' before realizing her mistake and was about to reach for a notepad and a pen when he signed back, 'Yes, Let me bill them'.

Shocked, she signed back, 'You know ASL?' then added, 'I can hear.'

"Oh, then it will be faster for me to speak, if you don't mind. I learned ASL online actually, out of curiosity. Never thought would get to use it....are you buying both?" Reminded of her dilemma, Bhairavi was confused, which book should she forgo.

The young employee seemed to understand her dilemma, "Both the books are good, but you can get another copy of the psychology book by next week, if this one is sold. The mythology book....is rarer." he admitted, looking at her carefully. Bhairavi made her choice and gave the 'Das Mahavidya' to be billed, 'Where is everyone, today?'.

"The other employees? Oh today is their day off. Sundays are holidays for them since few people visit bookstores on Sundays in this area. Since I am the shop owner, I open the store."

Surprised, she signed, 'You...own this shop? Oh.' Chuckling at her confusion, "Yes, this is my shop. I recently moved here and purchased this shop. Earlier it used to be a grocery store, eh?"

Bhairavi nodded, surprised. Their neighborhood was an old one, full of shops and medium sized houses of old people, no flats or apartments yet. She was the only young person who lived in that area as far as she knew. "Well, the owner of the shop recently passed away. The son wanted to sell the shop and house at a very reasonable price, he seemed to be in a hurry to return to America. I gladly obliged him."

Oh, so that is why. She barely kept up with the news of the area. It was full of rich, middle-aged or old people who had posh houses, and had set up a group of loyal staff to man their stores while they visited occasionally, or spent time in leisure. Her Namma was an exception, she loved working and never took a day off from her cafe.

Shaking her head to clear all the straying thoughts, she smiled at the boy who handed her the paper bag. 'Thank you,' she signed.

"My pleasure, miss." He smiled, showing a set of dimples. His genuine smile on a rather attractive face, with warm eyes, took her by surprise. She had been surrounded by pitying and sympathizing eyes for so long that she had almost forgotten how good it felt to be treated normally.

Before she could stop herself, she wondered what his name was. Her ears grew hot, and her mind started churning, like last night. 'Samanya...' the whisper caressed her thoughts, which seemed to grow more disarrayed.

Shutting her eyes, fearing she would lose consciousness, she concentrated on her surroundings to keep contact with reality, her pendant flared with heat against her throat and she felt her thoughts slowing down with each breath. Scared, breathless, she opened her eyes slowly.

The boy...was shaking her slightly, holding her in case she fell, his eyes worried and tensed "Miss...miss....hey, are you okay!?"

She took a step back, unevenly, and signed, 'Am fine. Felt dizzy for a second.'

"Hey, maybe you should sit down, rest a bit."

'No,' she signed, 'Need to go home. Am fine.' Looking unconvinced, he led her to the door of the shop. 'Thank you,' she signed.

"Do not thank me, miss, take care," he said, concern still etched on his face.

'Not miss, my name is..’ she signed before fumbling for her mini notebook and pen and wrote, 'My name is Bhairavi.'

"It was great meeting you, Bhairavi. I am Sam. Do visit us again."

She knew she should let it be, but she could not stop herself from penning her question, 'Sam, is short for...?'

Taken aback, he recovered himself and answered good naturedly, "Actually my name is rather antiquated. Sam, short for Samanya."

Hurrying back, Bhairavi wondered if she was going mad or becoming a psychic. She had read and watched super hero comics and films, and knew she had not been bitten by a radioactive spider or been injected with adamantium or anything. And this was the real world, she had no desire to be a super hero if it meant losing her parents. She was now seriously considering therapy, maybe there was something wrong with her.

Counting her issues, she walked into her lane. Not being able to accept the death of her parents, check. Not remembering anything about the night of the accident till she woke up in the hospital, check. Having unresolved nightmares about a faceless monster, check. Imagining weird psychical abilities and a supposedly magical pendant, check.

Okay, maybe she did have an issue or two...or four. But she was fine, she was a grown up...an adult. She could deal with things. The main trouble was the never ending grief for her. She simply could not imagine being happy or enjoying life without her parents, they were everything for her. Her entire life revolved around them.

And Bhairavi sat on the sofa and reminisced memories of her happy childhood, till Summer mewled and broke her train of thoughts. It was six in the evening already!?  How fast had time flown, she had left the shop around four and it took hardly ten minutes to reach home. Jumping to feed the mewling hungry kitten, she realized she had forgotten to do the evening puja and bit her tongue. Namma would be really displeased. Namma was really religious and prayed twice a day elaborately.

However, since she returned late in the evening everyday, Bhairavi had been tasked with doing the evening puja. She was not particularly religious, but used to believe in some higher supernatural entity till her parents passed away. Now all she does is respect them, barely, for the place they hold in Namma's heart.

After showing incense around the house and uttering in her mind the Sanskrit shlokas she knew since she was a child, Bhairavi blew the conch shell thrice, before folding her hands in obeisance to the Gods and Goddesses gracing the small temple at home.

'You took my parents, now you want my sanity too? How much more agony will you give me? Why keep me alive and pain me so, why not finish me off? If life is bound to be so painful and purposeless, please, let me die.' She felt them mocking her, laughing at her plight. 'What do you know of the pains of being an orphan?'

Turning away from the small temple fixed on the wall, she felt a bit liberated. After ranting at the Gods mentally, she felt guilty. Who would look after Namma if she died. Also, though she was orphaned early and unfairly, her life was better and more privileged than many. She had her Namma to love her, Summer to adore her, enough bank balance for her education and a secured future left behind by her parents. Yet, instead of counting her blessings, she was stuck only on her loss.

Unsure of how to feel about her fate, and tired from her walk, she decided to take a nap till Namma came. She could do with a few naps to catch up on all the sleep she had missed. Curling up on the sofa, half afraid of having another nightmare, Bhairavi fell asleep within minutes, the last image in her mind was of the beautiful cover with an illustration of Maa Durga, depicting her duality.

A/N
Do comment your views and don't forget to vote! Next chapter coming on Wednesday, till then, take care!

Love,
Kaushiki