Lou POV

Wow. Did I really just fucking say that?

I looked up at Harry's face to see if it was true — and yeah, it must have been because he was smiling bigger than he had ever smiled before. Even when bigger than when I had won him a life sized panda stuffed animal at Coney Island. He was that happy.

I smiled back and climbed up further on his chest, trying to relax as I nestled into the crook of his neck. I always felt safest here.

I began to think about what I had just told him, if I really meant it. I did, didn't I? I did love him. I did love him, but I was also terrified he would hurt me again. It's possible to be both, right?

As I buried my face into Harry's neck, I couldn't help but start feeling emotional, like I sometimes did after sex. Everything had just moved so fast, had gone so perfectly. It was like we were never apart. Except we were. For a really long time, and within that time I became very depressed, very sick.

I pulled away from harry for a moment, positioning myself next to him on the bed and looking down at myself. I was so thin, so fragile. My bones were so visible I could have passed as a classroom skeleton. And I would be lying if I said I wasn't exhausted from being top, even though I used to be able to top a million times without getting tired.

I was weak.

"Hey, what's wrong, Lou?" Harry asked, probably noticing my upset facial expression. I shook my head, not wanting to ruin the moment, but my tears disobeyed my brain, and started to fall anyways.

"I'm just so fucked up," I said, my voice breaking. Harry scooped me up and placed me back on his chest, looking at me with those big green eyes. "It's okay Lou. We all are. You're gonna be okay, you know that, right?" He said softly, rubbing my back tenderly.

I nodded, but I didn't agree. I didn't feel like I was going to be alright. How was I going to be alright if I couldn't even eat a god damn granola bar without nearly having a heart attack?

"Harry, I can't even look at myself," I continued. "I'm so sick it's scary." I was crying now, and I didn't care. Harry had seen me cry before. And as much as I wanted to keep up the tough guy image, I just couldn't do it anymore. Zayn was right. I needed Harry. I needed to open up to him, to be vulnerable.

Harry nodded and continued rubbing my back, planting a soft kiss on my head. I could feel his chest rise and fall beneath mine, and in that moment, all was at peace with the world. I just wished that one day I could be at peace with myself.

"I know. But I promise you, we'll fix this. Slowly but surely. It takes time. You remember what it was like with me, don't you?" he asked. "It's a really difficult process, but if anyone can do it, it's you, Louis. You're so strong, babe."

I tried not to blush as he called me babe, but I probably failed. Right now I was feeling a bunch of different emotions at once— fear and sadness because of my condition, familiarity and longing for Harry, hope for our relationship. Love. It was hard to think straight.

"I remember. And thank you... for coming back after I was so rude to you. And thank you for coming over," I said, sniffling a bit as I studied his face. His eyes were dilated and there was a tiny bit of stubble forming above his lips, which were red from kissing.

"I didn't intend for this to happen, by the way. Sorry if I..." I continued, but Harry cut me off. "It was perfect," he cooed. "Lovely. I'm glad I came over. And don't worry about you being mean to me. I can handle it. And I deserved it."

I nodded. He did deserve it. After all he did to me. I felt my face get hot as I thought about it. Maybe I wasn't as ready to forgive him as I thought. I wasn't one to let things go easily.  But as I lay on his chest, Embracing his warm caress, how could I be mad? How could I ever give this up? He said he was miserable without me, that he missed me too. We both suffered... and based on the sex we just had, we both missed out on something incredible for the past two years.

I started to lay my head on Harry's chest, closing my eyes when that awful feeling started to happen again in the pit of my stomach. I felt it growl and nearly jumped up off of Harry because I was so startled.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked, giggling as he watched me jump. "Yeah, fine," I said with a nervous laugh. But Harry raised an eyebrow.

"You can't fool me, Mister Tomlinson. I know what just happened," he said with a playful sternness in his voice. "Now let's go get something to eat. I'm hungry too."

"Okay," I said. I smiled and pulled on my boxers before following Harry to the kitchen. When he opened my fridge, however, we decided takeout it would be....