Lou's Pov

"Lou!"

I was standing in the airport, a total hot mess with my luggage strewn around me as I struggled with my jacket.

"Fizzy!" I jogged towards her, wrapping her in a hug as my head began to flood with emotions. The last time I had seen her had been mum's funeral. I'm not sure what I was expecting her to look like now, but aside from a slight haircut, she looked exactly the same.

"I missed you, Lou," she said as she hugged back. I could tell based on the way she initially jolted at my touch that she noticed my weight loss. I mean it was sort of impossible to, my clothes were ridiculously big on me. But now, as she held me in her arms, she could feel it. She could feel the sharp bones, the tiny frame. Her big brother, her former protector, was now smaller than her, skin and bones.

"Oh my gosh. You've gotten so ill," she gasped, pulling away from the hug a little while later. Her blue eyes met mine and I watched in shame as they watered. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, that I could explain. But the truth was I couldn't. I don't know how I could have possibly let it get this bad....

"I know," I said, shoving my hands in my pockets and going to grab my suitcase. "I've got it!" Fizzy said, sternly interjecting and taking my bags for me. I hated how fucking helpless I was.

"So Lottie's in the car," she explained as we made our way towards the exit. "We've both missed you so much. We're glad you're back home — even if it's just for a few days before, well, you go away."

Go away.

Yeah, because I was going away. To treatment, to a mental ward. I bit my lip and tried not to grimace as I thought about it. At the time it had seemed like the right thing to do — and it still was. But now that I was here in England it was actually turning into a reality, and the truth was, I was fucking scared.

I had never been to an inpatient treatment facility before — neither had Harry, even at his sickest. He did outpatient programs in the hospital, but never had to stay overnight. The thought of not being able to leave terrified me...

"You Alright, Lou?" Fizzy asked, snapping me out of my toxic thoughts. "Yeah, fine. How are things at home going? How's the job?" I asked her, forcing myself to put on a smile and make small talk. Though we both knew I was just avoiding the deeper issues at hand.

"My job is great! I'm head writer now. And home is good. Lottie has a new boyfriend!" She said with a snarky smile. I giggled, unsurprised, as our sister was a total flirt and always seemed to be with a new man every season.

"Of course she does," I said with a laugh, Jogging a little to keep up with Fizzy. It was getting harder to walk even the shortest distances.

"So we were thinking of all going out to dinner. Is that okay by you? You can pick the place," Fizzy offered, clearly trying quite hard not to upset me. Everyone had been acting that way around me lately. Harry and Zayn too, though they often failed and still upset me anyways. I truly wished I wasn't this sensitive or irritable. It wasn't fair to the people who loved me.

"Yeah. Let's go to that curry place," I said quickly, trying to put a semblance of normality. But as I watched Fizzy's face fall, I realized it was probably a bad idea. That had been mums favorite curry place...

"Actually. Let's get Thai," I blurted out. I felt like vomiting at the thought of heaping bowls of pad Thai, all of those fucking carbs. But I had to reverse the damage I had just done, not just to my sister, but to myself as well.

"Yeah. Thai. You know, Louis, it's okay to talk about her. About mum," Fizzy said quietly, stopping and turning towards me before we reached the doorway. "I miss her."

"I miss her too," I said leaning forward to hug her again. "And I've let her down. I really need to get better, Fiz... I can't do this anymore..."

I was crying now, and I never cried in front of my sisters. Not even when mum was at her sickest, not even when Harry and I broke up. I was the oldest and I was supposed to be the one holding everyone together, the strong one, the caretaker. But now I was none of those things — now I was the one who needed help.

"Lou, I'm so sorry this happened to you— we should have been there, we should have came to visit, to see you...." Fizzy choked, sobbing into my shoulder. She was trembling a little, and I grabbed her arms tightly, trying to steady her.

"It's okay, Fiz. It's gonna be okay..." I said. I just kept repeating it, hoping that maybe if I said it enough times it would actually be true.

A/N: short chapter but just showing the family dynamics here! So sad, especially since it's the first time she's seeing him like this. A lot of times people think it's their fault that their loved one got sick with an eating disorder— or that they could have stopped it had they known. But it's really not the case, it just happens and it's no one's fault. And most times it's not preventable.

Also.... Do u want more family stuff? Should I show the dinner? Or just send him off to rehab? Such a sad question... also, do you want more of Zayn? He sort of disappeared after the blowout.