All is fair in love and war. It is a lesson that we are taught from an early age. We learn it on the playground, when another child cheats. "All is fair in love and war," They say smugly. We learn it in history classes, when inhumane methods are used to win. "All is fair in love and war," They say, sadly.

And it is what you say to yourself now, trying not to hold out too much hope. It's a funny thing, hope. So powerful and dangerous. Hope can be your salvation or your demise. "All is fair in love and war." It's a mantra now, that you repeat over and over in your head. It is the only thing that you can think.

When he comes home, it is still the only thing you can think. Because he is not the boy that walked off to his death, he is a man now. A dead man walking. He is no longer a smiley boy that wears flannels and works at the DX. No longer a boy that gets drunk on life and makes everyone's day better.

He is a man now, and you don't recognize him. You no longer recognize his sad brown eyes and broken smile. It hurts to watch his hands shake and even harder to bear the way he wakes up at the crack of dawn and tries so hard not to wake you up.

It's unbearable to listen to the way he screams and cries when he thinks you're not home.

"All is fair in love and war." It's the only thing that justifies the way he falls to his knees.

And Soda is so scared to touch you for the fear that he'll break you in his hands. To you, they're the same hands that once held you and your tears. But to him they are red. Stained with blood that won't wash away no matter how hard he scrubs.

You thought that maybe Steve could help. Maybe, since they went through it together. And it doesn't.

It doesn't because Steve is just as broken as his best friend.

You wonder if he'll ever be himself again. But you're beginning to think that he died in Vietnam and the man that came back is just a ghost.

And now you're screaming and angry. Because it's just not fair. How is it fair in love? To lose him, to see him so utterly destroyed. In love, is it fair to watch a zombie in place of him? And is it fucking fair to hear people justify it by saying, "At least he came back." You don't think it is.

No, you think. All is not fair in love and war.