Noah

I sat looking at my phone for a long time before I sent Elle that message. I didn't just want to suddenly call her, it seemed too weird after months of no contact. Part of me wondered how it had come to this, that I could have gone months without talking to Elle. The other part of me knew that it had been by design, both of us too upset or angry to even send a message after our encounter in summer. Since then it had just been easier to let the wound close up rather than ripping it open again.

The warm but infrequent contact we'd had last year had been replaced with silence. And while that had helped me to create and maintain a steadiness in my life that hadn't been there before, there was no avoiding this forever. Nor did I want to, I'd realised. What I'd said to my mom had been true. I wanted it to be okay for us to be in the same room at Christmas.

I wanted to be able to see Elle, to hear her laugh, even if I knew I couldn't be with her. I didn't want to completely cut her out of my life. What I didn't know, was how Elle herself felt. Would she be able to move past everything that had happened, including my behaviour last summer?

I could always phone Lee and ask him whether he thought she would answer my call. Then again, asking my brother if Elle would talk to me felt very middle school. Surely we were too old for that sort of nonsense now? So I manned up and pressed send.

Then, nothing.

I went back to studying but every half an hour or so I would pick up my phone to check for a response. Still nothing. I gave up just before midnight and went to bed. The next morning there was still no response. I went for my usual run and then to the gym. Still nothing. I showered and went to class. Still nothing.

It hadn't actually occurred to me that Elle might not respond at all. What was I supposed to do now? Her lack of response seemed to indicate that she would definitely not pick up the phone if I did go ahead and call her. The universe finally put me out of my misery as my phone pinged.

Elle: Sure, that would be fine. I finish class at 4 but I have to be at training by 5:30.

That seemed like a very specific window of time, but it worked for me. Taking into account the time difference, I had about 3 hours to kill before she would be free.

Me: Ok, talk soon.

Now what? I knew I needed to apologise, but beyond that I really had no idea what to say. I toyed with the idea of phoning Chloe to talk to her about it, but decided against it. It felt too ridiculous and she would definitely give me shit about it, possibly forever.

What was I doing? I ran my hands over my face and decided I needed to distract myself. I got up, gathered my laundry and went down to the basement to put it on to wash. I took a book to read while I waited, but even that didn't keep my mind from straying to Elle. I watched stupid videos on my phone. I paced. I played stupid games on my phone. I read some more of the book.

When my laundry was done, I went to grab something to eat. I saw a couple of friends and went to sit with them, talking for awhile to burn more time. Then, with an hour still left before I could call Elle, I stuffed my beanie back on my head, put my scarf and puffer jacket on again and walked outside. I didn't have any destination in mind, I just walked, hands shoved into my pockets. When I stopped, I realised I was at the footbridge over the river. It was a spot that Elle had loved when she'd visited me my freshman year.

I sighed and looked at my phone. It was 4:15 back in LA. Time to call. I scrolled to her contact and pressed the phone button. It rang a couple of times and then there she was.

"Hi Noah."

"Hi Elle," I sniffed.

"Are you okay?" She sounded worried, which made me laugh.

"Yeah, it's just cold here. I went for a walk and now my nose is starting to drip."

Elle giggled. "I can picture you exactly. Beanie, scarf, puffer jacket?"

I smiled ruefully, "Yeah, you got me. Whereas it's probably still barely sweater weather in LA."

"True. So anyway..."

"Look Elle, I just really wanted to apologise for how I acted the last time I saw you. I was an idiot and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to say it." I paused, unsure how to go on, but Elle said nothing. "I know things are weird between us now but I really wish they weren't. I'd like it if we could find a way for it not to be so weird."

"I, uh, I'd like that too." Elle's voice was quiet, but her words made me smile.

"Okay, great. Well...I guess I'll see you when I'm home for winter break? I mean, for Christmas?"

"Yeah, okay. Sounds good." Her voice was a little bit brighter now, even if she still wasn't saying much.

"Alright. Well I better go. My hand feels like it's about to turn blue from the cold."

Elle laughed. God I'd missed that sound.

"Yeah, and you're probably starting to look like Rudolph too," she teased.

It was my turn to laugh. "Bye Elle."

"Bye Noah."

I shoved my phone and my hand back in my pocket and all but ran back to my dorm. When I was back in the warmth of my room, I looked at my phone and saw a message from Elle. It was a picture of me in my beanie, obviously taken by her when she'd visited me here. Except she had now doctored it so that I had reindeer antlers and a Rudolph nose. I smirked at the caption.

Elle: Good thing you're all ready to help Santa this year.

Maybe Christmas would be okay after all.

———————————————————

While everyone was distracted watching Brad tear into his presents, I grabbed the gift I'd carefully wrapped and handed it to Elle. "This one's for you." She hesitated for a second then pulled the ribbon loose and opened the box. She smiled when she saw the book. "Open the cover," I urged. She did and I watched as a huge grin spread across her face and she flipped to the middle of the book and laughed.

I had spent hours wandering used bookstores in Cambridge and had just about given up when I'd spotted this copy of The Complete Novels of Jane Austen. I knew she'd love it but worried that it was too much. Then I'd opened the book and burst out laughing. The first and last third of the book were intact, but the centre had a compartment cut out of it, obviously intended to hide something in. I didn't know what the previous owner had needed to hide away, but I knew what Elle could use it for. I'd put a packet of Reece's Pieces in there and wrote an inscription inside the cover:

E,
Just in case you need to ration your candy again.
N.

"It's perfect, I love it, thank you," Elle beamed, going up on tip toes to give me a peck on the cheek. I felt about ten feet tall.

"Let me get yours," she said then, retrieving a small cylinder wrapped to look like a Christmas cracker from under the tree and handing it to me. I'd wondered if getting Elle a gift had been the right choice but clearly it had been since she'd gone to the effort of getting me something too.

I undid the ribbon at both ends and removed the paper. I opened the end of the tube and slid out the rolled paper inside. I felt the grin on my face as I unfurled it. It was a vintage motorbike poster and I loved it.

"I thought you could add it to your collection," Elle said nervously.

"It's awesome, I will, thanks."

I stepped forward and gave her a one armed hug, holding the rolled up poster lightly in my other hand. "Thanks Elle," I breathed into her hair.

"Merry Christmas, Noah."

I released her and we joined our families for the rest of the gift giving.

After far too much food, my parents and Mike and Linda were sitting in the living room talking. Brad was lying on the floor engrossed in his new handheld gaming console. I wandered through the house, not really sure what to do with myself. Elle was playing video games with Lee in the den. I went and sat on the floor in front of the sofa, closest to her side.

I said nothing, just played with my phone and listened as they trash talked each other. Then Lee's phone rang and he paused the game. It must have been the girl he'd just started seeing because he jumped up and left the room, saying "I'll be right back," with a big grin on his face.

Elle put down her controller and the silence weighed heavily in the air. I leaned back against the sofa, still not looking at her. I watched her reflection in the tv screen and saw when she reached out her hand as if to touch me but then let it drop instead. I closed my eyes and imagined what it would have felt like to have her fingers  run through my hair. How could a year and half have passed when I still remembered that feeling so well?

It was all I could do to just sit there and listen to the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears, while I tried to remember how to breathe.

Author's Note: So I guess it's pretty obvious now that I don't believe that Elle and Noah didn't see each other for six years.....I hope you'll continue reading to see how this turns out.