Chapter 8

It had been about three weeks since I told Grady he was my mate and I still wasn’t sure how he was taking the news. It’s like he brushed it aside without outwardly rejecting it and I wasn’t sure what that meant.

I’d already come to the conclusion that telling him when I did hadn’t been the best decision, he’d already had so much to deal with that day and news like that had probably been too much for him to take in.

After I’d told him, he’d gone to the kitchen to have a drink, okay a few drinks and then he said we’d deal with it another time. The only problem was; three weeks had already passed and I was still waiting for ‘another time’ to show itself.

I’d already decided not to bug him about it though; he was finally coming to terms with the fact that he was gay so of course he needed more time. When he’d told me that we’d give it a try I’d been ecstatic, excited, over the moon; thinking we’d finally be together, we’d finally be in a relationship, but while you could say we were somewhat together it didn’t exactly feel that way.

Yes we had sex often but it felt like that’s all we did when we saw each other. Gone was the easy friendship we used to share. These days when we were at school; while we still hung out as we always did; it was always with a group of friends ,it was almost as if he was going to great lengths to make sure we were never alone at school. He’d already made it clear he didn’t want the student body knowing he was gay; he said that it was his decision to make and I respected that.

I wasn’t allowed to touch him in public, heck I wasn’t allowed to touch him unless we were having sex! So that’s what it all boiled down to; he said he’d give it a try but I was starting to think that maybe it would have been better if everything went back to the way it was. I missed my best friend, I missed talking to him, laughing and goofing off with him.

The more we had sex, even though it was amazing, the harder it was for me to look at myself in the mirror. He only came to me when he needed release, we didn’t cuddle or talk; nothing. We just had sex then he’d leave without saying a word; as if the act itself was all he could stand.

That in its self made me feel like some common whore, as if all I was good for was the sex. Yet I still did it, whenever he wanted to, I’d just give him what he wanted and then watch him leave. But I couldn’t help it; I craved his attention so much that even this was better than nothing at all.

At the moment I lay in bed, sweaty and panting after the wild sex we’d just had. I watched him in despair as he got up, without saying a word and crossed the room, picking up his discarded clothes and putting them on. I sat up in bed, my heart in my throat. He didn’t stay over anymore, ever since that first night when he’d been drunk.

He had just snapped on his jeans and was moving to find his shirt when I spoke up; “You know you could stay the night, I mean… it’s late you don’t have to rush home.” I spoke softly, hoping he’d stay.

He looked up at me briefly, then turned away again, pulling his shirt over his head “No I gotta get home.” was all he said.

And I blinked back the tears that formed in my eyes. I wasn’t weak; crying wasn’t for me but it felt like no matter what I did, I just pushed him further away. I’d tried reaching out to him in every way I knew how but nothing was working, he could hardly even stand to look at me and that hurt me in more ways than I could ever imagine.

 Every time he left like this after we had sex I felt more ashamed of myself; that I was allowing him to treat me this way, and every time he left like this it felt as if something broke inside me. It felt like rejection over and over again. A man could stand so much and no more; even from his own mate.

He’d already slipped on his shoes and was about to walk out the door when I voiced my thoughts causing him to freeze in place “Maybe we should stop this.” I said, looking at him in such a way that I knew my heart was showing in my eyes.

“Meaning?” he asked, turning to look at me.

“This.” I gestured to him and then to the bed “Maybe we should just…forget about the whole thing,  you said you’d give it a try and you did but it’s not working out so maybe we should just stop, go back to how it was before.” I said again.

He shifted from foot to foot, looking at me with wide eyes.

“It’s not working for you? So what? the feelings just disappeared then?” he asked, his voice somewhat shaky.

“The feelings will never go away Grady, I just can’t do this anymore.” I said, pulling up my knees to rest my elbows on them.

“What do you mean you can’t do this anymore, you’re the one who pushed for this in the first place! You’re the one who wanted me to accept myself and for us to be together!” he shouted, clearly angry now.

“And can you honestly say you’ve accepted yourself?” I tried to remain calm.

“Of course I have, I’m having sex with you aren’t I? I’m not pushing you away anymore, I know it now I’m…gay, I’ve done what you asked, what’s the problem now?” he shouted out again, the frustration evident in his stance.

“Grady you push me away in everything I do! I can’t touch you if we’re not having sex, we can never be alone together at school, you make excuses every time I ask you to hang out, you never stay over anymore. It’s like no matter how hard I try you don’t want anything to do with me and I can’t do this anymore! Do you have any idea how humiliating it is to watch you walk away after we have sex?, you make me feel so used, so dirty, the only thing left for you to do now is to put the money on the counter before you leave!” I shouted now, my voice horse with emotion.

He stood there, his eyes wide with shock at my outburst, but I couldn’t even stand to look at his face anymore so I turned away. Minutes passed where neither of us said a thing and it got to the point where I was tempted to turn around to see if he had left but then he moved and I heard the rustle of his jeans.

“I- I had no idea you felt that way…I thought...I didn’t realize I’d been…” he trailed off.

I remained silent, refusing to look at him.

“I’ve tried to accept this...that I’m gay, I don’t know I guess I thought I was handling it okay, I didn’t even realize I was...I was hurting you...it was just easier I guess.” He said softly but I knew that if I turned to look at him I’d lose it.

 I’d break down right then and there and I’d tell him it was alright, that I was wrong that we could continue the way it was just so I could be with him somehow, but it was killing me, I couldn’t do it anymore, I wouldn’t and so I still remained silent, refusing to look at him.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” he asked.

“Because I didn’t think it would have a difference.” I finally replied.

“Of course it would have, I knew what I was doing wasn’t right but I thought you were okay with it like this.  I didn’t even realize I was pushing you away, I-“ he started but I cut him off.

“It’s okay Grady, I get it, you’re not ready, but I can’t do this anymore, to have my mate reject me over and over again, to have him push me away at every turn; I just...it’s just too much Grady, It’s killing me I can’t do it anymore.” I took a deep breath and turned to look at him “We gave it a try, let’s just go back to the way it was please, I’d rather have you as just my friend rather than have you...like this. I miss our friendship, I shouldn’t have forced you into this, I just want my friend back.” I pleaded

He stood looking intently into my eyes for a few minutes before he spoke.

“Trying to accept this hasn’t been easy but…I’m glad you made me acknowledge what I really am, It’s easier having somebody else know what I’m going through I guess. I’m not ready to tell the world, I don’t even know if I’ll ever be, but…I’m sorry I treated you like that, I swear I never meant to Thomas, you’re my best friend, I’d never wanted to hurt you.” He said.

I nodded and looked at everything but his face. So this was it then. I surmised. He was apologizing and I knew it was sincere but I braced myself for his next words. He’d either tell me he wanted us to go back to being friends or that we should just give each other space. I prayed it was the former, I just needed us to be friends again, like I needed air, I couldn’t stand us being apart. But when his next words came I was shocked to the point where my eyes widened of their own accord.

“I don’t want us to go back to being just friends, maybe we could start over…I promise I’ll try to be better at this…maybe you could help me to be better at it, I give you permission to kick my ass every time I go back to being an asshole” he joked.

“You- you actually want us to try this again? For real this time?” I asked in shock.

“Yeah…please, I swear it won’t be like before…if you’ll help me to accept it. I wanted to be with you when I said I’d give it a try Thomas, it’s not that I didn’t and I’m not trying to make excuses it’s just that…I’m an asshole and I’m sorry.-“ he finished.

I could only grin at the turn of events, I guess I sort of understood why he’d been treating me that way it couldn’t be easy for a person to become the one thing he hated the most. It was uncharacteristic of him to actually realize his mistake...even if I’d had a hand in that.

Usually, Grady did stupid things and if you didn’t tell him his mistakes then he had no clue, but for him to actually acknowledge that he’d made a mistake and go on to apologize and find a solution shocked me.

One minute he was walking out the door; once again pushing me away and the next he was telling me he didn’t want us to go back to the way it used to be. I wasn’t sure if it was growing maturity on his part or if I was dreaming but I didn’t care. My earlier mood forgotten I smiled at him and watched as he looked back at me uncertainly.

“So? You forgive me or not?” he asked growing impatient.

Typical Grady, I thought and my smile widened.

“So no bullshit, you wanna do this right this time? Which means hanging out, going on dates, the real deal?” I asked just to be clear.

“No bullshit, except no dates on this side of town…for now” He said.

“No prob.” I answered with a grin then watched him shake his head at my excitement.

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He said then turned to leave.

“Wait a minute, I thought we just made progress, aren’t you gonna stay?” I asked in confusion.

“No, I got some things to take care of.”

“Now? It’s 11:00pm dude.” I emphasized.

“I know but I seriously can’t stay tonight, I wouldn’t leave if it wasn’t important, not after the decision we just made.”

“where are you going?” I asked.

“Just gotta take care of something and I’ll be back.” He said evasively but I was having none of that.

“Okay then, how about a compromise, you either just put off whatever you have to do tonight for another day and stay here with me or you tell me where you’re going so I won’t stay up wondering if you’re okay…you choose.” I said and watched as his eyes narrowed.

“Come on Thomas since when do we tell each other everything anyway?”

“Since we just decided to be in a real relationship.” I said seriously.

 I knew that I was putting him on the spot but this would be my chance to finally know what it was that he did every time he disappeared and if he didn’t want to tell me at least I’d get to spend the night with him like I’d wanted to for so long. It was a win win.

He stood looking at my serious expression for a few minutes as if trying to assess whether I truly was serious or not. My brows furrowed as I wondered once more what he was hiding, it had to be something big otherwise he would tell me right?

Grady  looked anxiously at my bedroom door then just when I thought he’d choose to just walk out and get on with his business, he turned back to me with a small smile and started making his way over to where I lounged, shedding bits and pieces of his clothes as he walked.

“Compromise…happy?” he said cheekily as he dropped onto the bed beside me in only his boxers. He lay down close to the edge of the bed and put his hands behind his head, choosing to look up at the ceiling rather than at me. So I shifted closer to him and reached out to touch his chest. He flinched at my touch but I didn’t back down. He wanted me to help him get comfortable with his orientation and so I would.

“I feel like I’ll never get used to this.” He said, turning his head to look at me.

“You will, you just need time.” I told him confidently and brought my  hand up to touch his face, his lips, his neck, to run it through his hair, to rest it on his naked shoulder. He’d never allowed me to touch him like this before unless we were having sex and so I figured one of the best ways to help him get comfortable with being gay and being with a guy was to familiarize him with simple yet intimate touches, usually only shared between a couple. He shifted uncomfortably on the bed and bit his lip as I continued to trail my hand over his flesh.

“Just relax.” I told him with a whisper then watched as he visibly tried to calm himself by taking a deep breath. Sex between us was usually fast and explosive, this touching and caressing was entirely new to him and so it was easy to understand his discomfort.

“It feels weird having a guy touch me like this, I’m so used to small, soft female hands, but...I don’t know this feels better somehow.” He said with a shaky smile.

Satisfied that he was taking it so well I placed a gentle kiss over his heart and dipped my hand lower down his body. When I felt the waist band of his boxers I paused for a second to run my fingers along the edge. His muscles flexed involuntarily and I chuckled.

“You like that huh?” I said still chuckling.

“Shut up.” He answered shaking his head slightly and I grinned.

I lifted the waist band and he sucked in a breath, holding it as if in anticipation of my next move.

“Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it.” I said grinning up at him in mischief.

He released the breath he was holding “Do whatever you want.” He said huskily, his gaze on my hand rather than my face.

“Nope, you don’t tell me what you want or I don’t do a thing.” I said. I wanted to make him feel comfortable asking me for pleasure and also it was fun teasing him, so I just continued watching him with a wide grin.

“Ugh, you’re an ass you know that?” he said then “Just do whatever...it doesn’t matter.” He said again then gyrated his hips so that my knuckles brushed against his heated flesh and he groaned.

“Just say the words, tell me what you want and I’ll do it, just like that.” I said again, the released his waist band and ran my hand just inside said boxers, teasing; giving him just enough but no more. I moved even closer to him trailing wet kisses down his neck and on his chest, causing him to move his hands from behind his head and pull my face up to his. But just as he was about to kiss me I turned my head away.

“No, you want a kiss, you ask for it.” I said again softly, enjoying making him squirm.

“Fine, kiss me.” He said in frustration.

I chuckled “I said ask not demand.”

“Jeez come on Thomas” he groaned.

“Fine.” I said taking pity on him. I lowered my face to his and took his lips between mine, soft and gentle, savoring the touch for a while but just as he was really getting into it I broke away and lay down beside him, severing all contact from his body.

“What’re you doing?” he asked breathlessly.

“I’m teaching you something here, so from now on you gotta ask for what you want.” I said resting my head on the pillow but facing him.

“You’re impossible!” he groaned out then looked at me and rolled his eyes.

“Okay, I- I want you to kiss me.” He said easily enough.

“That’s not really what you want though is it Grady?” I replied with a knowing smirk. His eyes seemed to glaze over with lust at my words and he licked his lips causing me to swell with anticipation.

“Tell me what you want Grady.” I whispered.

He continued to stare at me with lust filled eyes, then he turned his head to the ceiling again and covered his eyes with his hand.

“I- I want you to…” he trailed off and bit his lip and I watched the blush form on his cheeks.

“To what?” I prodded.

“I want you to…to…t-touch me.” He finally got out, his hands still covering his eyes in shame.

“Touch you where?” I asked him again.

He removed his hand and looked at me, his gaze tormented and so I let up.

Baby steps.

Eventually I’d get him to feel comfortable with telling me exactly what he wanted and how he wanted it but for now he’d done well, so I smiled and rewarded him with a kiss so hot it could have scorched anything in its path. Then I gave him what he wanted, I ran my hand from his chest to his waist, gathered up the waist band of his boxers and delved in, touching his swollen organ, and squeezing gently until all he could do was groan, pant and whisper my name as I brought him to a climax with my hands.

…………………………..

~Grady’s POV~

They were chasing me, I could hear their feet pounding on the asphalt not far behind me and so I sped up, running for dear life. I jumped over a fallen trash can and zipped around yet another building in my desperate attempt to ditch them but I could still hear them in the distance; they were coming for me; to teach me a lesson.

 In this business you followed orders or you suffered the consequences. I shouldn’t have stayed with Thomas last night, I should have just delivered the package like they told me to but I’d cost the boss money by failing to deliver and now I would pay. I almost slipped on a discarded grocery bag but righted myself in no time and continued to blaze a trail up the almost deserted street. I had to find a way to ditch them or soon I’d be in a world of hurt.

                                            AUTHOR'S NOTES

HERE YA GO HUNNIES!! HOPE YOU ENJOY!!

SPECIAL THANKS TO: battyricedoll and AHOPELESSROMANTiC for dedicating your stories to me, I can't wait to sink my teeth into them!! <3 <3 <3