Chapter 18 | I Literally Cannot Even Right Now 

Author's Note: Okay, I know that a lot of you aren't American but I am and the story is obviously set in America. So, I just wanted to tell you now to avoid any confusion later on that in the chapter when they're talking about football, they mean American football, not soccer, which I think you guys call football? So, they're not talking about soccer, they're talking about football. American football.

“Look at the stars. Same stars as last week. Last year. When we were kids. When we weren’t even born. In a hundred years, no one will ever know who we were. They’ll know those same stars.” — Imaginary Heroes

“So, he asked you out?” Beckett randomly questions the following morning as the two of us sit across from each other at the kitchen table, eating breakfast.

“Excuse me?” I reply, looking up from my bowl of Lucky Charms and over at him.

“Graham, I mean,” He clarifies, even though the clarification wasn’t necessary. “He asked you to be his girlfriend yesterday, yes?” Beckett nonchalantly asks.

“How did you know that?” I query, giving my older brother a very suspicious look.

“I know everything, baby sister,” He explains, stuffing three strips of bacon in his mouth. “Well, that and Aspen told me about it last night,” Beckett tells me.

“Of course she did,” I reply with a small sigh, running my fingers through my hair.

It’s not like Graham and I are keeping our new relationship a secret or anything like that because we most definitely aren’t. It’s just that he asked me to be his girlfriend only maybe like, twelve or so hours ago and after I left his house last night, I came straight home, ate dinner, did some homework, took a shower and then went to sleep.

Only I couldn’t really stay asleep because my brain thought that last night was the perfect opportunity to plague me with a bunch of horrendously awful flashbacks and nightmares from that night at the frat house. I was a just a bit surprised by them though because I really haven’t had any nightmares or flashbacks about that night for quite some time. Now that I think about it though, I think they stopped right around the time Graham transferred to my school in October.

Anyway though, the nightmares and flashbacks were really freaking me out and I, being the huge baby that I am, sat in my bedroom, literally bawling for about five minutes. Then I started hearing Flynn’s voice in my head again—like I said, I’m not schizophrenic or anything, it’s just that whenever I think too much about what happened to me, my brain just can’t block certain things out, Flynn’s voice and the words that he said to me that night being two of those things. 

I used the technique that Dr. Fontana told me to use when I feel a panic attack coming on though, which is to try to take myself to happy place and just focus on breathing. It know it sounds like a dumb method but it works.

Once I finally managed to calm myself down and stop hyperventilating and crying, I was all gross and sweaty, so I had to take another shower any by the time I got out, I wasn’t even sleepy anymore, so I decided to go and talk to my best friend. I went into Aspen’s bedroom and there she was, on her bed, making out with Beckett.

Trust me when I say that it was a very traumatic sight to see, my best friend and my brother making out and sliding their way into second base. I did tell Aspen that I was totally fine with them dating though, so there wasn’t really anything that I could say. Beckett left the room then and with him went the awkwardness. Then Aspen and I started talking about Graham because, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, she’s a very hardcore shipper of this whole Grawyer thing and she wanted to know what all happened at Graham’s house.

So, I told her that Graham asked me to be his girlfriend and she really just kind of starting freaking out about it. I mean, you would think I’d told her she’d just won the million dollar lottery or something by the way she was acting. She was squealing and crying tears of joy and she was just so incredibly happy about it. Literally, I think that she might have been more excited about my new relationship than I was, which is saying something, because when Graham asked me to be his girlfriend, I was doing mental cartwheels.

I suppose she told Beckett after I left her room though, which was after about an hour or so because I’d gotten sleep again. Luckily, the second time around, I was able to fall asleep and stay asleep without any nightmares or anything. I don’t really mind the fact that she told him though. In fact, I’m glad she told him because I most definitely wasn’t looking forward to doing it. I mean, I don’t think that’s a conversation any girl wants to have with her brother. Especially not when said brother is psychotically overprotective.

“So, it’s true then?” Beckett queries, stuffing another piece of bacon in his mouth and chomping noisily on it.

“It’s true,” I confirm with a small nod and a very miniscule grin.

“You know, I still think that you really are too young to have a boyfriend,” My brother informs me with a sigh.

“I’m seventeen years old, Beck,” I remind him, rolling my eyes.

“Exactly and that’s just way too young,” He huffs. “I think around like, twenty or twenty-one would be better.”

“You are so dramatic,” I chuckle. “I’m pretty sure you started dating in your freshman year of high school,” I state, remember his first ever girlfriend, Leah, I think it was.

“Yeah, but I’m a guy,” Beckett defends. “It’s different for guys.”

“It isn’t different, Beckett, it’s a double standard,” I correct him.

“Yeah, well, whatever,” He waves off my justification. “So, when are you gonna bring him over?” He wonders.

“Bring him over where?” I ask, raising my eyebrows in question.

“Over here to our house, obviously,” Beckett explains. “If you two are gonna be together, he needs to come over and meet the family,” He adds.

“That’s totally not necessary,” I assure my brother, shaking my head. “He’s obviously already met you, he met Tom on Christmas and he met mom when I was in the hospital.”

Beckett opens his mouth to respond, probably to point out the fact that Graham met him and our parents before we actually became official, so that those times don’t actually count and that we still need to have a dinner together or something, the five of us, which is a really stupid idea because they’ve already met and having an awkward dinner is really not my idea of a good time.

Before Beckett can get a word out though, Aspen walks into the kitchen with a peppy grin on her face, dressed and ready to go. She’s not dressed in her school attire though, which makes sense because she’s not coming to school today. She’s dressed in a pair of unbelievably short black dance shorts along with a sheer white crop top and a zebra printed bandeau underneath it and a pair of Chaco’s. Her long blonde hair is up in a high ponytail and surprisingly, she’s not even wearing any makeup, which is a really rare thing for Aspen.

Like I said, her dance team at the William Felton Dance Company is going to Maryland on Friday to compete, so they’ve been having these incredibly intense practices three times a day—once at 8 a.m., again at 2 p.m. and then again at 8 p.m. It’s just really dumb and not worth it to me but it is Aspen’s passion, so I guess I get it.

“What’re you guys talking about?” Aspen queries as she sits down beside Beckett, stealing a piece of his bacon.

“Beckett is being really weird and ridiculous and trying to tell me that I’m too young to have a boyfriend,” I say.

“What?” She giggles, giving her…non-official boyfriend a weird look. “I started dating when I was like, fourteen.”

“See that, Beckett?” I reply in a singsong voice, happy to have proved him wrong because usually, it’s the other way around.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Beckett grumbles before taking a sip of his orange juice. “Just promise me you’ll be careful, alright?”

“Beckett, I’m—” I start to make a defense but he interrupts me before I can.

“Seriously, Sawyer, just promise me, okay?” Beckett asks me hopefully then.

“Okay, Beckett,” I sigh in response with a nod. “I promise I’ll be careful,” I appease him just so that he can stop being a baby.

“Okay, you guys have the cutest brotherly / sisterly relationship ever,” Aspen states. “I really wish I had a brother,” She sighs.  

“But I thought you do have a brother?” Beckett responds with a light laugh.

“I do,” She confirms, nodding. “He’s fourteen and really annoying though,” Aspen complains with a very loud and dramatic sigh.

“You two are actually really perfect for each other because you’re both ridiculously overly dramatic,” I tell them, eating the last bit of my Lucky Charms.

I stand up from my chair and then walk over to the sink, putting my bowl down in it before pulling my vibrating iPhone out of the pocket of my jeans. I put in my passcode and then see a text from Graham, telling me that he’s just a few minute down the road from my house.

He’s picking me up for school today because for some weird reason, my car isn’t repaired yet—I guess it takes more than a day to get a few dents and a broken taillight fixed. On the bright side though, at least it’s Graham taking me to school, not Tom. Speaking of the Spawn of Satan, he isn’t home right now—I haven’t seen him since yesterday when he dropped me off but I’m willing to bet he’s somewhere passed out drunk.

“And I have to get going now, so I’ll see you guys later,” I say to the blossoming lovebirds before sending an ‘okay’ text to Graham and then making my way out of the kitchen.

“See you later baby sister,” My brother calls after me at the same time as Aspen calls out the same thing, only she doesn’t say ‘baby sister’, she says ‘see you later, best friend’.

I leave the kitchen and then make my way upstairs to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I’ve already brushed them once this morning when I woke up but that was like, an hour and a half ago and I’ve eaten two entire bowls of Lucky Charms cereal since then. Obviously, I plan on kissing Graham today so I just don’t want my breath to smell like cereal.

After I’m finished brushing my teeth, I yank my bristle pinned hairbrush through my hair a couple of times to get any tangles out. Most of the time, I don’t wear my hair down to school because I usually oversleep and don’t have time to straighten it but since I actually got up when my alarm clock went off, I had enough time to straighten it, so I did.

I am most definitely not one of those girls who is gonna change the way she dresses just because she now has a boyfriend though because I think that girls like that are weird. I’m wearing a pair of skinny jeans with rips at the knees, a really comfortable and over-sized grey sweater with a burnt Sienna-y orange colored heart on the front and Sperry’s.

When I’m done in the bathroom, I leave and make my way back into my bedroom. In my bedroom, I grab my backpack, turn out the light and then head back downstairs since I’m pretty sure Graham will be here any second now.

When I reach the end of the stairs, I walk into the living room, where I see my mother sitting on one of the couches with her MacBook sitting on her lap as she’s typing away on it faster than the speed of light (okay, well, not literally, but she’s typing really fast).

I’m a little bit surprised by the fact that my mom is here because for the past few months, she’s been going to work at like, 7 in the morning and getting back at home at around 9 p.m. I really don’t know what exactly her job is but if it calls for her to be at work every single day for so many hours a day, then it has to be an extraordinarily hard and excruciatingly stressful job to have.

“Hello mother,” I greet chirpily, sitting down in one of the armchairs.

“Hi honey,” My mom replies, looking over at me with a small smile.

“You’re not going to work today?” I ask, even though the answer is obvious. I think that my mom thinks I don’t like her, which isn’t true, so I’m trying to make conversation.

“No,” She tells me, shaking her head. “There’s a gas leak at the office, so I’m working from home today,” She states. “Do you need me to take you to school or something?”

“No, thanks,” I say, shaking my own head. “Graham’s coming to get me.”

“Graham?” She echoes, closing her laptop and looking over at me again.

“Yeah, you remember him, don’t you?” I ask her curiously.

“I remember him,” My mom confirms with a nod. “You two are still friends?”

“You sound surprised,” I observe, opting to not tell her that we’re together.

“I’m a little bit surprised,” She admits. “Speaking of, did you skip your session yesterday?”

“Yeah,” I sigh in confirmation after a few seconds of silence. “But I have a good reason.”

“Oh?” My mom queries, setting her laptop down on the coffee table. “Indulge me then.”

“Alright, well, like, Graham is a senior and we’re in the same Theology class. I’m okay at it, I guess, but he’s really kind of terrible with it, so I’ve been tutoring him for the past couple of months after school so he won’t fail because if he fails, he doesn’t graduate.”

“How did I not know about this?” My mother asks, raising her eyebrows in question.

“Dunno,” I shrug. “I mean, you never really ask about anything but therapy,” I add.

She sighs a loud sigh then and I know that she’s more than likely about to start lecturing me about something, probably on the importance of going to see Dr. Fontana seeing as how she pays so much for the sessions.

Before she can get a word out though, my iPhone vibrates in my pocket with a text message. I pull it out and then breathe a small sigh of relief when Graham’s name flashes across my screen and a text from him is underneath his name, telling me that he’s outside. I reply that I’m coming and then stand.

“Um, Graham’s here,” I inform my mother, interrupting whatever she’s about to say.

“Okay but don’t think that this is over,” My mother replies. “We’re talking about this.”

“We really don’t have to, mom,” I sigh, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear. “It’s really not that big of a deal and I promise I’ll see him every day this week,” I swear to her.

“Alright then,” She appeases me then and I know she only does it to avoid us arguing. “Well, have a good day at school,” My mom adds, opening up her laptop. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I reply before making my way over to the front door and pulling it open. Immediately, I’m hit with a strong gust of wind and a frown instantly takes residence on my face when I see how hard and fast the snow is falling from the sky.

I mean, I do live in New England and it is the beginning of January, so I really shouldn’t be surprised or annoyed by the constant blizzards but I really am so annoyed by them. Snow is just so dumb and I hate it so much. I’m definitely moving to Peru or Australia or Los Angeles.

I close the front door shut behind me and wish I’d worn a jacket with a hood or something, rather than just a sweater because even though it’s really warm and super cozy, it doesn’t do all that great of a job protecting my head from the icicles that’re falling from tree limbs and whatnot.

I carefully make my way down the driveway, holding on to the long line of cars that are occupying my driveway (my mom’s, Beckett’s and Aspen’s) so that I don’t fall flat on my face. That would be very embarrassing, especially considering the fact that Graham is sitting at the end of the driveway in his car.

Thankfully, I make it to the end of the driveway without falling on my face, which I am eternally grateful for. I pull open the passenger door of Graham’s car once I reach it and then get in, incredibly thankful for the fact that he has the heat on full blast.

“Hello,” I greet Graham in a chipper tone as I put my backpack on the floor and pull my seatbelt on, clicking it into place.

“Hey,” Graham replies and it dawns on me then that now that Graham and I are actually in an exclusive relationship, I can kiss him literally whenever I want to and vice versa.

So, I start to lean over towards him and I think that he gets the hint then because he leans towards me and our lips meet halfway. You know where the middle console thingy is in a car? Like, right between the passenger and the driver seats? That’s where we meet it. It’s a short, sweet and simple kiss but it’s amazingly perfect and wonderful great.

“Thanks for picking me up,” I say after we pull away from each other a few seconds later. And by ‘few’, I don’t mean like, three seconds later, I mean more like thirty seconds.

“No problem,” Graham replies, putting his car in gear and then cautiously driving away from my house, down the icy roads. “Please tell me you like White Chocolate Mochas.”

“That’s a very random question,” I inform him with a giggle as I absentmindedly twist a lock of my hair around my finger. “But yes, I do like White Chocolate Mochas—why?”

“Because my brother was being the biggest brat in the world this morning and he didn’t want to go to school, so I had to bribe him with a Hot Chocolate from Starbucks and the girl that was working the register thought that I ordered a White Chocolate Mocha instead of a Hot Chocolate. So, instead of taking the thing back, she just let me keep it but I’m not really a coffee kind of guy, so I thought that I’d bring it to you rather than just throw it away,” Graham explains.

“How considerate of you,” I respond half-sarcastically and half-seriously with a small laugh as I pick the Starbucks cup up from the cup holder and then take a little sip from it.

“I know, right?” Graham cheekily replies with an adorably boyish grin as we pull up a red light and he reaches down and grabs my left hand in his right, interlacing our fingers.

“You know, you have really amazing timing,” I randomly inform Graham, taking another sip.

“I do?” He asks, glancing over at me before averting his eyes back to the road. “How so?”

“Because before you picked me up, I was about to get in trouble but then you texted me, so I didn’t get in trouble,” I simply state.

“Well, I’m glad I could be of service,” He chuckles. “What’d you do to get in trouble though?”

“My mom is kind of pissed that I missed therapy yesterday,” I tell Graham with a small sigh.

“I thought that you said you wouldn’t get in trouble for that?” He asks curiously, referring to yesterday when I specifically said that.

“Well, I didn’t think that I would,” I respond. “Usually, my mother is way too busy to be bothered with the fact that I miss therapy.”

“So, what, is she like a workaholic or something?” Graham wonders, casually running his thumb across the back of intertwined hands, which is probably the best feeling ever.

“Yeah, she’s really obsessive about her job,” I confirm with a small nod. “Anyway though, enough about me—let’s talk about you.”

“Alright then,” Graham chuckles. “Well, do you have any plans for Friday?”

“Uh,” I say, thinking for a second. “School and therapy—why do you ask?”

“Well, Jackson is really into the whole ‘outdoor’ thing right now because he’s been watching that one stupid show on Cartoon Network about the people trapped on an island—I don’t know what it’s called but he’s really into it. So, for like, the past month, he’s been badgering Tucker and me to take him camping. Tucker works a lot though but he finally got a weekend off, so he promised J that we’d go down to Sugarloaf Mountain for the weekend and go camping. It’s really gonna suck but I think that it would suck a lot less if I had my amazing new girlfriend there with me,” Graham explains to me.

Instantly, I blush feverishly and then bite down on my bottom lip to stop a giggle that I feel trying to escape. I’m honestly not usually this giddy but I’m slightly positive that that’s the first time Graham’s referred to me as his girlfriend and it’s kind of lovely to hear. I mean, I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything remotely close, so this is all still new.

“Okay,” I respond without really thinking about it.

“Okay, you’ll come?” Graham asks me with a grin.

“Okay, I’ll ask my mom,” I giggle. “I mean, I’ll probably have to lie and tell her I’m going with Piper and her family though because she’d never let me leave town with a guy.”

“That’s very reasonable,” I think,” He replies then.

“It’s ridiculous, that’s what it is,” I sigh. “But I have one condition if I’m going to spend the weekend with you camping,” I tell him as we pull into the Jamestown parking lot.

“Okay, what’s the condition?” Graham asks, turning his car off, getting out. “I was gonna open the door for you, you know,” He says, feigning irritation when I don’t let him.

“I know but I told you that you don’t always have to do that,” I remind him with a small giggle as I pull on my backpack and we join hands again, walking up to the building.

“You’re very stubborn, you do realize that, don’t you?” My boyfriend—I really like being able to call him that—tells me with a grin.

“So I have been told,” I laugh as we walk into the school building and instantly, there’s a few pairs of eyes on us, which is…weird.

“So, what was the condition?” He wonders me then and I realize that I didn’t tell him.

“Oh, yeah. I think you’ll see soon that I have a really terrible memory,” I state. “But the condition is that we have to do s’mores.”

“I’m starting to realize that already,” Graham teases in reference to my awful memory. “If we do s’mores, you’ll come?” He asks.

“If we do s’mores, I’ll come,” I nod in confirmation. I mean, I’m sure my mother will say yes if she thinks I’m going with a friend.

“Then we can do all the s’mores you wanna do,” He promises me.

“Then I will be there,” I assure Graham, deciding then that even if my mom says no, I’ll sneak out because Graham is most definitely worth getting in a little bit of trouble for.

✿✿✿✿✿✿

Thankfully, the second day goes by pretty quickly and without flaw and before I know it, I’m hiking out of the building with Sienna and Piper, making my way to the parking lot.

First block, I had Art with Sienna, which was pretty fun because our normal teacher, Mr. Eubanks, wasn’t here today, so we had a substitute. She was a really cool sub too, you know the kind I mean. The kind that really couldn’t care less what the students are doing, as long as they aren’t being too loud or disrespectful. For the most part, Sienna and I just talked about a bunch of random stuff. I told her that Graham and I are officially and just like Aspen, she freaked out. I mean, she wasn’t as dramatic as Aspen was though.

Second block, I had Study Hall, which is usually a pretty cool class, but today it was just really boring and lonely. Most of the time, it is fun because it’s not even a legit class, so if you don’t want to catch up on any homework or study for upcoming tests or anything like that, you don’t have to and you can take a nap. Another reason why Study Hall isn’t so bad is because Aspen is in there. Like I said before though, Aspen didn’t come to school today because her dance team has those crazily intense dance practices like, all day.

Then after Study Hall, I had Lunch, which was probably the highlight of my day because, well, there was food. Not really good food but food nonetheless. I got to see Graham too, which made it even better than usual since on B Days we don’t have morning classes together. He ate with Sienna, Piper, Jason and me, Graham did and that’s when we told Piper and Jason about us. Of course, Piper was really ecstatic about it and I didn’t expect Jason to care because I mean, why would he? But he said he was happy for us.

Third block, I had Physics, which didn’t suck because even though I suck at Physics, Graham and I have that class together, which made it a whole lot more bearable. Then came along fourth block, aka, the last class of the day, which is Trigonometry. I am slightly better at Trig than I am at Science and Graham and I have that class together to, so it all around, it was just a pretty nice day. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t have any run-ins with Kevin. Then again, I don’t have class with the demon until tomorrow.

“So, do you need a ride home, or is Graham taking you?” Piper wonders as we reach the parking lot.

“He’s dropping me off at Dr. Fontana’s office,” I reply. “He said he had to go talk to a teacher or something for a few minutes though, so I’m just gonna wait here for him.”

“Alright, well, we’ll see you in a couple of hours, yes?” Piper asks, raking her fingers though her hair.

“You’ll see me where in a couple of hours?” I query curiously, raising my eyebrows in question then.

“At the football game, of course,” Sienna chimes in, her fingers flying over the screen of her iPhone.

“There’s a football game today?” I ask incredibly. “It’s literally negative eighty four hundred degrees.”

“It’s literally not even that cold,” Sienna responds, playfully rolling her eyes. “It’s more like, thirty.”

“Same difference,” I decide, rubbing my hands together. “It’s way too cold for there to be a game.”

“Well, you gotta take that up with the football coach and he’s really mean, so I wouldn’t suggest it.”

“And anyway,” Piper says after Sienna. “I’m pretty sure after this game, there’s only like, two more.”

“Good,” I breathe a sigh of relief. “This weather is cold enough to give a person frostbite or something.”

“You’re just incredibly dramatic,” Sienna laughs. “So, we rode together and we’ll see you later,” She says and I wave my best friends bye as they head towards Piper’s car.

I stand there, lightly leaning against Graham’s snow covered car for about five minutes before I hear the familiar beep sound that means that the doors are now unlocked.

“I’m sorry,” Graham apologizes from behind me and I whirl around, seeing him walking towards the car. “That took way longer that I thought it would,” He explains then.

“That’s alright,” I chirpily reply. “Is everything okay?” I ask him curiously.

“Everything okay,” He assures me with a nod. “So, I don’t know if you know or not, but there’s a football game in a couple of hours and Coach is asking all of the players to just stay here so that we can get in a practice game before the actual game tonight. I didn’t think you’d wanna stay though, so I came to bring you my keys,” Graham says.

“You’re letting me drive your car?” I ask him with an incredulous look. 

“You sound so surprised,” Graham chuckles, finally reaching me and holding his keys out to me.

“I am surprised,” I admit with a nod. “You seem like, really protective of your car,” I say to him.

“I am,” He confesses with a sheepish grin. “This car is like, my pride and joy,” Graham tells me.

“That adds like, a hundred times more pressure to not crash it, you know,” I reply with a laugh.

“Please don’t do that,” He pleads. “Some people forget everything they know about driving whatsoever when there’s ice on the ground, so promise me you’ll be careful, yeah?”

“I promise I’ll be super careful,” I assure my boyfriend then. I do really hate driving in inclement weather but I’m very capable of doing so, seeing how I live in Massachusetts.

“Okay,” Graham grins, satisfied with that answer. “Oh and I wanted to ask you something,” He tells me.

“What’s that?” I ask him curiously, pushing my hands down in the pockets of my jeans so they don’t like, freeze and fall off.

“So, I know you’ve probably heard of the like, tradition, I guess, for the football player’s girlfriends to wear their jerseys at the games and I wanted to ask you to wear mine.”

“Graham Cambridge, you are most definitely the bluntest person I’ve ever met in my life,” I giggle. “But yes, I would love to wear your jersey at the game tonight,” I tell him.

“Yeah?” He asks as if he really thought that I’d say no to that.

“Yeah,” I repeat with a nod as Graham grins and unzips the black gym duffel bag thing that’s slung across his shoulder. He search around the bag for a second and pulls it out. “I really do love the fact that you’re Number 23, you know,” I truthfully notify Graham as he hands me the big jersey and I hold it up, reading CAMBRIDGE 23 on the back of it.

“Oh, right, because of that Scott guy?” Graham asks with a laugh.

“Because of Nathan, yeah,” I confirm with a nod, gently folding the jersey up so that it doesn’t get all wrinkled up. Graham’s a lot taller than me, so I’m sure it’ll be long on me.

“I still have no idea who that is, but okay then,” He responds and I sigh, feigning annoyance.

“One day soon, I’m coming over to your house really early in the morning and we’re gonna watch One Tree Hill on Netflix,” I inform Graham then. “It’s a very necessary thing.”

“Whatever you say, pretty girl,” Graham replies, which makes me blush and I suppose that amuses him because he chuckles. Graham licks his lips then and steps a little bit closer to me, placing one of his hands on my waist, gripping it lightly.

I think that he’s like, trying to turn me on or something by the way that he’s licking his lips and calling me stuff like pretty girl and touching me and whatnot. But then again, maybe he’s just being his normal adorable self. It doesn’t matter though because I’m gonna kiss him either way.

I lean up off of Graham’s car and go up on my tip toes as he ducks his head down, pressing my lips against his. I’m really not big on PDA because I think it’s just super gross and terrible, yet here I am, kissing my boyfriend in the parking lot of a high school.

In my defense though, school got out about ten minutes ago and the busses have already left, as well as most of the people who drive to school, so the parking lot if a lot more empty than it was a couple of minutes ago.

Because Graham is so vertically blessed and I’m so vertically challenged, I don’t think I can wrap my arms around his neck, at least, not while I’m standing at my actual height. If I had heels or something on, then I’m sure I could but I can’t right now.

So, I place one of my hands against his chest and the other one right below it, on his stomach. I’ve never seen Graham shirtless, which is pretty hard to believe, seeing as how I have known him for like, three and a half months.

I can feel the planes of his abdominal muscles through his grey t-shirt (he has a short sleeve shirt on, but he’s wearing his football letterman over it, so I suppose he’s not that cold) and they feel kind of amazing, so now I am actually pretty eager to see him shirtless. That’s just going to have to wait though because unfortunately I have to go to therapy and Graham has to go to football practice.

“As fun as this is,” Graham grumbles against my lips after about five minutes of slow making out. “I gotta get back to practice or Coach Johnson will literally kill me,” He states.

“And if I don’t get to therapy soon, my mom is literally gonna kill me,” I note, standing back on the balls of my feet and running my fingers through my messy, windswept hair.

“That would definitely not be alright,” He decides, adjusting the strap on his duffel bag. “So, I’ll see you in a couple of hours, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I nod as Graham leans forward, pressing a small kiss to my forehead. It’s incredibly chaste compared to the making out but it’s very adorable. “I’ll see you later,” I add.

And with that, I get into the driver’s seat of Graham’s car and he makes his way back towards the building, heading towards the field house, which is where I think the football players like, work out and whatnot before their games. I don’t know why they work out instead of playing actual football but I’m not a football player, so it isn’t that surprising.

I start Graham’s car up and it roars to life, making me jump a little bit. I don’t know what kind of car this is but it’s really fancy and shiny and expensive looking and I’m really scared of hurting it. I mean, I’m slightly positive that if in the event that something happened to Graham’s car, he’d be more worried about my safety than his car (assuming he’s got car insurance) but still. The fact that there’s ice everywhere and snow is still falling at a steady rate really doesn’t help the situation at all.

Carefully, I pull out of the parking spot and drive through the lot, heading to the main road. Thankfully, there’s not that much traffic on the roads, which means the chance of me getting into a car wreck are significantly lower. I turn on the radio and unsurprisingly, the rock station is playing.

I don’t know the name of the song that’s playing but I do know it’s a song by Queen because that’s what the DJ person just announced it as before he started playing it. I don’t turn the radio though because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to get it back on this station. 

After about fifteen minutes, I pull into the parking lot where Dr. Fontana’s office is located and then park near the front. Running my fingers through my hair again, I get out of Graham’s car, lock the doors with the beeper thingy and then make my way inside.

I sign in at the front desk like Dr. Fontana always reminds me to do—like I said, I have bad memory, so I usually forget to sign in but for some reason, I remember today. After signing in, I get on the elevator and head up on it to the floor where Dr. Fontana’s office is.

“Come in,” Dr. Fontana calls once I knock lightly on his closed door.

“Hi Dr. Fontana,” I chirpily greet, walking in and closing the door behind me.

“Hello Sawyer,” He responds, checking his Rolex, probably wonder why I’m a little bit later than usual. “You see like you’re in a good mood today,” Dr. Fontana observes.

“I am in an amazing mood today, actually,” I truthfully state, crossing my left leg over my right and setting my iPhone to silent. Surely, no one will call me but I do it still.

“Amazing,” Dr. Fontana repeats as if he’s surprised that I could ever use that adjective to describe my well-being. “What’s got you in an amazing mood?” He queries then.

“Graham,” I bluntly reply and Dr. Fontana chuckles. “He asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday,” I explain.

“Well, it’s about time,” He sighs, writing my response down on his clipboard. “I’m assuming you said yes?”

“Yeah, I did,” I nod, tapping my foot on the floor. I’ve got a habit of doing that and twirling my hair a lot.

“That’s where you were yesterday?” Dr. Fontana questions. “With Graham, I mean—when you skipped?”

“Yeah, I was at his house tutoring him,” I explain, hoping that he isn’t like, upset with me for missing the session.

“You know, if you would have called and told me that, then I wouldn’t have had to call your mother,” He tells me.

“So, if I call you and tell you that I’m not coming to a session, you won’t tell my mom?” I ask curiously.

“That’s right,” He confirms with a nod. “I don’t call your mother just to get you in trouble—I call so she will know.”

“Well, I will keep that in mind for future reference,” I reply, half-seriously and half-jokingly. As much as I’d like to be able to say I won’t skip therapy anymore, it’s not true.

“I’m sure you will,” Dr. Fontana replies with a sigh but doesn’t fight me on it like my mother most likely would. “So, let’s talk about Graham—he’s your first boyfriend, yes?”

“Yep,” I reply in response with a small nod.

“And you trust him?” Dr. Fontana wonders.

“More than I should probably,” I confirm with another small nod.

“What exactly do you mean by that?” He asks, writing my words.

“Just that I’ve only known him for like, three months now and I’ve already told him basically everything about me and I like him so much and I’m just kind of scared, I guess.”

“You’re scare of Graham?” Dr. Fontana confusedly asks me then.

“No,” I quickly deny, shaking my head because that’s definitely not what I meant—he’s given me absolutely no reason at all to not trust him or be afraid of him. “More of me.”

“I’m not sure I follow,” Dr. Fontana responds, looking over at me.

I let out a long, tired sigh as I frustratedly run my fingers through my hair, trying to think of a way to re-phrase my statement. I honestly think that my mother must have not taken her prenatal vitamins or something when she was pregnant with me because my thought process is so messed up.

I mean, I’ve always got all these ideas and thoughts flying through my head and it’s just really hard for me to verbalize them. The fact that I’m really, really awkward doesn’t help the situation all that much either, which is tragic.

“Okay, well, I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s really hard for me to trust people. Like, Tom and I were never particularly close, even before he went to prison. Once he got arrested though, he just kind of faded away. For the first years, he never really called and then when did finally start calling, he’d only want to talk to Beckett or my mom.

“When he finally did start asking to talk to me though, he’d just like, yell at me and stuff. You know, call me a bitch or selfish or something like that when I would tell him that I wasn’t going to beg his parents for his bail money. I know I’m not a bad person—at least, I don’t think that I am, but after so many years of getting emotionally abused by my own father, I guess my self-esteem just kind of dwindled.

“Then the Flynn thing happened and that really didn’t help my self-esteem at all. It pretty much took what small shred of self-esteem I had left and crushed it into a billion little pieces. After that, my whole outlook on life was changed. I was always really paranoid and I guess I still am, kinda, but not as much as I used to be.

“I literally couldn’t take two steps outside of my house without thinking that somewhere close, there was someone waiting to attack me or something. Not to mention the fact that I thought Flynn was my friend and that I could trust him and once he did that to me, I just became really lost and I didn’t know how to trust anyone anymore. I mean, there’s still a few people I can trust but it’s just so hard for me to let people in because I just don’t get hurt anymore.

“Like, I know that’s a really stupid thing to say because you can’t really control who hurts you but still. Then I have to come to therapy five days a week and Tom likes to make fun of me for it and it’s just really annoying. I don’t like being the weak little girl who always needs help—I really, really hate it but that’s just who I am, I guess. I know I have really good friends and an amazing big brother and a pretty okay mom and you but ever since the Flynn thing, I’ve just feel alone all the time.

“Then last October, Graham came to Jamestown and for some reason, he decided that I was worth getting to know. Now we’re dating and I really like him and I’m just so scared that I’m gonna do something to mess it all up because that’s just what I do—I mess stuff up. I messed up Flynn’s life and I messed up my own life and I don’t want mess up this thing with Graham but I know I’m going to and that just really scares the shit out of me.”

“See, this is why you can’t miss sessions,” Dr. Fontana informs me, handing me the box of Kleenex on his desk. “Because when you skip the sessions, you get all filled up with emotion and then it just kind of explodes,” He explains as I wipe a few tears away from my face with a balled up Kleenex. “And you didn’t mess up Flynn’s life—Flynn messed up his own life. You can’t blame yourself for the foolish things other people do. You definitely didn’t mess your own life up—you hit a bump in the road, that’s all.” He tells me.

I guess that’s kind of true but I can’t verbally agree with Dr. Fontana because I’m such a baby and I’m cry too much right now to even attempt to talk. That’s another reason I hate therapy. I come in here and Dr. Fontana says all this stuff and that makes me just kind of open up, which I really hate doing for this exact reason—I hate crying in public.

I wipe away a few more of my tears and then look across the desk at Dr. Fontana, surprised by the fact that he’s not talking. I notice that he’s looking through my file folder for something but I don’t know what. He seems to find it though after a few seconds because he closes it and then picks his phone up, punching in a number.

“W-who’re you calling?” I wonder with a small hiccup.

“Your mother,” Dr. Fontana nonchalantly informs me.

“What?” I hiccup again. “Why’re you calling my mom?”

“Because I think it’s about time I had a talk with her.”

“A talk with her about what, exactly?” I wonder then.

“About Tom, firstly. I assume she doesn’t know how uncomfortable you are having him in the house. He’s obviously hazardous to your mental health and seeing as how your mental health is my top work priority, I’m handling it.”

“How exactly do you plan on doing that?” I question.

“Hi Heather, it’s James—are you busy right now?” Dr. Fontana says into the phone instead of answer my question, which obviously means my mom answered the phone. I had no idea they were on a first name basis though. “No, no, Sawyer’s here,” He assures her and I roll my watery eyes when I realize my mother must’ve just asked him if I came in today, which is so like her. “Of course I can’t fully divulge what we’ve been discussing—doctor-patient confidentiality orders and whatnot, you know—but I just wanted to let you know that Sawyer has been having a very hard time adjusting to her father being back in her life. I think that she just feels like she can’t talk to you about it, because of your busy work schedule. Since you said you’re not busy and since I have here in here with me right now though, I thought it’d be a good idea for you two to talk,” He says.

“Wait, what? No, I don’t want to do that,” I complain in a hushed tone so that my mother can’t hear me.

“I’m putting you on speakerphone now, Heather,” Dr. Fontana tells my mother, pushing the button and setting the phone down. “Okay, Sawyer tell your mom how you feel.”

“This is really stupid, Dr. Fontana,” I huff, taking another Kleenex and wiping away some more tears.

“No, Sawyer, it really isn’t stupid,” He assures me. “I promise you that this will work,” Dr. Fontana adds.

I sigh and then lean forward in my chair with a sniffle. “Erm, well, I guess I just don’t really like Tom.”

My mother sighs then too and says, “You have mentioned that. What problem do you have with him?”

“He’s just really mean to me,” I explain with an awkward sigh.

“What do you mean he’s ‘really mean’ to you?” She questions.

“Like, he makes fun of me for having to see a psychiatrist and he calls me…the ‘b’ word a lot,” I awkwardly reply because I’m not going to swear at my mother—that’s weird.

“Sawyer, why on earth would your father do that?” She asks.

“Because he’s the Devil!” I wail. “I know you don’t believe me, which is why I didn’t want to tell you but for some reason, Dr. Fontana thinks that I need to tell you,” I explain.

“I didn’t say I didn’t believe you, Sawyer,” My mother sighs. “I just have a hard time understanding why Tom would that. How long has this been going on, exactly?” She queries.

“Since he came back on Christmas,” I awkwardly mumble then.

“So, why are you just now telling me this?” She questions then.

“I barely even get to see you even more, let alone actually talk to you, mom.”

“That’s why I’ve decided to use some of my vacation days and take the entire week off from work next week. We can do whatever you and I will talk to Tom tonight, okay?”

“Alright,” I nod with a sigh, even though she obviously can’t see me nodding.

“Okay, thanks Heather—we’ll let you go now,” Dr. Fontana says, picking up the phone and then setting it back down, which hangs it up. “See? I told you that it would work.”

“It did not work,” I argue, shaking my head. “She’s gonna wanna bond now.”

“You don’t wanna bond with your mother?” He queries, raising his eyebrows.

“No, not really,” I truthfully deny. “I mean, I love her and all but she’s just kind of weird.”

“You’re being dramatic,” Dr. Fontana decides, checking his watch. “Okay, back to before.”

“How much time do we have left?” I question then, ready to just leave, go home and eat.

“Only just about another half hour,” He informs me then, looking down at his fancy Rolex.

✿✿✿✿✿✿

“TOUCHDOWN JAGUARS!”

That’s the fifth time tonight that I have heard that and each time, the very massive group of people sitting over here in the Jamestown Jaguars bleachers go crazier and crazier. I’ve only ever been to one other high school football game in my life and it was nowhere near as intense as this one is. Pretty much every seat on our side is filled because the people in Andover apparently don’t play when it comes to high school football.

It’s the second half now and the countdown clock on the massive board at either end of the field has only ten minutes and thirty seconds left on it, which means the game is nearly over. I honestly only know like, three things about football (1. A touchdown is worth six points, 2. A sack is when the quarterback basically gets jumped or “tackled” as Jason told me it’s called and 3. Coaches get super pissed when there’s this thing called a fumble, which is apparently when the player drops the football or something), so I am pretty confused and have been for the past half hour but my boyfriend—oh how I love getting to call him that—looks really, really amazing in a football uniform, so it’s worth it.

The Jaguars (which is my school’s mascot, if you didn’t catch that earlier) is playing against the Sagan High Sea Cows, which is just the worst mascot ever, I think. I mean, sea cows don’t even sound threatening or intimidating in the least bit.

The Sagan High football players do live up their dumb mascots reputation of being lazy though—they are like, the worst football team in Massachusetts and I really don’t think that’s an exaggeration. They have just six points and not because they’ve managed to get a touchdown. They got two field goals and they were both in the first half of the game. For this entire second half, they have basically just been flopping around like a bunch of….well, seas cows.

“Field goal by #32 from Sagan High School, Mitchell Wade, bringing the current score up to nine to thirty, Jaguars,” The same announcer announces a couple of minutes later, much less enthusiastically this time.

I think that he’s supposed to remain neutral and not make it blatantly obvious that he’s rooting for the Jaguars to win but he’s really doing a terrible job at that. Then again though, this is our field, not the Sea Cows’ field, so they really shouldn’t mind it too much. Across the field, which is where the visiting team’s fans and supporters and whatnot sit, is kind of full, I guess, but nowhere near as full as our side is.

“You know, Bobby, Sagan High hasn’t made it to state in years and I just don’t see that changing anytime soon with the way those boys are playing,” Another announces says.

“Ooh!” I squeal as I see Graham making his way down the football field at lightning speed with the football. “Graham has the ball!” I exclaim cheerfully. I mean, he’s touched the ball a lot of times tonight, seeing how he’s the quarterback but up until now, he’s just thrown it off to the…running back, I think Jason called him, but he’s running with it.

“Number #23 from Jamestown High School, Graham Cambridge, goes down in a sack,” The first announcer, Bobby, apparently, announces I see a group of morbidly obese guys from Sagan High practically attack Graham from behind, knocking him over and into the turf, the football going flying out of his hands.

“Oh my gosh, is he okay?” I ask Jason, since he’s sitting next to me and I think that out of the four of us (Piper, Sienna, he and I) is the one that knows this sport the best.

“Uh, yeah, he looks fine,” Jason assures me but I think that he does that just because he doesn’t want to freak me out.

“Then why isn’t he getting up?” I wonder, starting to get a little panicked as Graham lays there on the football, near the end zone.

“Well, that fall looks like it knocked the wind out of him—I’m sure he’s just catching his breath or something,” Jason tells me then.

“Bu—” I open my mouth to refute that but before I can get an actual word out, the announcer, not Bobby, but the other one, talks.

“Medics are now coming on the field to assist the Jaguars QB, Graham Cambridge, and with only three minutes left in the game, refs are calling Cambridge’s touchdown good.”

The illuminated ‘30’ under Jaguars changes to a ‘36’ but no one really goes crazy because I guess you are supposed to not do that when a player like, goes down on the field.

There’s an eerie silence in the stadium as the Jaguar cheerleaders get down on one knee and like, shake their pompoms, which I think is their way of showing respect. That’s where Aspen is, down on the outer perimeter of the football field with all of the other cheerleaders. She sends me a look that I think is supposed to be calming but it’s just not.

The time on the countdown clock freezes and the medics kneel down beside Graham, trying to get him to get up. After a couple of seconds of them flashing their little medical flashlight in his eye and trying to coax him to his feet, he not only sits up but stands up to his feet, which must mean he’s not actually injured or anything, which is good news.

When Graham stands up, the stadium erupts in applause and he’s lead off to the side as Coach Johnson calls a timeout. It’s slightly longer than what I’d think a timeout should be, because it takes like, five minutes before the referee blows on his whistle and the Jaguars and Sea Cows head back on the field.

Surprisingly, Graham’s walking to the field with them, which is really crazy, seeing as how he just basically got attacked by three stupid sea cows. Then again, he’s got a lot of padding and guards and stuff like that on.

The game resumes then and the Sea Cows manage to get yet another field goal, earning them three more points and bringing their score up a little bit but obviously not up enough to actually win the game. The final score is 12 to 36, which is kind of ridiculous.

I mean, it’s good for us but bad for the Sea Cows. After a few of them just tried to murder my boyfriend though, I don’t really care about how they’re feeling, having driven all the way from their stupid little town about an hour and a half away to play tonight.

“Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay,” I plead to Graham as he walks over towards the bleachers after the players do their little high five with the other team, signifying no bad blood between them. The way that the stadium is made though is that Graham would have to climb over the railing to get to the front row bleachers that I’m sitting on.

“I am fine, sweetie,” Graham assures me once he reaches us, climbing up on top of the railing but not actually over it.

“Are you sure?” I query, raising my eyebrows in question as he slips his helmet off of his head and wipes his forehead.

“I’m positive,” He nods with a chuckle, leaning in a kissing me lightly on my lips, which makes Sienna and Piper simultaneously go ‘awww’ and Jason awkwardly stands there.

“I had no idea this game was so violent,” I mumble, pushing a lock of my hair behind my ear. “It’s kinda scary, actually.”

“It’s not that violent,” Graham laughs. “Hockey is about a hundred times worse,” He explains. “So, I’m gonna go take a shower and then we’ll be ready to go,” He informs me.

“Okay then,” I reply with a nod. “I’ll just be waiting in your car then,” I inform him.

“In the passenger seat, I hope,” He replies with a grin and I think he’s just kidding.

“I’m an amazing driver, I’ll have you know,” I scoff.

“I don’t doubt that but I missed my car,” He states.

“You are such a boy,” I tell Graham with a small grin.

“You two are so cute—I literally cannot even right now,” Sienna wails at us then.

“I was thinking the same thing,” Piper pipes. “New couples are my fave couples.”

“I’ll see you in a few minutes,” He says, disregarding my weird friends as he pecks me on the lips before dropping off the railing and onto his feet, heading to the locker rooms.

“I just thought I’d let you know that I’m gonna nominate you and Graham for ‘Cutest Couple’ in this year’s yearbook,” Aspen informs me, walking over to us with her pompoms.

“Oh my gosh, that’s actually the best idea ever,” Piper squeals.

“I agree a thousand percent,” Sienna quips in a singsong voice.

“You guys are absolutely ridiculous,” I tell my three best friends matter-of-factly as Aspen climbs over the railing and the five of us make our way to the top of the bleachers.

“If by ‘ridiculous’ you mean ‘super happy that you and Graham finally got together after all these months’ then yeah, we really are ridiculous,” Aspen states in a serious tone.

“That’s definitely not what I meant by ridiculous,” I assure her. “Anyway though, I’m going to the bathroom first and then Graham’s car, so I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” I say.

“You and Graham aren’t coming to the party?” Sienna asks curiously.

“Party?” I echo, raising my eyebrows. “On a Tuesday night?” I query.

“Yeah,” Aspen interjects. “Joshua, the wide receiver is having a party.”

“I think we’re gonna pass,” I say, not really in the party mood. Then again, I’ve never really been in a party mood since the whole thing with Flynn happened. I mean, I have been to two of Graham’s parties but that’s just because I was literally forced by my stupid friends to go to his Halloween party but I actually decided to go to his most recent.

“Suit yourself,” Aspen replies. “See you back at the house then,” She adds before she, along with Piper, Jason and Sienna, head out of the fenced area and to the parking lot.

I make my way through the crowd of people heading the opposite way that I am and then to the bathrooms. A couple of weeks ago when I came with my friends and Beckett to a football game, the bathrooms were so disgustingly gross and unsanitary looking that I was actually worried about catching a disease just by breathing in the oxygen. A lot of people apparently complained about it though, how gross the bathrooms at the stadium are, so hopefully the janitors started doing what they’re paid to do by cleaning it up.

I realize that this is not the case though, when I walk into the girls bathroom. It still looks and smells as awful as it did the last time I was in here. I really have to pee though, so I quickly do that and then wash my hands before walking out of the bathroom.

My heart kind of jumps a little bit when I see Flynn’s face on the other side of the fence. He’s just kind of standing there, staring at me, which is really creepy and scary but I don’t let myself freak out. I force myself to take a few baited breaths and I pretend to not see.

“So, you’re just gonna pretend like you don’t see me standing here?” He calls after I walk away.

“That’s the plan,” I call back, continuing to walk. The fact that there’s a fence between us is pretty much the only thing that’s keeping me from having a panic attack, I think. I mean, it’s a really high fence too, like, six feet tall, so I’m sure he couldn’t jump it, even if he wanted to.

“Why are you such a fucking bitch, Sawyer?” Flynn asks with an annoyed sigh, rolling his eyes.

“For the same reason you’re such a fucking dick, most likely,” I respond, feeling proud of myself for not like, cowering against him or anything because that’s what I usually do.

“I find it really hilarious how you’re so big and bad behind a fence but you can barely even keep yourself from puking when we’re actually in the same room,” Flynn says to me.

“I’m not doing this with you, Flynn,” I tell him with a sigh as I reach the door of the fence, which you have to walk out of to get to the parking lot.

I know that Flynn could just like, grab me or something the second I walk out of the fence though and I really don’t doubt that he’ll try something because he’s very stupid and very psychotic like that. I’m not in the mood to run right now though, so I politely tap on the shoulder of one of the security guards that man the fences during the games to make sure nothing gets crazy.

“Can I help you?” The man queries, turning around to look at me. I would’ve asked a female security guard for obvious reasons, if I’d had that option but I don’t see any ladies.

“Um, there’s a psychopath here who might try to kidnap or kill me or something if I walk out of this fence alone, so would you mind walking me to the car?” I ask the guy then.

“Not at all, ma’am,” He agrees before leading me out of the fence. Out of my peripheral vision, I see Flynn roll his eyes and scoff but he doesn’t actually say anything. The guy walks me across the parking lot to Graham’s car and then stays until I get the door unlocked and open and that’s when I thank him. He assures me it’s no problem and leaves.

When the security officer is gone, I’m still a little paranoid, so I hit the button to lock Graham’s doors and then start the car up, driving up to the fence. I’m pretty sure this is where Graham’s gonna come out from, so I’m saving him a walk, which is a nice thing to do, I think, considering he just ran up and down an incredibly long field for about an hour.

There’s also a bunch of lighting by the fence as well as a couple of security guards, so in the event that Flynn does try something, there will be plenty of witnesses to it.

“That’s not the passenger seat, you know,” Graham informs me about ten minutes later as he slips into the passenger seat (I saw him coming and so I unlocked the doors).

“Oh, were you serious about that?” I ask him with a giggle.

“Yes, I was very serious about that, actually,” He responds.

“Oh, well, I’m already over here and you’re already over there, so there’s no point in us switching now,” I laugh, turning the car on and pulling my seatbelt on as he does.

“I think you’re actually almost as sneaky as my five year old brother is,” Graham says matter-of-factly.

“Sneaky?” I repeat, glancing over at him. “I am most definitely not sneaky,” I reply, which is the truth.

“No, you’re pretty sneaky,” He decides.

“And you’re pretty argumentative.”

“Touché,” He chuckles. “Anyway, how was therapy?” Graham wonders and I think it’s kind of crazy that he actually asks me that because no one else ever really asks that.

“It was alright,” I reply with a small shrug. “Dr. Fontana and I talked about you and Tom and I cried and that was about it,” I shortly sum up for him, pulling onto the road.

“You cried?” He asks, raising his eyebrows in suspicion.

“Yeah,” I confirm with an awkward nod. “I do that a lot.”

“Well, are you alright?” Graham curiously questions then.

“Yeah,” I state, smiling. “I’m perfectly perfect right now.”

“Good,” Graham responds, grabbing my hand in his, interlacing our fingers and placing our enjoined hands on the middle console thingy. I don’t know if he just enjoys holding my hand or if he knows that I really love it but he does it a lot, grabs onto my hand. I mean, I have absolutely no complains or objections about or to that thought, that’s for sure.

The rest of the ride to my house is a relatively quiet one. Well, not really quiet because we’re listening to the radio but quiet in the sense that neither of us really speaks all that much. It’s not even an awkward silence like 99.9% of my silences are though, which is thoroughly surprising.

It’s a really comfortable silence, despite the fact that I have never heard of any of the songs that play on the radio for the drive. Graham seems to know them though, so that’s why I don’t try to change the station like I’d otherwise try and do.

“I think I like you in my clothes better than I like myself in them,” Graham bluntly tells me once we pull up at my house and I put the car in park.

“It’s a really comfortable jersey,” I laugh, glancing down at his shirt on me. It’s really big on me though, obviously but it stops maybe like, three or four inches above my knees.

“You can keep it if you want to,” Graham says. “I mean, I think I’ll need it back eventually, but you can keep if for now, if you’d like,” He explains.

“Alrighty then,” I say, internally groaning when I see Tom’s stupid car parked in the driveway. My car isn’t there though, which is tragic. “So, I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Graham confirms before leaning over at placing a soft kiss to my lips.

I wrap one of my arms around the nape of his neck and twist my fingers into his slightly curly hair before leaning in closer to him. Graham’s hand travels down to my seatbelt buckle thing and he pushes the button down, which pulls the seatbelt out of place.

I’m not sure why he does that though, until he grips my waist lightly and pulls me over to his side of the car so that I’m like, sitting backwards on his lap, straddling him, which is an incredibly compromising position but he’s such a good kisser, so I’m not protesting.

Graham runs his tongue across my bottom lip and I part my lips slightly, letting his tongue dart in, quickly getting us engaged in a make out session. It’s not a really an intense one though, which is probably a good thing, considering the fact that we’re in his car and right in front of my house.

“Is that your phone?” I mumble a few minutes later, hesitantly pulling my lips away from his when I feel a vibration against my leg.

“Yeah, I think so,” He grumbles, obviously annoyed by the fact that someone is calling him right now. “I’ll call them back,” He says.

“I think I probably better get in the house anyway,” I giggle, leaning in and giving him one last kiss.

“Okay then,” Graham replies with a small grin. “Goodnight girlfriend,” He adds, pushing the door open for me.

“Goodnight boyfriend,” I giggle again (Graham just makes me really giddy, I suppose) as I climb off of him and out of the car.

I close the door behind me and Graham climbs over the middle consoler thing-y, getting into the driver’s seat of his car. I make my way up the driveway and to the front door, pulling my keys out of my pocket and unlocking the front door. I push the door open and then walk in, waving at Graham as he honks and speeds down the residential road.

Author's Note: Hello beautifuls! I'm really sleepy right now but I wanted to get this up before I went to sleep, so this is gonna be somewhat brief. 

1. This chapter is dedicated to askrispykremelover because I loved her comment from the Chapter 16 the most. Remember, whoever leaves the comment that I love the most on this chapter gets the next chapter dedicated to them!

2. Thoughts on this chapter? On Sawyer? Graham? Grawyer? Aspen? Sienna? Piper? Dr. Fontana? Beckett? Flynn? Tom? Anyone at all? 

3. Notice the song- Never Say Never by The Fray and the picture, which is Sawyer's outfit.

4. On my Tumblr (woremelikeyourcrown.tumblr.com) I've posted the summary for the next story that I plan on posting, which is called The Last Lullaby and hopefully I'm gonna start posting it when this story gets to be around like, 35-ish chapters, maybe? So, yeah, if you wanna read that summary and see the cover, you can head on over to my Tumblr!

I'll see you lovely people next week! ♥