I forget all about the slightly obese fairy and walk in my best friends direction. I heard heavy footsteps behind me, so I turned around to see the one and only, Shrek.

"Are so stalking me?!" I asked him in the flirtiest way ever!
"No.... welll.. yes". He looked hopeless and greener than normal (a sign of an ogres embarrassment) . "I feel very protective of you Y/N"

He looked like he meant it. "I heard you are going to see my bff, Donkey and I don't like that! You are mine, only mine!"

"Sir Shrek you are so funny! hHahah." No wonder he is so popular.

"You are my prince charming, sir". That should put him in his place.

"Dumpling, you will not get see Donkey on your own any longer because he is mine too. I'm in a polynomial relationship with you two now." He's face crunches into a banana shape. Yum bananas are my favourite animal.

"Shrek I don't understand. Ive never had experience in these types of relationships before."

What I said was true. The only thing closest I had in common was when I had sex with my mum. That was the best sex I've ever had.

"Well...Its...simple." Shrek eyes poke out making him even more attractive. "You will just have to come with me tiny lady. You will meet my wife and kids too but don't mind them. I don't really care about them. The kids were an accident. I raped Fiona and now I regret it. I hate her and those ratchet brats of hers."

Oh my gosh! I want him to impregnate me with his slimy sausage! This sounds so perfect!

He opened his mouth to talk again. "You will call me your master from now on. Come with me my sunshine kitty!"

"Ok master."

I'm so excited for this!!