I think this "diary" will be a mixture of my problems, my hatred of certain people and my love life.

I mean, now its the 12.03.2023. Last Week i was in a Ski camp with my whole Scool.

My best Friend, all my other Friends, my Ex Boyfriend and Kids that i dont really know were also there. It was really funny but there were also bad Feelings in my Heart. I really Don't  know how to start the Story.

So... I was Snowboarding in a Group with other Girls and one of my best Friends. Nina was in a other Group because she was Skiing. 

In Nina's Group were also a Part of all my other Friend (or Fake Friends because i really dont know if they are faithful. I don't know by Nina either.) Anyways.

Every time we saw Nina and her Group, she Always ignored me.

I was hurt everytime when something like this happend.

I mean, she ignores me all Day until we Need no get on the Bus. (The other girls of her group lives for this Week in a other house on the other side of the village.) so then, when we wait for the Bus and when we go into the bus, she talks with me like I'm the only person she like.

That was kinda bad for me, because I know she just talk with me because there were no other friends of her.

I mean, yeah I like Nina but sometimes she Hurts me. I don't know if she knows that she hurts me.

We are friends since 1,5 years and since we start to become friend I've liked her really much. And since a half year I started realizing that I'm to obsessed with her. That's why I startet to distance myself from her.

I mean, I haven't stopped being friends, but I've started not being overly dependent on her. But she still hurts me over and over again.

because she ignored me, I started making new friends in the camp.  I've been talking to my new friends more than I have to her this week.  but me and Nina were still talking.  And we were still friends.

And that was when a new Problem started.

We've played truth or dare with a handy app or something. Just me and Nina.

I had to say who my crush is. But I've now that there is no one. I don't know how but the I said that There's a big deal for me when it comes to love.

I don't  wanna talk to her about this.

I've said her that I'm not ready to talk to her about it and that I would tell her the story in 2,3 or 5 years.

the problem is i realized i was bisexual 3 months ago.
And when I would tell her that she would think differently of me.

Asides of that, My grandparents are strict when it comes to things that don't correspond to Swiss culture. I mean my love to other Girls.

In the ski camp was next to our house an other camp.
In this other house were people who were a little older than us.

At night they smoked outside and then the children from our house (about 20 children) started swearing at them from the balcony.

I was there too, but didn't offend anyone. then a girl came out of the house with an LGBTQ+ bag. I liked her because she stood up for her sexuality but the other kids started calling the girl lesbian, whore, transgender and many other swear words.

with all the insults my heart hurt more and more. Some of the people who said those insults are actually my friends, but they have no way of knowing that they theoretically insulted me too. I still don't like what they did. Luckily I didn't have to start crying.

Since then, I can understand even less why you can't just accept other people as they are.

And that's why I don't tell anyone about my sexuality.