so....

I really Need to talk about something.

Ist About my Exboyfriend.

I mean.

It was while autumn 2 Years ago.

In the 7th grade. We were Young.

I mean. Im still Young, but we were thinking on a other way like now.

So now i'ts been 1.5 Year sice we were in a relationship.

He was an normal Boy with Friends who dosen't like me. He was not that much populaire. Idk there were somme guys who act like Friends for him but actually they are really Fake Freinds.

I can't tell if we were really in love, but I think you would call it young love.

I haven't know him before High Scool. But then we came in the same class.

We were together for just 3 months.

It was the Corona time and we Need to go to Homework.

He was a good friend of one of my best Friends. But my Boyfriend gave her too much attention.

He was Flirting with her so i ended our relationship.

I don't really know how he was processed this whole shit but i know he was Angry on me.

It was not my fault. Our relationship haven't feelt real.

I mean i think i was loving him.

But i can't know because im just an Little kid.

Besides the past.

Now hes 14 years old an smoker but more attractive than before. But i was the only Girl who was ever really intrested to him.

Since 2 Weeks we've stardet texting each other and in scool we had somme Ey contact. (Not this sort of eyecontact who Girls think the Guy Looks at her but he haven't really Looks at her.) It was sort of Looking at each other for 10 seconds and then we started FLIRTING with our faces. :)

Every time in scool. It feelt like the whole time he lokked at me. and this drives me crazy.

But now it's an new Week. He was ignoring me all Day on Monday and the next day he was just ignoring me in the morning. But in the afternoon he started again flirting with me. we were in art class as he was to steal my Colours. i mean, why mine? why not the one from his Friends? For me, thats good because i want that he gives me somme Attention. :) But thats cringe.

One week Later (4.4.)In Art Claas, we've looked a movie with our class. In the break, he catch my chair and sit on mine and on he's.

So he have 2 chairs and I had no chair. I was just taking another chair because the lesson started and I don't want to get in trouble with the teacher.

But WHYYY????
Tell me whyyyyyyyy????

he is really confusing me.

I don't really know what to think About this whole shit. I mean i dont know if i hate him, if i love him or if i just want to be Friends. I don't know. :(

30.March. 2023
I'm crying because of him.
I don't want to.
But I am.
And I can't fucking punch him out of my head.

Every time I'm just thinking about him.
I don't want this shit.

We were in Sport.
In school.
In the lesson before we were looking at each other more than before.

And I think he doesn't hate me really.
I mean I think he also don't know what to think about us. Like me.

And then in Sport we were on this bench together. This bench was like 3 meters.
Really long.
I was in the middle of the bench.
Then he came and sitting on the left outside.

Then he looks at me and he asked: "can you please slide to the other outside."

By this moment I went from happy to really sad.
He is such an asshole.

I mean WHYYYY??????

Let me in peace and go fucking out of my head.
:(
He is really confusing me. :(
When he would still love me or love me again, he would text me now. I know him.

But he don't.That makes me more sad. :(

So, Friends. There are 3 options:

1. He is just playing around with my feelings and wanna hurt me, because I have hurt ihm 1 year ago. So he also wanna hurt me. He do this with flying and show me Somme fake feelings and then he is ignoring me. 

2. He is like me. He don't know what he wants. I mean he don't know if he still loves or if he hate me. So he is trying to find out.

3.He is still in Love with me and try to show me he's feelings. And wanna find out if I also still love him.

4. He is just bored in school and need something to make school more interesting. And plays around with me like I would be an Toy. So he don't recognise what he's done to me and how much I think about all this.

I don't know wich one of them is true, but I hope it's the 2 or 3.

I think our relationship is like the relationship of Hardin and Tessa in the Book "After"
I don't know if This is Good or Not.