(Bet y'all were thinking I'm going on my second two year vacation)

Tea, man. Y'all tea haters, I see all of you. I see that all of you have no soul. I hear you, Betty, with all that 'it's just leaf water!' Bull crap. Your so called 'coffee' is just bean water, what about that. My undying love for tea has finally paid off, after all these years; Kate (basically) asked me out on a date. So, you know what that means. Time to crack open the bible for the first time since I moved out of my parents house.

Here I go, confidently strolling off of the bus to the cafe where we decided to me. Shit, I tripped on a rock. Okay, back to being cool. Kate saw me trip like a fucking idiot.

Rewind

Walking from the bus, part two.

I think every night, why was I given these powers? Who dawned these powers upon me? Is there something important impending? Will I have to use my power while saving the world again? It's not a hallucination, it's all real and been tested by Chloe. This couldn't have happened for no reason.

Then I go to sleep and use my powers to next day to not embarrass myself in front of a girl. Or maybe that is the lord's plan for me?

"Hey, Kate." Smooth af.

My little *castiel* looked up at me, smiling. (I'm gay
(I'm gay)
I'm hella gay
I watch Zac Efron movies every Saturday
And normal self expression doesn't suit me either
That's why my degree is in photographical theater
I'm so gay man...)

"Good morning, Max!" I sat down at the table with her.

Small talk before I bust out the lines I've been thinking of all night. Prepare yourself for 'professional, full guarantee, pick up lines when you're desperate'. Comes free of charge, for now.

"Look," I spoke up. Kate immediately began to look worried. "I know you've accepted Jesus into your heart, but is there still room for me?"

The bunny paused and stared at me for a couple of seconds. "Huh?"

Okay, shit. Take two. "Sorry, bad joke. I just wanted to ask you something."

"Oh, what is it?"

"Is it a sin that you stole my heart?" It's a slip and slide, bitch. Are you all taking notes? You will all be sorry when I'm famous all around the world.

"Max...are you...flirting with me?"

"You know, Kate...I've been thinking and usually I'm not very prophetic but I can see us together."

The girl kept staring at me, blushing and dumbstruck.

-Blackwell Academy-
Alice's ear twitched. She could feel it. The unbearable, hot and heavy weight of sin. She narrowed her soulless, black as her soul eyes. She moved over to the door of her cage and focused on her vision.
'It's that fucking pansexual Max,' she said in her mind, (in bunny language obviously) pulling a cigarette out of her stash. It helped her stress. She lit the cigarette and sucked in a deep breath. It was going to be a hard day.

-Cafe-
"D-drink your tea, it's going to go cold." Kate muttered, looking down at the tabletop. Nice try, but I know how global warming works. Thanks anyway. I drank my damn tea.

A small white tail. A small white tail is what I saw quickly skittering behind a corner. Maybe it was just something in my eye. Not everyone is after you, Max. Get over yourself, you pixie hipster. Nobody cares.

That's what I thought...until it was too late.

It all came so quickly upon me. My teacup fell to the ground, the glass shattering and the liquid inside squirting(; out like an active volcano. The table was toppled over by a pair of incredibly strong feet. I've faced my opponent.

For the first time since I had faced Lisa, I felt fear almost overcome my body. The terrifying, furry creature stood before me, staring into my eyes with an anger I could not fathom. I thought to myself.

What the fuck, Max? I can't fight a bunny, I'm a vegetarian. Kate was paralysed with shock, I've had to take matters into my own hands.

Rewind

I knew Alice was going to attack this time. She came running, and I stuck out my leg like a drag queen posing on a podium before she collided with the table. It was almost like she had expected it.

Alice pounced onto my leg, pushing herself up and onto the table. She was on a mission. She snapped (her neck) her head towards me. 1 v 1, bitch. I have roasted so many people, so hard that Gordon Ramsey would scream at me for making them overcooked. I have started so many fights, you could call me Alexander Hamilton. I have dragged so many people, United is afraid to fly me. This is just a little hoe in my way. Still not a bunny person.

"Why do you always have to do this, Alice?" Kate stood up from her trance, scoffing and looking away. I spent all that time prepping myself up for nothing? Who am I going to fight now? Why do you always have to do this, Kate?

The bunny said something in bunny, I'm not some genius witch person, can I live.

"I'm sorry, Max. I didn't mean for this to happen." I sure hope she didn't, can you picture this:

*a scene of Kate's dorm room on a dewy afternoon*
"Ugh, have to go drink tea with MaxINE bitch ass the Tuesday coming. I swear, I bet she isn't even a real Jesus stan. I didn't see her last Sunday at mass." Kate rolled her eyes. (I'm so sorry, I love Jesus and God, the most important features of my life)

"Just show up to seem nice. I'll get you out of there." Alice sniffled her nose and patted down her fluffy ear.

"She's so hopeless. She couldn't even defeat Lisa by herself. Like, her own plant. How hard is it to water one plant?" (K)

"Don't even bring up Lisa. My heart still skips a beat anytime I hear that 'legend 27' ad." (A)

"Ridiculous. How does she not realise what an embarrassment she is? Not to mention all the deer she keeps bring up all the time. Says it's her "spirit animal" and all that shit. Doesn't she know about deer horns? Who else has horns? Uh, the devil. Miss me with those satanic references." (K)

"Why do you even hang around those satanists? Awful. I bet they wear clothes with mixed cloth. That's disgusting." (A)

"I think I've seen one of them actually eat a cheeseburger once. Okay, go get those diabetes then, you filthy sinner." (K)

"And so many of them play...A-," Alice chokes slightly, "American....American football." She manages. Kate groans and cringes immediately.

"And I think I've seen one of them get a tattoo!" (K)

"You must be joking. And I've also honestly felt my eyes burn looking around from the window. So many students have those hideous, sinner round hair cuts!" (A)

"I need to leave here as fast as I can." (K)
*the scene cuts*

The irony is that gossiping is a sin in the bible as well. Question though, the bible condemns lesbian sex but what if you're a gay asexual woman? Are you good? A gay asexual man? Are the aces safe from all sin? I ask too many questions.

Back to the other gays. "It's fine, it wasn't your fault!" I was quick to reassure her.

"Can I make it up to you?" Boiiii((;;;;(((;(;(;;;(;;;((;(;;;;;((;;;; (Chloe just had a seizure

"You really don't have to, it wasn't..." - on the outside, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) on the inside.

"I insist! I'll see you in my dorm room later, okay?" In her dorm room tuRN UP--

"Sure, see you!" Gotta be slick, gotta be smooth. Gotta wear my mask to hide my true face ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)