Chapter sixteen.

Nathan thought about how cute Jay looked when he ran. His curly hair flopped around and his arms would fling around in every direction. Jay wasn't graceful at all; in fact, he looked rather awkward running at full speed.

As soon as Nathan got him and Jay visitor's passes, Nathan led Jay to Max's room. Jay was bursting with energy. Nathan wondered if Jay expected to see Max awake. He knew he wouldn't be, but he didn't want to ruin Jay's hope.

Once they got to his room Jay froze.

"What's wrong, Jay?"

"What if Max doesn't want to see me? I caused everything. What if he hates me?" Jay looked like he wanted to cry.

"Aw, no. Max doesn't hate you. And he'd love to see you, trust me. Jay don't worry", Nathan said. Jay nodded, and as quickly as he had frozen the smile on his face was back.

Jay walked past Nathan and ran into Max's room. Of course, Max was still in his coma, with tubes and machines connected everywhere. Jay's smile faded again. He slowly made his way to Max's side. He ran his fingers softly up Max's arm, until he reached Max's face. He stroked his cheek as he started to cry uncontrollably.

Nathan quickly pulled Jay into his arms and Jay cried hysterically into his shoulder. Nathan's heart broke several times over.

He knew this visit wouldn't be easy on Jay's mind. If anything, it could make it worse.

"Calm down, Jay. Everything will be okay."

"You don't know that! This is all my fault! Now Max will never wake up!"

"No, Jay, it isn't. It's Tom's fault and only Tom's fault."

"Nathan, I miss Max..." Jay's sobbing became hiccups. Nathan himself felt tears coming into his eyes. How could this beautiful human blame all this on himself?

Jay pulled away and looked up. He looked down at Max and knelt by his side. He held Max's hand and ran the pad of his thumb back and forth across it.

"Max, I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry this happened to you. Max you need to come back. I need you. I love you Max. I know I'm not okay, but that's part of why I need you. Nothing makes sense to me right now. I don't even know where you are. I just know you're not here. That scares me. A lot, Maxie."

Nathan wrapped his arms around his true love and held him close. This boy, no matter how mental he is, was all Nathan cared about and lived for. He would be there with him until Jay's last breath.

He realised how close he really came to losing him. He couldn't bear to lose Jay. He would just cease to exist. What would he do without this boy?

"Max?" Jay said. Nathan looked up and saw nothing.

"Max! There you are! Why won't you come into your body?" Jay asked what he thought was Max. In truth, there was nothing there. Max wasn't there. Jay was seeing an illusion.

"Max talk to me!" Jay shouted.

"Jay, there's no one there", Nathan said gently. Jay seemed confused.

"Yes there is. Max is right there. Can't you see him?"

"No, Jay. I'm sorry", Nathan said softly. He didn't want Jay to be hurt. Jay looked down as he realised it was an illusion. Max wasn't there. Max wouldn't be there for a long time. That's what Jay feared the most.

Jay didn't speak a word for the rest of the 40 minutes he was in Max's room. Nathan only stood by the corner and watched. That was all he could do. When the nurse came in to let Jay and Nathan know visiting hours were over, both left without saying a word.

~~

Tom opened his eyes to find himself laying down washed up on the shore. He looked up and saw a huge cliff overlooking the rocky shore he was laying on. That's when all the memories from two months ago came back to him. How did he even survive with no food or water?

It was a miracle. Why was he alive? Why couldn't he just die? He had nothing to live for. He thought about jumping into the waves again and letting himself drown but the voices yelled at him for thinking such a thing. For the first time, Tom was completely in the dark about what he should do now.

The voices did the thinking for him. "Find them. Kill them all", they said. Tom shook his head and sighed.

"No. Jay already probably hates me. I don't want him to hate me more. I'm sorry, but I'm doing what's best for me at this point." They screamed at him, calling him every name in existence, but Tom tried to tune them out. Instead, he found himself writing Jay's name in the sand with his finger. He thought about his beautiful blue eyes and the way they perceived the world. Jay always seemed to be so full of curiosity and adventure, but his head kept him from doing anything with his life because he was "crazy". Jay wasn't crazy; that much Tom knew. He hated how all the natural adventure and love of life that was in Jay's personality was hidden from him because of his schizophrenia. Jay had no idea how much he could do, all that he could be if he just knew.

Tom wanted so desperately to show Jay all that he was, but at this point it was no use to dream. Jay would never look at him that way, especially after all these things he'd done to him. Tom felt like his heart just couldn't take anymore of the pain. All he craved was Jay.

Jay, Jay, Jay. Always Jay. His vision blurred and his head began to pound. He couldn't take it anymore. He felt the insanity he feared slowly creeping up on him. The voices went quiet for a few moments as Tom sat there staring at Jay's name. He was all Tom wanted in a 6'1" tall body.

As soon as Tom looked away, the voices roared at him. They screamed so loud and so angrily that Tom could no longer just ignore them. They told him to find Max and kill him.

"No! I've done enough damage!" he shouted at nothing. The voices wouldn't have it. Their many voices sounded like a compelling chant in his head. They were getting to him more than they ever had before.

"FINE! But after this you have to stop telling me to hurt people and leave me alone!" The voices shut up. And Tom was up and limping his way toward the main road, on his way to end Max's life and be done with everything.

~~

Jay went straight into his room and slammed the door shut. Nathan knew it was another one of his moments. He waited outside to hear the loud crashing and banging sounds that were soon to come. But they never came. Actually, everything was silent. Too silent for Nathan's comfort. After thinking it over several seconds, he pushed the door open and walked in.

At first he didn't see anything. Then, as he looked to the left side of the room, he found the window open all the way. Instantly, his guard went up. Pushing his fringe aside to see a bit more clearly, he leaned over the windowsill and looked around. There Jay was, sitting on the ledge a few feet away from the window. He looked completely dejected and resigned.

"Jay! What are you doing?" Nathan called to him, feeling his heart wanting to come out of his mouth.

Jay didn't respond for a few seconds. He looked straight into the surrounding trees.

"I can't do it anymore. I'm ending it."

Nathan panicked instantly. No. No no no. This is exactly what he was afraid would happen. Jay was giving up. Nathan wasn't enough. That hurt him extremely, but he wouldn't give up on him. Nathan would never give up on Jay, even if Jay gave up on himself. His existence was too precious. He was too precious.

"Jay, Jay please, don't", Nathan pleaded, his voice cracking as he begged Jay not to jump.

"Nathan, I can't take it anymore", Jay said, his voice seeming far away. Jay was off in his own little world. His mind, his beautiful but betraying mind, was far off somewhere else, maybe dreaming of a place without the illusions and hopelessness of this tragic and shameful life.

"Jay please, stay strong for me, please. We can get through this, together. Max will wake up someday, and you'll be okay. We'll be okay."

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!" Jay suddenly screamed, his voice echoing in the distance.

"I do, Jay. Everything gets better. Just please, come here. Come back to me and we'll fight together."

"But I'm tired."

"Jay, let me carry you for a bit then. Let's give you a break. Let me be your strength. I'll keep strong, just for you. Then, when you're ready, we can fight together again. Jay please don't give up." Steady tears were flowing from Nathan's eyes as he begged the resigned lad to come back. To fight. To win.

Jay remained silent. He didn't move. Nathan climbed out of Jay's room and onto the ledge and sat down. Jay barely gave him a glance.

"Remember that time when you wrote me a song? Or part of one?" Nathan asked Jay, trying to distract him.

Jay nodded. "Yeah. And you wrote me a poem."

"Right. So let me sing you a bit of a song I've been working on, just for you Jay." Jay suddenly perked up a bit; maybe Nathan was getting somewhere.

"I'll be your hero, standing strong

Who'll protect you from any fight

And if your battles are piling on

I will take them on with all my might

Cry your tears on my shoulder

You don't know what the future holds

So I'll be your personal soldier..."

With every line Nathan had inched closer to Jay. He was now only a few inches from him. Jay stared at him with tear-filled eyes.

"Really?" he asked.

"Really. Jay, I've realised something. I am totally and completely, unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you. And I will never, repeat ever, give up on you." With those words, Jay was given the strength he needed. He shifted close to Nathan, and the two sat together in each other's arms, under the pale moonlight and feeling safe for the first time in weeks.

Written by @chasing_TW.