"In five, four, three, two..." Freddie counted down as the girls got ready for another iCarly.

"We're live," Tommy said with a smile.

"Hey, I'm the sweet brunette," Carly greeted with a smile.

"And I'm the dirty blonde," Sam added.

"And this be iCarly," the girls said simultaneously as Sam pressed the applause button on her remote.

"Okay," Carly said, "a fan of iCarly..."

"...wrote to us right here at iCarly.com..." Sam added.

"And said this: 'Hey, Carly and Sam. My name is Robert. And last week was my birthday'."

"'So I asked my parents for a new game station'," Sam continued, "'but all they got me were two wireless controllers'."

"'How can I play a game if all I got was two controllers'?"

"Well, Robert, first of all, let me just say that your parents are the worst."

"They're bad people." Tommy laughed at Carly's comedy as he checked the view count.

"Looking good," he said quietly.

"But the good news is..." Sam continued.

"...if you have two controllers..." Carly said.

"...you can still play some pretty rockin video games."

"Even without a game station."

"Let's show Robert how."

"Well, okay."

"Now," Sam said as she and Carly walked up to a table, "as you can see..."

"...Sam and I have two wireless controllers," the brunette said as she and her blonde best friend held the devices up.

"We may not have a game station to go with them..."

"...but we do have..." Sam then gripped a red veil and yanked it upward off the table, revealing 20 eggs with evil faces drawn on them.

"A vicious army of raw eggs!" the girls said simultaneously as Sam pressed the applause button and said something about them making her want to eat them.

"Controllers ready," Carly said as she and Sam gripped the devices as if they were going to play a video game.

"Begin!" Sam said as 8-bit music played. The two girls then gripped one of the controllers' handles and started using the other to smash the eggs, leaving a bunch of popped yolks on the table.

"Game over," the girls said as a "GAME OVER" logo flashed under them. Just as they were cheering, a siren began to blare.

"Whoa," Carly whispered.

"Yeah," Sam agreed.

"That sound means it's time for..."

"Messin' with Lewbert!" the girls said simultaneously.

"Oh, yeah, that's right," Carly said. "Now, you all know the nasty doorman in my building."

"Lewbert," Sam whispered darkly.

"Well, last weekend, my brother Spencer built us a fake soda machine."

"And yesterday, we put it in the hallway outside Carly's apartment."

"Before we show you what happened," Carly said, "we wanna thank our assistant director Tommy for this amazing idea." Freddie smiled as he turned the camera to his best bud, who smiled at the device with an idiotic grin.

"You're welcome!" he said.

"That boy still owes me some fat cakes," Sam said.

"You're not gonna get any from me." Sam just sneered at Tommy, who sneered right back.

"Okay boys, show 'em what happened," Carly said.

"Showin' them," Freddie said as he and Tommy pulled up the video, which showed Lewbert walking up to a fake Wahoo Punch machine.

"What the - - soda machine?" the nasty troll-man screeched. "Hey! Who put this soda machine out here without my permission?! Huh?!" The girls laughed at Lewbert's reaction before Carly turned back to the camera.

"And now it's time for a little surprise," Carly said as she and Sam turned back to the screen, finding Lewbert putting some change in the machine, but no soda coming out.

"Come on," Lewbert whined as he kicked the machine before going down to the slot. "I want my diet root beer!" Just then, a pair of human hands shot out of the machine and grabbed Lewbert, causing the man to scream like a monkey, his hideous face ramming into the machine as he tried to get away, much to the amusement of Carly, Sam, Freddie and Tommy. Just then, the girls stopped laughing as they faced the camera, starting to babble and laugh as they danced in place.

—

iCarly.com

—

The next day at school, the bell rang as Freddie and Tommy walked to class, Sam skipping up to them with her most brilliant idea.

"So, you guys ready to hear about my brilliant idea for iCarly?" Sam asked as she turned the boys around to face her.

"What?" Freddie asked, clearly annoyed.

"Bikini dog food fight."

"What's a bikini dog food fight?"

"We get Gibby and some other guy, make 'em put on bikinis and fight with dog food."

"That's humiliating and gross!"

"I know!"

"You know what?" Tommy asked. "I kinda like it."

"What?!" Freddie asked, not believing his ears.

"Thank you Tommy," Sam said with a grateful smile before turning to her frenemy. "See, Benson? Tommy has got my support."

"Really, man?" Freddie asked his best friend.

"Hey," Tommy said as he raised his hands in small surrender, "as long as it's not one of us in the bikinis and since it's not, I see no problem with it." Freddie looked between Sam and Tommy with a look of distaste.

"I think she's rubbing off on you and I don't like it," Freddie said.

"Hey, Gibson," Sam said, grabbing Gibby's attention from his locker. "Over here. Front and center." Gibby then walked over to them.

"Whassup?" the young Gibson asked.

"Run, Gibby," Freddie warned.

"What's gonna happen?" Gibby asked. Sam held back a smirk as she walked up to Gibby and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Listen," she said, "I have a vision."

"A vision of what?"

"You and some other loser... wearing bikinis... fighting... with dog food." His eyes growing wide with fear, Gibby tried to run, but was held back by Sam's inhuman strength.

"I don't wanna wear a bikini and fight some other loser with dog food," Gibby whined.

"Why not?" Sam asked.

"I have some dignity."

"Since when?" Gibby then walked away as Sam turned to face her friend and Freddie, an idea sparking in her evil little mind.

"No," the boys said simultaneously.

"Come on," Sam begged as she pulled out two bikini tops from her backpack.

"No."

"Just try these on."

"Sam," Freddie said as they tried to keep their dignity, "we're not gonna try those on!"

"Leave us alone, Sam!" Tommy shouted as he and Freddie pried the women's swimsuits from Sam's grip. "Give us those, Sam." They then threw them to the side as a girl walked up to them.

"Hey," she said, stopping the fight.

"Hey," Sam greeted.

"What's doin'?" Freddie asked.

"'Sup?" Tommy greeted.

"You guys ever watched Totally Teri on the Dingo channel?" the girl asked.

"No," Sam answered. "Gross."

"Why?" Freddie asked.

"'Cause last night my little brother was watching it and they ripped off one of your iCarly bits."

"What did they do?" Tommy asked.

"One of the stars of the show hit a button and you heard 'Random Jumping', and then music played, lights flashed, and they jumped all around."

"Dude," Sam said, "that's exactly the same as Random Dancing."

"And that bit was my idea," Tommy said.

"That's what I'm sayin'," the girl said. "They ripped off iCarly. You guys should do something about it." The girl and her friends then walked off as Sam turned to face the boys.

"Can you believe this?" she asked.

"We don't know they stole from us," Freddie said. "Maybe it was just a coincidence."

"Dude," Tommy said, "we do Random Dancing for two years on iCarly, and now some stupid show on the stupid Dingo Channel only changes one word, transforming it to Random Jumping. Coincidence? I think NOT!!!"

"I don't know," Freddie said. "There's a chance it's a coincidence. Maybe there was similar, you know..." Gibby then walked back up to Sam to negotiate.

"Okay," he said, grabbing the blonde's attention. "No fighting, no dog food, but I will wear the bikini top." The three iCarly kids just looked at their friend in utmost confusion.

—

That night, Carly and Sam sat on the brunette's couch watching Totally Teri.

"I know," a female character said as the girls watched bored out of their minds. "I'll wear a wig, and that way, Devon will never know it's me."

"That's a brilliant idea," the boy said. "And by brilliant, I mean ridiculous."

"Burn." Carly and Sam let out sarcastic, insincere laughs as Spencer came out in bright orange boxers.

"Hey," the artist greeted, "whatchoo guys watchin'?"

"The Dingo Channel," Carly answered.

"Some hideous show called Totally Teri," Sam added, causing Spencer to groan.
"I hate all those shows on the Dingo Channel," he said. "The jokes are so stupid, and they always make the grown-ups look like buffoons."

"You forgot to put your pants on again," Carly pointed out as she and Sam held in their laughter.

"Oh, my gosh!" Spencer then ran out to go find a pair of pants. Carly smiled as she reached for a potato chip.

"Man," Sam complained from her laptop, "there's not one restaurant in Seattle that delivers fried chicken."

"Pay attention," Carly said as she turned her attention to the show. "Let's watch the show."

"So why you guys watching that anyway?" Spencer asked as he put his pants on.

"'Cause some kids at school told us the show Totally Teri has been copying stuff we do on iCarly."

"Wouldn't surprise me. Dingo Channel is run by freaks."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know the guy who started it, like 60 years ago?"

"Charles Dingo?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. I heard that when he died of some rare disease, they froze his head and they've kept it in a special freezer to this day."

"Why would they wanna keep Charles Dingo's head in a freezer?" Carly asked as she grabbed another potato chip.

"So that in the future," Sam answered, "when they find a cure, they can unfreeze it and reattach it to a robot body."

"And I read online that they keep the frozen head somewhere deep in the bowels of Dingo Studios," Spencer added.

"Okay," Carly laughed, "first, there's no way that's true, and second, I can't believe you said bowels and please never say it again."

"You're such a priss," Sam said to her BFF with a smile.

"The prissiest. Now, shh, it's back on."

"What are you doing?" the girl on TV asked.

"Playing a joke on my doorman, Rupert," the boy answered.

"His doorman, Rupert?" Sam asked. "Uh, that sounds a lot like Lewbert."

"Eww," the girl on TV said, "look at that wart on Rupert's face."

"Hey, there's a wart on Rupert's face."

"Yeah, just like Lewbert's," Carly agreed.

"Just not as plump."

"Well, yeah, but still."

"Now," the boy said, "watch what happens when Rupert tries to buy something outta that snack machine." Just then, Rupert let out a scream that was strikingly similar to Lewbert's wails as Carly stood up.

"Two hands just popped outta that snack machine," the brunette said accusingly.

"Yeah, where have we seen that before?" Sam asked sarcastically.

"They ripped off iCarly."

"No chiz." Just then, the door opened and in walked Freddie and Tommy.

"You guys watchin'?" Freddie asked.

"Yeah," the blonde girl answered.

"They stole 'Messin' with Lewbert'," Carly said as she gestured to the TV.

"Not to mention Random Dancing," Tommy added.

"Those Dingo people are dead," Sam vowed as she also stood up.

"What are we gonna do?" Carly asked.

"We're gonna find 'em and kick them in their dingos."

"Dingo Studios is in Hollywood," Freddie said.

"That's over 1,000 miles," Tommy added. "On light traffic." Just then, the four teens had an idea as they all turned to the only member of their weird little troupe who could take them there.

"Okay, look," Spencer said, "I think it's really jank that they're rippin' off iCarly, but I can't just drop everything and drive you guys over 1,000 miles to Dingo Studios."

"When we get there," Carly said, knowing what to say, "maybe you could find the head of Charles Dingo."

"The frozen head," Sam added in a whisper.

"We leave at midnight," Spencer said finally, not changing his attitude and sounding serious and dramatic.

—

After a full day and night of driving, Spencer finally pulled the car up to a Come On Inn in Hollywood, where a man led them to room 115.

"All right, here you go," the man said as the iCarly gang and Spencer walked inside with their bags. "There's your beds, your bathroom." Just then, everyone looked down at pieces of tape that suspiciously made the outline of a person.

"What's that?" Carly asked as she pointed at the tape.

"Uh, just some tape." The man then reached down and ripped it off the floor. Spencer then walked over to the window and opened the blinds, finding a view of an alley filled with garbage and a sleeping hobo.

"Hey," the artist said to the motel's host, "you said this room had a great view of Hollywood."

"It does." The owner then walked over to the open window and banged on the wall near it. "Hey, Hollywood, wake up!" The hobo then woke up and shot his hands in the air as if he were being arrested. "That's Hollywood right there. Bye." After handing Spencer the key, the owner turned around and left.

"Could I borrow some underwear?" Hollywood asked.

"No," Spencer said as he made his way to the window.

"Close it," Carly begged. "Close it. Close it. Close it. Close it." Spencer then closed the blinds as he, Carly, Tommy and Freddie all turned to glare at Sam.

"What?" the troubled teen asked.

"This is the nice hotel your mom recommended?" Carly asked.

"This is where she stays when she comes to town."

"Why?" Freddie asked.

"Her plastic surgeon works out of room 210."

"Sometimes I worry about you," Tommy said as he threw his backpack on a bed, claiming it for the boys.

"All right, whatever," Carly said. "Let's just figure out how we're gonna get into Dingo Studios."

"I got that covered," Freddie said as he reached into his backpack. "I went online and found a photo of a Dingo I.D. badge and I made laminated copies with our pictures for us." He then pulled out five lanyards with their fake I.D.'s and handed them out. "One for Carly, Tommy, Spencer and Sam."

"Cool," Carly said.

"All hail the Tech-God," Tommy praised.

"Nice work, Fredley," Sam said, getting Freddie's name wrong on purpose like always.

"And I found this online tour of the main Dingo building," Freddie continued as he opened his laptop, revealing the Dingo Studios floor-plan. "The Totally Teri writers' room is on the third story, west side."

"Perfect," Carly said with a smile. "We'll use these to get inside..."

"... and then we can find those brain-dead writers and start smackin' 'em around for rippin' off iCarly," Sam finished. But that wasn't Spencer's motive.

"Hey, hey, does that online tour of Dingo show how to get to the basement?" Spencer asked as he crouched down to look.

"Yeah, why?" Freddie asked.

"You gonna do a little frozen head huntin'?" Sam asked.

"A little frozen head findin'," Tommy corrected. "Spencer, I don't care if you say no, but I'm joining your little quest."

"Awesome," Spencer said as he and Tommy shared a fist bump.

"I told you guys," Carly said as Spencer sat down on the other bed, "I looked it up and I found three different articles where the vice president of the studio said that story about Charles Dingo's frozen head isn't true."

"Of course, they say that," Sam laughed.

"They wanna keep it a secret," Spencer added.

"'Cause how would it look if people found out that a kids' network has their leader's head stuck in a freezer?" Carly lightly laughed as Hollywood the Hobo opened the curtains.

"I hear the head is somewhere deep in the bowels of the main Dingo building," Hollywood said.

"The bowels?" Freddie asked.

"Who says bowels?" Tommy asked.

"See, I said it was in the bowels too," Spencer said to the dirty hobo living outside, thankful someone who wasn't him said that word.

"Okay," Carly said, putting her foot down, "next person who says 'bowels' sleeps in the bathtub."

"Bowels," Hollywood said with joy. "I got the bathtub." He then cackled as he tried to enter, Carly's eyes widened as she ran to the window.

"No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no." The brunette then closed the curtains again, keeping Hollywood outside.

—

The next day, Carly, Sam, Freddie, Tommy and Spencer all walked toward the Totally Teri writers' room, holding up their fake badges to let any security guards know they were part of the company.

"Here it is," Carly whispered as she pointed at the door, which was labeled "Totally Teri: Writers Room".

"Oh, cool," Spencer said in a hushed voice. "Okay, you guys go in there and confront the Totally Teri writers. Tommy and I are gonna go find Charles Dingo's frozen head."

"Wait," Carly said, getting an idea, "maybe Freddie should go with you guys."

"No," Freddie whined, "I wanna watch Sam beat up TV writers."

"Carly and I got this," Sam promised. "Besides, they ripped off our ideas, not yours."

"I'm a big part of iCarly too."

"Yeah, well, I've never heard Totally Teri say: 'In five, four, three, two, one'."

"You don't say the one," Freddie said at Sam's mockery of him.

"Come on," Spencer said. "I gotta go find Charles Dingo's frozen head."

"And I wanna go, too," Tommy said.

"Please go with them," Carly pleaded.

"Okay," Freddie said reluctantly.

"Be careful," Tommy said as he, Spencer and Freddie left.

"You too."

"Okay," Sam said as she began swinging something around in her hand. "Let's shake 'em up."

"What is that?" Carly asked as she pointed at the item in Sam's hand.

"A sock full of butter."

"For what?"

"For swingin'. I could brain an elephant with this thing."

"We're not gonna walk in there and start hitting TV writers with a big buttery sock. We're gonna be professional and firm."

"Fine. But if they deny stealing from iCarly, I'm gonna get swingy with this thing." Sam swung her odd weapon around like a windmill as she said that last sentence.

"Not unless I say it's okay," Carly said as she turned to the door and softly knocked. Scoffing, Sam walked up to it, opened the door, and entered with Carly following her. Inside, they found five guys. Two played a racing game on a TV while another one slept, one ate snacks as he watched the race, and another one played with sticks.

"Hello," Carly greeted, grabbing four of the five writers' attention. (the fifth was still sleeping.)

"You guys are the writers for Totally Teri?" Carly asked, trying to sound powerful.

"Yeah," one of the guys answered.

"What do you want?" another asked.

"We're from iCarly," Carly said.

"They know that," Sam said. "Who do you clowns think you are, stealin' our ideas?"

"Whoa," the first man said, "we've never stolen an idea from anyone, so why don't you two little girls just - -" He was cut off by Sam swinging her butter sock in his face, knocking him out of his chair, causing the sleeping one to wake up and hold up his hands in surrender.

"Sam," Carly whispered, "you're not supposed to get swingy unless I say it's okay."

"Hey, what's in that sock?" the man who Sam knocked down asked as he rubbed his head in pain.

"Payback!" Sam shouted.

"For what?" the second writer asked.

"For stealing our comedy bits," Carly said.

"Look, we've never even heard of your web show." Sam then walked up to him in a threatening manner, causing him to flinch.

"Oh, you haven't?"

"No," the first writer answered.

"Hey," a sixth guy said as he entered with a flash drive, "here's a flash drive with the segments from the last two iCarlys you wanted." The writers then made a stop it gesture, but the guy kept going when he saw Carly and Sam there. "Whoa, it's the iCarly girls. Man, we all love your web show."

"May I get swingy?" Sam asked.

"Yes," Carly answered. Sam then swung her weapon in the face of the main writer again.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the boardroom, the Totally Teri writers were getting nervous now that Carly and Sam knew their secret.

"Just what do you girls want?" one of the writers asked.

"We want you to stop stealing ideas from iCarly and using them on Totally Teri," Carly answered.

"Yeah, why don't you nubs come up with your own comedy ideas?" Sam asked.

"Because coming up with ideas is hard," another writer answered.

"Anyway," the head writer said as he sat back down, "we do come up with our own ideas."

"It was my idea to steal iCarly," a writer said.

"That was my idea," another argued.

"Whoa, wait," a third said as he stood up. "I'm the one who showed you guys iCarly.com in the first place." The five writers then got into a loud shouting match over whose idea it was to steal iCarly.

"HEY!!!" Carly shouted. "Be quiet! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh." Not wanting to take it anymore, the two girls then screamed, ending the shouting.

"Thank you," Carly said.

"We don't care which one of you fudge bags thought of stealing our ideas," Sam said.

"We just want it to stop."

"All right," one writer said as he set his toy down, "well, which bits do you think we stole?"

"Random Dancing."

"No, we did Random Jumping," another writer said.

"Which is completely different," the head writer agreed.

"Look," Carly said, not taking any chiz from anyone, "for two years on iCarly, we've been doing Random Dancing."

"Random Debates," Sam added.

"Random Pants. Oh, and what about 'Messin' with Lewbert'?"

"Which you punk-nuts ripped off and called 'Messin' with Rupert'."

"You can't just steal our ideas, change 'em a little bit, then pretend they're yours."

"You said we could," one of the writers said to his boss.

"Shut up," the head writer said.

"Anyway," the other writer said, "just because we do some things on Totally Teri that are similar to the stuff you do on iCarly..."

"Doesn't mean we're stealing," the head writer finished.

"Then how do you explain these cards on the wall under a sign that says 'Ideas we can steal from iCarly'?" Carly asked as she gestured to the board.

"I'm gonna have to ask you to leave," the writer said as he stood up to face Carly.

"We're not goin' anywhere till you 'men' swear to quit rippin' us off," Sam said.

"We don't have to swear anything."

"Then we'll sue you guys," Carly blurted out, causing the adults to laugh.

"Uh, this is the Dingo Channel."

"So we have the lawyers, the money, and therefore, the power to steal any ideas we want," the head writer said.

"And there's nothing you can do about it." Glaring at the man, Sam swung her butter sock at the head writer, knocking him down a third time and surprising Carly all at once. The guy who came in with the flash drive then reappeared with two security guards as he pointed at Carly and Sam.

"Now," the writer said, "do you ladies wanna walk out of here or do you wanna be carried out?"

"Let's go," Carly said, admitting defeat.

"Wait," Sam said.

"What?"

"I'd kinda liked to be carried out."

"Sam?"

"I don't like walking long distances."

"Let's go, come on." The men then began laughing as they typed up this conversation for Totally Teri.

"I don't. There is too much effort, really."

"Are you guys writing down what we're saying?" Carly asked the writers, not believing this.

"Yeah," the writer answered, "you guys are hilarious."

"Now keep talkin'," another writer begged.

"This is gold," a third praised as they continued to type.

"They're stealing our banter right in front of us," Sam complained.

"Let's get outta here," Carly said as she made her way to the door. Sam, however, didn't follow immediately, for she glared at the head writer and watched him fling himself from his seat as if he got hit with her butter sock. The girls then walked out. Meanwhile, down in the basement, Spencer, Tommy and Freddie all peeked around a corner to find the legendary freezer that was supposedly holding the head of Charles Dingo himself. Spencer gave Freddie and Tommy a nod, initiating their plan.

"Okay," Freddie and Tommy whispered as they stuffed their badges in their pockets.

"No, you two just come with me!" Spencer said loudly as he led Freddie and Tommy down the hall and toward the security guard. "You two are in serious trouble!"

"Hey, hey," the guard said, stopping the artist, the martial artist, and the tech-whiz. "You're not supposed to be down here."

"Excuse me," Spencer said as he gestured down to his badge, "but I work in this building, and I just caught these boys lurking here in the bowels of Dingo."

"Look, nobody's supposed to be down on this floor."

"Exactly. So why didn't you stop these teenagers from being here?"

"Well, I - - I didn't know they were - -"

"You didn't know! Isn't it your job to know what's happening in these hallways?!"

"Yeah, sure, but I - -"

"I guess I'll have to speak to Mr. Fufferman about this."

"Who's Mr. Fufferman?"

"Man, what else don't you know?"

"I - -"

"Dismissed. Go."

"Okay, okay," the guard said as he was about to leave.

"Wait," Spencer called back. "I'll need your keys."

"Why?" the guard asked as he reached for the item on his belt.

"For Mr. Fufferman."

"All right, here. Here." The guard then handed Spencer the keys before jogging out of the basement.

"Nice," Freddie praised.

"Thanks," Spencer said as held the key card. Tommy then walked up to the door and placed his finger tips on the cold hard steel.

"This is it," he said as he read the door. "'Cryogenic Chamber. Extremely cold'. They have to be keeping the head in here."

"You don't know that," Freddie said, trying to sound confident.

"What else would you keep in a cryogenic freezer?"

"Cryogenic frozen pizzas?"

"You're afraid to see the head," Spencer said as he stood by Tommy, who looked at the unbeliever with his arms crossed.

"I am not," Freddie said.

"Good." Spencer then placed the card on the pad near the door, unlocking it. Tommy then opened the door and a cloud of mist flew out from it. The action startled Spencer, but not Tommy.

"Okay," he said confidently as he entered the doorway. "I'm goin' in." Taking in a breath of cold air, Tommy entered the veil of mist.

"What do you see?" Freddie asked.

"Nothing yet. Hang on, there's a shelf here. Wait, what's that? Guys..." Tommy then poked his head out of the fog. "I found it."

"You did not," Freddie said.

"Did too," Tommy said.

"Move," Spencer said as he picked Tommy up and entered. He then ran out a few seconds later screaming. "The head!"

"You saw it?" Freddie asked.

"Did too. It was in a weird, futuristic head container."

"Come on."

"Okay, you go in there and tell me that's not the head of Charles Dingo - - unless you're scared."

"Just wait here," Freddie said as he entered the freezer. "Okay, the only thing I see in here is - -" Freddie then cut himself off as he ran out screaming. "It's the head!" He and Spencer began gibbering uncontrollably as they ran out. Tommy, however, smirked evilly as he took off his hoodie and went back in.

—

That night in their room at the Come On Inn, Spencer screamed.

"I can't believe you took the head!" he shouted at Tommy, who smirked proudly. See, after stealing the frozen head, which was still covered with his hoodie, and put in the bathtub, which he filled with $200 worth of ice, he also turned the AC up, making the room cold so it wouldn't melt. Freddie also shuddered as he thought about it as well as the temperature.

"I swear it blinked at me," Freddie vowed.

"Would you guys quit talkin' about the stupid frozen head that's in our bathtub?" Sam asked.

"Don't you guys care that those Dingo writers are gonna keep ripping off iCarly and there's nothing we can do about it?" Carly asked. "They probably even - -" She was cut off as a rodent crawled across her foot, causing her to scream.

"What?" Sam asked.

"A mouse just ran across my foot. See, he's right over there." Sam stood up to look at the rodent and sighed.

"That's not a mouse. That's a rat."

"This motel is disgusting," Freddie complained.

"Ah, you're such a bunch of prancies."

"Really?" Tommy asked as he picked up a pillow. "These aren't even pillows. Just balled up newspapers stuffed into pillowcases."

"And this lamp doesn't even have a light bulb," Freddie said as he lifted the skirt off to reveal not a lamp, but a vegetable. "Just a potato."

"I'm gonna go wash my hands," Carly said. "Tommy, is that head you stole still hiding under your jacket?"

"You bet," Tommy answered.

"Excellent." Carly then entered her bathroom when a voice caused her to scream. "A hobo is in our bathtub with Charles Dingo's frozen head!" Hollywood then ran out of the bathroom with Carly following him, whipping his back with a towel. "Scram. Scram. Scram. Scram." After chasing him out the window, she closed the curtains to keep him outside before she turned to her friends and brother.

"Let's just go home," she said.

"And let those Dingo writers keep stealin' our bits and using 'em on Totally Teri?" Sam asked.

"Well, what are we gonna do?" Carly asked. "They're the Dingo Channel. They've got money and lawyers and all we've got are Sam's butter sock and a frozen head Tommy stole." Just then, an idea sparked in Tommy's mind.

"We may not be the Dingo Channel," Tommy said, "but we've got the head of the Dingo Channel."

"Oh, no," Spencer said, not liking where this is going.

"The head," Sam and Freddie echoed Tommy simultaneously ominously.

"The head," Carly continued the echo with a smile of her own. Just then, Hollywood's hand crept between the shudders and stroked Carly's beautiful hair, causing her to scream and whip his limb with the towel that was still in hers. She then fell into safety of Spencer's arms with a face that showed she was about to cry.

—

The next day, the Totally Teri writers stood up in their boardroom playing "Band Hero" when Sam, Carly, Freddie and Tommy burst into the room.

"Move," Sam said as she shoved the men out of the way. "Move." Taking a can of Wahoo Punch, the blonde poured it on top of the gaming system, causing it to spark and die.

"I was in the middle of my solo," the head writer complained.

"How'd they get back in here?" a writer asked.

"Glenn, call security," a third said. Glenn, the one who called security the first time, stood up.

"Sit down, Glenn," Carly ordered. Glenn sat back down at his desk. Carly then turned back to the writers. "Now, I'm gonna ask you one more time. Are you gonna stop stealing ideas from iCarly and using them on your dumb Dingo show?"

"Hey, I got it," a fourth writer said. "What if we do an episode where someone steals Teri's ideas, and then she and her friends - -"

"Stop that!" Sam roared, not believing her ears.

"You guys are the worst!" Freddie shouted.

"We told you," the first writer said, stepping forward with drumsticks in his hand. "You can't stop us from doing whatever we want."

"We may not," Tommy agreed. "But Charles Dingo sure can. Spencer!" Spencer then entered the room, holding something large and cubed in his hands, covered with Tommy's jacket. Walking up to it Tommy turned to the writers. "Try explaining this situation to the CEO of all your butts." Grabbing the sleeve of his jacket, Tommy pulled it off dramatically, revealing the frozen head of Charles Dingo himself. This caused the writers to gasp and look at the sight with fear.

"Hey," the head writer said, "no one's supposed to know about the head."

"How'd you get it?" the drummer asked.

"You don't need to know," Sam answered.

"All you need to do is swear on video that you'll never steal an idea from iCarly ever again," Carly explained as Freddie pulled out his video camera to record them.

"And what if we don't swear?" the head writer asked.

"Then I guess the head'll be front page news of the world," Tommy explained as he pulled out his pearphone. "One little picture and one little email to a few little papers and your secret is sold."

"Not only that," Carly added, "but we'll show the head on iCarly."

"And tell the whole world that the Totally Teri writers gave it to us," Sam finished.

"And what if we call security and have 'em take the head away from you?" Drumsticks asked.

"Then we'll just show the high-rez pics of the head we already took," Freddie answered.

"How high-rez?" the guy with the violin asked.

"19 megapixels."

"Oh, my gosh. That's very high-rez."

"And we'll be sure to thank the Totally Teri writers for e-mailing the pics to us," Carly added.

"We don't care," Drumsticks said.

"We'll get fired," the head writer, Guitar Guy, reminded Drumsticks.

"Don't tell them that."

"Face it," Tommy smirked. "You're caught. We gotcha. All you gotta do to get out of this is promise you'll never steal our ideas ever again."

"Yeah," Carly agreed. "Do that and you'll have your leader's head back."

"And we'll never say a word about this," Freddie added.

"Better hurry," Spencer said in a sing-song voice. "I think Mr. Dingo's melting." Rolling their eyes, the writers held up their free hands.

"We swear we'll never steal ideas from iCarly ever again," all five said simultaneously.

"Good," Carly said before turning to her brother. "Give 'em the head." Spencer then walked over to the writers and got ready to give them back their head.

"Wait," Sam said, forcing Spencer to retract.

"Wait," he repeated.

"What?" Drumsticks asked.

"You clowns aren't gettin' off the hook so easy," Sam said.

"Sam," Carly whispered.

"What else do you want?" Guitar Guy asked. Sam then smirked as she faced her friends, who had smiles of their own.

—

A few nights later, Carly and Sam faced the camera for their weekly iCarly live stream.

"And next on iCarly..." Carly began.

"It's time for..." Sam continued.

"Bikini Dog Food Fights!" the two girls said simultaneously as Sam pressed the applause button.

"Ready, Dingo boys?" Carly asked Guitar Guy and Drumsticks, who were wearing bikinis and holding buckets of wet dog food with looks of humiliation and annoyance on their faces as they wore towels on their waists and stood in a kiddy pool.

"Set..." Sam said as a drumroll started.

"Go," the girls said simultaneously as they got out of the way, the two grown men flinging dog food at each other in a truly revolting sight of pure disgust as Freddie and Tommy dodged the food and Carly and Sam hid behind protective shields.

—

Bonus Scene:

—

"Careful, this stuff is slippery," Tommy warned as he and Carly took buckets of soapy hot water, rags and sponges to clean up the aftermath of the bikini dog food fight. "Not to mention it smells like something died up here."

"Yeah, yeah," Carly laughed as she took a sponge to clean off the car prop. "Remind me again. Why did we go through with Sam's... disgusting idea?"

"It was fun," Tommy answered as he scrubbed his side of the studio.

"Hey, you need a hand on your side?"

"Sure. Just watch out for my - -" He was cut off by Carly slipping on his sponge and almost falling onto the almost clean floor. "- - sponge." Smirking playfully, Carly dipped the sponge in her bucket and squeezed the water on Tommy's head. He didn't fight back, but he did ask her not to as they both laughed.

"I'll make you a deal," Tommy said as he picked up his bucket. "If you can get this problem right, I won't splash this water on you. Does consciousness reveal the secrets of a human's psyche?" Carly thought about it, but before she could give her answer, Tommy soaked up some with his rag and wringed it on top of her head.

"I didn't answer!" she shouted with joy as a smile appeared on her face

"You were taking too long." Pretty soon, the two began dunking their sponges in the buckets and began throwing water at each other, having a full on water fight. At some point, either Carly or Tommy grabbed the other and brought them down to the floor, both of them just laughing as they sat down. Instinctively, Carly reached her hand out and touched Tommy's cheek. For some reason, this fun little water fight made her think about Christmas. Could this have been what they were like when they were a couple in that strange universe?

"Hi," he greeted jokingly.

"Hey," she greeted also in a joking manner. "Okay, enough with the water fights. We gotta get this studio clean."

Word Count: 6,275